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My dog passed away - no emotions


[Fp...]

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Our dog of 15 years passed away this morning. She was my 18 year old daughter's first pet. She was a member of the family. What scares me is that I showed very little emotions with her passing. Im 17 months off Ativan and Im getting close to the end of this journey, but my lack of emotions scares me. Before Benzos I would have been a mess. I feel awful for not showing more emotions and Im mad that I can not mourn properly. I worry that when a family member passes (my parents are in their 80s), will I feel the pain, grief, and sadness that I should feel. I want my true self and my true emotions back. I loved our dog and spent an hour, two days ago, rubbing her belly, while she laid in my lap. Now she is gone, but I really dont feel the grief and sadness that I know I should.  Can anyone relate? Has anyone lost a pet during this mess and felt the way Im feeling? Emotionless, a loss of connection to things that were once so important to us? How long, if ever, before I can grieve and feel my true emotions - both good and bad? Thank you for taking the time to read this.

Fp

 

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Hello FP1984. Sorry but I have to translate with Google my Spanish to English and I do not know if you will understand it well. I am very sorry this loss so great for you. I can understand what you feel because all my life I have had dogs and I still have today. I remember that when I lost my dog Nina I cried as I had never done it, however when my sister died and my mother, I was not able to cry for a single tear, I could not do it and I felt guilty for not manifest the pain that is normal at that time. When there is a major consumption of benzos, good and bad emotions are submerged, asleep. When we have stopped consuming benzos, brain chemistry is so upset and altered, which also in another way often blocks us emotions. I am free from Benzos for 2 years after taking them for 28 years. I need to cry but I can not, tension and anxiety is so great that they prevent me from crying and I need to do it to download so much tension, but I can not. When I lost my mother and my sister, I felt guilty for not manifest normal emotions, that's a mistake. We have to learn to accept us as what we are now, we are already suffering enough, we do not add more suffering. Please buy and think you are doing what you can. You have to go through the same thing as you to understand it well. We have to work acceptance. When we learn to accept what is happening to us, we took a very big ballast. Focus on what time will come when you can live emotions completely. I and many others understand you well. I hope my writing is understandable. Good health
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Hello Fp,

 

I'm so sorry for your loss. Our pets are our family and to lose one is heartbreaking.

 

I can very much relate to your lack of emotions. My best friend died after a difficult battle with cancer while I was recovering after my taper. It was truly hard to let my emotions out, they felt stymied, frozen.  Sadly, that year was a year of losses for our family and with each new loss my emotions started to normalize. I was able to cry and grieve the way one does in these situations.

 

I think that you'll find that at some point when remembering the good times with your dear doggie your emotions will return and you'll feel the loss, and be able to cry. It may come on suddenly or gradually.  Let it out when it happens. 

 

pianogirl  :smitten:

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Another take on this...maybe this is a bit of a silver lining ...by the time your emotions come back, time will have passed, which helps with grief like it helps with healing.

 

I hope in the meantime that it’s a little reassuring to know that the lack of emotions is common.  Certainly disturbing, but part of this difficult process.

 

I’m sorry for your family’s loss.

 

:hug:

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I'm sorry for the loss of your dog. I too have felt unable to feel emotions, especially recently. I want to cry but don't have the ability to do so anymore. It would be a great way to release anger and anxiety and I'm unable to do so. I think what you're experiencing seems pretty common.
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Hello FP1984,

 

I’m so sorry for your loss and I certainly can identify with the loss of emotion. I’m 20 1/2 months post jump and my emotions are starting to come back gradually and they come and go, like someone turning the lights on and off.  I find myself tearing up during a commercial, or watching tv, and the tears surprise me because I’ve been numb for so long.  Just as someone suggested in an earlier post, I let them come, knowing it’s not healthy to keep them bottled up.  My biggest grief is that I haven’t been able to experience the joy of feeling love.  But that too has been flickering on and off now and I anticipate that all my emotions will be back fully soon. 

 

As we all experience, grief is part of our healing from benzos.  Every single one of us has suffered profound loss as a result of these medications.  I suspect that as your feelings come back you will then grieve the loss of your beloved pet in the way you long to now.  The journey through grief cannot be taken away or avoided forever.  It can only be postponed.

