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Someone else's cold turkey-PLEASE help, thanks


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Hello

I know someone who drinks and has been taking large amounts of valium for unknown amounts of time, unprescribed.

They phoned me up and told me this, but I could not get out of them, just how much, as they were saying they were taking large amounts of it, but not specifying how much, despite me asking repeatedly out of concern.

I don't think this person is being straight with me as they mentioned tolerance and taking more and more, then they seemed to contradict themselves when I expressed concern this morning and they said they only had a few.

I don't want to alienate this person, but it seems I have out of concern and they told me to worry about my own concerns and leave them alone.

They said they wish they had never told me.

This person does not have any concept of benzo withdrawal and has told me that they have stopped taking it, ran out of pills and not getting any more.

They live alone.

They told me that they stopped taking it for three days and could not even hold a cup of tea.

This was before they ran out.

The person said they would phone me this morning to see how I was.

We have had a text conversation this morning, the person said they were not feeling well.

I panicked and texts went back and forth regarding withdrawal but I could not get across just how dangerous it is to withdraw from such large amounts of valium especially un-specified, they mentioned six to eight of the yellow 5mg tablets at a time, but then gave differering amounts.

They insist they are ok, but would not listen to me when I said valium withdrawal symptoms have a "lag time" before they kick in, upto 2 weeks in some cases.

They will not let me tell anyone for fear of losing their job and ended up getting really cross with me, on the verge of falling out.

I resent having this put on me because I do not know if i have a duty of care towards them.

I do not see them and we are on lockdown and I am worried they will go into acute withdrawal.

When I mentioned this to them they said they would contact thier partner who lives in the town next to them.

Do I have any obligations.

I mentioned phoning the medics and this person got very cross with me and insisted I tell no one.

I even said I would feel responsible if they died.

Can anyone help, they are ok today so they say, but cross with me.

Is there anything else I can do.

They had a drink last night and said they just had a hangover and told me the shaking was the drink, but I smell a rat.

They have told me they don't want anymore calls or texts about this subject, but I said I didnt mean to make them cross, I was only looking out for them.

Thanks

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You have no duty to them unless you are legally responsible for them or they are under your care (medical, therapist, etc).

It almost sounds like they are triggering you and your experience with benzo wd/ recovery. this is probably not beneficial to you as you heal.

 

It's human to be concerned, but ultimately people will make their own choices and we have to let them. It almost sounds like a bit of a toxic relationship as they put this burden on you, but then tell you to not worry about them and mind your own business. Do you see how it's a bit manipulative maybe? Forgive me if I am wrong...

 

Maybe if this kind of conversation/situation happens again tell them again you'll call medics to get help, but if they don't want help to no longer tell you this stuff and burden you with it.

Old expression, " You can lead a horse to water, but you can't make it drink...".

 

Surround yourself with healthy positive people. It helps a lot with recovery of any kind. Be kind to yourself:)

 

 

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You have no duty to them unless you are legally responsible for them or they are under your care (medical, therapist, etc).

It almost sounds like they are triggering you and your experience with benzo wd/ recovery. this is probably not beneficial to you as you heal.

 

It's human to be concerned, but ultimately people will make their own choices and we have to let them. It almost sounds like a bit of a toxic relationship as they put this burden on you, but then tell you to not worry about them and mind your own business. Do you see how it's a bit manipulative maybe? Forgive me if I am wrong...

 

Maybe if this kind of conversation/situation happens again tell them again you'll call medics to get help, but if they don't want help to no longer tell you this stuff and burden you with it.

Old expression, " You can lead a horse to water, but you can't make it drink...".

 

Surround yourself with healthy positive people. It helps a lot with recovery of any kind. Be kind to yourself:)

Hi, they are not under my care and I have no legal duty to them.

I just feel that they put me in an awkward situation, with them having no concept of valium withdrawals, and making a wrong choice knowing how miserable and trapped I feel, they have now potentially/possibly/probably put themselves in that position.

 

I think I am concerned from a selfish point of view, like wanting a clear conscience and wondering if I could have done more, rather than focusing on why they feel so low they need to take un prescribed valium.

 

Yeah, I can see what you mean about the toxicity of putting a burden on me and then pushing me away when I try to warn them what they have got themsleves into.

I do NOT condone ordering online, but as the person cannot get a prescription, ideally I would like them to get enough to taper off and show them how to do it safely but they drink alcohol as well and I feel a bit out of my depth, so if they don't call as promised tonight, I will do as they say and leave them alone. I have nothing to forgive, it does seem manipulative, especially, yesterday, when they said they had taken lots, then today, they said only a few, not being straight with me, maybe it's time I revised who my real friends are, but how do I go about saying "You lied to me and I don't want us to be friends" All I can think to do is not to contact them, but what do say/do if they contact me?

 

They are very fond of me as a person and I am sure, whether it be days, weeks or months, they will apologise, and I hope they have not got in too deep but if they are already addicted, I hope they can get hold of some to stop the cold turkey or instead, phone emergency services if they do find that withdrawals kick in.

 

You have comforted me by saying I am not responsible and I have to let people make their own choices.

