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25 Months and no end in sight


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25 months and my body, brain, and life are deteriorating more and more each day. For one month straight I’ve woken up between 2-4 am every single night. This is literally killing me because my body and brain are not getting restorative rest, making me more prone to disease. Fatigue destroys me daily. Tinnitus is a constant reminder that I’ve ruined my life.

 

I hope you are doing better than me.

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So very sorry! I used a Fitbit which allowed me to see my sleep patterns. I used the patterns so I could adjust things in my control. I removed as many things from my life and before bedtime ritual as possible. There is something!!! After my jump my brain would not slow down, then I remember the jackass dr. gave me Trazodone. I dug it out and it helped. Trazodone is a safe med and helps in sleep. I still use it but much smaller amounts.

 

I took showers about 45 min b4 bedtime and slept in a cool, dark room with my Remmy! I trained my thoughts to relax, using music, prayer, relaxation techniques. Find what works for you.

 

I so hope you find your peace! Prayers for you!

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  • 2 months later...
Hi.  I am 23 months off and still pretty sick. I have noticed some improvement on my symptoms, however.  I used to have body twitching and jerking, and that has passed.  I still have tinnitus, benzo belly and "benzo flu" mild nausea, general malaise.  I have sweats at night and sometimes chills.  I try to stay positive if possible. When I get in the shower and get dressed, I can force my self to do something like go out to dinner or for a ride.  However, with this COVID thing we can't really do much anyway. Just a walk out in my garden is something. I am looking for buddies who are in about the same place for chit chat. PM me if you are interested. Marja
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Hi.  I am 23 months off and still pretty sick. I have noticed some improvement on my symptoms, however.  I used to have body twitching and jerking, and that has passed.  I still have tinnitus, benzo belly and "benzo flu" mild nausea, general malaise.  I have sweats at night and sometimes chills.  I try to stay positive if possible. When I get in the shower and get dressed, I can force my self to do something like go out to dinner or for a ride.  However, with this COVID thing we can't really do much anyway. Just a walk out in my garden is something. I am looking for buddies who are in about the same place for chit chat. PM me if you are interested. Marja

 

Hi Marja, I am at 18+ months off and still have a lot of sxs.  Like you, the jerking and twitching has subsided but I still have so many symptoms. The tinnitus is non-stop!  I also try and stay positive and keep busy at home during these times of COVID.

 

Best wishes and healing thoughts.

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29 months - my physical symptoms are gone. Once they disappeared a few weeks ago, mental symptoms set in. Now I’m in waves of debilitating anxiety and depression

 

Bright side - the physical symptoms are gone!!

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My sleep is still a big mess, although I am getting a lot more than the 1st year off.  My first year I only got about 1 hour per night.  Now I give my body a break and give it sleep whenever it wants it, regardless of the time of day.  I'm trying to accept the fact that my body is going through changes still.

 

At almost 2.5 years out it is difficult to accept that I am still so sick, but what choice do I have now..

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I remember watching 18 months approach with optimism, then 24 months, now I’m approaching 28. I’m up right now at 4am as I write this. Ears are screaming and my body refuses to sleep. It’s deteriorating my body and brain and rapidly aging me. The suffering is tremendous. I’m in absolute shock daily that this is my life.
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Same for me.  It's now 4:20am.  I'm developing wrinkles on my forehead.  I used to look 20 years younger, now I look 20 years older.  I'm going to take 3 mg of Melantonin now.  I really helps me.  If you try it, get pure Melantonin.  Don't get GABA and other things mixed into it.

 

 

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I’ll try the melatonin. I’ve been taking a cortisol manager supplement, but it has ashwaganda and magnolia bark in it, both which act in gaba. Wonder if I’m doing more harm than good... I’ll try melatonin. It’s been a while since I tried it.
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I didn’t see any improvements until I past the 30 month mark. I’d say months 30-36 were by far and away the best for healing. My fatigue is manageable now, at least to the point I can work part time and exercise regularly without too much trouble. I, like you, kept looking to every milestone (eg. 18 months, 2 years etc) hoping to get better and was constantly disappointed. I’m 37 months off now and some symptoms are creeping up (tinnitus, anxiety, fatigue), I’m probably in a minor wave, but it’s still nothing compared to the constant pain I suffered daily up until 30 months off. Hang in there, it does (eventually) get better.
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I didn’t see any improvements until I past the 30 month mark. I’d say months 30-36 were by far and away the best for healing. My fatigue is manageable now, at least to the point I can work part time and exercise regularly without too much trouble. I, like you, kept looking to every milestone (eg. 18 months, 2 years etc) hoping to get better and was constantly disappointed. I’m 37 months off now and some symptoms are creeping up (tinnitus, anxiety, fatigue), I’m probably in a minor wave, but it’s still nothing compared to the constant pain I suffered daily up until 30 months off. Hang in there, it does (eventually) get better.

 

I feel like my fatigue and exhaustion is accompanied by extreme anger. It's so hard. I just want to be asleep all the time.

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I didn’t see any improvements until I past the 30 month mark. I’d say months 30-36 were by far and away the best for healing. My fatigue is manageable now, at least to the point I can work part time and exercise regularly without too much trouble. I, like you, kept looking to every milestone (eg. 18 months, 2 years etc) hoping to get better and was constantly disappointed. I’m 37 months off now and some symptoms are creeping up (tinnitus, anxiety, fatigue), I’m probably in a minor wave, but it’s still nothing compared to the constant pain I suffered daily up until 30 months off. Hang in there, it does (eventually) get better.

 

100% the same. I’ve decided not to let it eat me up anymore. I went back to the gym yesterday. I’m destroying my peace of mind with the anger. I’ve decided to work out, meditate, do acupuncture, talk therapy, etc. I can’t just sit around and be angry. I’ve decided to be proactive. Piss on benzos.

 

I feel like my fatigue and exhaustion is accompanied by extreme anger. It's so hard. I just want to be asleep all the time.

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  • 3 weeks later...

28 months off and i am still suffering sometimes tremendously, very very low distress threshold, anger issues, debilitating insomnia, sound sensitivity and tinnitus and other issues

 

I am accepting and surroundings to what i feel everyday, every-time i feel that i am not accepting. i am trying to continue my live with what 's left ....   

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[cc...]

 

 

I hope you are doing better than me.

 

33mths and no.

33 months here too not me either. I am in hell. Still no improvment. Was reading my diary from 2017 same symptoms still but worse.

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Oh gosh this is a bad day again and  no end in sight

 

I am so sorry everyone is still suffering so far off, I wish there was some real help for this ,

 

I fear that each day more damage is being done, and I don't know the way to stop it

 

I think it may well be that glutamate is to high and causing the tinnitus to increase, and my numbness problems that wont leave, as well as this extreme fear , especially after eating,  Particularly in the morning

 

 

I  need to stop it getting worse somehow for sure ,

 

I am not sure what is the best thing to do , as I have stayed clear of all supplements so far

 

I cannot not eat  I am thin enough already and glutamate is in all foods, 

 

Really this is so worrying for me , 

 

Jen

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