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Intrusive Memories/Nostalgia - 26 months


[Fr...]

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For anyone familiar with my benzo journey, intrusive memories have been one of my biggest symptoms. I had basically recovered from them last year, but unfortunately have been in a very bad wave since last month after an incident with alcohol. Lately though I have been feeling a little differently with this symptom, and it is a little concerning. In the beginning, this symptom was terrifying and it always came with great discomfort. Basically, I would experience the atmospheres of past points in my life...for example randomly feeling like I was at the beach as a kid while sitting in my room at night. I would also feel like it was summer in the middle of winter. It was sickly and disorienting.

 

I have found myself in this wave, though, finding great comfort almost in re-experiencing these feelings. I have found myself going through old photo albums and triggering old feelings and feeling almost euphoric about it. I guess it is just kind of an escape of my current reality, and that it may also be my brains way of taking me out of this current hell...but I am kind of scared that that might mean I am a little psychotic/delusional? I get scared that I am living too much in the past, and might slip into a fantasy world/reality of mine and go insane.

 

I don't think it's a good idea for me to dwell so much on the past being the dissociative person that I am, but my question is is it bad to enjoy these intrusive memories? Does liking it make me insane? It still causes me distress knowing how fucked up my brain is, as I am also experiencing severe, acute like derealization and mood swings right now as well. I just don't want to lose my grip on reality. I know and can separate these feelings from my current reality, and my reality checks are in good place, it is just very confusing. Thank you.

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  • 4 months later...

Hey Franklin, how are you doing right now? Do you still have these issues? Have they gotten better?

 

I am starting to have exactly what you describe here with feeling the atmosphere thingy etc. since a few days.

Am still tapering off from my addiction and it scares me because now I feel trapped.

 

Sorry you have to go through all of this!

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Hi guys/gals,

 

I think it's perfectly normal that you experience an array of symptoms since no one is immune to what I like to call "myriad of benzo symptoms". Any symptom can occur, at any stage.

 

My honest opinion is that you shouldn't be afraid of these intrusive thoughts, but not indulge in them too much. In case, they start to appear with greater frequency, make sure you consult with a doctor to get a professional opinion.

 

Depersonalization and intrusive thoughts are symptoms I've had in the past, and here's my opinion on the matter (the first one, at least): My thoughts on DR/DP

 

Intrusive thoughts may also be a sign of healing or recovery. Remember that your CNS is being repaired, and there's no telling which memories are first going to crop up. However, I believe it's always important to stay in the present, so I recommend that you let them fade in the background, and do anything you can to distract yourselves  :) Work, exercise, meditation, a movie, etc.

 

Hope this helps  :)

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I have these exact same feelings / thoughts daily! It's an escape for me.. a time in which I was both healthy and care free and seemingly worried about nothing.
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