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Today is my 5th -month benzo free ! Need help


[ki...]

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But right now I think there is no end to this horror, actually, the last wave that hit me was of the worst kind. In a psychological way was so hard to cope with. In some moments I have lost my hope of being able to go through this anymore. Constantly my mind was playing with me in some sick and very dark way. I am aware of fact that everything I was doing in those moments was wrong. While trying to reassure myself that there is a better future and  that brighter days are in front of me just waiting, actually I was just trying to create that better future in my broken mind which was the big mistake. Always end up ruminating with final conclusion who am I kidding , there is no bright future for me! Basically, that is the game I am playing all the time and it seems like there is no end to it , really don't know why I always end up playing this sick game ... It,s so exhausting and the fact that I am not able to end this circle is killing me.

Please help with some advice how could this be managed.

Sorry for my English!       

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I had this really bad too in my WD. It can be debilitating. They are dark, negative looping thoughts that left unchecked will run 24/7. There is no button you can push to make it stop, but there are ways to combat it.

 

Distraction is huge. I would go and clean my bathrooms and vacuum and do whatever I could to get my mind occupied with something good and worthwhile.

 

I also reminded myself everyday that it was all from the WD from the Klonopin and that it WOULD eventually pass in time. These are just symptoms of WD and will go away in time. I also would do things that I really didn't feel like doing, like going to the store, shopping, running errands. I couldn't do these things all the time, but as often as I could I would push myself to do something constructive. That seemed to help me not feel so helpless and wasted. You will be surprised at what you can actually accomplish in WD.

 

Just remember that most of the thoughts you are having right now are not true. Focus your thoughts if you can on recovery and try to see yourself getting better. Think about the good things you are going to do again when you are well.

 

This is a long drawn out process. We have to accept that. It's a nasty storm we have to ride out. You're going to recover fully in time! Try to be patient and focus on positive things when you can. Praying through this whole ordeal was what got me through. Be well.

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I am approaching 6 months, one more week then I reach 6th month. Month 5 was my worst. I think a lot of people suffer in month 5. For the last few days I am more positive about healing and actually feel happy and peace that I have never felt for a long time, even while I was on benzo.  I think month 6 will be a big corner turn for all of us. Hang in there, it will get better.

 

Tracy

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Actually just entered 6th month, what I meant to say is that just finished 5 months of the battle.

To be honest, I feel a loot of improvement but the last wave was so horrible and psycho side was  worst. Is it possible that all of a sudden

became the main problem ,  or it could be that  I just started to notice it when other symptoms subsided???

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Actually just entered 6th month, what I meant to say is that just finished 5 months of the battle.

To be honest, I feel a loot of improvement but the last wave was so horrible and psycho side was  worst. Is it possible that all of a sudden

became the main problem ,  or it could be that  I just started to notice it when other symptoms subsided???

 

I think if we get to month 6th, we are probably over the acute phase...( I hope), my last wave was a very horrible one too...that I had to get off work for 1 week...This is very unpredictable, but I heard the farther out the better....we can do this :)

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I had this really bad too in my WD. It can be debilitating. They are dark, negative looping thoughts that left unchecked will run 24/7. There is no button you can push to make it stop, but there are ways to combat it.

 

Distraction is huge. I would go and clean my bathrooms and vacuum and do whatever I could to get my mind occupied with something good and worthwhile.

 

I also reminded myself everyday that it was all from the WD from the Klonopin and that it WOULD eventually pass in time. These are just symptoms of WD and will go away in time. I also would do things that I really didn't feel like doing, like going to the store, shopping, running errands. I couldn't do these things all the time, but as often as I could I would push myself to do something constructive. That seemed to help me not feel so helpless and wasted. You will be surprised at what you can actually accomplish in WD.

 

Just remember that most of the thoughts you are having right now are not true. Focus your thoughts if you can on recovery and try to see yourself getting better. Think about the good things you are going to do again when you are well.

 

This is a long drawn out process. We have to accept that. It's a nasty storm we have to ride out. You're going to recover fully in time! Try to be patient and focus on positive things when you can. Praying through this whole ordeal was what got me through. Be well.

 

When did your thoughts end and return to normal? I have this aswell. I've just reached the 6 month mark as well!

