Need your help again after my last cut has made symptoms extremely unbearable

[[ch...]]

 

My last cut off Valium was 4-5 days ago, dropping .1mg down to 2.3mg Valium. As per normal, the anxiety/fear terror has gone off the scales, but I do not want to up dose, as I am determined I have to get of this drug.

I am sure there are many who are struggling on the low doses and wondered what to do to help matters. I can feel positive one day then fear I can't and wont heal due to my age at almost 74. I sometimes even wonder if it's worth the struggle and go up to a higher dose that I ever was on to stabilise, but that would be stupid as the risk of falls and dementia are ever present if I stay on this drug.

I do not know why I have had such a terrible time for months, which is adding to the fear, and as I haven't many years left in me I don't want to continue to spend my days trapped in my bed.

I have been so badly effected, just want to get through this somehow, but the anxiety levels are just too much for me, along with the tinnitus and digestive issues, plus weight loss.

Any tips please apart from breathing tapping and meditation tapes. I don't want to give up, just get off this drug the Doctor should never have prescribed at my age, last year. If I had known I would never have taken it, but used natural methods. I  know I have asked before, but I am now so determined not to go back higher, and know I may need to hold a little while, just any good tips for an older lady to help save her from this hell place I am in now?

Anything at all to bring it down that worked for you?

Sorry to keep asking. Just a really bad day, and hoping it will ease, though it never leaves except when I sleep. The level it's at I feel like I will wont survive, not being young and fit.

Thank you mmy friends for reading this.

 

 

 

[[hi...]]

Hi Chinchuck, I have read many of your posts. I am in my sixties, and can totally relate to you. I can’t offer much advice, as I am feeling like you.  Hang in there!! We have to get to the other side!

[[ch...]]

Awww thank you HG . I am sorry you are struggling too. I don't understand why this happens. For many it's not really a major problem, but for the very few it's a real torment.

I see no other way than to keep going on, but I do wish there was something I could tolerate that would ease the journey. For almost any other drug there is something that will help. I am sorely tempted to go onto an antidepressant at this stage just to survive, but don't want to make things even worse than they are. So far I have not tolerated them, nor things like magnesium for some reason. I can't even take B complex as it ramps my anxiety up even higher if that is possible, and this stupid drug has taken my last bit of hearing I had and increased the tinnitus I had already, so now in major torment as that is all I can hear now.

Still there must be something to make things bearable to be free of the drug. All these lovely buddies, I am sure will help if they can.

[[de...]]

Hi chinchuck,

 

I can relate.  💕

 

I cut .25 v 3 weeks ago and am now on 1mg in my bed wondering how I am going to get food in as the cupboard is bare apart from a tin of something in the back of the cupboard that looks like dog food if the picture on the tin is anything to go by.  Have not showered in days.  Yes, tinnitus, Gi, and fear.

 

I think you have answered your own question chinchuck when you say you don't want to updose, nor do I, and I'm not going to as don't want to be trapped interminably.  I just endure it chinchuck.

 

Four-five days is not enough imo to stabilise, I'm feeling only slightly better since holding for 3 weeks and I'm going to continue to hold.  There really is no other way as far as I can see, either hold or updose.  There is no magic bullet. 

 

I try to meditate in my bed and visualise being healed when I am capable.

 

Wish I had more chinchuck, but I dont.  I'm just pressing on as onwards I must.  I'll be holding until I stabilise further.

 

I'll be 71 in March. 

 

Dee

 

 

 

 

[[ch...]]

Oh Dee. You always sound so positive on the hair loss weight loss thread. I read through but don't join in, even though I well qualify for both as I don't want to be a damp squib.

That's quite a jump you have made. No wonder you are struggling too. I guess I have been pushing on in recent time but only either .05 or .1mg at a time. I have been months trying to get off 4 mgs. I don't understand why some react this way. I cannot get my head around it. I hope you can contact someone to get some food in for you as I know you are a tiny thing, mind you so am I these days. My clothes look like those from the dress up box when a child. I don't want to get new as I don't want to stay this thin, or even thinner if you know what I mean.

