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Nervous to join the protracted forum, 35 Months out.


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I'm at about 35 months out at this point from my cold turkey off Klonopin and still going through pretty intense waves of mental symptoms and air hunger/breathing anxiety/manual breathing and pretty intense chemical anxiety and organic fear. I often find myself wishing that I could post and ask for some reassurance that this is all still due to withdrawal, even with being this far out.. But I'm nervous to upset any of the newcomers to the forum, because I remember posts from people as far out as I am scaring the hell out of me when I was still early on.

 

But at the same time, I'm nervous about joining the protracted forums because I also don't necessarily want to be pushed into the realm about reading about the worst of the worst cases that are years upon years ahead of me and still suffering. I feel like a hypocrite and I'm not really sure where to go from here, so I mostly avoid posting and just try to tough it out, but it can be difficult without support sometimes to keep a straight head.

 

I hope everyone is doing well.

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The protracted part of the forum isn't a black hole where people go to die, it's full of lively people making the best of a very bad situation.  In fact, I don't see the desperation there that I see in other parts of the forum, mostly I see quiet acceptance and camaraderie. 

 

You're welcome to post anywhere you feel comfortable, but you need to understand something about why the protracted board is offered to our members.  It's not so much to hide them from newcomers but to give them a place to relate to others who share their unique journey. 

 

I'm so sorry you're still feeling horrible, I quit Klonopin cold turkey too and don't understand why I was spared your fate but please don't worry about posting and asking for support.  Those who take longer to heal are unfortunately a reality and we can't and shouldn't hide that reality.

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I totally understand where you are coming from.  I took my last benzo in July 2018. I have been suffering for 20 months from benzo "withdrawal".  Before that I did a cut and hold taper for about one year, and that was no picnic either.  I will most likely continue to suffer for another year, maybe more.

I post on the Protracted withdrawal group, for as you can see I have been suffering for more than 18 months. I skim through the posts on the PROTRACTED WITHDRAWAL thread, and  if I see something that sounds very hopeless, for example, more than 5 years and still suffering, I just

scroll past it.  Everybody needs a voice, everybody needs to share.  However, we need to know the facts, but not be stuck in negativity.

The information I learned on this Benzo Buddies website is excellent.  However, I have has some medical training as a former nursing student, and have a Master's degree in Education.  I can judge what is good information and what is nonsense.

SO, here is my take on the situation:  Use the Benzo Buddies forums, they are good. Try to find posts from people with situations similar to your onw.  Please do not get stuck reading posts from people with extremely severe withdrawal situations.  Try to find a middle ground!

Best regards,

Marja 2

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Welcome! Some thoughts ...

 

This is not a place of doom, we are still humans who love life :smitten:we stick together, we support each other and I can only speak for myself, but I love that I am kind of a part of the life of the others, I could watch some of them develop and grow and I care about everyone. Also I appreciate that there are people of different countries, of different sex, age... I was given the best advice here and when I feel low or bad, I never closed the website here without having received lovely posts and a chear up - and hope. Thats why I still spend time here.

 

For me, when I posted on bb, I have always reached out to the "oldies" of withdrawal, I mean, you have to learn from the best, right?

So.. here you are under the best. Experts for surviving, rebuilding up life, holding on, sometimes crying, sometimes joking, moving on, coming back - the best people ever.  ::)

 

 

Besides this, one can easily be freaked out and scared by reading under the normal post-withdrawal, taper or depression boards. Fear is everywhere and its a good thing to develop the ability to decide "do I read this topic" or "do I have to stop now" and "do I let myself freak out over what I have read now or not". ...

I mean, you suffer from symptoms, - you need to inform yourself fully. Does this hurt? Oh yeah! I have some diseases besides benzo withdrawal and each time I do research about one of them, like osteoporosis, - yes, I freak out. But without my research and the approach to read as much as possible, to get as much information and different opinions as possible - I would not have found my personal cure for that. I would still be like a victim not able to move on. Fear is not bad, fear is more like a teacher. Going back to my example: My osteoporosis - hell, so many people out there told me there is no other way than taking a hormone to build up bone density, and oh yes, many told me I would end in a wheel chair and I had to read so many sad stories. But I also found helpful tips and advice - and I decided on which information I want to build, - in the end I could actually build up bone density!! Just one example, but when you are sick, you will always read things which scare you, - you just have to make your way through the triggers and posts and in the end, you will find your personal way to cope or to move on.

 

I think there are so many examples for people who are still seeing progress after years and there are also examples who did not make any progress. We have to accept that we do not have an explanation, that guilt is not an explanation at all, and that sometimes life is just unfair. But even from the "severe cases" you might learn the best things, - cause THEY KNOW how to get themselves a good moments.. and I have been surprised so many times how well these people helped me and supported others, without grief or comparison.

 

So, welcome here in this board, I hope you are no longer scared now :smitten:

 

Marigold

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Hi LiveAboveIt,

 

I asked Marigold1 to take you under her wing since she spends time in protracted as well as the other boards, I gave her the link to this thread which she assumed was in the protracted area.  Regardless of where she posted, the "old timers" can be a good source of knowledge and comfort. 

 

Thanks Marigold.  :smitten:

 

Pamster

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Hi LiveAboveIt,

 

I asked Marigold1 to take you under her wing since she spends time in protracted as well as the other boards, I gave her the link to this thread which she assumed was in the protracted area.  Regardless of where she posted, the "old timers" can be a good source of knowledge and comfort. 

