Looking for Buddies - LT High dose Xanax direct taper 1/2 way there!

[[Di...]]

Hi all...I just love this group y'all have helped me so much.  Praying that Lori is ok.

 

Seasalt I am so glad that you and your husband had a good talk ❤. Praying your symptoms ease up quickly.

 

Julia thankful that you are doing well after your cut.

 

I am still feeling my way with the slow DLMT.

 

Dave I'm sorry you got so upset.

 

Love and prayers to all.

 

[[se...]]

Diane,

 

You are making great progress, remember to just keep moving forward and never look back!  Hugs

[[to...]]

Hello All,

 

I’m so sorry this thread has taken a turn, let’s try to put that behind us.  We are here to love and support one another and like most families, we have our occasional disagreements.  It’s just part of the

 

Had a heart to heart with my husband, I am happy to report we have resolved some issues and we are in a better place.  Thank you all for being supportive.

 

Marybeth, you have our support and prayers.  Everyone here is hoping for the best possible outcome.  Please continue to post and let us know how you are.  I think most of us here have been married for many years and fully understand the struggle of marriage.  The one thing I am sure of is that you deserve happiness and support from the people you love.  You will be crossing the finish line very soon in your taper.  Many, many hugs and prayers for you.

 

I hope you can forgive Dave for his post. He is clearly hurting and also needs support.

 

Julia, I made the cut and I am suffering with a terrible sore neck and muscle spasms in my lower legs (it’s so painful)!  Has anyone else experienced this?  It is definitely getting harder as I go.  So glad to hear you made the cut and are doing well.

 

Many hugs to all...

 

Hi Laurie,

I am so happy that you and your husband had a heart to heart and are in a better place.  That made me smile. 

 

So sorry to hear that you have a  terrible sore neck and muscle spasms in your lower legs - no - I have not heard of that but I did have that with my lower back a few months ago.  We never know what symptoms we will have next do we??!!

 

I was curious, if you do not mind me asking , what is your dose at this point?  I am sure cutting the pills is a pain at this point.

 

I am having a little bit of ear pressure but hanging in there. 

 

Take care and keep us posted on how you are.

 

Love and hugs,

Julia 

[[Di...]]

Diane,

 

You are making great progress, remember to just keep moving forward and never look back!  Hugs

 

Thank you Laurie ❤

[[to...]]

Hi all...I just love this group y'all have helped me so much.  Praying that Lori is ok.

 

Seasalt I am so glad that you and your husband had a good talk ❤. Praying your symptoms ease up quickly.

 

Julia thankful that you are doing well after your cut.

 

I am still feeling my way with the slow DLMT.

 

Dave I'm sorry you got so upset.

 

Love and prayers to all.

 

Hi Diane,

I see you made a cut yesterday.  That is great!!  How are you doing?  One step closer to freedom!!!

 

You have helped me alot here too and I am glad you are here.  I love this group too. 

 

We just have to keep moving forward.  I think we are all doing great considering what we are dealing with! 

 

Have a good night!

 

Hugs and love and lots of prayers,

Julia 

[[se...]]

Julia,

 

I am down to .13.  What about you?  Diane have you resumed?

[[se...]]

Dave, I hope you will reconsider and continue to post. 

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Dave,

I appreciate that you apologized and explained what happened. I too have C-PTSD and it's a hard thing to deal with and add tapering to that - it's even harder.

 

You are welcome to continue to post. You need support and bb is a great place to receive support. I'd hate for you to not be able to get off this drug because you didn't have a place to go for help. Everyone deserves help, support and encouragement.

 

Julia

 

[[se...]]

Marybeth,

 

We get it, even if no one else does.  I completely can relate to your words when you say people just don't get it or want to hear about it. I have found this to be true with my family and friends. Even my husband made mention during our conversation Sunday morning.  It is the sad truth that most of us are on this journey for the most part...very alone.

