Looking for Buddies - LT High dose Xanax direct taper 1/2 way there!

[[to...]]

Hi Julia, yes you may have gotten over heated from just being out in the heat.  After I got overheated yesterday I didn't feel good for the remainder of the day and evening not feeling that great today either.  Could be a combination of my decrease in dose also.  Hope you feel better after you rest.

Hugs ❤

 

Thanks Diane,

I hope you feel better too. I agree it could be a combination for you.  Everything seems to get us doesn't it??!!

 

I just did not think sitting in the shade on the porch would do it but I guess it did. 

 

Hugs to you too!! 

[[Di...]]

Hi Julia, yes you may have gotten over heated from just being out in the heat.  After I got overheated yesterday I didn't feel good for the remainder of the day and evening not feeling that great today either.  Could be a combination of my decrease in dose also.  Hope you feel better after you rest.

Hugs ❤

 

Thanks Diane,

I hope you feel better too. I agree it could be a combination for you.  Everything seems to get us doesn't it??!!

 

I just did not think sitting in the shade on the porch would do it but I guess it did. 

 

Hugs to you too!! 

 

[Guest [Ai...]]

I'm in the northern part of Arkansas about 15 mins from the Missouri line.  We have lakes and rivers but there is nothing like an ocean beach!

 

Wow! I also live near the Arkansas-Missouri state line! It seems like the wettest place in the interior US right now!

 

We don't have a beach, but we certainly have all the water and humidity...and soggy foliage, both living and decaying - so outdoor MOLD is thriving now. Mold is my worst allergen. The Springfield Missouri Health Department reports that airborne mold spore counts have been at "VERY HIGH" between rainstorms in this area for the past week.

 

Before my xanax usage (so long ago) and during higher and higher usage of xanax, my seasonal mold allergy was easy to treat with just a little Benadryl and Flonase. I thought this year would be no different. But apparently I must be in a  hypersensitive state due to tapering, as my allergy to mold has affected me HORRIBLY - far worse and more uncontrollable than ever before!!   I didn't suffer like this last year when my dosage of xanax was from 5 to 6mg. But I was also emotionally numb and completely apathetic. Very unfortunately, that insidious evil numbing of xanax "worked" in a year of raging pandemic, raging politics, raging protests and murders. But that numbing seems to have come at a very awful price this year, now that I want to "come back to life" again.

 

Up to this week (before the mold explosion), I HAD been quietly tapering my dosage - and by the time I'd gotten down to 3.5mg of xanax, my sleeping patterns were admittedly quite screwed up and fragmented, my blood pressure, energy, and motivation levels went up and down unpredictably. My metabolism seemed to be in relative chaos. Yes, I did realize all too well that I could no longer make the cuts as fast as I'd made from January's 6+mg, without suffering pretty badly, but I didn't want to lose any ground - I was determined to hold at 3.5mg - seizing the moment - whenever I'd happened to have slept longer, whenever energy and motivation came unpredictably - and I actually got a surprising amount of stuff done at wildly unpredictable times - planning ahead was impossible. "Strike when the iron is hot" was my mantra. My cat taught me another valuable mantra: "Anytime is a good time for a nap...of any length of time."

 

I was making it. I thought, "I can do this. I can stay at 3.5mg and ride out the erratic, uncomfortable reset of my metabolism!"

 

But now since all the recent rainstorms, causing the mold spore counts to soar, I have since had the most horrible symptoms come and go - including a couple of severe (and very frightening) panic attacks, scary derealization, black depression, agoraphobia, irrational OCD and even downright paranoia over trivial things, nausea or gastritis every time I eat, hearing so sensitive that normal sounds actually HURT - and many sounds at once distress me severely - hot flashes, then chills, prickly sensation all over, painfully stiff neck...even my beloved morning coffee stings my tongue. :'( I have been experiencing at least half of the symptoms listed here:

 

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Benzodiazepine_withdrawal_syndrome#Signs_and_symptoms

 

Now xanax withdrawal meets mold allergy and the very worst scenario is the result - each makes the other one worse than ever. The worst timing ever. I've backed up to 3.75...geez, I hope I don't have to return to 4mg to stop this misery!

 

Dave

 

[[to...]]

