Negativity

[Guest [Ho...]]

Is it normal to be more negative about everything? I get so negative towards my daughters if they act out, my house seems so overwhelming and I cant keep up with it. I just want to run away, which is something I am ashamed of. If one thing goes wrong I want to give up on it. Its just plain tough right now. Come on brain heal already. P.s I really this is probably all normal, but it feels good to get it off my chest, especially day 15 of a wave....

[[Ma...]]

Yes.

Totally normal.

Hit a punching ball, destroy a pillow or get into your car drive into a parking space where no one can see you and scream until you feel empty.

Every cell feels bad right now, of course you do not have good feelings.

You will feel better, promise.

[[re...]]

Very common HH, I deal with this as well.  In part due to the chemical changes in our brains, and also in part due to the constant wear of dealing with symptoms which just frays your nerves.  It is hard to have the fortitude to think objectively about what is going on when your feeling low on energy reserves.

 

In time I'm sure we will overcome this.

 

Cheers,

        RR

[[Ma...]]

Cursing is very helpful. at least it was for me.

once I sat in my car and thought no one could here me, then a police men came to the window and asked me "are you ...uhm.. okey" and all I could do is crying in a hysterical way and answer "do I LOOK OKEY?" and he just said "ok, I am sorry. Chin up, okey? And dont drive like that."

Very sweet...

 

I have another funny story.. I was once told by a therapist (who , looking back, should have chosen a different job) that I should go into the woods with some eggs, and throw them on trees. To get rid of my anger. Well. I walked a long time. people everywhere. who will remember the lady walking through the forest with eggs. 

[[...]]

100% normal.

[Guest [Ho...]]

You guys are awesome! Thanks for your support and responding to me. Being in a wave for 15 days feels like 15 years. How is it that we forget so easily how good it felt in a window? I thought I would be over this by now, but I guess I'll have to learn to accept, and when I look around my house afraid; I just need to remember it will all go away one day. These obsessions and worries will all fade away.

[[ea...]]

Yes. Very normal.

How I dealt with this is a bit unusual but it worked really well. I started to "fake  it" early on in my own benzo wd. You will not find a single post from me complaining or whining about how awful I felt. And I DID feel awful, so awful, I still cannot describe it. My mind was so messed up back then but somehow I just knew I had to fake it. My old CBT therapist had told me about this. I blew it off back then, thanks to benzos.

I started trying to remain optimistic no matter what early in my benzo wd.  I started by writing down my negative thoughts and then reversing them... with paper/pencil. "I will never heal" became " I WILL Heal." "I am a stupid person for using benzos" became "I was a misguided person for taking benzos and I forgive myself." I did this on paper for a few days and then began doing it online.

How this affected me over time is remarkable. Slowly but surely, I became a more positive person. And ONLY because of this simple  technique.

People on BB, over the years, have sometimes laughed at me for this, some just blew me off. But a few did listen and began to do this...and guess what? They healed better and have had better outcomes, post benzos.

Life is strange, isnt it?

east

[[ti...]]

I struggle with this so much! If anything doesn't flow smoothly I just feel like the world is ending and I get beyond frustrated. We must remember that we are still so very sensitive during the healing process. Know that you aren't alone. Sending you a virtual hug 

[[tr...]]

Ive definitely got into the car, drove down an empty road and screamed my head off - definitely a good release.

 

Is there anything you are able to do just for you? I know sometimes we have physical limitations in WD, but even a walk outside (especially with sun) can make a world of difference in helping to cope. Or a bath by yourself with no interruptions?

 

I do agree with Eastcoast about the " faking". Not so much that you're being phony, but making the actions and sometimes the brain/emotions follow after awhile.

 

So sorry you're in such a long wave. As for your house - it doesn't matter. You are what matters. you are priority. You can't save others in a plane if you don't put on your own oxygen mask first.

[[Ma...]]

when I am angry, and hell ya, I still become very angry from time to time, cause I need my anger to push me sometimes... I need "alone time". And people better give me that :laugh:

Many feelings disappear as soon as the door is closed behind me and I know its just MEEEEEEEE. surprising sometimes. Humans can really suck.

[[tr...]]

Just had another thought....

 

I don't know how old your kids are...but there's a good chance they are home from school due to corona? Many parents cooped up with their kids are feeling....many feelings:)

 

So its not necessarily the benzos entirely. Its being human and fed up too. Go easy on yourself!

[Guest [Ho...]]

My kids are 8 and 5, so yes I am home schooling and trapped inside the house I am very afraid of. Its not easy right now....