I am having missed heartbeats all over the place as well as all the usual horrors, but now I cannot hear either. Just the roaring tinnitus. It has taken the last bit from me. I wish there was something that would bring it down a bit before it does more damage.

I have been drinking redbush tea. I wonder if that has made it worse? like a rebound thing, or is it just the last cut? I don't know, and don't know what to take to help. I am sorely tempted to have a tiny piece of mirtazapine that I have left over from last summer when I could no longer take it. Maybe a quarter will just knock me out for tonight, or is it a bad idea?  Thanks for replying. It's so kind. If you feel like this and sticking it out, then you are  so brave

 

[[de...]]

Oh chinchuck,

 

I'm not brave I'm just over it, and can't see any way forward other than to press on.  Sometimes feel that if I fall off the perch, so be it. 

 

I was feeling positive when communicating on "hairloss" thread chinchuck, but this last cut put me down like a mangy dog.  Maybe I will eat that tin of "Tom Piper", looks like dog food.  .  Am thinking about calling some community service to bring some food around, but feel embarressed.  After the pride comes the fall. Can't fall much further, and need to eat. 

 

One thing that carries me forward chinchuck is that I was more positive and stable when on 1.25mgs so stands to reason that the same will occur on 1mg.  Why don't you hold and wait it out?  Four-five days not long enough to stabilise imo.

 

It's crap, more than crap, I know, but what else can we do?  I don't think anything outside of time is going to help us.  Don't even know whether reinstating/updosing would help, but am certainly not opposed to it if completely unbearable.  Please don't think I haven't been tempted. 

 

I'm feeling a little improved since cutting 3 weeks ago, so I wait further.  And then I'll wait again if needed.  I think I'm in for a long wait.  Hope not, have a dream that things will be further improved in 10 days.  I'll see how I feel.  If I were to reinstate I would be completely disappointed. 

 

I can't see anything wrong in taking a little Mirt if it helps.  I tapered off Mirtazapine years ago, nothing like this, and that's for sure.  Was on 15mgs and tolerated it well, but now can't even take a paediatric dose (doctor prescribed paediatric) without it knocking me out completely.  Must have that "sensitivity" thing, idk.  Maybe just take a crumb and see how it goes? 

 

I wish I could help chinchuck, but all I have to offer is an understanding of how you might be feeling, and a personal view that there is no way 'round it but through it.  I wish it weren't so. 

 

Dee

 

 

 

[[ch...]]

Dee what a lovely caring person you are. Not sure you should  eat the dog food though, unless of course it's something else that just looks like dog food in which case then tuck in. You do need to eat for sure, and take any help you can get to provide yourself with something to eat. I at least have food here. I don't have a choice about what it is, but that's ok. I don't have a big appetite these days anyway. The weight loss is massive. My Doc showed me my weight graph, which looked like a gently incline down, then a cliff face drop to the bottom. Phew I wouldn't like to step off that cliff edge.. Mmm think I already did. It will come back I hope, just the shock to the system is so great I can't see it happening for a long time. Guess it's the same for you.

You have done so well to get down to 1mg. but I really am sorry you are suffering for it. If you feel anything like I have today then all I can say is you are amazing still keeping your sense of humour, and well done for getting down to 1mg. So near to getting off this terrible drug. Then the only way is up as the song goes. 

[[ea...]]

Chin,

I think you are a truly special person. Please don't ever give up. I really feel for you. Getting off benzos after age 60 IS harder, or so I think. I will turn 69 in March, God help me. How did I get to be this old, so quickly?

When I was a kid time crawled by. I was always waiting, waiting...and time did not seem to move at all. Now it flies by  - so fast it frightens me. I hope I take after my mother who lived to be 92. But I may not.

 

Chin, please hang in there. You do have friends and supporters here.

east (annie)

[[de...]]

It just looks like dog food chinchuck.    No, I can't face it, "Tom Piper", Braised Steak and Onions. IN A TIN!  Ugh!  I've lost heaps of weight too.  I'm skin and bone. 

 

I hope this passes for you soon chinchuck, and that you begin to stabilise.  Man, now I think I've got symptoms of heart attack.  The hypochondria had left when I was on 1.25, now it's back.  Can't figure that one out.  What drives the hypochondria?  Fear I suppose. 