 

Please feel like you can share anything here.  We are not here to judge you, just to support you.  You don't always have to be strong and you can let your guard down here.  As a mother and wife sometimes we tend to hide our emotions as we are expected to be everything to everyone.  Please let this be your safe place to vent.

 

In multiple posts you have been so positive with each entry, yet you have been suffering.  By releasing some of this you can begin to heal.  We are all happy to be part of the process and I hope you can do the same for the rest of us.  It is clear we all need each other.

 

Today is a new day, tomorrow will be even better I promise.

 

HUGS...

[[Di...]]

Marybeth we all love and support you ❤

[[ba...]]

Lori,

 

I will try not to make this too long.

 

Thank you for sharing your pain with us. I mean, lets get real. No one outside of this experience could understand. I can hear things from others like, "Just go to counseling," "ad naseum. When we are already in hell, having to live in a situation that is continuous trigger is untenable. I know you are making the right decision for yourself, and am confident you have thought long and hard on it. One benefit I see, is that your taper brought to light the dysfunction of your marriage, without knowing the details. Without the taper, you may not have seen it, or were aware, but felt like you could live with it.

 

It's going to be a massive endeavor, and a huge change. Even though it's beneficial for you, divorce is a huge stress.  I propose you rotate family members to help you. Don't bring in the benzo's, just how overwhelming and difficult the divorce process is. Give them things to do that will help you. Working through paperwork, making decisions, going to court with you. That they should be able to relate to, and not just stare at you, or tell you to get over it,  Ever time my husband slips up and says that it turns into a blowdown. Wont go into that right now. You should be assigned a mediator. Use her. Do not bring up the benzos in this situation unless your lawyer advises it. It wont look good to all of those people overseeing this, and leads to potentially labelling you an addict.

 

This process is a strain on everyone in our lives, whether they know the reason are not. We are simply not the same people we were before benzodiazepine poisoning. They do tend to judge, as that they have nothing to relate to in understanding brain trauma and how long it takes to recover. It is like us being supportive to someone who is a hoarder, and they don't stop. We get irritated and want them to understand their illness and do something about it. After  so much time, we walk away.

 

 

THIS:

I usually try to leave anything non taper related off of these boards and I took a chance the other night, during a very low and weak moment, by throwing it out there... and I think we can all agree that it backfired a bit.  I was devastated.  And Julia said something that was spot on.. my family members are wonderful but like many of you are experiencing, they are not supportive with regards to my taper.  On the contrary, I no longer speak about it with them.  They honestly don't get it and I understand.  Sure I get frustrated and hurt, but about a year or so ago, I realized that I was talking to a brick wall if I tried to explain to them what was happening to me, symptoms I was encountering, etc.  I was met with blank and often dismissive stares.  It's been easier to not mention it.  For over a year the ONLY place I talk about my taper is on this thread.  People who aren't going through it just can't relate.  They honestly can't even begin to wrap their heads around what we're all experiencing.  I don't fault them.  Early on I was hurt by their seemingly lack of concern but I no longer feel that way.  How can they truly understand?  You have to go through this to fully comprehend the magnitude of physical and mental anguish that a taper from benzo's can produce.  Ironically, even after Dave's comments and my mini-meltdown, I couldn't go to anyone at the beach house because I knew they'd look at me like, "What?  You're getting upset about some guy on a message board?  Have you lost your mind?"  .... They honestly don't get it.

 

Nailed. I have a husband who knows what is going on, and my therapist, but no one else gets it. I tried to tell a friend what I was doing 2 years ago, and she just stared at me. I was humiliated. That killed the friendship.

 

As to my 4 grown children, they really don't want to hear about it. They have their own trauma and resentments regarding how out of it I can be, and that I don't travel to see them, and the last thing they want to hear about when we talk is my pain.  If I bring up, the suggest everything from rehab to stop tapering and just stay on your meds. I hold no blame at all toward them. I am Mother. It is my role to be the parent and nurture them through issues, and I refuse to become "the child." they wouldn't tolerate it anyway. Fortunately, my oldest still sends her 2 little boys to stay a week with us a couple of times a year. She knows I struggle, but also knows I will do anything and everything to take care of those little ones, no matter what, and I do. I am so grateful for this.

