A new beginning

[[Pl...]]

5 weeks ago I took my last benzo. After 20 years of diversified use of z-analogues, clonazepam, xanor, and diazepam I find myself in a situation that forces me to wake up and quit self medicating.

 

A year ago I was feeling very very down. My mother had recently passed away and I went through a rough separation.  I was, I think, traumatized. So, I started drinking almost every free night and took my pills as candy. My attitude at the time was that I was allowed every comfort and escape and that the benzo's were my lifeguard. This was as you already know not the case...

 

One day last summer I was alone at home. I was drunk and my mental condition was very bad. The panic I felt led me to make the worst decision in my life. In the middle of the night I started driving towards my summer house. This did not go well... After driving maybe 15 minutes I crashed into the side wall and blacked out. I survived and right now I am serving my prison sentence, at home with surveillance.

 

So here I am, looking back at my life and feeling that a lot of it is surreal, especially the last few years. I am struggling with withdrawal and has not yet had a clean drug test. I am also convinced that I will lose my job.

 

I have read a lot of the posts here and it is with a fear mixed feeling I relate to everything I read. My knowledge about benzo intake and withdrawal has grown a lot and I realize that I have a long journey a head of me. So, I intend to stick around...

[Guest [Ka...]]

Hello Pling and welcome to BenzoBuddies,

 

Congratulations of your decision to let benzos go from your life!  I'm sorry for the losses you've had and the issues you are struggling with.  I also learned benzos were not the "friend" I once thought them to be.  It is a tough place to be but there is hope as most people do recover!

 

At five weeks after stopping you most likely are still having withdrawl.  I've put a link below to the post-recovery withdrawl forum for you:

 

Post-withdrawal Recovery Support

 

I've also included a link to the success stories forum.  They sustain many of us as we pass through the withdrawl phase of recovery:

 

Success Stories

 

I've found this community to be kind, supportive and non-judgmental and I hope you will find the support you are looking for here.  Have a look around and feel free to share more when you are ready.

 

Best and again, welcome,

 

Kate

[[sh...]]

Welcome to BenzoBuddies Pling!

Sorry for all the struggles you have been through! You are right recovery from benzodiazepine use might be a long journey but not lonely with your BenzoBuddies. Please ask questions, share your experiences with us and make sure you look into the Ashton Manual as it has great resources regarding Benzodiazepines and withdrawal.

The Ashton Manual