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Crazy visual symptom. Please reassure me I'm not losing it.


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Hi Buddies,

 

So, I'll do my best to explain this symptom. It happens when trying to watch a movie or looking at an ambiguous/scary image.

 

For instance, I tried to watch this season of Westworld, but the crazy imagery/plot twists/existential ideas LITERALLY gave me panic attacks.

 

Also, there is a street pole sign around my town of some type of shark but it's head is all photoshopped to be just rows and rows of teeth to look like something out of Hell or something pure evil. It FREAKS me out. I can't look at it when I'm out walking or I start to panic.

 

Also, when the mediation teachings I'm reading dip into existential territory (different universes/timelines) I panic. I just panicked writing it! It's like my brain goes looking for a way to reason with ideas that are unreasonable and when it can't come up with anything, it begins to panic.

 

 

Ohhhhh brother  :-\ I'm broken.

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I managed to enjoy Westworld, it was pretty much the only TV series that didn't profoundly disturb me, lol.

 

I know EXACTLY what you mean though. My S/O is totally obsessed with Walking Dead. I used to love that show, and when they introduced Negan and his awesome one liners for this season, it kinda renewed my dwindling interest in it. I was alright with it when I was on Benzos (of course lol), but it's probably going to have to be one of the things WD has forced me to give up because I just can't deal with the imagery in it now and the plot has changed to a more desperate 'human' one if you get me. It used to be more about avoiding/destroying zombies, and I can just about deal with zombie deaths lol. Now the sense of utter despair in it, and the theme of death just really resonates with me, is just too much.

 

I don't know what I'd call this sx either. I have physical visual sxs like visual snow and 'stuck images', but this is more of a mind trick one. I can do weird/alternate universes/time travel etc but I can't deal with graphic depictions of suffering and death.   

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I know what you mean about death having more affect now. It strikes me more heavily than it used to as well. I had to stop watching The Walking Dead because my nervous system just can't handle it and my visual issues make the zombies look even freakier!

 

I'm guessing the visual symptoms are caused by derealization/depersonalization. When the whole world just seems off somehow, and then you try to look at zombies on TV, or freaky pictures or anything 'shocking' it's not a good combination  :idiot:

 

 

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Yeah, I know what you're talking about my brain seems to turn a lot of things into pure evil and hard to deal with because it causes too much anxiety and panic.
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I am unable to look at evil/graphic images too.  If something pops up on the tv, I quickly look away.  This has gotten a bit better with time as it was horribly bad in the beginning, but its still bad.  I have very grotesque nightmares, still.  Thank goodness those are less often now.  When does this nightmare end for us??  My symptoms are horrible for nearly 3 weeks now.  My body is on fire and my adrenaline rushes and jolts at night are terrible.  I'm back to how horrible things were in month 9-10.  Is anyone else going backwards?
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I am unable to look at evil/graphic images too.  If something pops up on the tv, I quickly look away.  This has gotten a bit better with time as it was horribly bad in the beginning, but its still bad.  I have very grotesque nightmares, still.  Thank goodness those are less often now.  When does this nightmare end for us??  My symptoms are horrible for nearly 3 weeks now.  My body is on fire and my adrenaline rushes and jolts at night are terrible.  I'm back to how horrible things were in month 9-10.  Is anyone else going backwards?

 

I felt like I was going backward about two weeks ago. I spend 6 days in agony, but it lifted. My brain is currently experiencing LOTS of DP/DR though.

 

For me it feels like one step forward, two steps back. Then two steps forward, one step back. All the while slow, slow, oh-so-slowly, getting better.

 

Frustrating, I tell ya!  :-\

 

Hang in there Sleepless. We've both come a LONG way. We'll get there  :mybuddy:

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Me too.  I was starting to celebrate feeling pretty, well, 60% functioning, then sleeping turned for the worse, gut issues worsened, and burning skin returned after almost 2 months free of it.  I'm trying to investigate what I'm doing differently.  I have stopped the 'domperidone' (to help somtach motility) after getting vertigo, so my gut may be more sluggish (which has always contributed to burning face/head), and I'm also trying to cut down on omeprazole,  which withdrawal catches me two weeks later with a punch.    Some days there just isn't much rhyme nor reason, but I keep telling myself I'm healing and it's happening.....then I think I've figured out what's causing the current symptom, then loose it again.    My body is like a newborn baby;  I can't count on any pattern, and as soon as I think I have a pattern, the pattern changes.  Hugs n blessings to all - feeling grateful we have each other's knowledge, and sorry for those who don't.       
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This is some crazy stuff.