 

We all undergo very difficult life experiences. It takes courage to share them. Often support is not offered, but rather another persons solution (get over it, useless antecdotes, it could be worse) or crickets. We do get support here, it keeps most of us going. It is often our only outlet to talk about it as well.

 

I, too, have C-PTSD, and have been working with a therapist to deal with it for years. However, people, I feel the PTSD I have from benzodiazepines is much worse.

 

To become vulnerable and post about it takes real courage. I am just so sorry Dave was going through a very difficult episode at the time, and went after you. I did PM him, but he is feeling horrible about what he did, and feels the only recourse is to leave the group. I hope that changes. He really needs support.  I hope he comes to see that, and we don't judge, nor are we even angry about what he wrote.

 

I saw an episode of Star Trek TNG where a member looses her empathic ability, it was very well written. She might as well of been in our shoes. All her crew mates said and did the wrong stupid things, and she stood up for herself. If your interested: https://www.imdb.com/title/tt0708805/

 

I made this too long anyway, well, it is what it is.

 

Much respect

-baddove

[[to...]]

Hi Marybeth,

I am so glad that you have replied.  I think it is  a great idea to go to therapy.  I know that I get so much relief when I talk to my therapist.  She is so real and caring and she understands me.

 

I had to stand up for you as that is what friends do.  You did not deserve that and I appreciated Baddove's response as well.  Now that we have spoken our peace, we can all move on.  I too hope Dave will stay here and get the support, love and encouragement he needs and deserves.

 

I know your life is turned upside down right now but you are strong and have a good head on your shoulders.  You will get through all this with all of us supporting you.

 

You have been through so much and you deserve happiness and deserve to live in peace and have some happiness.

 

Keep going lady, you will make  it through this taper and soon be off this drug.  You will also make it through all the hell you are going through right now but I see sunshine in your future.

 

I love you!!!! You know how to reach me and I look forward to hearing from you!

 

Julia  :hug: :mybuddy:

[[to...]]

Baddove,

 

Thank you so much for posting and you are so appreciated! 

 

You have good insight and wisdom and I am glad you are here.

 

Hugs,

Julia 

[[to...]]

Julia,

 

I am down to .13.  What about you?  Diane have you resumed?

 

Hi Laurie,

That is great !!!  I am down to .5625.  I was in between 2 doses and did not know the exact dose but got it straight now.  Onward and upward!!!  I hope you are feeling better today.

 

Debbie - how is it going with you?  I hope you are doing good with your cut too.

 

I am hanging in there so far.  My morning started off feeling a little strange but it has gotten better. 

 

Love and hugs to all,

 

Julia  :smitten:

[[Di...]]

Julia .5625 is great! 

My taper is going ok...its raining cats and dogs today so that doesn't help my mood at all but hopefully tomorrow we'll have some sun.

Glad your morning has gotten better.

 

Hugs ❤

[[to...]]

Julia .5625 is great! 

My taper is going ok...its raining cats and dogs today so that doesn't help my mood at all but hopefully tomorrow we'll have some sun.

Glad your morning has gotten better.

 

Hugs ❤

 

Thank you!!  I am glad your taper is going ok.  I will be so glad when we are all off this stuff!!!! 

 

Hopefully the rain will end soon.  It is strange, once I went through the cold turkey, I became sensitized to rain too, every time it would rain, I would feel bad and get down in the dumps.  It is alot better now thank goodness..

 

Take care.

Hugs and Love,

Julia

[[Di...]]

Julia .5625 is great! 

My taper is going ok...its raining cats and dogs today so that doesn't help my mood at all but hopefully tomorrow we'll have some sun.

Glad your morning has gotten better.

 

Hugs ❤

 

Thank you!!  I am glad your taper is going ok.  I will be so glad when we are all off this stuff!!!! 