Hi Dave,

So sorry you are having such a rough time.  Can relate to alot of what you said.  I too had the issues with normal sound and had to stay away from anywhere that may have loud noises because to me they sounded like - whatever it was, was right at my ear and hurt.  I am alot better with the sound but I am still sensitive to loud noises.

 

I was also allergic to so many things and as I have tapered down, the allergies and allergic reactions have gotten better.  Thank goodness.  I am sure yours will too.

 

I would say that maybe going too fast in your taper could be affecting you now.  I found once I got down to a certain dosage, I could no longer do the bigger cuts as they "beat my butt".  Now I am at a low dose but still have to micro taper and it does help to not feel the WD so bad.

 

I wish you well and hope things improve for you.  I understand going back up some in dose - I have done it but if I can stay at a dose while having a rough time - I do.  Going back up in dose makes me feel bad emotionally and usually does not help enough to warrant the increase in dose.  You have to make your own decisions about going up in dose but I will say - there are those here that will tell you that they kept going back up in dose until they were where they started and they got stuck back at a higher dose.  We all have to make our decisions as to what is best for us and our brains and bodies. 

 

Take care.

Julia

[[Di...]]

Dave I am so sick of all this rain!!!  Our garden will probably rot from all the sogginess.  At least the sun is finally shining today but...rain is predicted for 3 days next week.

I am so sorry you are having such a rough time with your allergies on top of the xanax.  Sounds like you were doing pretty well with your tapering.  Hang in there.

Hugs!!!

[[se...]]

Hello my virtual family!  Dave, I agree with Julia, I think you may have dosed down a little fast.  I have had every symptom you described.  You need more time to stabilize and then slow the taper down a bit.  I think you are doing great!!

 

Had my blood tests, my antigen is still in remission (thank goodness).  WBC are a little low.  Still waiting on more, fingers crossed it comes back normal and I can chalk all this up to withdrawal.

 

With each cut my symptoms are getting rough.  The last two nights I have struggled with anxiety, inner vibrations, adrenaline rushes and breathlessness.  No fun but I am feeling positive. I know it will pass , just need some time.

 

I live in Maine, blessed to be on the water.  Weather is horrible for the next four days.  I have decided to watch mindless TV and try to relax. Work has been busy and it will be nice to try to get more than 4 to 5 hours of sleep.

 

It won’t be long before we are all cheering each other on as we each cross the finish line!  Thank you all for being here to listen.  I feel blessed.

[[Di...]]

Hello my virtual family!  Dave, I agree with Julia, I think you may have dosed down a little fast.  I have had every symptom you described.  You need more time to stabilize and then slow the taper down a bit.  I think you are doing great!!

 

Had my blood tests, my antigen is still in remission (thank goodness).  WBC are a little low.  Still waiting on more, fingers crossed it comes back normal and I can chalk all this up to withdrawal.

 

With each cut my symptoms are getting rough.  The last two nights I have struggled with anxiety, inner vibrations, adrenaline rushes and breathlessness.  No fun but I am feeling positive. I know it will pass , just need some time.

 

I live in Maine, blessed to be on the water.  Weather is horrible for the next four days.  I have decided to watch mindless TV and try to relax. Work has been busy and it will be nice to try to get more than 4 to 5 hours of sleep.

 

It won’t be long before we are all cheering each other on as we each cross the finish line!  Thank you all for being here to listen.  I feel blessed.

 

Laurie so thankful your tests are coming back hopeful. 

You are so close praying for you to cross the finish line quickly and without anymore symptoms!

Hugs ❤

[[to...]]

Hello my virtual family!  Dave, I agree with Julia, I think you may have dosed down a little fast.  I have had every symptom you described.  You need more time to stabilize and then slow the taper down a bit.  I think you are doing great!!

 

Had my blood tests, my antigen is still in remission (thank goodness).  WBC are a little low.  Still waiting on more, fingers crossed it comes back normal and I can chalk all this up to withdrawal.

 

With each cut my symptoms are getting rough.  The last two nights I have struggled with anxiety, inner vibrations, adrenaline rushes and breathlessness.  No fun but I am feeling positive. I know it will pass , just need some time.

 

I live in Maine, blessed to be on the water.  Weather is horrible for the next four days.  I have decided to watch mindless TV and try to relax. Work has been busy and it will be nice to try to get more than 4 to 5 hours of sleep.

 

It won’t be long before we are all cheering each other on as we each cross the finish line!  Thank you all for being here to listen.  I feel blessed.