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First half of  the 5th month was so positive. I was able to feel improvement and to convince myself that there is just a little bit toward the light at the and of a tunnel. But o my was I wrong. That was just a sign that the battle is just about to start , warm up is finished and marathon can begin. There is no rush in this race, only good tactics and patients can win. My first mistake was tapering, to be precise haven't done any.C/T!!! Found this community too late and decided to proceed! Reinstatement was never the option for me and it will never be. We all must stay strong and keep up with this fight because it is the fight for our life!!!       
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I'm still in my fifth month and I've noticed my physical symptoms have faded a lot with the exception of periods of a few days of insomnia kicking up again that makes everything else worse. But the adrenaline surges in the morning are there and situational anxiety is pretty bad and the depression, oh my.... telling me this will never end.. telling me I'll never have a normal social life again or be successful at work again because I'm clearly a piece of crap and can't manage my own life and don't deserve it. I try to ID these depressive thoughts and see them for what they are but on a bad day I buy them. Mindfulness and journaling and talking to others helps. Hang in there!!

 

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Shamo3, My negative thoughts have not completely gone away. They are much better than they were and I had really bad looping negative thoughts constantly. I have not had any breakthrough moments in healing, but rather it's been just a slow and gradual climb upwards. On the average I'm about 75% better. I still get negative thoughts and ideas but I'm much more aware of them and get rid of them much more quickly now. With each passing month it gets easier to deal with them.

 

Distracting and staying active, doing constructive things and keeping my mind occupied with good positive thinking is what helped me the most. It's not a cure all, rather it's a coping mechanism. And there were many times in my WD that I couldn't do anything about the negative looping thoughts, they just kept rolling. They are a symptom of WD and will progressively improve with time. Most of the time all you can do is just hang in there.

 

At 6 months the worst is behind you now. Just keep looking forward to good health. Be well mate.

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rj9 could you tell us more about your progress. Have you ever had major break thru, and when was that ?

I now that lot of people are saying that month 6 was the time of big improvement. Actually I just need to

hear more positive words from positive people. 

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Kilo, Not everyone heals the same or at the same rate. So don't get disappointed if someone else breaks through at a certain month and you don't. Take the time frames you hear about and understand that they are general time lines that may or may not be your time line. For instance I had a friend who recovered from Klonopin in 9 months, so that was the time line I set for myself and then I watched 9 months come and go right by. So take it with a grain of salt when you here of timelines, it could come quicker for you or later.

 

I hit acute at 3.5 months and that lasted for about 3 weeks and it was brutal. From month 4-8 I didn't see much if any improvement, but then in my 9th month I actually felt some improvement. Now at 15.5 months I'm doing much better and still improving with each passing month. I never had any big breakthroughs or windows, just a slow steady climb up.

 

You will recover, it just takes time. You may turn a corner real soon and I hope you do, but it may also take some time. I don't mean to discourage you or anyone reading this, but the truth is that you need to be prepared for a long road ahead of you.

 

 

Know that everyday you are healing if you can feel it or not. You will see improvements and use them to keep yourself encouraged. After 6 month's I was slightly better than when I was in acute, but I felt horrible and kept telling my wife when I was in that rough place, "the worst is behind me now", and that encouraged me to keep looking forward.

 

Try to take care of yourself. Rest when you need to and get up and do something when you need to. You will get better. Accept where you are at and be very patient with the process, it is a very slow moving storm, but it does pass and it will pass for everyone of us.

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Thank you for posting this.  Yesterday (and for 2 days prior) I thought I was heading for destruction, that it was my destiny to be in pain and fear, and, at the same time, tried to to everyting to distract and hide and cope in the hoping that I'd get some release.  And the relase came today, where I had a beautiful normal day and my physical and mental symptoms just, well, disappeared.

 

I felt I was almost healed at end of month 4, and had a pretty challening month 5, and, by the time I hit 6 months (Dec 12th) I finally had toadmit to myself that healing is kind of circular and I am not trying not to look forward to 'timeline dates', because I so risk disappointment.  I really thought withdrawal was going to be 'cut and dry'; 'hell then heaven';  now it's just like a slow roller-coaster where I need to hang on during the upside down bits, and breathe a sigh of relief when I'm going downhill;  one day I will find myself back on the ground.  In the meantime, I'll take what i can (I just had a great sleep last night that was totally unexpected).....  It may be that I never fully fully fully recover and that's okay;  as long as I get to be 90% functional I'll be celebrating, and, I am definitely more functional than I was in Month 1 and 2 (nowhere near 90% yet), despite there being some very scary waves still.

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I am near to 10 months out. Totally different from the first 5 months - so there is hope.

The spiraling in my head still gets me one time in a week at least, but I just let it flow while I am doing other stuff or I distract. Very often I just give in, surrender and accept. Thats not funny but I have no other option. Time is definatly the only thing that brings me forward. So I stopped thinking about what is going on, was going on - at least I try to.

