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Been a rough two days, need TLC


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Okay sooooo here it goes.

 

Mood is low, not as low as it has been but low low low.  I am going into month 9, still struggling but definitely see improvement.  No more despair thank God.

 

But I sometimes feel like this will never end, I read the success stories...some people turned to other psych meds around this time and felt much better.  I admire their courage because I am petrified of psych meds being they were the root cause of destroying everything I have worked for up to this point.

 

The paranoia is lifting, I still get some weirdness but not nearly as bad.  My nerves still burn, but it does not feel as bad it’s annoying these days.  But I want to seriously feel like crap, still!!!  When will this hell be over?  I keep saying I am getting weaker and I cant fight this anymore, but that’s not the case today I am more annoyed with the fact that ALL of this could have been prevented!  Why did this happen?  I was Anxious, I need help and now I am in a shit storm with no end in sight.  Why us?  This is so gosh darn unfair.  I feel like I am jumping out of my skin and am questioning my sanity.  Never have I felt so insecure and not grounded, this is disgusting.  Sorry, rant over.

 

Thank you for reading, if you do not kind just remind me I’ll be okay, I would appreciate it.

 

Love

FL

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[fb...]

Okay sooooo here it goes.

 

Mood is low, not as low as it has been but low low low.  I am going into month 9, still struggling but definitely see improvement.  No more despair thank God.

 

But I sometimes feel like this will never end, I read the success stories...some people turned to other psych meds around this time and felt much better.  I admire their courage because I am petrified of psych meds being they were the root cause of destroying everything I have worked for up to this point.

 

The paranoia is lifting, I still get some weirdness but not nearly as bad.  My nerves still burn, but it does not feel as bad it’s annoying these days.  But I want to seriously feel like crap, still!!!  When will this hell be over?  I keep saying I am getting weaker and I cant fight this anymore, but that’s not the case today I am more annoyed with the fact that ALL of this could have been prevented!  Why did this happen?  I was Anxious, I need help and now I am in a shit storm with no end in sight.  Why us?  This is so gosh darn unfair.  I feel like I am jumping out of my skin and am questioning my sanity.  Never have I not felt secure and grounded, this is disgusting.  Sorry, rant over.

 

Thank you for reading, if you do not kind just remind me I’ll be okay, I would appreciate it.

 

Love

FL

 

Disgusting is the word !! 17 months of a shit storm so unfair

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Yes, it's beyond unfair, and could have been prevented. We seek help when in too much distress to think clearly, and we end up in infinitely greater trouble. It isn't what we deserved. We can only hope and pray for healing to be realized.
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Hi FL,

 

I'm sure when you started taking the meds that you felt it was the right decision at the time.  We didn't do this thoughtlessly, and if we had known the risks we very likely would have made different decisions.  Unfortunately we didn't know the risks and now we are facing the consequences.

 

I would say that railing against it and allowing yourself to get upset over the circumstances will not help move your recovery forward.  Of course there are times where we want to just yell and scream and jump out of our skin, I'm there often myself.  However, it doesn't do our body any good and it doesn't change the reality that we just need to take care of ourselves and wait this out.

 

I am 9 months off today, so you and I are close together in this journey to the finish line.  I feel a lot of what you feel, probably some things worse and some things better.  I guess the symptom set doesn't really matter, it is all just our worked up nervous systems manifesting odd feelings and thoughts.  I pray you get some relief while we keep moving forward.  Deep slow breath and relax...

 

Cheers,

        RR

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At 9 months off I had that crawling out of my skin feeling too , if it helps at 17 months off I can’t remember the last time I had that or remember what it felt like , I just remember it sucked .
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It's disheartening, but if we can manage it should take heed of recoveryroad post.  It is the better way.  Not always possible for me.

 

No harm in getting legitimately angry tho  :angel:

 

It's totally disgusting!  Fourteen months off Valium. 

 

Breathe.....Scream.....

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What a great screen name you chose! To get through benzo wd, you do have to be fierce, and strong even when you feel NOTHING like that.

What I learned from going through this is I will NEVER take a drug again until I research the heck out of it. I am SO down on most psych drugs now. I can only speak for me. I felt depressed for years. Because I did not know that "tolerance wd" existed, I thought I WAS depressed. So I started taking SSRIs. They did not do a thing for me, so I figured I just needed MORE of them. Over the years my psych doc kept increasing my doses of both SSRIs and benzos. And I never felt better.

Most of us have good reason to be angry. But I cal tell you that this is a waste of time, and could even delay your healing. To heal from benzos, you just have to focus on whatever positives you can find. Even if you have to "lie" and say you feel better than you really do.  My experience with this is that "faking it" surely did help me heal and over time, I somehow managed to change how I think and feel...forever.

I will never forget what I went through. It was so awful. SO awful! I still cannot describe what my cold turkey was like. But what matters i that I AM alive now! And I also know if I hadnt gone CT I would now be very dead.

Annie, sadder but wiser

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[64...]
Thanks everyone, I’m not angry I’m full of fear...I am so sad and I walK, talk, eat, clean...strength train.  I am grieving a marriage, I signed a divorce stipulation and can’t seem to move past it.  I have dreams about my ex, it triggers severe depressive symptoms.  I look to blame the drugs for a failed marriage, I started coming off meds, then about 7 months later my ex asked for a divorce.  I’m not sure why I am so sad over this but I feel like a brat having a temper tantrum.  He wanted to move on I did not get my way, sooooo why am I allowing this behavior?  I can rationalize this but the pain from withdrawal is making all this 1000 times worse I think, my nerves are on fire.  Gosh...I am so sad.
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I  cannot make it better for you, I wish I could for all of us

 

It does seem so wrong that at a low point we go to the Doctor for help and end up with this horrendous mess

 

Sadly we don't know how long it takes us to return back to health.  Every one of us is unique, but they say we all heal when the time is right

 

However  we all want it to be sooner than it chooses to be . 

 

It could be tomorrow for all we know

 

But if not  ,then at least we are one day further on in a road to recovery, , 

 

Now all I have to do is try and believe my own words,

 

Stay positive and wait out the  journey, 

 

 

Thinking of you 

 

Jen

 

 

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I'm so sorry...you're grieving a loss AND benzo recovery. It's totally understandable to have all the feelings you're having. Go easy on yourself...thats a lot to process emotionally. I can't imagine being in your situation; my husband has been supportive for the most part. I don't think could do this without him.

 

hugs to you...

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