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The thought patterns im having are just weird. I keep catching myself doing an action. Like ill be in the middle of walking and think. Wow, how am i walking? Then i proceed to move through existence like a floating orb. Losing track of time and space. Ill find myself just ending up in different parts of my parents house for no reason. Just standing there thinking, how did I walk here? Better yet, how do I move? I'll be frozen in place, thinking about the movement my leg needs to go through to propel me forward. These thoughts are getting louder and more persistent. Im feeling scared all the time. All i want to do is lay bed. But I have a need to to drink water just laying in bed. So i reach for my water bottle and think, how am i moving my arm? I dont think i can control it. But the water still gets to my mouth. Everything i do is a concious action. But sometimes I feel like i go too far into the fog and just time slip an hour or two into the future. Drenched in sweat, feeling really sleepy, ready to collapse. Everytime i come out, im like: what have I been doing for the past hour? I must be really out of it. Plus the intolerable motor movement issues. I woke up last night and was seeing double and felt confused and scared for the first time in a while. Dont know what to do. I keep asking my wife: "What if i get worse?" And she says, "Don't worry, it won't get worse." Probably because this is as bad as it gets. And other benzo buddies say this isnt permanent. Well its 15 months long. Thats for damn sure. And im much worse now than when i jumped. The trend line should be positive not negative. I mean i should be improving. Not having mental issues after 15 months. I havent had as many headaches lately. But my minds malfunctioning. I keep having these foggy delirium like spells. And movement is foreign and scary to me. Its like someone cranked the derealization knob up to 11, broke it off, and keeps hitting me in the face with it. I'm being abused by my own mind. People keep asking me what i feel like. I just say, try staying awake for a week and then you'll know.
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[56...]
I can relate to this. Like me It sounds like you suffer from DR/DP. I have this crazy intrusive thoughts. They are so scary.  I am soon 16 months off and feel so much worse than in acute phase. I got slammed by a brutal physical wave right before xms it lasted 6 weeks got a window after that with less symptoms lasted 14 days. This friday I got slammed again...now with a total mental breakdown. My DP went away in december and my dr became less severe. Now are both hell! Like this... I know I am home but my home looks so strange and unreal my thoughts are unreal  And these thoughts ...I can talk and the second after not remember if I said that...I have much deja vu. I am so afraid all the time for everything. For became insane end up in a psychward. End up insane and commit suicide. These are my scary thoughts I dont wanna die!  Fear and terror is present all the time. I like you are afraid of getting worse more sick...This has to pass. Other people heal why wont we? Take care//sun
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I had this as well in a horrible way, but I'm happy to admit that I go long periods without having this at all. These kinds of symptoms are much better at 22 months out, so it does get better. This is all normal for withdrawal, pay no attention to these thoughts.
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If it's any consolation, it's most probably memory issues combined with extreme anxiety. Both are extremely common in benzo WD if you think about it. I get the floaty feeling and deja vu when I have a migraine aura. The auras started in benzo WD, but they're definitely migraines.

 

I'm on a Facebook group for migraineurs and the symptoms people describe sound crazy, but have nothing to do with 'going crazy'. Many report hallucinations while they're going through an aura, but have not been diagnosed with schizo or psychosis because it's the aura producing these symptoms and there's no significant change for the worse during the years.

 

I've heard people talking about not seeing others' faces, hearing sounds, seeing everything turn very small or big, smelling things that aren't there, getting deja vu or jamais vu during a migraine. These are mostly perceptual disturbances + memory glitches (deja vu, jamais vu).

 

It's much more likely you'll develop symptoms of migraine during benzo WD (benzos control seizure activity in a brain) than losing your mind or falling into a full-blown psychosis. Of course, the latter can happen, but it's usually extreme cases where a person is CTd and this usually happens right after the CT.

 

If I may ask, how active are you? The reason I ask is because many people in benzo WD (including myself) can decondition their body by staying in bed for long periods of time. This can cause POTS-like symptoms. POTS is also notorious for causing DR/DP as the blood flow to the brain is disturbed.

