Valium education.

[[Mi...]]

I've got 120, 10mg (blue) valium tabs coming in every month and have been taking them on a daily basis for about a solid month now. I also smoke cigarettes, and love them both as of now. I've always been this shy paranoid type guy who cant handle any ounce of stress. I started taking klonopin about a year ago, and quit them because I didnt find they had any effect, but then, I wasnt smoking cigs. I have been on anti depressants, but they just make me go hypo-manic.

 

So, I know this forum is an anti benzo site, and am expecting some responses about tapering down, but really, I dont want to because I know how I feel without any drugs or smoke. I think better, interact better, feel 100% better and feel like these little blue pills are my only hope right now.

 

I've contemplated suicide, but never actually plan on it and have never attemped it, but if im not taking those pills, I start to get depressed because I become increasingly closed in. Now your thinking, "withdrawls". But before i started poppin .5 and 1mg klonopins, I couldnt handle any stress, such as walking into colleges or just being infront of the public. Im 20 now, and ive been told to just push through it, but I aint the most patient person in the world and dont have time to go through all this stress, lose friends and basically start scratch because I feel my life is going fine at the moment.

[[bl...]]

Hi Mike,

 

  Well dear, what do you want us to say?  That your valium addiction is just fine and dandy and no harm is going to come to you from taking 1,200 mg of valium every month?  From personal experience I can tell you that you are on the high road to ruin.  You are frying your brain and your body and are going to be one messed up sorry person if you keep taking the path you are on.  There are other ways to cope with stress than popping a benzo. You are only 20 years old.  Please take these words to heart and get off this crap while you are still young, still have half a brain and still have the world before you.

 

  You say that you are taking valium because you are depressed.  Did you know that depression is one known side effect of benzo injestion?

 

  Please come back and have a dialogue with us here.  We are going to try and talk you into titrating off your valium habit.  Believe me, if you do, you will be a lot happier, have better coping skills and a better life ahead of you if you do. 

 

  XXXX

  Christine/Bluemoth

[[si...]]

mike - it could be that a different antidepressant would help you - some anti depressants make people very jittery - like wellbutrin and zoloft - they just make people jumpy.

 

christine has had lots of experience with the negative side of valium as have others - but ultimately it is your decision - we cannot make that for you.

 

if i hear you right - it is the anti depressants that are a challenge for you is that right?

 

i have had some good success with cognitive therapy to deal with anxiety issues - it costs more then drugs so doctors do not address therapy however if is more effective in the long run.

 

the choice is yours with what you want to do.

 

valium is a long lasting benzo so that is good you switched.

 

[[Mi...]]

No, I dont take valiums everyday, but I have been noticing a huge calming peaceful sensation after injesting 30mg. After that, Im good for the day and might smoke 3-4 cigs depending on what I do. Last night I performed on the drums at a pub with a couple bands and had about 5 cigs that night, 30mg-40mg valium when i woke up, and probably about 2 pints of beer before i performed. Wow, one of the best nights of my life.

 

http://youtube.com/watch?v=UeZ2D-x4tSg

 

 

[[si...]]

it is a very tight band - i am impressed.

 

ok you sound like you are aware - very aware - so i am going to share something with you and it is this - the most effective control of people/public - is drugs - pharmaceutical drugs.  but if you are so stressed that you have thought of suicide - then you need a substitute - for me it is cognitive therapy - because you are going to school - there could be group therapy or other therapy available to you.  i am in cognitive therapy - it does not embrace drugs but effective strategies to deal with anxiety - depression - depersonalization.

 

i am telling you because you are very aware - and i know you want to be effective - i am not a bible sales person - i come from a very social/political point of view.

 

for me depersonalization is looking at an insane world and feeling crazy cause i can't deal with it - learning to deal with it can make your life so much more effective.

 

but only you can decide what is best for you - we cannot make that decision for you - so i shared my story - but it is my story.

 

but first thing (i think) you need to do is get on a low dose anti depressant that will not stress you out - unfortunately the alternative anti depressants can bind you up and knock you out - so you only need a little.

[[bl...]]

