Scary Symptoms Dissaciation? Visual, X & K

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Hi,

 

I share some of these symptoms. Things are generally too bright and look out of focus. On a really sunny day although its bright things generally look better. When the sky is grey that’s when things don’t look real. I’m glad to say I’ve had windows where all this has disappeared. I had terrible night vision, everything looked way too dark in the day and I would see strange colours. Those symptoms have gone it’s normal and part of the shitty journey. I wear glasses with non prescription lenses. I find that it kind of smooths things over and makes me feel more comfortable. My cog fog comes and goes but sometimes It’s such a struggle to remember! My DP/DR has improved. Hang in there you will totally get back to normal.

 

Matt 

Wow, thank you so much for sharing details of your symptoms & experience. Nice to be able to relate, to someone who's been through it, with similarities, although sorry to hear of your struggles, too.

Appreciate you lending light, hope, & encouragement.

Oh yes, my memory has been atrocious. Yep, you hang in there, too.

Congratulations on how far you've come & well wishes for your jump.-oh sorry I think I read your sig wrong & you already jumped? And your still healing? Ugh cog fog!

 

Scaredie 

 

[[Sc...]]

Hi,

 

I share some of these symptoms. Things are generally too bright and look out of focus. On a really sunny day although its bright things generally look better. When the sky is grey that’s when things don’t look real. I’m glad to say I’ve had windows where all this has disappeared. I had terrible night vision, everything looked way too dark in the day and I would see strange colours. Those symptoms have gone it’s normal and part of the shitty journey. I wear glasses with non prescription lenses. I find that it kind of smooths things over and makes me feel more comfortable. My cog fog comes and goes but sometimes It’s such a struggle to remember! My DP/DR has improved. Hang in there you will totally get back to normal.

 

Matt 

Wow, thank you so much for sharing details of your symptoms & experience. Nice to be able to relate, to someone who's been through it, with similarities, although sorry to hear of your struggles, too.

Appreciate you lending light, hope, & encouragement.

Oh yes, my memory has been atrocious. Yep, you hang in there, too.

Congratulations on how far you've come & well wishes for your jump.

 

Scaredie 

Hi Matt, thanks again for posting in thread.

 

And anyone who wants to chime in.

 

Did you ever have problems with depth perception? Like hard to judge/gage distances of things?

 

What about things looking further away & or smaller than they actually are? IE a chair that you know is only 5 feet away looks 15 feet away & or smaller than it actually is?

 

Looking in the mirror, Know it's me but a little distorted in different ways each time? IE. Blurry, then clear but face looks more oblong than it should be? Or face looks bigger & or wider than I know it is?

 

Thanks

[[Aj...]]

Dissaciation/DO/DR/Visual/Cog Symptoms Journaled more detailed

 

blurry vision, can't tell what things are in fridge etc-ie can't see details, fb, still not right too bright, blending colors, pictures look a little unreal/distant/vivid-busy letters-no patience/cognition to read through posts

dogs look pretty clear, still hard to gage eye-hand-coordinations & like the strength & or quickness or slowness at which I'm petting the dogs, just visual & mental judgement is off-ok mood-bad cog fog-feel in a fog & like outside or inside compared to everyone else looking through at them, still separate by this weird invisible barrier, like I'm observing them from a separate world & cant really connect-.photos of dogs still have that airbrushed mild cartoon effect going on

4/21

The news looked airbrushed & soft the people don't look real, but they look real enough, I feel like I'm on the outside looking into the world that's on the news, big feeling of disconnect , when they showed flooded streets, the water didn't look right & had more depth & texture to it than it should, the talking on the news was too busy & loud  & stimulating for me, bathroom light was too bright this morning, like every morning since this started and like every morning since this started, I can't quite recognize myself in the mirror, it's like my eyes don't look into my eyes, I have to force it,I can't fully recognize & connect with myself , like, I know who I am, but I'm starting to sorta forget, the longer this goes on, so hard with depression

 

 

Yes, all of that and much more.

All my tactile sensations have gone wrong as well.

 

Don’t recognise myself in mirror.

 

Was talking to someone earlier who said things look too small or they are too far away etc.

 

It is all WD.

[[Sc...]]

Hi,

 

I share some of these symptoms. Things are generally too bright and look out of focus. On a really sunny day although its bright things generally look better. When the sky is grey that’s when things don’t look real. I’m glad to say I’ve had windows where all this has disappeared. I had terrible night vision, everything looked way too dark in the day and I would see strange colours. Those symptoms have gone it’s normal and part of the shitty journey. I wear glasses with non prescription lenses. I find that it kind of smooths things over and makes me feel more comfortable. My cog fog comes and goes but sometimes It’s such a struggle to remember! My DP/DR has improved. Hang in there you will totally get back to normal.

 

Matt 

 

Thanks Matt! I am really going through some weird stuff too, weird things like tunnel vision, DP/DR, early hallucinatory sounds and stuff, I thought I saw an image of myself across the room and blinked and it was gone; my hands looked like they were turning into animal claws. I noticed though that these get much worse with each Kpin dose and sort of fade away a little after I've not had the dose. This is confirmatory that this is all withdrawal, that my mind underneath is deep down otherwise intact, but I really do hope it waxes and wanes after a while. I'm in the middle of planning to discontinue Kpin and am talking to docs about what else to try.

 

Sherpa,

Thanks for your kind, thorough, clear response.

Im so sorry to hear of your suffering.

I'm glad you can find comfort here & with your family. It is so scary.

Congratulations on completing your taper.

I hope things get better for you very soon.

Have you improved at all? Your head sounds very clear, if it's of any comfort.