 

The wife and I love watching the occasional anime and we recently started watching Hunter x Hunter.

 

Towards the second season of that show it gets a lot darker in tone and I just lost it during one of the episodes. I had to stop watching and sat in the living room for about an hour trying not to have a panic attack!!  :D

 

You think you know all the WD symptoms and get surprised by stuff like this all the time.

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My eyes were blurry, and anything I looked at seemed to "morph" into other things (usually scary things).  Weird looking faces, or even strange patterns on the walls tended to morph into creepy images.  About 2 weeks ago (3 weeks after jumping) my eyes just suddenly cleared up.  I was sitting in the bathtub, and something felt like it snapped on my head.  My first thought was "great, now what?"  (At this point I had already reached the conclusion that there was almost nothing left that could surprise me).  Then I was upset because the walls looked different. Suddenly I was happy because "different" in this case meant back to normal.  I haven't had any more issues with my eyes since then.  It is still weird that when I look up at the ceiling (which has a swirl pattern) it doesn't morph into things.  This will go away.  Until then, stick with sitcoms and comedies on TV.  Good luck.

 

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thank you Dolphinator78 and benzoejoe123 for making me laugh Out Loud!!  I have had to try to keep away from anything invoking evil thoughts, I tend not to read the news, and am acting like a hippie reborn, with my talk of love love love to everyone and anyone, to try to keep myself in a pure n loving zone  :angel:  I did try to explain to my son what 'intrusive thoughts' I had and how I tried to banish them  >:D, but I saw the look of horror in his eyes and have kept that discussion to 'inhouse' aka @ Benzo-Buddies.  It was a real blessing to read that 'intrusive thoughts' were part of WD!!
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Hi Buddies,

 

So, I'll do my best to explain this symptom. It happens when trying to watch a movie or looking at an ambiguous/scary image.

 

For instance, I tried to watch this season of Westworld, but the crazy imagery/plot twists/existential ideas LITERALLY gave me panic attacks.

 

Also, there is a street pole sign around my town of some type of shark but it's head is all photoshopped to be just rows and rows of teeth to look like something out of Hell or something pure evil. It FREAKS me out. I can't look at it when I'm out walking or I start to panic.

 

Also, when the mediation teachings I'm reading dip into existential territory (different universes/timelines) I panic. I just panicked writing it! It's like my brain goes looking for a way to reason with ideas that are unreasonable and when it can't come up with anything, it begins to panic.

 

 

Ohhhhh brother  :-\ I'm broken.

 

Trust me, this will ALL go away. One of my favorite shows is The Wire. I couldn't watch a single episode during withdrawal and recovery. Due to the violence. When I watch it now I laugh at how scared I was of nothing. So just stay away from those kind of shows for now, and when you're ready, you'll know.

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My eyes were blurry, and anything I looked at seemed to "morph" into other things (usually scary things).  Weird looking faces, or even strange patterns on the walls tended to morph into creepy images.  About 2 weeks ago (3 weeks after jumping) my eyes just suddenly cleared up.  I was sitting in the bathtub, and something felt like it snapped on my head.  My first thought was "great, now what?"  (At this point I had already reached the conclusion that there was almost nothing left that could surprise me).  Then I was upset because the walls looked different. Suddenly I was happy because "different" in this case meant back to normal.  I haven't had any more issues with my eyes since then.  It is still weird that when I look up at the ceiling (which has a swirl pattern) it doesn't morph into things.  This will go away.  Until then, stick with sitcoms and comedies on TV.  Good luck.

 

YES!!! This is exactly what I'm talking about!  :thumbsup:

 

Even when my eyes are closed and I'm going to bed my brain is constantly trying to make "sense" out of light patterns left on my eyes, or different variations of darkness on my eyelids. And when I start dreaming, well, I panic sometimes because images from my past seem so foreign and warped... Like my brain is trying to recall the image, but not all of it is there.

 

What a nightmare (literally)!

 

Thank you Dolphinator!  :)

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