Mike,

 

  Of course 30 mg of valium is going to make you feel relaxed. Thats what this drug does. It is a skeletal muscle relaxant.  It down regulates your natural GABA receptors.  It has a long half life of 30-200 hours, so of course you are going to feel it the next day too.  But you have to understand that you are dancing with the devil here.  That nice relaxed feeling is going to turn on you someday.  Maybe not right now, but it will eventually.  If you think you can continue on this way with no consequences, you are sadly mistaken.  I want you to take a good hard look at this UTube video.  This could be your future if you keep on with what you are doing.

 

Here is a video from a guy about your age:

 

This is what you might get after 20 years of using.  I know that 20 years seems forever when you are 20, but believe me it will come up and smack you in the face faster than you think.

[[Co...]]

Hi Mike,

 

Welcome to BenzoBuddies.

 

I'm confused. You do not have to be actively tapering off benzos to be a member of BenzoBuddies, but, well, if you 'enjoying' your benzos and have no desire to quit, why did you sign up with us? Is that you heard/read negative reports of protracted benzo-use, or are there aspects of your benzo-use that are causing you concern? There are aspects of your benzo use that worry me, but do they worry you?

[[Mi...]]

I wanna know why people take benzo's in the first place. For instance, a lot of people smoke cigarettes just to be cool, but really dont need them at all. But some people smoke a cigarette and feel like they can finally get on with there life.

 

I began on klonopins during the end of college, which i got kicked out of afterwards because I felt like shit for so long and I finally had a moment of peace in my life. I was in so much peace that I didn't know what to do and ended up talking or doing things I shouldnt have because I really had no experience with being "at peace". But I see people at peace all the time without these shitty fucking benzo's so whats the deal.

 

I think im gonna go on Zoloft again, and see if I can stablize my mood with the 50mg seroquel im on all ready because Ive been on zoloft twice and have become hypo manic (good feeling). But the second time I STARTED to become hypo manic, I stopped immediatly. Another thing, I think if I became hypo manic for longer than say, 3 months, I'd get used to the feeling and eventually start to calm down and act rationly because I would adjust to this new "personality" if you will. The original personality I have just doesnt cut it for me, and Ill be doing anything I can the rest of my life to prevent myself from becoming my original self. I wanna be someone better, and thats how I am now, at peace.

[[si...]]

why do people take drugs - ok - this is kinda a philosophy question.  i think they take drugs because they live in a crazy world that does not make sense and try to fit in - if it is hard to fit in then they are told they are emotionally (fill in the blank to suit the pill)

 

what is the result of so many misfits - this is the result - the misfits are probably the people sensitive to things and they are drugged into robots - so i see it as effective social control - kill their minds and they will not grow - or even be aware.

 

it is much easier to get help when you are stuck and grow through it - that is how you become healthy and well balanced - people do it you know - for some though it does not come naturally - they have to work on it.

 

then there are others who have neurological problems - back when i had pain issues - the most popular thing to do is to drug me into shutting up - pain was not a recognized acceptable condition - but be it mental - be it physical - it is all the same - and right now disabling people through drugs for some strange reason works well for pharmaceuticals and insurance companies - so the question is - hows it working for you?

 

now if being aware is a problem for you - i can assure you that people somehow manage to remain unaware - even off drugs - i don't know how they do it - but i see lots of evidence to that effect.

[[bl...]]

Mike,

 

  Dear, I wish I could talk to you face to face.  You need to know that the answers to life are not going to be found in a bottle of pills.  You want to know why I started on beno's?  I was in a car accident, hurt my neck and was given valium to be able to sleep at night.  I would take the sleepless nights now if I could take back the day I ever swallowed that first pill.  All these drugs are insidious. They harm you in ways you cannot see until you try to get off of them.  I beg you to get online and educate yourself about the harm you are doing to your still developing brain.  Look up Zoloft + adverse effects, look up seroquel + adverse effects, look up Klonopin + adverse effects. 

Honey, you say that you don't like your original self.  OK, that is what personal growth is about. You go to school, learn something, get a job, move, change you clothes or hairstyle, figure out who you are or what you want to be.  But I am telling you straight up that you are going to have a lot harder time growing if you seek the solution in a pill bottle, no matter what those pills might be.  I have to say that this is only my opinion.  It is not the policy of this board for us to officially take a stand on any drug except benzos.  But we are allowed to state what we think, and this is my considered opinion.  Please try exercise, good eating, yoga, therapy, and other alternative things before you go down the drug road. 