 

Get well chinchuck.  Me too. 

 

Dee

 

 

[[Ca...]]

Hi Chinchuck,

 

I'm sorry you're having a hard time.

 

The only tip I have is about the weigthloss. I lost a lot of weight too. Lost about 20% of my weight in about 6 months and wasn't heavy to begin with. When I came close to being underweight (the weightloss didn't stop), I went to see a dietitian. Found out that I was malnourished and the symptoms being malnourished looked a lot like my benzo withdrawal symtoms. Being malnourished certainly does not help with benzowithdrawal. So I got medical food supplements. It's fluid and doesn't give you the feeling of a full stomic so you can add it to what you allready eat. 

 

First I stopped losing weight, then I gained weight. It really lifted up some symptomes I had.

 

Hope you'll feel better soon. And you too, Dee!

 

[[de...]]

Thanks Caren 💕

 

Dee

[[ch...]]

Sorry for the delay in replying. Time differences, so was very late here.

Thank you East for your kind thoughts. I am trying my hardest not to give up. I don't want to give up. I want my life back before I was given Valium last year. Unbelievable that a Dr would do that without some warning about them, and made worse by the CP nurse who absolutely insisted they were not addictive and to take the Valium. I was stupid enough to trust the medical profession and of an age taught not to challenge their word, but it has happened and I have the fight of my life going on.

Yes it does seem to be harder when getting on in years, my biggest fear being that I am too old for my body and brain to heal.

I have to try and stay positive and take it as slowly as I can, but keep moving down, never  up. I do get very frightened because of my age when degenerative things crop up but I need my life back and so I struggle on and turn to the good people here, maybe a bit to often. I do appreciate all your support.

[[ch...]]

Thank you Caren for the words of advice regarding weight loss and the connection with symptoms. I do feel that the damage done to my CNS has really messed with what I can eat, and what was once were the calming foods are now trigger foods for more panic and terror. This leads to being phobic about food as I try to avoid even more extreme fear. I am doing what I can now to eat more and hope I can stay stable at least. Maybe as my system heals then I can bring back those comfort foods that do add weight, and one day will help my mood again.

What a lot of destruction they have caused to my body. I did not feel old before this. I loved life and food. Just so wrong to prescribe to someone my age. I know there are many take then who are in my age bracket, but they have usually been taking them for years, but to start a regular prescription at my age is so wrong. Never mind I will have to carry on doing my best to put it right and hope all is well in the end.

[[ch...]]

Dee. I am so glad it's not dog food, but it doesn't sound to appetising anyway. Still needs must so if nothing else is available open the tin, close your eyes and imagine it's something else. Hope someone brings you some proper food in, and you can give them the dog food as a thank you.

 

 

[[Ca...]]

Dear Chinchuck, you're never too old to learn and never too old to heal!

Otherwise you would also have been too old to get dependent on valium  .

 

 

 

 

[[ch...]]

I used to think that Caren, but when it comes to being stuck on Valium I think I must have been to old already to have fallen for the advice given by my Doctor and the person I was passed on to. The nurse, who was overly fond of telling me that she knew best, that she had 20 years experience, and convinced those around me that it was true, that I could not be addicted, and it was all my obsession. I was too old because I did not go home and look it up before I put a pill in my mouth, more's the pity, but I hope you are right. I just want my life back. I cannot have many years even without this happening, but I don't want it ended because I  visited the Doctor, and made ill by it. A totally unnecessary illness I did not have before. I want the happy laughing, caring person back again. I just happened to have too much on my plate for many reasons and started with waking dread, and so the horror began. Maybe I will turn it into a film one day. Oh and ensure the actors resemble the Doctor and the nurse, No names mentioned of course. Now who could play me I wonder. Before this happened people said I was more a Brigitte Bardot before she stepped out of life in films, Now I think I am mmm let me see. No I cannot think of anyone who is thin and scaggy, maybe an escapee from a prison camp. Don't know of anyone like that. I hope I can fill out again. I look like a deflated balloon. Oh well. No one sees me anyway , thanks to the agoraphobia that Valium gave me.