 

" You can lead a horse to water, but you can't make it drink..." True, you can lead a horse.

So, I am not under any obligation to call the medics?

If they are addicted, they may contact me and say that I was right, but for their sake I  hope they are not.

What worried me was when they said they could not hold a cup of tea.

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First of all, I applaud your feeling you might be able to help this person.

But yes, they have put you in a strange situation. I can tell you that his/her behavior is very typical of someone who has an addiction to a drug, be it alcohol or benzos. People who are addicted do lie. They are trying to cover up their problem. But they DO also want help. They will not be able to find that help until they give up and admit that their addictions has gone on way too long and is causing damage.

You are under NO obligation to step in here. But I also know a part of you wants to, as you sense they are in bad trouble. A d yo would be right. They ARE in trouble.

But you can do nothing abot this except offering the usual suggestions: see a doctor, go to AA, join BB, etc. You wont be able to "cure" them in any sort of way. That has to come from the person who HAS the problem.

I feel that you should call the medics IS this person begins to talk about suicide. Period.

I do think its wonderful of you to care about this....difficult...person. But you are NOT responsible for them. Something most of us learn is that we do have boundaries. We cannot save the world from benzos, even though we would like to! Every single person has problems, and very often those problems involve a drug of some sport. Alcohol, cigarettes, benzos, what ever! Some people are just drawn to drugs to relieve their pain. I have spent the last 50 years dealing with this as an RN. And also with ME! I have had problems with alcohol and benzos...I am not immune from this.

 

I feel that right now you are at an important point in this relationship. This person has sort of asked for help, but not really, which leaves you wondering what to do. You want to help but you also do not want to be USED.

You cannot cure this person of his/her addictions. But you can offer a bit of support. You can remain firm with him/her, saying that you want them to feel better, nd making simple suggestions on HOW to do that. But that is about it. Leading a horse to water is an apt description of this! I feel you have to sort of seperate yourself from this whole problem. Give them your best advice and then back off. Limit the time you talk/text them. And try not to feel guilty when you do all of this. His/her problem is not on your shoulders!

I would like to know how this plays out. Will you let me know, please??

east

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First of all, I applaud your feeling you might be able to help this person.

But yes, they have put you in a strange situation. I can tell you that his/her behavior is very typical of someone who has an addiction to a drug, be it alcohol or benzos. People who are addicted do lie. They are trying to cover up their problem. But they DO also want help. They will not be able to find that help until they give up and admit that their addictions has gone on way too long and is causing damage.

You are under NO obligation to step in here. But I also know a part of you wants to, as you sense they are in bad trouble. A d yo would be right. They ARE in trouble.

But you can do nothing abot this except offering the usual suggestions: see a doctor, go to AA, join BB, etc. You wont be able to "cure" them in any sort of way. That has to come from the person who HAS the problem.

I feel that you should call the medics IS this person begins to talk about suicide. Period.

I do think its wonderful of you to care about this....difficult...person. But you are NOT responsible for them. Something most of us learn is that we do have boundaries. We cannot save the world from benzos, even though we would like to! Every single person has problems, and very often those problems involve a drug of some sport. Alcohol, cigarettes, benzos, what ever! Some people are just drawn to drugs to relieve their pain. I have spent the last 50 years dealing with this as an RN. And also with ME! I have had problems with alcohol and benzos...I am not immune from this.

 

I feel that right now you are at an important point in this relationship. This person has sort of asked for help, but not really, which leaves you wondering what to do. You want to help but you also do not want to be USED.

You cannot cure this person of his/her addictions. But you can offer a bit of support. You can remain firm with him/her, saying that you want them to feel better, nd making simple suggestions on HOW to do that. But that is about it. Leading a horse to water is an apt description of this! I feel you have to sort of seperate yourself from this whole problem. Give them your best advice and then back off. Limit the time you talk/text them. And try not to feel guilty when you do all of this. His/her problem is not on your shoulders!

I would like to know how this plays out. Will you let me know, please??

east

Hi and thanks for your applause.

I realised I was doing it out of a selfish sense of wanting a clear conscience and didn't give a thought as to her feeling so low (she's had a really bad bereavement) and this low feeling drove her to drink and drugs.

 

Real friends don't put friends into strange situations.

I bullied her a bit when i threatened to call the medics but I won't, she won't listen, it's up to her now.

 

Hopefully she won't but if she does, with living alone, hopefully she can dial emergency services if she does go into withdrawal.

I GUESS and it's only a guess, that valium withdrawal comes on gradually and not in one big lump after the valium is out of the system.

 

Thanks for saying I am under NO obligation to step in here.

They are in trouble, but if she does not admit it, it's her trip.

 

She has said she wanted to die, but why should I call the medics if she says she is suicidal and won't let me call the medics?

That is manipulation, she may be serious about it, she had a suicide in her family, but why lay that on me and tell me to do nothing?

 

The fact that you are an RN gives me confidence and I am pleased you said i am not responsible for her.

 

She did not contact me as I thought she would, so I just left it.

I will seperate myself from this whole problem.

I am not going to contact her, my memory is not good so if she contacts me I will try and remember to let you know. Trouble is we can go months without contact.

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