 

XXXXXX

Christine/BlueMoth

[[Mi...]]

well, right now im getting my pills from a girlfriend who gets them for free. But, im gonna try and quit valium and try and start thinking about some long term drugs. I should be workin pretty steady coming up and once I get some money coming in, some friends, possibly a band, I shouldnt need any benzo's.

 

think about how many people smoke cigs. Thats a drug to, and to me, it does almost the same thing valium does, which is weird, but think about it.

 

anyways, Im still young and oh yeah, that post with those two youtube videos (which ive already seen) make me laugh cause I aint close to being anywhere near there. The older shaky guy has some obvious problems, and is definatly a good anti benzo video.

[[bl...]]

Hi Mike,

 

    Ok, I am glad at least that I have convinced you to 86 the valium.  Yes kiddo, when you get some money, start rocking out with your band and your friends, valium is going to be the last thing on your mind. 

 

    I agree that cigs are hideous.  I plead guilty. 

 

  I am glad that you have seen the YouTube videos before.  I know you are not anywhere near where either of those two guys are.  Yet.  My job is to see that you don't even come close.  We care very much about everyone who comes to this board.  You seem like such a good kid and a very thoughtful person (even if you were the Devil himself I would still have the same advice, LOL).  I don't want to see you get hurt by the blue demon.  I want you to come back and say you are off these nasty drugs, happy, in love, playing music, being silly and acting your age. 

 

XXXXX

Christine/BlueMoth

[[el...]]

 

Here is a video from a guy about your age:

 

This is what you might get after 20 years of using.  I know that 20 years seems forever when you are 20, but believe me it will come up and smack you in the face faster than you think.

 

Christine, those are so sad and horrible. The second one actually made my wd sx flare up really bad. Isn't that crazy?

[[bl...]]

Linda,  I know.  Both of these videos should be mandatory watching for any doctor who prescribes a benzo.

[[si...]]

hi mike - just stopped by to say hi.

 

christine knows what she is talking about - valium is the drug she just got off of and it was a ruff ride - i hope we can spare you from putting your body through so much punishment as well as your mind.

[[...]]

Hi Mike....I'm fairly new to this board, but have educated myself extensively about benzos so I feel I can safely put in my 2-cents worth. I was prescribed Klonopin 3mg/day for 5 yrs for anxiety, and when I tried to wean myself off of them, I was the sickest I'd ever been in my entire life (physically and psychologically). The withdrawals were a living nightmare.... I lost my job, my body deteriorated in every way possible, I've become agoraphobic, I have severe insomnia, my marriage is now on very shaky ground...etc. I'm VERY worried about you !! You are a train wreck just waiting to happen. I don't know how to impress upon you enough the importance of educating yourself IMMEDIATELY about benzos. If you took the time to come here, take even more time to learn how these drugs work on your brain/body, the long-term effects of use, the withdrawal symptoms, etc. Don't be fooled into thinking your "little blue pills" are your friend.....THEY WILL TURN ON YOU IN TIME!!  Do your research sweatie. It's worth the time. Research, the wonderful support from the people on this board and my own persistence saved my life. Believe me, it's all rosy and nice now, but trust someone who has lived the benzo nightmare.....that good feeling will not last. Once you do the research, you'll understand what I'm saying to you. We're all here for you to support you if you want help getting off of your drugs. "Bluemoth" (Christine) is extremely helpful with Valium weaning. Consult with her.....oh and if/when you decide to wean from Valium, it's important that you seek the help of a doctor who is versed in benzo withdrawal. Be kind to your mind and body. It's the only one you'll ever get. You are young enough to make your life a wonderful journey WITHOUT benzos. Good luck. 

Tracy

[[bo...]]

Mike

Cigarettes do affect the central nervous system but trust me, not anyway similar to a benzo, It works in a different part of the brain and much more powerful.

Bob

[[Mi...]]

I appreciate the comments, thanks bluemoth, bob, all of you guys who want to support me in my choice between life or death.

 

Im slowly weaning off the valiums and am basically taking 10mg valium per day and plan on halfing that soon. I look at these little blue pills differently now and believe anyone who is thinking about benzo-long term should definatly do their research like I did. I think these youtube videos say a million words and hearing responses from past users also says alot.

