Jump to content
Important Survey - Please Participate ×

Wish I wasn't disabled. It's quite bad sometimes.


[cr...]

Recommended Posts

I don't want to trigger anyone, but how can I psosibly overcome these nuerological issues even after all this time? It's been a while since I've taken anything that could seriously impact my health, but my recovery is just elusive. I feel like half these should've gone away by now but they haven't. These symptoms keep reappearing and keep me from working or enjoying my life in any meaningful way:

 

===================================================

 

Can't stand for extended periods of time

Heavy head

Dizzyness

Lightheaded

Head rushing sensations

Extreme headaches

Full body weakness

Muscle tightness in shoulders

Neck and spine burning

Electricity in brain

DP/DR bordering on psychosis

Can't think straight or hold a conversation half the time

Sensitive to electronics

 

Exercise, exertion, computer use, and driving a car make all of these worse and more likely. I've had good days, but when I'm sick I'm really sick. Like I had to drive down to the airport last week and by the time I got there, I was completely numb and barely knew where I was. Granted I couldn't do that a year ago at all, but this pathetic. I should be better by now. Everytime I try to go for a light jog I end up almost fainting. Walking is already hard enough for me. I end up sitting around browsing the internet on my PC, but guess what? Flashing monitors are terrible for me, so I'm left with staring at a wall whenever I feel bad. Saying I have no quality of life sometimes would be highly accurate. I wish there was a way I could get better and stay better. I keep slipping back into these extreme waves. I haven't been on BB in a while, but you can probably tell I'm not having fun atm.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Crescentelite - having symptoms this far out is rough to say the least, but unfortunately it's not uncommon. I stopped Ativan in May of 2019. So, it's been a year for me as well. I still have waves too. What I have found is that reminding myself how far I have come, and that I'm so glad that I am not back in acute withdrawal, and then reminding myself how much better I'll be in 6 months helps. It doesn't cure it, but it helps. Having acceptance vs resistance helps. Telling myself that for this period of my life I need to be as "little as possible" because I am healing from a long term (but not permanent) illness. For those of us in withdrawal it is just the same as being in a car accident, and in a full body cast. What would you be doing if you were recovering from a serious car accident? You would be forced to take it easy. You would be forced to accept help from others. Just because you can't SEE our temporary brain injury does not mean it does not exist. We need to tell ourselves I will need to do major selfcare, and I will be limited for the next year or more...period. Think of this as you go about planning your days and weeks ahead. I myself can drive around town, but I certainly cannot drive to the airport, not even as a passenger in a car. But, I'm just oh so very happy that I can go to the post office in town and do some shopping (pre Covid 19) because I couldn't do any of that just 3 months in, in my acute phase of WD. Ask yourself why are you going to the airport? Is it to pick up a friend/family member? That is just not an activity we should be doing at this time. Delegate it to someone else, or a taxi, or Uber. I have learned to use this "magic word" and I've learned to use it well. The word is - "NO". I have no issue telling people that I am sick and will be for a long time and that I am sorry, but I cannot be depended on right now. We can say it gently: "I love you and I wish I could help, but I am healing right now." Become comfortable asking for help yourself from others and declining obligations and invitations as much as you possibly can. I know it isn't always feasible, but do it to the best of your ability. I know you still have tough symptoms that you're dealing with, but I see you have tried light jogging. That's a good sign that you have days where you feel well enough to try. It's okay to forgo the jogging at this time and just walk. A short walk, or just sitting on a chair outside. When your symptoms arise, pare back your activity. On bad days, be "small". Stay on the couch/bed and do it GUILT FREE. Your body will tell you what to do. As with my analogy, if you were in a body cast recovering from an accident you would be resting, learning to walk again etc. It's the same in WD. We are all healing. We will all heal in time when our receptors upregulate and our nervous systems heal. Make sure you are supporting your body to the fullest measure by eating whole non processed foods. Avoiding alcohol and caffiene. Even gluten I found was causing me issues. My benzo belly would swell up and next thing I know I have an increase in dizzyness, weakness, feeling foggy, disconnected, fatigue and headache. Avoid stress at all costs. Use Light yoga, simple stretching, and/or deep breathing exercises. When you absolutely have to work and do necessary obligations rest rest rest and then rest some more afterwards. I am reading the book: "Recovery & Renewal" by Baylissa Frederick. I wish I would have read the book sooner. It's easy to read, reassuring and optimistic for those going through benzo, antidepressant, and sleeping pill withdrawal. Looking back in "chunks of time" helps. I mean 6 month chunks. Care for yourself on bad days, even if bad days turn into bad weeks. Symptoms are a necessary part of recovery & evidence that it is taking place. In Baylissa's book she went through a few years of symptoms even after her taper ended. BUT she got through it all in time. I will never forget what she says in her book. She looks back after some time had passed (a few years) since the entire withdrawal process and recovery ended for her and says: "I recall wondering if my protracted withdrawal would ever end. Today, I can hardly remember what it was like. Others who have healed also describe it as being a distant or faded memory. Trust that it will be the same for you."
Link to comment
Share on other sites

Hi Miss Fortitude, great name by the way!

I just wanted to ask you if you could write in paragraph form because the majority of us cannot read huge blocks of small print. It would be more helpful for us and then we could participate more. Thank you!

 

I found Baylissa Fredericks book “Recovery and Renewal” enormously helpful as well.

 

Crescent, I’m sorry you’re still suffering tremendously but your symptoms do sound a lot like mine from that period of time. Keep your head up and do your best to keep going. I’m almost three years off and keep on improving. I know you will keep seeing improvements in time. 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Tatertot91-

 

Thank you for pointing out my very long one paragraph. I had no idea.

 

I will put things into paragraph form from here on out.

 

;)

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Tatertot91-

 

Thank you for pointing out my very long one paragraph. I had no idea.

 

I will put things into paragraph form from here on out.

 

;)

 

HI! No worries! I think you have so many wonderful ideas and helpful tips that it would be a shame for them to get lost in a sea of word blocks. I did the same at first, too! It takes a minute or two to get into what works for our poor benzobrains!

 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • 3 weeks later...

Thanks PTSDmiracle. It will be three years in July. I’m a real hard case but I was on a lot of psych meds, not just a benzo. I tapered off 8 psych drugs (though I have been on countless others through the years) in a relatively short period of time. My usage of Clonazepam varied from 1 mg to 4 mgs depending on how I felt. I tapered way too fast off all the psych drugs because I didn’t know what I was doing. I’ve suffered a lot but am slowly healing. I’m an extreme cae but am getting better.

 

From all the stories I’ve read on BB I have seen wonderful recoveries from really bad sauces, but there is no way to tell how long it will take for each person. Just gotta stay strong and keep the faith that healing will happen.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Ur a tough cookie.

I hope I can see some improvements soon too. At the pace I’m healing I’d be healed in 200 years. I’m even developing new symptoms without old ones leaving. Sigh. I’m glad I’m not alone tho.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Yours was a really great post Miss Fortitude.  It really helped.

 

deadwoodgone,

 

I just saw your reply today. I'm not on BB every day, plus I'm not 100% sure how to navigate through this forum yet.  I'm glad my post helped. Be good to yourself.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

×
×
  • Create New...