 

Hi Laurie,

I am glad your antigen is still in remission - that is great news!  I am praying your other test come back normal. 

 

I am so sorry you are having a rough time.  This drug is so ruthless and does so many  uncomfortable things to us.  It drives me crazy and it makes me so very angry!  We should have never had to go through this. 

 

I am sure Maine is beautiful.  I have always seen such scenic pictures and of course I have always heard the lobster is the best!  Yum!!! I hope since the weather is not going to be good for the next few days that you will be able to rest and do nothing! 

 

I am praying for all of us to be able to get off these drugs soon and heal!  I want to be able to do the "I am benzo free" dance. 

 

I really want us all to stay in touch as you all have become my friends and family and you have been so helpful, supportive and encouraging.  It's funny, the friends I have, which we talk very little now, just do not understand and it has strained relationships and it is not their fault - there is no way you can understand all we are going through unless you are going through it or have gone through it.  I do not wish this on anyone......

 

I am planning to make a cut on Sunday!  One step closer... 

 

Love and hugs - hoping we all have a decent weekend.  I am hoping people remember what Memorial Day is really about.  My husband is a Veteran and served 20 years in the Army. (Retired 1994)  I am so grateful he survived and is with me. 

 

Julia  :smitten:

[Guest [Ai...]]

I can't thank you all enough! Your support has been phenomenal help. I've managed to hold on to 3.5mg and no more!!  Admittedly, the symptoms are still there, especially anxiety, but much more tolerable today. And I was able to sleep in catnaps throughout the night.

 

Writing it out in my post and reading your supportive replies really helped me hang on! I realized the my two major factors are:

 

1) Yes, I have finally cut too much, too fast. I am now very clearly at the point where I simply cannot continue to cut dosage like I had been doing (I can't endure the consequences) - it's time to start shaving pills.

 

2) A surge in mold-allergy-induced histamine in my body was making all the xanax w/d symptoms so much worse (too much a cut + histamine overload = BAD double jeopardy). To address the histamine, I added an additional 25mg of Benadryl (tiny pill) last night, started small doses of methionine (essential amino acid) and TMG (betaine) [all reduce histamine]. Plus, the Flonase seems to have finally "kicked in" - I didn't have burning eyes or 100% congestion in one or both of my nasal passages this morning!

 

Julia, telling me about your experience with hypersensitive hearing, and the development of new allergies during the tapering was very reassuring to me. And your delicately diplomatic way of warning me that I might regret updosing made me realize I WOULD feel bad emotionally (like I was giving in, losing the progress I'd suffered to make). Thank you!! And the best of luck with your next cut tomorrow. I sure understand what you’re saying about “strained relationships” – now that I’m seriously tapering, my friends (none of whom were victims of a “benzo doctor”) simply don’t understand – yes, they try, but it’s next to impossible to convey the dread and the misery we have with those tiny steps down – I swear I can just sense them thinking “Well, just quit!”

 

Diane, your commiseration concerning this drenching rainy spell and your compassion sure helped me too. Looks like the weather is not going to clear up in our region too much before the rains come again for three days in a row all too soon! It was gloomily gray and too cold this morning when I was ready to get back outside to work on the shed for the exercise and diversion – the temperature is STILL in the fifties and it’s 1:00 PM!! Now I just want to veg out as I’ve just taken my midday dose and eaten – and the Benadryl is still lingering (which is okay – at least my eyes aren't burning and coffee doesn’t sting my tongue today – but it doesn’t wake me up either!).

 

And Seasalt (Laurie?), you and Julia are absolutely right. I got too impatient and dosed down too much (but I’m not going to back up!).  I deeply feel Julia’s words: “This drug is so ruthless and does so many uncomfortable things to us.  It drives me crazy and it makes me so very angry!  We should have never had to go through this.”  Also, thanks for the reassuring commiseration about having had every symptom I’m having, too! Do I ever understand the anxiety, inner vibrations, adrenaline rushes (complete with hot flashes and tachycardia), and feeling out of breath! I’m so glad to read that your antigen is still in remission. I pray for all the best in the rest of your results. May those WBCs start multiplying, too!

 

Yes, this feels like virtual family here. Mothers, big sisters that I never had. I'm so grateful I have this virtual home to come to and share this experience no one else really understands!

 

Love and hugs to you all!