 

Blessings on your recovery  :)

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I'm so sorry for the loss of your fur baby. Try not to worry about not feeling emotions right now. Anhedonia is very common in bw. Your sweet pup knew you loved her and I'm sure you gave her her an amazing life. You will grieve in your own time. She lived a long life. Take care ❤
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Our dog of 15 years passed away this morning. She was my 18 year old daughter's first pet. She was a member of the family. What scares me is that I showed very little emotions with her passing. Im 17 months off Ativan and Im getting close to the end of this journey, but my lack of emotions scares me. Before Benzos I would have been a mess. I feel awful for not showing more emotions and Im mad that I can not mourn properly. I worry that when a family member passes (my parents are in their 80s), will I feel the pain, grief, and sadness that I should feel. I want my true self and my true emotions back. I loved our dog and spent an hour, two days ago, rubbing her belly, while she laid in my lap. Now she is gone, but I really dont feel the grief and sadness that I know I should.  Can anyone relate? Has anyone lost a pet during this mess and felt the way Im feeling? Emotionless, a loss of connection to things that were once so important to us? How long, if ever, before I can grieve and feel my true emotions - both good and bad? Thank you for taking the time to read this.

Fp

 

Sorry for your loss, Fp. I've been off of Ativan for nearly 2 years myself and still have no access to my emotions either. Very frustrating in that while I've not suffered a recent loss, there are traumatic issues from childhood that I need to deal with and can't since I can't seem to grieve. It's as though my relief valve is stuck.

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Very sorry for your loss... had to put my one dog down two years ago and I still miss her. they become family for sure. Hugs.
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I can relate. My brain can’t process new information and also no emotions other than anger and regret. I watched my grandpa pass away in front of me in a frightening way (he choked, eyes rolled back, started shaking, stopped breathing) 3 months ago. Other than it producing visual shock and fear in my brain, I never mourned or felt other appropriate emotions. I hope emotions come back. Sorry for your loss.
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I am so sorry for your loss. My dog is very old too and I am happy I now have access to my full range of emotions. In withdrawal I first was totally numb and then could not find back into a balance, like from being manic to totally depressed.. it takes time, but for many of us, its normal and fine now.

I could not feel the death of my grandmother when I was in withdrawal. But I did a little ceremony just for myself when I was back to normal. Maybe you can do something like that, too, and keep something from your dog, the leash or a special blanket, and burry that when you are your full and true self again?

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Thanks to everyone for your support and condolences. This site is a blessing to us all. Thank you for being there when you are needed the most.

Fondly,

Fp

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Oh dear, I am so sorry! Our pets DO mean so much to us. And unfortunately the same thing happened to me in my first year post cold turkey. I had 5 cats, all well loved. One of my male cats was obviously having trouble peeing. Took him to the vet - urinary blockage, total. He unblocked him but told me if it happens again, he would either need expensive surgery or - need to be put down. Well, it happened again. Charlie was put down. Later on I found out that this vet was...sub par. Regrets, sadness.. oh it hurt me so much.

And then it happened again, still in my first year off benzos. My best, ,ost favorite cat, Wilson, began losing weight rapidly. His personality changed. I took him to that same vet and he quickly found a large mass in his abdomen. Wilson was so unique...born stone deaf, highly intelligent, and truly a wonderful pet. I had to have him put down too. Oh, the hurt this caused, and the guilt as well.

Marigold, what a great suggestion, to do a little ceremony once you are past withdrawal. I did that too. And it did help.

 

My cat Bear is incredibly important to me. Because he CHOSE me, I did not choose him - he is the light of my life now that I am done with benzo wd and all the misery that involved.

 

Keep on going, people. You will get through this.

east

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I'm so sorry, our dogs are family members.  :hug:

 

But I understand exactly how you feel. Last summer I lost my labrador. And it was the same. Now I have two dogs. But I'm too sick to take care of them. When I think about them, I feel nothing. Indifferent. This is so sad.

:smitten:

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I can't cry, but I can feel sadness and pain, more depressed. One of my favorite tragic movies used to make me sad and miserable for a week, and now it will make me sad for a very, very long time.
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