Feeling very depressed and want to hide in my room, but can't!

[[Ka...]]

I'm down from 3mg to .25mg on my Klonopin, but still on 15mg Valium.  The goal is to get off the Klonopin. 

 

Today started out ok, but I got overly ambitious and decided to make all these Christmas cookies.  I live alone with my H and we can not work together in the kitchen.  In fact I really hate to cook, but for some reason felt I should. 

 

Well I shouldn't.  I spent all this money on ingredients and everything takes me 10X's longer then the normal person.  Maybe it's my ADHD or just me.  I did get a Rum Bundt cake made for my neighbor and the batter is all mixed and in the fridge to make the Mexican Wedding Cakes and Oreo/Cheese balls. 

 

I am now deeply depressed.  I asked my H to pick up some Wilton melts to decorate the Oreo balls and he acted like I was bugging him.  Also, my 19yo granddaughter was in the hospital Monday after an argument with her (now ex-boyfriend).  Her story is she called 911 from his house cause she didn't feel safe.  His is she called the 911 and said she was suicidal.  Ambulance came and she was taken to the hospital.  Released to my d after talking to a crisis worker, saw psych doc yesterday who increased her Zoloft.  The boyfriend is verbally abusive to her and this the 3rd time something like this has happened, except the last 2 times she came to our house.  We laid down the law and said she needed to end it and if she didn't don't call us again.  So she called 911.

 

We went thru all this with my youngest d when she was the same age so when I laid down all that and my hospitalizations 13 years ago kept going thru my mind.

 

So I flipped on my H when he criticized me.  He's left to pick up my gd who's going to spend the night and I'm not to bring up what happened.  I just feel totally depressed and want to go to bed.  I know some of this is the withdrawal, but I feel guilty for feeling this way.  BUT, I haven't reached for more Valium thank goodness. 

 

Maybe I'll just crash for tonight in front of the TV.  The dough for the cookies should still be good until tomorrow. 

 

Just had to write this somewhere as the depression was so overwhelming.

 

Thanks for listening.

Kass

[[so...]]

Tough day Mass. I hope tomorrow will be more peaceful for you.

[[so...]]

Bloody spell correct! Kass!

[[Ka...]]

Feeling better.  Still a little depressed, but not as bad.  H and gd came home and H picked up what I needed.  I put on a cute Netflix movie called "Angie in the House" and it really lifted my spirits.  Made half of the wedding cake cookies and will do the rest when I get to them.  The dough was delicious.

 

Still plan to veg the rest of the night and go to bed early.  Why did I put more Christmas chaos on my plate.  I had almost everything wrapped and now have to do more as every time I go out I picked out something else. 

 

OK, vent over.  Thanks for listening.

 

Granddaughter's mood seems good and I haven't asked her anything about the boyfriend incident.  I guess if she wants to tell me I'll be here to listen.  Thank God I don't have to go thru this again with my kids as going thru it with my daughter contributed to my breakdown.

 

OK, Vent is now truly over.

 

Kass

[[jr...]]

Feeling better.  Still a little depressed, but not as bad.  H and gd came home and H picked up what I needed.  I put on a cute Netflix movie called "Angie in the House" and it really lifted my spirits.  Made half of the wedding cake cookies and will do the rest when I get to them.  The dough was delicious.

 

Still plan to veg the rest of the night and go to bed early.  Why did I put more Christmas chaos on my plate.  I had almost everything wrapped and now have to do more as every time I go out I picked out something else. 

 

OK, vent over.  Thanks for listening.

 

Granddaughter's mood seems good and I haven't asked her anything about the boyfriend incident.  I guess if she wants to tell me I'll be here to listen.  Thank God I don't have to go thru this again with my kids as going thru it with my daughter contributed to my breakdown.

 

OK, Vent is now truly over.

 

Kass

 

Hey Kassidy, if getting rid of some of those cakes and cookies will make you feel better, I will send you my address!

[[Ka...]]

Had to give you an update.  1st 19yo granddaughter told us her boyfriend broke up with her while at his house.  She had a meltdown and had a handful of Tylenol in her hand threatening take them, called 911, who called the police, who came and called an ambulance and took her to ER.  Called parents.  Crisis worker evaluated her and she was released to go home.  Hopefully she is thru with this loser.

 

I ended up sending the Oreo Christmas cookie dough home to them as my d also has 3 younger kids and now they are going to make these for Santa tonight so it all worked out.  I made the Oreo dough into balls, froze them so all she has to do is dip them in the chocolate and kids can decorate with the $$$ of decorations I purchased.  But they will enjoy doing this a lot more them I would. 

 

Now everything is done except to write clues for my 12yo grandson's Chicago Cubs World Series baseball I got him.  He went downtown to the big celebration.  For those who don't know the team had been cursed and hadn't won in 108 years so a very big deal.

 

Yesterday saw my psych doc and got the results of my GeneSight test which I posted about under General topics.  Two more weeks and I'm off the Klonopin so a little nervous, but excited.

 

Today will be spent cleaning as the family will be over tomorrow at 4pm for presents and dinner.  So all in all doing much much better, although right now I'm sitting here at 9am and trying to get my butt up and moving.  Get up Kass, get your butt up!!!

 

Merry Christmas to all who are struggling and Huggs to you.  Know that the bad feelings do pass and it will get better.  At least in this moment I can say that so I can come back here next time I feel down and need a lift.

 

Kass

[[me...]]

WOw, what a day, glad things are looking up! I'm totally stressed out about Christmas stuff, every little thing is pushing my buttons, should be wrapping etc... right now, but I just hate it! Wish it would just go away...

[[ho...]]

As I'm reading this I'm wishing and hoping for a place to do that a home rather than my parents