 

Dave

 

 

 

[[Di...]]

I can't thank you all enough! Your support has been phenomenal help. I've managed to hold on to 3.5mg and no more!!  Admittedly, the symptoms are still there, especially anxiety, but much more tolerable today. And I was able to sleep in catnaps throughout the night.

 

Writing it out in my post and reading your supportive replies really helped me hang on! I realized the my two major factors are:

 

1) Yes, I have finally cut too much, too fast. I am now very clearly at the point where I simply cannot continue to cut dosage like I had been doing (I can't endure the consequences) - it's time to start shaving pills.

 

2) A surge in mold-allergy-induced histamine in my body was making all the xanax w/d symptoms so much worse (too much a cut + histamine overload = BAD double jeopardy). To address the histamine, I added an additional 25mg of Benadryl (tiny pill) last night, started small doses of methionine (essential amino acid) and TMG (betaine) [all reduce histamine]. Plus, the Flonase seems to have finally "kicked in" - I didn't have burning eyes or 100% congestion in one or both of my nasal passages this morning!

 

Julia, telling me about your experience with hypersensitive hearing, and the development of new allergies during the tapering was very reassuring to me. And your delicately diplomatic way of warning me that I might regret updosing made me realize I WOULD feel bad emotionally (like I was giving in, losing the progress I'd suffered to make). Thank you!! And the best of luck with your next cut tomorrow. I sure understand what you’re saying about “strained relationships” – now that I’m seriously tapering, my friends (none of whom were victims of a “benzo doctor”) simply don’t understand – yes, they try, but it’s next to impossible to convey the dread and the misery we have with those tiny steps down – I swear I can just sense them thinking “Well, just quit!”

 

Diane, your commiseration concerning this drenching rainy spell and your compassion sure helped me too. Looks like the weather is not going to clear up in our region too much before the rains come again for three days in a row all too soon! It was gloomily gray and too cold this morning when I was ready to get back outside to work on the shed for the exercise and diversion – the temperature is STILL in the fifties and it’s 1:00 PM!! Now I just want to veg out as I’ve just taken my midday dose and eaten – and the Benadryl is still lingering (which is okay – at least my eyes aren't burning and coffee doesn’t sting my tongue today – but it doesn’t wake me up either!).

 

And Seasalt (Laurie?), you and Julia are absolutely right. I got too impatient and dosed down too much (but I’m not going to back up!).  I deeply feel Julia’s words: “This drug is so ruthless and does so many uncomfortable things to us.  It drives me crazy and it makes me so very angry!  We should have never had to go through this.”  Also, thanks for the reassuring commiseration about having had every symptom I’m having, too! Do I ever understand the anxiety, inner vibrations, adrenaline rushes (complete with hot flashes and tachycardia), and feeling out of breath! I’m so glad to read that your antigen is still in remission. I pray for all the best in the rest of your results. May those WBCs start multiplying, too!

 

Yes, this feels like virtual family here. Mothers, big sisters that I never had. I'm so grateful I have this virtual home to come to and share this experience no one else really understands!

 

Love and hugs to you all!

 

Dave

 

Dave it's good to hear you are feeling a little better today.  I know cold and gloomy sure doesn't help us any.  I love reading your posts I would love to be to able to write like you do.  😊

Hugs to you

[[Di...]]

Julia good luck with your cut tomorrow.  Hope you are feeling better today.  I'm waiting on the sun!

❤

[[se...]]

Hello again,

 

Thank you all for your well wishes.  Julia and I will both me making cuts tomorrow, it is nice knowing someone is cutting at the same time. 

 

Dave and Diane, holding has always helped me and when you cross the finish line you will be happy as it will be much less agony.  We are all making progress and in the end that is what matters.  Dave, reducing your doses is going to help so much, I am so happy you made the decision not to dose up. 

 

Today has been challenge.  I have been so caught up in my taper/symptoms/health issues I don’t think I realized what a toll this has taken on my husband.  I think for my entire marriage I focused on him and the family, I never once put myself first.  I try not to share with my husband when I am feeling poorly or suffering as it doesn’t help.  I think sometimes he sees me functional and does not realize the suffering I am enduring silently.  He has been drinking more and it worries me, this drug has taken so much from me, I hope it doesn’t end my marriage.

 

Tomorrow is a new day, I hope things improve.

