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We’ve all been traumatized


[Me...]

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Hey guys,

We’ve all been traumatized. Severely traumatized. And I think a lot of our mental symptoms are PTSD.

 

We were  lied to by doctors and told something was safe. We became physically hooked on something without our consent or understanding that it would happen. Our memories became clouded and stolen from us. Some of us lost years of our lives we can never get back, that we have little memory of.

 

My doctor told me this medicine was safe during pregnancy. And that google was not always right. So I believed her. My infant had to spent 6 weeks in NICU and I was investigated to make sure they had truly been prescription drugs I’d been on. (They were). My doctor never got in trouble.

 

When we became brave enough to walk away from the unintentional physical addiction, the trauma didn’t stop there. We had to go through years of pain and symptoms we never consented to, all the while being gas-lit by doctors who say these symptoms are made up or that we did it to ourselves. This qualifies as re-traumatization, over and over again. Some of us went to rehab centers that held us against our will while we detoxed and forced CT (or was this just me?).

 

If this doesn’t constitute PTSD, idk what does. I’m 30, but feel as though my emotional self is still 18. The age I was when I started benzos. I feel like I was emotionally stunted. This is a common theme in drug abuse. However I wasn’t abusing street drugs, so there’s a lot of resentment inside of me over how unfair this has been.

 

When my body is healed fully, I will be able to finally move on. HOWEVER it’s been 2 years, and I’m not fully healed. Maybe my story is more traumatic than others...idk. Looking for others who relate on some extreme level.

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Hi Megan,

 

I wasn’t on the meds for very long but I understand your emotions and they are valid. I don’t trust Drs anymore. When I told them I was suffering from withdrawals, btw I figured this all out by myself... They said to me the symptoms were me suffering from unresolved severe depression! I’d never had depression or mental issues before btw. They refused to listen to me and made me feel like I was crazy and when I refused to continue on the medication they told me then they can’t help me, and threw me out to figure things out. It’s very traumatizing. And it hurts that we are being perceived as the crazy #prescribedharm patients while these Drs remain on their pedestals, harming more people. It’s like a mill! It’s sad this is how the world works. So speak out to as many people as possible and save them from going through this torture....

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Hi Megan,

 

I wasn’t on the meds for very long but I understand your emotions and they are valid. I don’t trust Drs anymore. When I told them I was suffering from withdrawals, btw I figured this all out by myself... They said to me the symptoms were me suffering from unresolved severe depression! I’d never had depression or mental issues before btw. They refused to listen to me and made me feel like I was crazy and when I refused to continue on the medication they told me then they can’t help me, and threw me out to figure things out. It’s very traumatizing. And it hurts that we are being perceived as the crazy #prescribedharm patients while these Drs remain on their pedestals, harming more people. It’s like a mill! It’s sad this is how the world works. So speak out to as many people as possible and save them from going through this torture....

 

I believe a lot of my trauma is from the detox center. I spent months searching for the right one to trust and when I got there, they took me off the meds cold turkey and hid my phone...I couldn’t even call family for help.

 

I asked to go to the ER during acute CT because I was so scared, and when I got there...the detox center staff told the ER I was an addict (mind you...I had chosen to go to this center on my own free will, and was not psychologically addicted). The ER treated me awfully and told me to suck it up (the cold turkey process).

 

The main counselor would sneak into my bedroom alone to “check” on me. He wouldn’t announce himself and I was always in bed without a bra when this happened.

 

At the 2 week mark I reported him to all the female staff members. They finally let me use my phone and my family promptly got me an airline ticket out of there ASAP.

 

This happened in a Utah detox center, FYI.

 

It’s also from my son being a NICU baby because my doctor convinced me my medication cocktail was safe and necessary during pregnancy. My doctor never got in trouble and is still practicing medicine. My son is luckily ok, but it was absolutely traumatic.

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Meganz,

Every single word you write is so true and we are so defenseless, dismissed, used and discarded by our health care providers. They take no responsibility whatsoever. So sorry for your experiences!

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I think you are correct. And I have no idea what to do about my trauma. I can't find a single therapist who believes me or even wants to spend time discussing withdrawal anymore. I've just switched to a new therapist and he wants to dig up childhood traumas. I've been working with him for 6 weeks now. That's all fine and dandy and I'm willing to try it but nothing seems to be helping me with the anger I feel on a day to day basis.

 

I'm angry every minute of every day and feel like I only want to be alone and can't even be around my family. I don't do so bad at work because I'm not expected to be as social and can kind of stick to myself. But the moment I step inside my house I can barely handle even seeing my family. I have so much rage. And feel trapped.

 

The worst of this is I started drinking at the age of 18 to cope with a breakup then I just drank all the way through college. I took prozac for a short time and buspar for a short time and don't remember any tangible benefit from either. Then as soon as I started working I started a benzo for sleep and was on one basically my entire teaching career until the bad reaction in 2018. So I was on some form of prescription drug from 2010 to 2016. I had a year break in there. I don't think I've ever learned to deal with hardship or stress appropriately and now I just feel traumatized and lost as a result.

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It does seem like we've all had some pretty horrible experiences with professionals. Sadly many of them are just doing what they've been taught. My experiences in a psyche facility have been mixed. The mental health system definitely needs a drastic overhaul. I've come across those who are resistant to believing about benzo WD ( I hand them research papers about it...), but I have also experiences my primary doc who truly did validate me and was willing to read the info I provided. My therapist is very open minded and has validated me as well, but she already has a very holistic mindset. is trauma informed and pretty much hates the psychiatric community - so I'm lucky to have her. So I'm saying this to say that good ones are out there.

sometimes it's how we present ourselves - if we can tell our story logically, provide evidence/information (research based), it helps in them receiving this (although I know many are pompous know it alls). I am a licensed social worker by profession, so I know its all about how you approach them sometimes. I was educated on psychotropic meds, and never once came across info on the horrors of benzos.

This is trauma, and some of us have prior trauma. If you can find a good TRAUMA therapist it makes all the difference. EMDR has an awesome success rate. Having an environment to go home to where you are supported and is nottoxic is so important too.

The anger/rage does sound like it may be from unresolved experiences - and then the WD doesn't help either. I know this - I had problems with rage and anger for years. You probably have very good reasons to be angry. We need to learn how to deal with it, which involves retraining how we respond, finding healthy outlets. It takes time.

I know I am still processing past stuff, but I will definitely need to heal from this experience. I choose to heal from all of this psychologically - I have to. I can't let this define me:)

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