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My headaches are actually going away. Along with my extreme dizzy spells. I just recently gained the ability to walk again. I move around the house some. Going outside into the neighborhood is extremely stimulating. Causes a waterfall of issues. Going anywhere further is out of the question.
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My headaches are actually going away. Along with my extreme dizzy spells. I just recently gained the ability to walk again. I move around the house some. Going outside into the neighborhood is extremely stimulating. Causes a waterfall of issues. Going anywhere further is out of the question.

 

The headaches going away is a very good sign. Over exercising is not a goal, but getting some exercise is good for healing. Just step by step and one day it won't feel as overstimulating as now.

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That’s some sick dissociation. This is how my dpdr manifests sometimes and it scares the sh*t out of me. It’s pretty much gone since seroquel. I call it psychotic dpdr
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I've experienced that sort of weird stuff too crescentlife. 

 

After we are completely healed we'll look back and just go WOW!  Not many people get to feel, see, hear that kinda stuff.  One of the small future benefits of having gone through this ordeal.  ;D

 

Dee

:smitten:

 

 

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[56...]

That’s some sick dissociation. This is how my dpdr manifests sometimes and it scares the sh*t out of me. It’s pretty much gone since seroquel. I call it psychotic dpdr

 

My dr dp was so insane that I ended up in a psych ward. My doc told me it was a psychosis and. put me on Seroquel and Zyprexa too. But it didn't helped me. I had severe dr dp. My dr became less intense and my dp stopped for 2 months in Decrmber 2018.  I got a wave for a week ago and severe dr dp again. It is a mess right now in my head. Like this I am home, I know I am but my home looks really strange. I am so disconnected from my body or mind. Horrible out of body experience. My thoughts keep telling me that I dont know who I am or where I am. I dont know how to eat because it feels like my mouth is missing. I dont know how to  talk or walk. I am trapped in my head. And these intrusive thoughts are crazy. I know this will pass again. But every day is a fight

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The thought patterns im having are just weird. I keep catching myself doing an action. Like ill be in the middle of walking and think. Wow, how am i walking? Then i proceed to move through existence like a floating orb. Losing track of time and space. Ill find myself just ending up in different parts of my parents house for no reason. Just standing there thinking, how did I walk here? Better yet, how do I move? I'll be frozen in place, thinking about the movement my leg needs to go through to propel me forward. These thoughts are getting louder and more persistent. Im feeling scared all the time. All i want to do is lay bed. But I have a need to to drink water just laying in bed. So i reach for my water bottle and think, how am i moving my arm? I dont think i can control it. But the water still gets to my mouth. Everything i do is a concious action. But sometimes I feel like i go too far into the fog and just time slip an hour or two into the future. Drenched in sweat, feeling really sleepy, ready to collapse. Everytime i come out, im like: what have I been doing for the past hour? I must be really out of it. Plus the intolerable motor movement issues. I woke up last night and was seeing double and felt confused and scared for the first time in a while. Dont know what to do. I keep asking my wife: "What if i get worse?" And she says, "Don't worry, it won't get worse." Probably because this is as bad as it gets. And other benzo buddies say this isnt permanent. Well its 15 months long. Thats for damn sure. And im much worse now than when i jumped. The trend line should be positive not negative. I mean i should be improving. Not having mental issues after 15 months. I havent had as many headaches lately. But my minds malfunctioning. I keep having these foggy delirium like spells. And movement is foreign and scary to me. Its like someone cranked the derealization knob up to 11, broke it off, and keeps hitting me in the face with it. I'm being abused by my own mind. People keep asking me what i feel like. I just say, try staying awake for a week and then you'll know.

 

You said that well -- that´s how I feel when the waves come -- like I´m being abused by my own mind.  The only way I could figure out how to say it last week was that I feel like my mind is a parasite that is sucking the life away from the rest of my body.

 

So sorry you are in that space.  Here for you.  Many hugs.

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That’s some sick dissociation. This is how my dpdr manifests sometimes and it scares the sh*t out of me. It’s pretty much gone since seroquel. I call it psychotic dpdr

 

Hi, Sunshine -- if you don´t mind sharing -- what dosage of Seroquel worked for you?

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[56...]

That’s some sick dissociation. This is how my dpdr manifests sometimes and it scares the sh*t out of me. It’s pretty much gone since seroquel. I call it psychotic dpdr

 

Hi, Sunshine -- if you don´t mind sharing -- what dosage of Seroquel worked for you?