 

Love to all... Laurie

[[Di...]]

Hello again,

 

Thank you all for your well wishes.  Julia and I will both me making cuts tomorrow, it is nice knowing someone is cutting at the same time. 

 

Dave and Diane, holding has always helped me and when you cross the finish line you will be happy as it will be much less agony.  We are all making progress and in the end that is what matters.  Dave, reducing your doses is going to help so much, I am so happy you made the decision not to dose up. 

 

Today has been challenge.  I have been so caught up in my taper/symptoms/health issues I don’t think I realized what a toll this has taken on my husband.  I think for my entire marriage I focused on him and the family, I never once put myself first.  I try not to share with my husband when I am feeling poorly or suffering as it doesn’t help.  I think sometimes he sees me functional and does not realize the suffering I am enduring silently.  He has been drinking more and it worries me, this drug has taken so much from me, I hope it doesn’t end my marriage.

 

Tomorrow is a new day, I hope things improve.

 

Love to all... Laurie

 

Laurie good luck with your cut tomorrow also. 

This is so hard sometimes we just don't think how it does affect our family.  I hope your husband will be ok and come through this stronger as I know you will.  I guess that I always thought I was superwoman then when Benzo hit I just crumbled. 

I did pretty well when I used the cut and hold until I realized that I had been going too fast so I slowed down then held for 10 weeks.  I'm trying the DLMT again  9 days tapering 3 days holding.  Seems like it doesn't matter what I try I can't avoid suffering I'm not one of those lucky people. 

Take care... praying for a better day tomorrow  for all of us.

Hugs ❤

[[to...]]

Julia good luck with your cut tomorrow.  Hope you are feeling better today.  I'm waiting on the sun!

❤

 

Hi Debbie,

Thank you so much my dear friend!  We are in this together!  I hope the sun comes out soon!!! 

 

I have felt better today!  Finally got over that overheated feeling!  Thank goodness.

 

Love and hugs,

 

Julia 

[[to...]]

Hi Dave,

I am so glad our responses and support helped you!  Just one day at a time.  We will get through this.  We teach each other every day that we can survive this horrible nightmare!  It is so hard but we keep going!

 

Take care and remember - we are all here and we are all fighting this together!

 

Julia 

[[to...]]

Hello again,

 

Thank you all for your well wishes.  Julia and I will both me making cuts tomorrow, it is nice knowing someone is cutting at the same time. 

 

Dave and Diane, holding has always helped me and when you cross the finish line you will be happy as it will be much less agony.  We are all making progress and in the end that is what matters.  Dave, reducing your doses is going to help so much, I am so happy you made the decision not to dose up. 

 

Today has been challenge.  I have been so caught up in my taper/symptoms/health issues I don’t think I realized what a toll this has taken on my husband.  I think for my entire marriage I focused on him and the family, I never once put myself first.  I try not to share with my husband when I am feeling poorly or suffering as it doesn’t help.  I think sometimes he sees me functional and does not realize the suffering I am enduring silently.  He has been drinking more and it worries me, this drug has taken so much from me, I hope it doesn’t end my marriage.

 

Tomorrow is a new day, I hope things improve.

 

Love to all... Laurie

 

Hi Laurie,

I agree - knowing you are cutting tomorrow helps me too.  I got out my pill box today as I do every Saturday and got my pills ready for the week.  It felt good cutting the dose of xanax even if it is only a small cut - that is how we get there - one cut at a time!

 

Laurie - I totally understand what you are going through - I have always been the one that took care of my husband and anything that needed to be done and I have prided myself on making myself still do the little things that he loves that I do even at my absolute worst times.  I will say that I used to try to keep him from knowing when I was having a really rough time or had new symptoms, trying to spare him, but it never has worked as he can just look at me and know something is wrong - he may not know what it is but he knows something is wrong with me.  So - I finally quite some time ago, just started telling him how I felt about what I was going through and how I felt and what was going on with me and it has helped so much.  He understands that this is horrible and he understands that there are going to be times when I just feel like crap and it may last for days or weeks.  What he can never understand is what is like for me to physically and emotionally go through this day in and day out because he has never had to endure such a nightmare.  He tells me that - he hates that I suffer from this and he hates to see me cry - which I do often.  But - he is my rock and he really is the only person I talk to anymore.  Sometimes I just vent and cry and he listens to me and lets me do what I need to do. 