 

Hopefully the rain will end soon.  It is strange, once I went through the cold turkey, I became sensitized to rain too, every time it would rain, I would feel bad and get down in the dumps.  It is alot better now thank goodness..

 

Take care.

Hugs and Love,

Julia

 

I've had problems with depression for years but had gotten better  and was more able to deal with rainy cloudy days until benzo showed up.  Hopefully I'll be better after all this is done.

Hugs ❤

[[to...]]

Julia .5625 is great! 

My taper is going ok...its raining cats and dogs today so that doesn't help my mood at all but hopefully tomorrow we'll have some sun.

Glad your morning has gotten better.

 

Hugs ❤

 

Thank you!!  I am glad your taper is going ok.  I will be so glad when we are all off this stuff!!!! 

 

Hopefully the rain will end soon.  It is strange, once I went through the cold turkey, I became sensitized to rain too, every time it would rain, I would feel bad and get down in the dumps.  It is alot better now thank goodness..

 

Take care.

Hugs and Love,

Julia

 

I've had problems with depression for years but had gotten better  and was more able to deal with rainy cloudy days until benzo showed up.  Hopefully I'll be better after all this is done.

Hugs ❤

 

That is my hope for you too!  I hope your depression improves as well! 

 

Love and hugs,

Julia

[[Di...]]

Julia .5625 is great! 

My taper is going ok...its raining cats and dogs today so that doesn't help my mood at all but hopefully tomorrow we'll have some sun.

Glad your morning has gotten better.

 

Hugs ❤

 

Thank you!!  I am glad your taper is going ok.  I will be so glad when we are all off this stuff!!!! 

 

Hopefully the rain will end soon.  It is strange, once I went through the cold turkey, I became sensitized to rain too, every time it would rain, I would feel bad and get down in the dumps.  It is alot better now thank goodness..

 

Take care.

Hugs and Love,

Julia

 

I've had problems with depression for years but had gotten better  and was more able to deal with rainy cloudy days until benzo showed up.  Hopefully I'll be better after all this is done.

Hugs ❤

 

That is my hope for you too!  I hope your depression improves as well! 

 

Love and hugs,

Julia

 

Julia .5625 is great! 

My taper is going ok...its raining cats and dogs today so that doesn't help my mood at all but hopefully tomorrow we'll have some sun.

Glad your morning has gotten better.

 

Hugs ❤

 

Thank you!!  I am glad your taper is going ok.  I will be so glad when we are all off this stuff!!!! 

 

Hopefully the rain will end soon.  It is strange, once I went through the cold turkey, I became sensitized to rain too, every time it would rain, I would feel bad and get down in the dumps.  It is alot better now thank goodness..

 

Take care.

Hugs and Love,

Julia

 

I've had problems with depression for years but had gotten better  and was more able to deal with rainy cloudy days until benzo showed up.  Hopefully I'll be better after all this is done.

Hugs ❤

 

That is my hope for you too!  I hope your depression improves as well! 

 

Love and hugs,

Julia

 

[[to...]]

May I ask how you do that - the copying more than one post thing?  I have tried to do it but just do not know how.

 

Thanks 

[[Di...]]

May I ask how you do that - the copying more than one post thing?  I have tried to do it but just do not know how.

 

Thanks 

 

Oops Julia LOL I don't know how I did that didn't mean to. 🤣🤣🤣

[[se...]]

Thank you Baddove,

 

We are blessed with great people here!

[[ba...]]

Find the multi post link you want to bring into a new post. Select quote, then paste it into a new thread. You can comment from there.

[[to...]]

May I ask how you do that - the copying more than one post thing?  I have tried to do it but just do not know how.

 

Thanks 

 

Oops Julia LOL I don't know how I did that didn't mean to. 🤣🤣🤣

LOL thanks anyway!! 😊♥️

[[to...]]

Find the multi post link you want to bring into a new post. Select quote, then paste it into a new thread. You can comment from there.

Thank you Baddove!!