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I am about the same time out as you and up till today have felt totally hopeless...everyday the same bleak depression, no end in sight day after day could barely get up. Today for the first time I was able to wake up and not feel that staggering depression....no warning, just woke up feeling a bit better. I have not been able to even go to the mall for months, or shopping or much of anything else beside the absolute necessities. Today I went to the mall and walked around for about an hour and felt like my normal self. I could not believe it. Not sure if it will last, but at least I got a "window" of seeing it is possible for my brain to fix itself with time. Don't stop believing this will happen...I stopped and look what happened. Keep your faith, you are still early out with this. Supposedly 6 months to a year is normal, so don't panic. Hope this helps a bit.
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I am about the same time out as you and up till today have felt totally hopeless...everyday the same bleak depression, no end in sight day after day could barely get up. Today for the first time I was able to wake up and not feel that staggering depression....no warning, just woke up feeling a bit better. I have not been able to even go to the mall for months, or shopping or much of anything else beside the absolute necessities. Today I went to the mall and walked around for about an hour and felt like my normal self. I could not believe it. Not sure if it will last, but at least I got a "window" of seeing it is possible for my brain to fix itself with time. Don't stop believing this will happen...I stopped and look what happened. Keep your faith, you are still early out with this. Supposedly 6 months to a year is normal, so don't panic. Hope this helps a bit.

 

YAY -Congratulations AngelWillie  :angel: I remember that happening, and still, every day I have a good day, I wonder whether I've made the whole thing up, but then another physical or mental symptom happens, and I'm reminded that it too will pass.  Well done you and great to hear you enjoyed the celebration and took it for what it was - a blessed window;  I hope they increase and increase until life is just a beautiful window with no wave  :thumbsup:

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Yesterday was a  really great day.all day I really enjoyed taking part in real life.I was out shopping and calm without worries enjoyed a nice walk through the streets of the city. To be honest I felt a little weird like I was there for the first time in my life, like a total stranger but this time it didn't affect me so much. This morning at 4:30  gates of hell opened, my crazy thoughts started to hunt me relentlessly. I have a feeling that I lost grip on reality, dp/dr is some serious stuff. Just wondering when it is going to subside and go away. This craziness started to affect me in my 4th month and seems to be the only symptom that does not subside in the contrary feels like it is getting worst or is it that  I am just losing the ability to cope with it anymore.
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It's just another sign that this thing is ups and downs from day to day....one day good, next not so good, but it shows that there is hope and that is what keeps us going. Thank God you have a good day here and there cause it helps you continue on. Just try to be grateful you have a view into how things can and will be again eventually if you just ride it out. Of course, we have no choice but to do this. You are seeing the mental stuff more because the physical stuff is subsiding slowly and so now you are noticing the mental more..this is a good thing, I mean that the physical is going away. That means the mental stuff will leave, too. I hear that is one of the later things to improve. It hangs around longer than the physical stuff, and as i said, you are still pretty early on, even though it does not seem like it. I had my second day in a row of feeling less depressed and I am so freaking happy. Did not expect it, like I said, just woke up and felt better, twice now, so that must mean something. Just to know it is possible makes me now know I will heal. Before i was not so sure, but this proves it, right?
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Only minor stuff like burning in the back of my head remained from all those nasty physical sxs. And yes tinnitus, or simply I just started to notice it. It's not bothering me much. But this false ideation dp/dr or OCD is persistent as hell, do not have any more ideas how to fight these unhealthy mental activities. I am left only with hope that it is going to subside and that this nightmare will be over soon, we all have to be positive and to look at the bright side
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Thanks, guys, rj... it helps me to read your posts because I'm going through the same thing struggling with the mental and emotional symptoms. Just plagued by negative emotions lately, trying to remember to see them as just another symptom but it's hard. The good days are so helpful though, remembering what we're fighting for, I guess.
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I am in month 20 and indeed there doesn't seem to come an end to this horror, I am starting to think that this meds damaged the brain irreversibly !
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Kilo, I'm going through the same scenario as you at the moment and it's exhausting to be sure.  I've read countless posts on this site and others and there is nothing about these symptoms that isn't accounted for by many other individuals.  Having said that, it's important to realize that doubt is also a huge component of this magnified negativity.  I find myself able to rationalize the fear and anxiety but then doubt myself and the loop begins again.  This is undoubtedly the roughest experience I've been through in my life and really what is keeping me going right now is hearing how many people have suffered through these same thoughts and how much better things have since turned out.  For you and anyone else suffering with these maddening thoughts, they will eventually be gone and doubting that is part of the process.  :smitten:
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