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I’m worse than I was this time last year


[Su...]

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I’m becoming increasingly depressed and pessimistic about my so called healing. I can recall this time last year and I’m at least as bad, in fact probably worse now than I was then. Admittedly I’m in a horrible wave right now with even symptoms reappearing that I haven’t had for some time, DR/DP, bladder pain, urinary frequency, burning skin, plus my usual fatigue and anxiety. Even looking over the last few months I’m really no better than last year. That’s 12 full months of supposed healing and I don’t feel any better. Sorry for being so pessimistic, but I’m running very low on hope right now. I thought I would be well on my way to recovery by 19 months, but no such luck. I feel stuck.
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I can relate to feeling stuck, although I have noticed changes since last year I just feel this will go on and on and on, I'm feeling more depressed and hopeless about healing, well the healing time frame.  I am officially  protracted as of tomorrow and had high hopes I would be mostly functional by now, ha, not so!  I truly believe we will heal it just may take quite a bit longer than we had hoped.  I'm sorry you haven't noticed any signs of healing, that must be tough, Baylissa often says we are healing even if it doesn't  feel like it!
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Dear Sunshine,

I’m keeping a diary from day one of my taper. This helps me keep track of my symptoms, some are still here after one year, and some are new, but others have disappeared. This is a very difficult road, but in my case there was no choice, because I was having inter dose withdrawal, so it was either going up in doses or tapering. I wish I had never touched these pills, but it’s too late for looking back.

Presently I have constipaciones, tachycardia, and weight loss.

May we all heal in time.

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[9f...]

I am 15 months off. And I do noticed some improvement. My severe akathisia is gone compare to 2018 the same time. My cog function is much better I can listen to music again and watch TV. I can talk in phone and read a book or paper. In my early w/d I was afraid of my husband, I was afraid of be alone, go out. This is gone. Just small things but I got a brutal wave in December right before Xmas. It was almost like acute and I thought I was gonna die. It is over after 6 horrible hellish weeks. I do feel really bad but it is better than for a week ago. I had over 100 symptom in February 2018. Now a handful. I do think all the time "I have not healed anything at all" "this is worse" etc

But! I do heal. Really slow but I heal. My w/d takes babysteps. Little changes. It might feel much worse because I am so sick and tired of this and it had been like this a long time. If I didn't had my physical symptom this electric inner buzz would feel OK. Then I could go out to the gym. Go to shop or drive my car...I cant wait for this long lasting SX to stop!

 

II guess  healing takes a much longer time than I thought in the beginninh. I guess I will heal around 36-60 months to heal completely. But I just wanna feel OK! Maybe never ever gonna feel great. But OK is OK for me when sx is manageable...

 

I had a 2 week long window in may-2018 no sxs at all. It came back in june with dr and dp. My dp is gone and my dr is less intense.

 

 

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When I first stopped ct the gabapentin for months I couldn’t get out of the house, or out of bed, or eat at the table. I ate in bed, the little I ate,  I couldn’t read, or go to the movies, or watch television, except the silliest of series, all that is gone, but other symptoms followed, tachycardia, shallow breathing, constipation, very noticeable weight loss, etc. But I’m looking forward a life without Xanax, whatever it will bring, I want to feel happy, but I also want to experience sadness and most important I don’t want to take a pill to put up with difficult people or situations, I want to acknowledge what brings me peace and happiness and follow that path.

May we all heal in time.

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Thanks everyone for your replies. This just proceeds at an absolute snails pace, at 19 months off I really thought I’d be feeling considerably better, even if not 100% healed, but I’m not. I would really just like to see some improvements, maybe in the next 12 months things will start to improve
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