 

I had also Seroquel

My dose was 600 mg/day

Now 150 mg as a mood stabilizer.

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That’s some sick dissociation. This is how my dpdr manifests sometimes and it scares the sh*t out of me. It’s pretty much gone since seroquel. I call it psychotic dpdr

 

Hi, Sunshine -- if you don´t mind sharing -- what dosage of Seroquel worked for you?

 

I had also Seroquel

My dose was 600 mg/day

Now 150 mg as a mood stabilizer.

 

Sundance, do you feel the seroquel has helped at all?  Any negative side affects?

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[56...]

That’s some sick dissociation. This is how my dpdr manifests sometimes and it scares the sh*t out of me. It’s pretty much gone since seroquel. I call it psychotic dpdr

 

Hi, Sunshine -- if you don´t mind sharing -- what dosage of Seroquel worked for you?

 

I had also Seroquel

My dose was 600 mg/day

Now 150 mg as a mood stabilizer.

 

Sundance, do you feel the seroquel has helped at all?  Any negative side affects?

No not at all. I still suffer from horrible dr dp. My depression is gone but I dont know if it is time that helped or the medicine.

Yes...side effects. I had put on a lot of weight. From 55 kg to 75 kg in 5 months and I dont eat much at all. No other side effects. I will stop taking them and start a taper. I have done that before and I didn't get any w/d symptoms.

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For how long have you been off?

I´m so sorry you are going through this, sundance <3

 

Did you have any pre-existing symptoms before the benzo?

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[56...]

For how long have you been off?

I´m so sorry you are going through this, sundance <3

 

Did you have any pre-existing symptoms before the benzo?

 

Off benzo 16 months. Still on 150 mg seroquel since october 2018. Was on 600 mg from august to october.

No I didn't had any symptoms before benzo. I was on paxil for a mild depression. Got horrible anxiety caused by Paxil. I wish I had knew what I know now what benzo does. I was put on Seroquel because my doc told me that my w/d had caused a psychosis. It was dr dp almost symptoms like during a psychosis. The only thing that was diffrent from a psychosis was my wearness in it. I knew this isn't " for real". But omg! My dp dr today is awful!!! I am so disconnected. Do you aldo suffer from dr dp?

 

In the case of de-personalization de-realization  syndrome, stress disorder-dissociative form, we understand that what we perceive as unreal is not that reality itself and / or that we ourselves have changed. Unlike psychosis and delusions, we understand that the condition is about our experience of reality and / or ourselves. We understand that feeling unreal or that reality does not seem real real is about something subjective

 

So it is a thin line between dr dp and psychosis

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For how long have you been off?

I´m so sorry you are going through this, sundance <3

 

Did you have any pre-existing symptoms before the benzo?

 

Off benzo 16 months. Still on 150 mg seroquel since october 2018. Was on 600 mg from august to october.

No I didn't had any symptoms before benzo. I was on paxil for a mild depression. Got horrible anxiety caused by Paxil. I wish I had knew what I know now what benzo does. I was put on Seroquel because my doc told me that my w/d had caused a psychosis. It was dr dp almost symptoms like during a psychosis. The only thing that was diffrent from a psychosis was my wearness in it. I knew this isn't " for real". But omg! My dp dr today is awful!!! I am so disconnected. Do you aldo suffer from dr dp?

 

In the case of de-personalization de-realization  syndrome, stress disorder-dissociative form, we understand that what we perceive as unreal is not that reality itself and / or that we ourselves have changed. Unlike psychosis and delusions, we understand that the condition is about our experience of reality and / or ourselves. We understand that feeling unreal or that reality does not seem real real is about something subjective

 

So it is a thin line between dr dp and psychosis

 

Yes I experience this a lot.  Thank you so much for explaining it.

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[56...]

This is really scary! Is this typical.

