The horror of a wave after a long window

[[be...]]

Hi!

 

I really feel like I need to vent. Isn't it terrible to have a long nice window and have a wave come crashing out of nowhere to ruin the party?!

 

Last week I had a wonderful Monday through Thursday, amazing productive days at work and lots of sleep... Then Friday morning came

 

I started with a horrible migrane on the right side of my head, followed by head pressure on both sides, and to top it off, what I've hated the most of all my recurrent symptoms: mental confusion and lethargy.  :'(

 

It's now Monday again, Im at the office and haven't been able to shake this wave off just yet.

 

Just how long is it going to be before feeling good doesn't mean fearing for the next wave!!??

 

Anyways, thanks for reading through my rant.

 

 

[[Fi...]]

This was pretty much the story of my whole recovery and, I know, it sucks!  The only thing I can say about this pattern of healing is that I wouldn't trade it to be one of the people who say they aren't getting any windows at all. 

 

I did eventually come out of it for good and you will too.  Just have to hang in there.

[[be...]]

Thank you

[[Ma...]]

I had a window of more than 2 weeks. Productive days and pore enjoyment and than from nowhere most horrible wave ever lasting for more than 2 weeks...I am really tired of this...I just wanted to tell you you are not alone.

[[er...]]

Yes, this definitely sucks!  It's funny, (and I know this happens to a lot of people), but when I'm in a window, I feel so good I can hardly remember how terrible I felt during the waves, and then when I'm in a wave, I can hardly remember what it felt like in a window!

 

I try to think (when I'm in a wave) that it's okay, because soon enough I'll be in a window, and to remember that we are healing when we are in a wave - which means I'm that much closer to getting better!

 

To me, these windows and waves are the cruelest aspect of healing from benzos, for example your story in the post.  Monday through Thursday you felt good, and then Friday, all of a sudden AWFUL, which carries on into Monday, etc.. I think we will all have an incredible sense of patience after this misadventure!

 

Keep on trudging through this mud!

 

Eric

[[Fi...]]

Eric--those were my feelings EXACTLY, about not remembering the opposite state, whichever state I was in.  You writing this reminds me of how nice it is not to have to have my poor mind clogged up with that anymore!  I know permanent wellness seems an impossible state to achieve, kind of like some shining castle on the hill, but it's out there and you'll get there if you stay the course. 

[[be...]]

Thanks for the great replies

 

It's easy to forget that we are not alone in this battle. 

[[mo...]]

Yes i must say, being a year out of klonopin, this is what affects me the most. The anxiety, the restlessness is all gone. Ups and down, going from being happy and energetic and almost without problems. and then for some unexplainable reason(even though you try comming up with a 100 reasons) it all flips. unexited, dont feel like company etc.

Yes it is hard to remember the other state, but just that feeling good half the time, and have geniun happiness in you recent memory. gives alot of strenght to keep truckin

More windows pls!

 

[[be...]]

Eric, yer right on. I'm dealing with that currently. Good window now I'm PISSED in the worst wave yet and cant remember the past good or picture the future good. Cruel SHIT

[[lo...]]

i'm with you guys. altough I'm just days out, I was lucky to have windows already. not 100% windows yet (some baseline acute), but good enough to do all things and enjoy them, like going for a motorcycle ride.

then when the wave crashes on you - it feels like forever again and hope fades. it is really hard to see through those cloudy days. whatever occupies our mind, seems to be the only thing which matters at that time

[[Sp...]]

I really get what you mean when you say that when you are in a wave you can't remember what it feels like to be in a window and vice versa. Whenever i am in a window i feel hopeful about the future and that i might be healing, whenever i am in a wave i feel i am not healing and that i might be stuck like this permenantly. Its like a rollercoaster of feeling hope and despair.

[Guest [su...]]

My windows are longer and the waves shorter...But still brutal. Today I got a wave for 5 hours and suddenly it was gone and I am in a Window again. Almost normal...The wave was horrible