 

Thanks Marigold.  :smitten:

 

Pamster

 

You have helped me a lot, Pamster... and your username always makes me smile... :)

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[ef...]

I'm at about 35 months out at this point from my cold turkey off Klonopin and still going through pretty intense waves of mental symptoms and air hunger/breathing anxiety/manual breathing and pretty intense chemical anxiety and organic fear. I often find myself wishing that I could post and ask for some reassurance that this is all still due to withdrawal, even with being this far out.. But I'm nervous to upset any of the newcomers to the forum, because I remember posts from people as far out as I am scaring the hell out of me when I was still early on.

 

But at the same time, I'm nervous about joining the protracted forums because I also don't necessarily want to be pushed into the realm about reading about the worst of the worst cases that are years upon years ahead of me and still suffering. I feel like a hypocrite and I'm not really sure where to go from here, so I mostly avoid posting and just try to tough it out, but it can be difficult without support sometimes to keep a straight head.

 

I hope everyone is doing well.

 

Firstly,

 

Welcome!  Do not be afraid of us here, we do not bite. Lol!  Your signature

Indicates you have been on and off ADs, I recognized for myself that some of my symptoms were related to AD withdrawal.  There are some interesting resources on the web about that too...maybe it could help?  I’m off ADs as of October ‘19, Benzos as of August ‘19.  I suffered Intolerance to th AD Zoloft once I was detoxed off benzos. I could not sleep, I was racing around, completely out of my mind.  But the withdrawals from the meds left me

Episodic...I am still suffering but am getting better.  At some point our brain makes new pathways...I think we help it along a bit...the more pathways we make, the healthier we feel.  I think that is what happened for me...I still have a ways to go but the waves are small on windows are big.  Seems for me, the happier I feel the more this stupid crap goes away. 

 

Love

FL

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I'm kind of the same way. Only difference is I'm only 9 months off. I don't want to be negative and tell new people it is what it is you're just going to have to deal with it like everybody else, that's not very nice. But it's reality. So I've been switching my words up to make it sound nice. But maybe I should be posting in protracted withdrawal, I didn't realize that's what it was for even though it was right they're in front of my face. Honestly, I have not even looked at any of the other links almost like a mental block like I couldn't click on them or something. Am I the only person that didn't really even realize they were there for a reason? Almost like they were hidden? Maybe it's the layout of the website. This is the only Forum I've ever been on in my life so it's kind of weird to me still. But I'm really glad it's here. Anyways, I actually like talking to people that are still having problems years out. It makes me know what to expect. It also gives me more motivation to stress myself out and create big waves now so I can get bigger Windows later. I'm still honestly thinking that the bigger the waves and the more frequent the waves, the more frequent the windows and the bigger the windows. I think waves equal healing. And I had a really stressful first 9 months so I think I got a lot of it out of the way quickly. So I will start checking protracted withdrawal and maybe see you guys there.
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I'm kind of the same way. Only difference is I'm only 9 months off. I don't want to be negative and tell new people it is what it is you're just going to have to deal with it like everybody else, that's not very nice. But it's reality. So I've been switching my words up to make it sound nice. But maybe I should be posting in protracted withdrawal, I didn't realize that's what it was for even though it was right they're in front of my face. Honestly, I have not even looked at any of the other links almost like a mental block like I couldn't click on them or something. Am I the only person that didn't really even realize they were there for a reason? Almost like they were hidden? Maybe it's the layout of the website. This is the only Forum I've ever been on in my life so it's kind of weird to me still. But I'm really glad it's here. Anyways, I actually like talking to people that are still having problems years out. It makes me know what to expect. It also gives me more motivation to stress myself out and create big waves now so I can get bigger Windows later. I'm still honestly thinking that the bigger the waves and the more frequent the waves, the more frequent the windows and the bigger the windows. I think waves equal healing. And I had a really stressful first 9 months so I think I got a lot of it out of the way quickly. So I will start checking protracted withdrawal and maybe see you guys there.

 

This is a interesting theory, I've never heard anyone mention this before.  I wonder if you could do me a favor and document your episodes of windows and waves so we could perhaps have a discussion about it?  I can't imagine anyone voluntarily stressing themselves out and causing more pain and I'm certainly not recommending it but if you believe it will help you, I'd be interested to know your conclusions.

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I'm kind of the same way. Only difference is I'm only 9 months off. I don't want to be negative and tell new people it is what it is you're just going to have to deal with it like everybody else, that's not very nice. But it's reality. So I've been switching my words up to make it sound nice. But maybe I should be posting in protracted withdrawal, I didn't realize that's what it was for even though it was right they're in front of my face. Honestly, I have not even looked at any of the other links almost like a mental block like I couldn't click on them or something. Am I the only person that didn't really even realize they were there for a reason? Almost like they were hidden? Maybe it's the layout of the website. This is the only Forum I've ever been on in my life so it's kind of weird to me still. But I'm really glad it's here. Anyways, I actually like talking to people that are still having problems years out. It makes me know what to expect. It also gives me more motivation to stress myself out and create big waves now so I can get bigger Windows later. I'm still honestly thinking that the bigger the waves and the more frequent the waves, the more frequent the windows and the bigger the windows. I think waves equal healing. And I had a really stressful first 9 months so I think I got a lot of it out of the way quickly. So I will start checking protracted withdrawal and maybe see you guys there.

 

You are not yet protracted so can’t access the protracted board.

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