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feeling alone


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Hello -

 

So exhausted can barely type.  Not sure if symptoms are PTSD from traumatic events one on top of another 2015-2019 or so... now aftereffects -- or withdrawal. 

 

Severe fatigue, severe depression.  I need help.  No support.  Terrible dreams. No organization of thoughts or my house.  Not functioning.  Mess - piles and no energy to clean or barely even take shower.  Not grocery shopping or cooking.  Sometimes getting hysterical about wanting to die -- my life is over no purpose - lost friends and family.  I need my life back.  Local support or a friend would help. I feel so alone and no one understands.  Sometimes wonder if I will make it.

 

I've been asked if I have a good relationship with doc.  No.  Can find no doctor who supports me.  Many times I feel many problems are physical. 

 

Overwhelmed.  Been researching and reading and tapering, having to stop and hold at times, since 2017.  Cannot read anymore much.  This is torture.  This is not me.  My family has lost me.  I feel lost.  This is not living.  I need help and do not know where to get it anymore.  I have tried everything I can find that I can afford.

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Hi mom2.

 

In looking over your posting history I found this post to me:

 

Challis99,

 

Started with xanax in 1997.  Different doses throughout the years, but was told I would always need it.  Was CT taken off xanax in 2013 in a hospital and put on 4mg Klonopin -- much worse drug than xanax.  Meanwhile they have polydrugged me for years.  Pulled off one drug, put on another, adding, taking away... awful.  Suffered every time.  I am done.  I am pretty stupid to put up with this this long.  So, at different times and in different combos, they have had me on:  xanac, klonopin, celexa, trintellix, lexapro, effexor, prozac, trazodone, ablify, wellbutrin, ritalin, seroquel, latuda, pristiq, ambien, paxil, zoloft, vistaril, vyvanse, lamictal, cogentin, rexulti and more.  Those are the ones I can remember. 

 

So, started to taper around March 2017.  I did not know what I was doing.  Reduced K by 25% and lexapro by 50%.  Wasn't so bad.  But multiple tragedies hitting my family since 2015.  Have had to hold taper and study tapering as well at various times. 

 

So, at this time -- I take 0.080g of K in the AM with 10mg lexapro.  0.150g K with claritin in PM.  Someone said that is about 2.7mg K.  Not sure.  I am overinformed and overwhelmed.  Cannot read much anymore.  Have so many problems to deal with besides my WD. 

 

Need to get off already so I can actually live and be of benefit to family members who really need me.  Especially a son who has been severely abused and really messed up by our awful mental health (mental and physical torture) system.

 

Is this the dose you’re taking now? This would add up to .23mg unless you mean .8mg in the morning, then it would be .95mg or almost 1mg.

 

You’ve come down from 4mg over the last few years, right? No wonder you’re struggling...the end of a taper is often the hardest part.  And with kids to care for, stress makes this even more difficult.

 

Keep posting for support...this is going to get better.  I once was where you are and I know it’s brutal right now.  It will get better.

 

Skip every chore you can for now...feed the kids whatever is quick and easy...they’ll be fine.  This is about you right now...you need to do whatever you are able to do to relieve the stressors in your life so that this is easier on you.  Stress is what drives the symptoms...

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