Experienced Window and Now Back in Hell

[[bo...]]

I experienced a window on Saturday. I felt completely normal. I helped my dad's friend move with my dad and I was even able to watch a movie and actually want to watch it on Saturday night. It came off a really good night of sleep.

 

I'm now back in hell again. I feel like I need to be sleeping every moment of every day. Rage. Depression. It doesn't help that the yearbook I've been working on with my class is due this week and my stress level is super high right now. I don't even know how to describe exactly what I'm feeling besides being mentally uncomfortable. Haven't been able to nap the past few days and it makes things exponentially worse. I'm hoping once this yearbook is done this week I start feeling better. 

[[re...]]

I rarely get windows, but the couple I have had were so incredibly fabulous.  In my case though, returning to BW is then even more painful as now there is a compare and contrast with how life could be.

 

I think it is really important to not despair when this happens, and try your absolute best to think, "Wow, that is what my life will be like when I'm fully healed", vs "Wow, now I realize how much BW really sucks because I got a taste of the good life."

 

It seems your current project is adding to your stress, and I'm in the same boat with something I'm working on as well.  We can't always avoid stress, so try your best to not struggle against it.  Take frequent breaks during work, delegate as much as you can, and just be 'ok' with the fact that the best you can do right now is good enough.

 

Cheers,

        RR

 

 

[[Aj...]]

Good you had a window.

[[tr...]]

you had a window!! Yay!

 

I'm honestly happy for you...so sorry for how discouraging it must feel to be back where you were.

But this means a window will happen again - and again.

 

Don't despair..I've read your posts and I see you've been through a lot.

You will post about a window again...

[[bo...]]

Thanks for the responses. I've now submitted my yearbook and can move on from the stressful project. I got it done at seven this morning. I was able to nap today after two terrible nights of sleep. I should sleep better tonight.

 

I'm just despairing after the window. I don't even know how to describe the mental symptoms I still have. It's not really depression, it's not really anxiety, there is a lot of anger because I just feel bad. It sort of just feels like a constant mental discomfort and it doesn't make a lot of sense.

 

I've also been having headaches the past two days. This is the first time I've had headaches in two years so maybe it's a good sign. I don't know anymore what comes from what and what is my baseline at nearly 25 months off. Nobody who I was speaking to when I started on these boards is really around anymore.

[[Ju...]]

I remember getting those windows that come right off of a good night's sleep. When I got mine near the beginning of my cold turkey, I thought that's normal and how I'd feel, and then a few months later, realized that my windows were getting even better. So if that felt good, just wait. You'll feel really great and start sleeping until 12 in the afternoon if you want. And still be able to go to bed at midnight again. Then the healing really begins, and you'll start thinking and acting completely normal also. You'll get more of those needed naps and I hope you have a quick withdrawal.

[[bo...]]

Well it won't be a quick withdrawal because it's already been 25 months. I really can't sleep past like 6 even when I'm sleeping my best.

[[Ju...]]

Ok well I hope it's almost over anyways, rather than another few years. You might want that longer sleep to get better quicker, sleep and time both heal you.