 

Now that i've spit out my anti benzo plan, Im still dealing with an anxiety disorder i've had way before I even started benzo's. I remember the first time I popped a few klonopins (dont know the dose) from an older guy in my computer science class, I felt normal and began to engage in the school for the first time, without having a constant hammer knocking on my head. After that experience, I got a prescription for them that same day, not really knowing ANYTHING about the pill or how much to use it. I was basically going insane with pleasure and probably took way to much at the start, but all in all, started communicating with other people in a much different way. Instead of being held back, shy and un happy, I would talk to people with ease and contentment. This resulted in a complete conversation and a feeling of peace and pleasure that lasted muuuuuuch longer than the benzo's. I guess that is the hard part for me folks. I have now experienced another realm in which I cannot seem to meet without help of some medication.

 

I have not been diagnosed with anything, and am still trying to figure out if I am in fact "bipolar". Yes people, I have tried MDMA, which resulted in more MDMA, which resulted in a manic state in which several large things happend in my life that resulted in me moving back home. When I was home, I believe I was taking benzo's still and had several car fines resulting in my license being taken away for 1.25 years

 

I believe the MDMA trigured mania for me, and the zoloft I was also on for depression enforced my mania, but ive been clean since and have tried Zoloft again since a short time ago and began to lose my anxiety sensations, but felt like I needed something to level me out to a normal place, Not too high or too low even though i would much rather be in a state of "too high".

 

So, an antidepressant might work for me instead of benzo's for anxiety. At this point, I dont know. and like i said, soon I will be getting a diagnosis for..something

[[si...]]

mike be careful with that bi polar label - doctors love to hang it on people and drug them.

 

if you are having socialization problems - seek out cognitive or group therapy - people - many people are socially awkward - that does not make you emotionally unstable - just needing some coping strategies.

 

life is like that mike - we reach points in our life where we need to grow - society is lacking in guidance and support so we have to see professionals - the trick is to come out with your mind - not all drugged.

[[el...]]

 

I believe the MDMA trigured mania for me,

 

HI Mike, there is a girl on here that had some things triggered by hallucinogens. MDMA could definitely trigger some emotional disorders. But you have to know this is hardly ever permanent damage. Your brain does recover. Did you have your anxiety problems before or after the MDMA?

I know what you mean by feeling so un-shy and peaceful after benzo ingestion. But just to share my own experience, When I was your age, I was a heavy drinker.(and other substances) The reason I was was because I was extremely shy, but when I drank I was the life of the party. outgoing, funny, flirtatious, Made tons of friends. The funny thing, when I  stopped the heavy drinking and partying, I was still outgoing, the life of the party! The point being, I think, I outgrew the shyness. I didn't need booze to beat it. I thought I did and that I would go back in my shell if I didn't drink, but I didn't.

You are so young. In a few years, with a little more life experience under your belt, you will see that the shyness will go away. You don't need to ingest a substance, you just need to age a little!

I'm glad you are choosing life.

 

[[el...]]

I have now experienced another realm in which I cannot seem to meet without help of some medication.

 

 

I felt the exact same way, how will i ever have fun and be happy if i can't be "high".(self medicated) But I am higher now naturally, then with all the booze and drugs I did as a kid. Life is good. It's a totally different realm then you are talking about, but it's better. 

[[si...]]

mike going through withdrawals is an anxiety producing thing for many if not all.

[[bo...]]

Hi Mike

I'm way older than you, but I can relate to what you say, needing "something" to feel normal, I just want to say thinking that, is more normal than you might think. The odds of you being labled "bi polar" are probably good, not because your bi polar, but because thats the "medical"  term your bound to get. I got that lable and trust me I'm not bi polar just human.

I dont doubt some people are bi polar , but I think a lot less than those who are tagged with that lable.

I know, a lot of hot air, but be careful about being labled. If you able to be in a band in front of a lot of people you cant be that messed up, I couldnt do that.

Bob

[[el...]]

I got the bipolar label too, last summer. But I'm not, I was just sleep deprived! It's the label of the day. Everyone gets it, even little kids now. It's insane.

And yes like Bob said, there are people who are truly bipolar, it's a real illness. But it isn't common, and I don't believe you have it.

[[Mi...]]

Well, My sister has been on lithium now for years and has had two manic episodes from being bipolar. I have witnessed these episodes and have been very confused and scared. On my moms side, there is a lot of illness including bipolar so I dont think I got off easy in this life :s