 

I guess it is common. I have had it since June. Off for one month now back even more intense. It feels like I am trapped iinside my head. Yes it is really awful and pure terror

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The thought patterns im having are just weird. I keep catching myself doing an action. Like ill be in the middle of walking and think. Wow, how am i walking? Then i proceed to move through existence like a floating orb. Losing track of time and space. Ill find myself just ending up in different parts of my parents house for no reason. Just standing there thinking, how did I walk here? Better yet, how do I move? I'll be frozen in place, thinking about the movement my leg needs to go through to propel me forward. These thoughts are getting louder and more persistent. Im feeling scared all the time. All i want to do is lay bed. But I have a need to to drink water just laying in bed. So i reach for my water bottle and think, how am i moving my arm? I dont think i can control it. But the water still gets to my mouth. Everything i do is a concious action. But sometimes I feel like i go too far into the fog and just time slip an hour or two into the future. Drenched in sweat, feeling really sleepy, ready to collapse. Everytime i come out, im like: what have I been doing for the past hour? I must be really out of it. Plus the intolerable motor movement issues. I woke up last night and was seeing double and felt confused and scared for the first time in a while. Dont know what to do. I keep asking my wife: "What if i get worse?" And she says, "Don't worry, it won't get worse." Probably because this is as bad as it gets. And other benzo buddies say this isnt permanent. Well its 15 months long. Thats for damn sure. And im much worse now than when i jumped. The trend line should be positive not negative. I mean i should be improving. Not having mental issues after 15 months. I havent had as many headaches lately. But my minds malfunctioning. I keep having these foggy delirium like spells. And movement is foreign and scary to me. Its like someone cranked the derealization knob up to 11, broke it off, and keeps hitting me in the face with it. I'm being abused by my own mind. People keep asking me what i feel like. I just say, try staying awake for a week and then you'll know.

 

i totally relate to this... it was real bad earlier on... now comes in spurts/waves.  Things like the fact we can walk absolutely freak me out, reality freaks me out.  It's not really a thought.. I'll get completely freaked TF out by a realization... like it will occur to me that I have arms and legs and I grow and I'll be like "aaaahhhh, that's so wierd!!!" and I'll want to run away from it but it's like I have no where to go to where I'll feel "safe".  It's truly insanity.  But I realize it's insanity so I guess I'm not insane? 

 

Anyway, you're not alone, and it's "normal for WD". 

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The thought patterns im having are just weird. I keep catching myself doing an action. Like ill be in the middle of walking and think. Wow, how am i walking? Then i proceed to move through existence like a floating orb. Losing track of time and space. Ill find myself just ending up in different parts of my parents house for no reason. Just standing there thinking, how did I walk here? Better yet, how do I move? I'll be frozen in place, thinking about the movement my leg needs to go through to propel me forward. These thoughts are getting louder and more persistent. Im feeling scared all the time. All i want to do is lay bed. But I have a need to to drink water just laying in bed. So i reach for my water bottle and think, how am i moving my arm? I dont think i can control it. But the water still gets to my mouth. Everything i do is a concious action. But sometimes I feel like i go too far into the fog and just time slip an hour or two into the future. Drenched in sweat, feeling really sleepy, ready to collapse. Everytime i come out, im like: what have I been doing for the past hour? I must be really out of it. Plus the intolerable motor movement issues. I woke up last night and was seeing double and felt confused and scared for the first time in a while. Dont know what to do. I keep asking my wife: "What if i get worse?" And she says, "Don't worry, it won't get worse." Probably because this is as bad as it gets. And other benzo buddies say this isnt permanent. Well its 15 months long. Thats for damn sure. And im much worse now than when i jumped. The trend line should be positive not negative. I mean i should be improving. Not having mental issues after 15 months. I havent had as many headaches lately. But my minds malfunctioning. I keep having these foggy delirium like spells. And movement is foreign and scary to me. Its like someone cranked the derealization knob up to 11, broke it off, and keeps hitting me in the face with it. I'm being abused by my own mind. People keep asking me what i feel like. I just say, try staying awake for a week and then you'll know.

 

i totally relate to this... it was real bad earlier on... now comes in spurts/waves.  Things like the fact we can walk absolutely freak me out, reality freaks me out.  It's not really a thought.. I'll get completely freaked TF out by a realization... like it will occur to me that I have arms and legs and I grow and I'll be like "aaaahhhh, that's so wierd!!!" and I'll want to run away from it but it's like I have no where to go to where I'll feel "safe".  It's truly insanity.  But I realize it's insanity so I guess I'm not insane? 