I love and appreciate him so much, he has stood by me though this whole ordeal and there was a time before tapering started when we still did not know what was wrong with me, the cold turkey period, we thought I was dying and I was SO sick that he told me one day - "If you were not such a sweet and wonderful wife, I could not do this anymore"  That broke my heart!  I hated that he was suffering too.  My husband drinks too and there are days when he will say, I want to drink today and I will ask him why and he will say - "It is hard to deal with all you are going through".  I complain sometimes about the drinking but usually I just try to understand that he needs a release too.  They may not physically feel what we feel and go through the physical things we go through but they do go through their own hell.  I can not imagine what it must be like for our spouses to watch the one they love most suffer and can not do anything to fix it.  My husband was a Sargeant in the Army and he was used to fixing things and situations and he has said to me it really hurts him that he can not fix this! He tells me some days this just wears on him and is so frustrating.  He also tells me that I am doing great and he too sees the light at the end of this very long tunnel.

 

My suggestion would be to sit down with your husband and let him know just how hard it is for you and let him know that you know it is hard for him too.  It helps me when I do that with my husband and we usually have a nice long talk after I have vented and most times it turns out to be a special memory!  My husband is so supportive and encouraging.  He cuts my pills and some days when it is time to take my dose, he will remind me to take it if I have not done so already.  I will also say - my husband says to me alot , he will be glad when I am off this drug and have healed because he wants his wife back - maybe your husband feels the same. 

 

Maybe your husband is feeling helpless because he can not fix this for you!  Drinking is not the answer but it is hard on both sides of this nightmare.  You are so close to the end now.  Things will get better, I believe and have faith in that. 

 

I love you and will be thinking about you and praying for all of us. 

 

Good luck with your cut tomorrow - I know we will get through it.

 

Love and hugs,

 

Julia 

[[se...]]

Julia,

 

Thank you for your kind words.  What you have said really makes a lot of sense.  It has been a long journey and I’m sure he is at the end of his rope.  I’m am trying to be understanding, but it is difficult.  As you well know, there is never a day you can escape from this process.

 

Thank you for reminding me that our spouses are carrying so much in the process.  I hope today is better.

 

Good luck with your cut, I am hoping to get through another week!

 

Love you too...Laurie

[Guest [Ai...]]

Laurie and Julia,

 

All my best for your cuts today! May this cause you as little discomfort as possible - I hope the discomfort is so little that you hardly notice it this time. Wishing you lots of pleasant distractions.

 

You are so very lucky to still have your spouses - who sound like remarkably supportive, long-suffering spouses. It might be so much easier if mine were still alive. The aching memory of that loss certainly doesn't do me any good whatsoever, so I cannot go there. So except for all of you, my tapering is a very lonely task...nobody here to help or encourage me...nobody here to hug me...just an old cat who loves me.

 

Just always remember how blest you really are.

 

Dave

 

[[se...]]

Dave,

 

First let me say I am so sorry for your loss.  Thank you for reminding us how short life can be and to cherish what we have.  Even through these difficult times we are blessed.

 

Please know you are not alone, you have this virtual family that cares very much.  Please know you can always share anything, we agree here to support you no matter what.

 

I love my cat, sometimes they are the best companion as there is only unconditional love!

 

Best wishes for a great week, we are all winning the battle as we are getting closer with each week that passes.

 

Happy Memorial Day!  Next year we will celebrate our success.  Hugs

[Guest [Ai...]]

Dave,

 

First let me say I am so sorry for your loss.  Thank you for reminding us how short life can be and to cherish what we have.  Even through these difficult times we are blessed.

 

Please know you are not alone, you have this virtual family that cares very much.  Please know you can always share anything, we agree here to support you no matter what.

 

I love my cat, sometimes they are the best companion as there is only unconditional love!

 

Best wishes for a great week, we are all winning the battle as we are getting closer with each week that passes.

 

Happy Memorial Day!  Next year we will celebrate our success.  Hugs

 

Thank you for your comforting words, Laurie - you always say just the right things to soothe a person's heart. I appreciate so much being accepted into this virtual family - you keep me fighting the good fight to be free of this oppressive drug. Thinking of tomorrow, we are, in a way, fighting a war side by side, determined to come out of this struggle victorious.

 

 

[[se...]]

