Hi...new member here

[[Mi...]]

Hi, I'd like to join to share my story....and get support. I've been on Xanax since 2008, I was put on it because of increasing tinnitus, but it made me feel so much better... happier.. sure of myself, almost bulletproof. Started at 0.25 mg and mostly kept it under 0.5 mg/day all these years. I'm 36 now. About three months ago I decided it's about time to stop being addicted so I started cutting it down and I'm currently at 0.25mg plus 1/8th x 0.25 mg... I'm swallowing crumbs basically The real challenge is to discover who I am without my little helpers.... let's see...

[[pi...]]

Hello Micamaca,

 

Welcome to Benzo Buddies and congratulations on deciding to taper off Xanax.  You know, that "bulletproof" feeling is likely not sustainable and with long term use of benzos many issues and problems can arise. Who will you be without your little helpers?  You will be a person no longer tethered to a prescription bottle, someone who is able to live their life without a medication that causes dependence, as well as other potential difficulties.

 

You are close to being off Xanax, good for you. Normally a slow taper is recommended to minimize withdrawal symptoms.  Generally a reduction of no more than 5-10% every 10-14 days is suggested. I'll give you a link to the General Taper Plans for additional information.

 

I'll also give you a link to the Ashton Manual, an excellent resource about these types of drugs and how to withdraw. It was written by Dr. Heather Ashton, an expert in the field.

 

We'll be here to support and encourage you in your journey to be benzo free. Please do ask questions, we're here to help.

 

General Taper Plans 

 

The Ashton Manual

 

pianogirl 

 

[[Mi...]]

Hi Pianogirl,

Thanks for the reply

 

Yes, I know the bulletproof feeling is unsustainable... it's just that when you've been anxious and overperfectionist and prone to panic attacks since childhood, a bit of fake self-assurance goes a long way    But if it comes in a package with those horrible early morning pre-dose jitters, and a constant nagging feeling that you're lying to the whole world and to people you are close with (fake close with? am I just deceiving them?), then no thanks...

 

I did try tapering a couple of times before, I read just about everything there is to read on the topic of xanax addiction and withdrawal, but none of my previous tapers lasted more than a couple of months. Bottom line is, I did not like the person I was becoming off my dose. This time I'm determined as something happened to me three months ago that made me realise my lack of inhibitions on xanax, which I had always perceived as an improvement over the "real" me, led me to behave in a way which I was not proud of. It also made me realise I never again wanted to have the advantage of (medicated) self-assuredness if that means me not being on an equal level to people I was interacting with. You need to be a nervous wreck sometimes, you know what I mean? Otherwise, what's the point of it all?

 

Well, there it is. I'm taking my taper really slow so I'm okay at the moment. I've never been on a dose this low in the past 8 years, I think 

 

I am aware there are people on this board who were on much higher doses and had bigger problems than me, so, hi to all, you are incredible and amazing for doing this! 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

[[pi...]]

Hi Pianogirl,

Thanks for the reply

 

Yes, I know the bulletproof feeling is unsustainable... it's just that when you've been anxious and overperfectionist and prone to panic attacks since childhood, a bit of fake self-assurance goes a long way    But if it comes in a package with those horrible early morning pre-dose jitters, and a constant nagging feeling that you're lying to the whole world and to people you are close with (fake close with? am I just deceiving them?), then no thanks...

 

I did try tapering a couple of times before, I read just about everything there is to read on the topic of xanax addiction and withdrawal, but none of my previous tapers lasted more than a couple of months. Bottom line is, I did not like the person I was becoming off my dose. This time I'm determined as something happened to me three months ago that made me realise my lack of inhibitions on xanax, which I had always perceived as an improvement over the "real" me, led me to behave in a way which I was not proud of. It also made me realise I never again wanted to have the advantage of (medicated) self-assuredness if that means me not being on an equal level to people I was interacting with. You need to be a nervous wreck sometimes, you know what I mean? Otherwise, what's the point of it all?

 

Well, there it is. I'm taking my taper really slow so I'm okay at the moment. I've never been on a dose this low in the past 8 years, I think 

 

I am aware there are people on this board who were on much higher doses and had bigger problems than me, so, hi to all, you are incredible and amazing for doing this! 

 

Exactly!!! It's funny how sometimes we become smarter once we realize the impact of these drugs on our delicate system.  I know it took a long time for me to get "smart", partially because I had no idea what type of drug I was taking.  I think it's perfectly OK to be a nervous wreck. As a pianist, I know the feeling very well because almost every performer has some form of performance anxiety.  Dealing with it minus drugs is the way to go IMO.  You are on the right track!

 

PG