 

Anyway, you're not alone, and it's "normal for WD".

 

Ditto, buddy.

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The thought patterns im having are just weird. I keep catching myself doing an action. Like ill be in the middle of walking and think. Wow, how am i walking? Then i proceed to move through existence like a floating orb. Losing track of time and space. Ill find myself just ending up in different parts of my parents house for no reason. Just standing there thinking, how did I walk here? Better yet, how do I move? I'll be frozen in place, thinking about the movement my leg needs to go through to propel me forward. These thoughts are getting louder and more persistent. Im feeling scared all the time. All i want to do is lay bed. But I have a need to to drink water just laying in bed. So i reach for my water bottle and think, how am i moving my arm? I dont think i can control it. But the water still gets to my mouth. Everything i do is a concious action. But sometimes I feel like i go too far into the fog and just time slip an hour or two into the future. Drenched in sweat, feeling really sleepy, ready to collapse. Everytime i come out, im like: what have I been doing for the past hour? I must be really out of it. Plus the intolerable motor movement issues. I woke up last night and was seeing double and felt confused and scared for the first time in a while. Dont know what to do. I keep asking my wife: "What if i get worse?" And she says, "Don't worry, it won't get worse." Probably because this is as bad as it gets. And other benzo buddies say this isnt permanent. Well its 15 months long. Thats for damn sure. And im much worse now than when i jumped. The trend line should be positive not negative. I mean i should be improving. Not having mental issues after 15 months. I havent had as many headaches lately. But my minds malfunctioning. I keep having these foggy delirium like spells. And movement is foreign and scary to me. Its like someone cranked the derealization knob up to 11, broke it off, and keeps hitting me in the face with it. I'm being abused by my own mind. People keep asking me what i feel like. I just say, try staying awake for a week and then you'll know.

 

i totally relate to this... it was real bad earlier on... now comes in spurts/waves.  Things like the fact we can walk absolutely freak me out, reality freaks me out.  It's not really a thought.. I'll get completely freaked TF out by a realization... like it will occur to me that I have arms and legs and I grow and I'll be like "aaaahhhh, that's so wierd!!!" and I'll want to run away from it but it's like I have no where to go to where I'll feel "safe".  It's truly insanity.  But I realize it's insanity so I guess I'm not insane? 

 

Anyway, you're not alone, and it's "normal for WD".

 

Ditto, buddy.

 

Yes, happens here too...

 

And here's what Baylissa says about those 'crazy thoughts': https://baylissa.com/thoughts/  :thumbsup:

 

Hugs,

Julz

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My CBT counselor, and have read several articles referring to them as " junk thoughts " and common from the withdraw phase and after, as your brain begins to realign the correct chemistry. That said, your brain believes what it sees. Each time you have these, you should redirect your brain by explaining to yourself that they are a result of the withdraw and have no real meaning or connection. If you have negative thoughts these also are attached to your loss of control and frustration which is projected on the random things that pop out of your brain. I projected on things on the TV, music, my bedroom, and even disturbing even violent thoughts. All normal. Continued redirect will train your brain to discard the thoughts rather than making them real and adding more anxiety. They will go away I had them as well and now clear. Hang in there.
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These are called " junk thoughts " and common from the withdraw phase and after, as your brain begins to realign the correct chemistry. That sad, your brain believes what it sees. Each time you have these, you should redirect your brain by explaining to yourself that they are a result of the withdraw and have no real meaning. If you have negative thoughts these also are attached to your lose of control and frustration which is projected. Continued redirect will train your brain to discard the thoughts rather than making them real and adding more anxiety. They will go away I had them as well and now clear. Hang in there.

 

^^this. Need to try hard at positive thinking. It’s not just some eastern medicine mumjo jumbo, it’s science.

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So sorry for all your suffering. I can relate few months ago while i went for a walk i remembered that i felt like my legs were somehow not connected to my brain like i had to tell my brain to move my legs i had to concentrate and tell myself to put one leg in front of another. then i would also experience intrusive thoughts i would have weird picture images of people doing weird faces that were not normal and other intrustive thoughts as well very scary. in those moments you think you will stay that way forever but its just your body doing healing
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