Healing wishes to you

 

 

Hello Scaredie,

Yes, I did improve, the tremor, muscle tension, nerve pain, head aches, some of the visual distortions but the depersonalization/derealization and fear is still bad. I could not go back to work into my work place, still cannot leave my house. But due to Covid 19 we are still allowed to work from home. Cognitively I have been functioning fairly well, but I am spacing out a lot, over analyzing, repetitive thinking, I feel like my brain is stuck. I feel lucky that I managed to maintain some clarity which helps to see myself and my symptoms more objectively whenever that is possible. I read a lot about benzodiazepines.

I hope you find a way to get better!

 

 

Sherpa I think I saw you comment on another thread about this, but I am glad to know tolerance can cause this and that I'm not the only one. I had to quit my job. Hope to someday work again. I so far can still write fairly well. I am not able to slowly taper off the Kpin and am looking into "plan B" (life without Kpin); I can deny it all I want, but as much as getting off Kpin sucks, a slow taper just isn't something my body can handle with this med, with these symptoms; your saying your reductions have also reduced symptoms reinforces that sometimes it's the med, not just the withdrawal, that's the problem. I will keep folks updated about what I do from here.

Delsol

I see you jumped off your klonopin. How are you doing now? How did the discontinuation go? Hope you're feeling better.

SC

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Scardie,

Your description of this blew me away. You have it SO right. I have tried for 8 years to describe this weird stuff. And couldnt. But YOU sure did. That is exactly how I felt in my first 2 years post cold turkey. Thank you for this vivid and so true description of what this is like.

east

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I missed the post earlier from Sherpa. I have really been struggling since May 5. Really badly. Coming out of my skin. Intense intrusive thoughts and now this new rage thing. I feel I made a mistake but remember all the reasons I decided this route in the first place. I hope it pays off. Am probably spending too much time comparing symptoms.

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Scardie,

Your description of this blew me away. You have it SO right. I have tried for 8 years to describe this weird stuff. And couldnt. But YOU sure did. That is exactly how I felt in my first 2 years post cold turkey. Thank you for this vivid and so true description of what this is like.

east

Wow, east,

Thanks for chiming in. 2 years! You are strong.

 

I don't get it though-not sure if you have thoughts on this-need to update my sig, but, as said in my intro, I'm still On a boatload of benzos. I did cold cross removing half my klonopin for equal dose half Xanax in December & have been slowly weaning klonopin, but geese, never had any withdrawl sxs like this. Feel so stuck as I have long taper to go & if it's an interaction thing & I go back to all kpin I could get way worse depression & fatigue & it if I switch to all Xanax that works better for me then I loose the familiarity & long half life of klonopin & who knows how I'd be either way. But I cannot function like this...

 

I don't know...maybe the cold cross plus taper messed up CNS & im in more  withdrawl than I thought..

Boy I guess I might have messed up. Sure hope I can find a way to stabilize more for the rest of this long taper. Oh my. No windows away from dp/dr visual stuff

 

Read the beginning of your blog. Thanks for sharing hope with all. Your open honesty is so refreshing, too.

Congrats for making it through. Best continued happy peaceful being yourself Héálth-

Scaredie

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I missed the post earlier from Sherpa. I have really been struggling since May 5. Really badly. Coming out of my skin. Intense intrusive thoughts and now this new rage thing. I feel I made a mistake but remember all the reasons I decided this route in the first place. I hope it pays off. Am probably spending too much time comparing symptoms.

Oh gosh. Sorry you are struggling. Doesn't sound fun at all. Thanks for reply. I'm no expert but, Hope you Can hang in there as your dose was low & less years than mine-I say that as an encouragement. I'm sorry that I'm in no position to advise opinion on what's right for you. Can wish you the best  & root for you. Hope you can stop comparing, continue healing, & find your peace. If ywhen you feel up to it though, you might want to read the opening of East's blog. I just read East's blog, whom posted in this thread & it's inspiring for all, but especially for those who've cold turkeyed.

Best wishes, SC

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Has anyone experienced in particular, letters on your computer or phone etc looking bolder & clear, then sometimes skinny or thinner less bold & clear & more blurry? It's like maybe they are sometimes very bold clear bigger closer looking & sometimes the opposite. Sometimes they are very squiggly looking if cursive & too busy for my eyes weather in print computer or writing-so weird & overwhelming makes brain tired trying to figure it out.

 

And have you had where your own writing on paper & or your computer, just looks very too busy foR your eyes & I don't know how to explain, but cursive looks more just squiggly & all over the place.

 

Has this been from withdrawl for you? Or side effects? Thanks

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I think it started after I got off completely after the rapid taper at end of 2017 but if I remember correctly those particular symptoms got worse after reinstated. But they are getting worse again now as trying to get off Clonazepam as fast as can because having horrific effects from dosing it now.

It might have initially have been made worse after Neuro prescribed Baclofen for severe dystonia that then had to get off of very quickly.

 

So is probably more WD that side effects I think but not sure. Could be both.

 

I wish I had never tried to get off 20 years of diazepam.

 

There is an interesting TED talk you might find useful.

The bit where they simulate an hallucination - the jumping out stiff for me is like that bit it is bits of the world not seeing stuff that is not there.

 

 

Does this stuff cause you terror like world is disintegrating and you are exploding?

 

Do you get the altered tactile stuff as well - objects too hard/soft, light/heavy etc.?

 

I see you tried LDN - what was that for? Any help? Any probs?

 

I now have nervous system sensitisation. Even paracetemol/Tylenol, baby asPutin supposed to take for chronic blood cancer, any muscle relaxants, pain meds, supplements cause terrible reaction and all cause the same symptoms whatever I take.

How are you doing? Hope as well as possible.

I just re read & not sure if I asked you what is the same terrible reaction that happened to you re central sensitization with other meds? Do you mean they caused reaction similar to the benzo visual stuff?

Be well SC