Lori,

 

I am so sorry to hear you are struggling and have had to make these difficult decisions while tapering.  I can totally understand why you would want to be done the taper before moving forward with a divorce.

 

Life has so many twists and turns and people change.  It completely broke my heart to hear you were in so much pain and your husband could not offer any compassion or support in that moment.  My mother died at 57, when she learned she only had months to live she had the same type of breakdown.  My father looked at her and told her to pull herself together.  I was so angry but finally realized he had no idea how to handle it, it did love her with all his heart and is still mourning her loss 15 years later.

 

Please know although you are feeling alone, we all understand and are here to support you.  You don’t not need to go through this alone.  You are soooo close to being done, I believe things will get so much better for you when this is over.

 

My heart goes out to you, I am so sorry things are so incredibly difficult.  From your posts I can tell you are a very strong person, you will get through this.    Please reach out as often as you need.

 

Hugs and prayers for you..

 

Laurie

[[ba...]]

Hi friends. I have been absent from this forum for a while and am way behind.

 

I just read the last 2 posts. It is my hope that the hurt feelings can be resolved.

 

Dave,  it is not fair to compare pain to pain. However, I appreciate you sharing your own family situation, it is important and good to express that trauma.

 

However, in future, please don't gaslight another members story. That is what you did. I feel like her post brought up your own pain, and I also suspect anger. However, your anger is for your family, and that's where it needs to be directed. The "tough love," is not appropriate when talking to someone about their pain. Tough love is when my mentally ill son starts using heroin and we stop helping him. Tough love is when Lori comes to the point where she sees the marital situation as something that is not healthy, and makes the hard decision to start the process of a divorce.

 

Tough love is never about feelings, it is about unhealthy and toxic behavior.

 

Take a breather. Know we all care for you. Also, understand that what you did was gaslighting, which is abusive. I know you never intended it to be that way, but I think your feelings got ahead of your post.  Pain can lead to some poor comments, albeit unintentional, and we understand that.

 

I am not attacking or dismissing your feelings, trauma, or experience. I am asking you to think about how you expressed your situation, and how your comparison and tough love comments were the opposite of helpful for both of you.

 

I know all of you are wise enough to correct this and work it out without my needed to get further involved.  Lets alter course now, and get back on track.

 

 

[[Di...]]

Lori I am so sorry you are struggling.  Praying your time at the beach with your family will help. 

Hugs ❤

[[to...]]

Julia,

 

Thank you for your kind words.  What you have said really makes a lot of sense.  It has been a long journey and I’m sure he is at the end of his rope.  I’m am trying to be understanding, but it is difficult.  As you well know, there is never a day you can escape from this process.

 

Thank you for reminding me that our spouses are carrying so much in the process.  I hope today is better.

 

Good luck with your cut, I am hoping to get through another week!

 

Love you too...Laurie

 

Hi Laurie,

I am so sorry that it has taken me so long to respond, had some things going on. 

 

I am glad that what I wrote helped you.  I hope things are better for you. 

 

I made my cut yesterday and so far doing ok.  How are you doing with your cut?  Good I hope. I am really hoping and praying that this cut will not affect me like ones have before.  I made a small cut of .0312.  I am actually at .5625 again and refuse to go up.  I messed up my pills and was in between 2 doses but have gotten it straightened out.

 

Take care and know you are in my thoughts and prayers.

 

Love,

Julia 

[[se...]]

Hello All,

 

I’m so sorry this thread has taken a turn, let’s try to put that behind us.  We are here to love and support one another and like most families, we have our occasional disagreements.  It’s just part of the

 

Had a heart to heart with my husband, I am happy to report we have resolved some issues and we are in a better place.  Thank you all for being supportive.

 

Marybeth, you have our support and prayers.  Everyone here is hoping for the best possible outcome.  Please continue to post and let us know how you are.  I think most of us here have been married for many years and fully understand the struggle of marriage.  The one thing I am sure of is that you deserve happiness and support from the people you love.  You will be crossing the finish line very soon in your taper.  Many, many hugs and prayers for you.

 

I hope you can forgive Dave for his post. He is clearly hurting and also needs support.

 

Julia, I made the cut and I am suffering with a terrible sore neck and muscle spasms in my lower legs (it’s so painful)!  Has anyone else experienced this?  It is definitely getting harder as I go.  So glad to hear you made the cut and are doing well.

 

Many hugs to all...