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6 months strong


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I knew Xanax as the drug people took, but eventually it went from being cool to having a bad stigma associated with it.

 

I was taking it every day.. For anxiety (mostly social) that I hid from everyone I knew. I was buying from drug dealers and self medicating in order to feel normal and comfortable around other people.

 

I don't know how it happened, but I eventually realized that I was addicted. It crept up on me. Initially, I started taking Xanax in secret, but as time when on, all of my friends knew I was taking it. I was using it for anxiety- while they thought I just had a drug problem.

 

I have quit and rebounded way too many times to count. While I never posted anything, this forum helped me in so many ways.

 

Withdrawal is hard. I tried to act normal so I wouldn't alarm anybody, but it eventually started affecting the quality of my life. Drinking with friends made me exhausted to the point where I was sleeping. I eventually stopped going out with them. This led to me cutting all contact for the most part. I would make plans and bail the last minute. This is what my friends know me for now.

 

People don't know the struggle of withdrawal. There is no way for them to be able to imagine what it feels like. I constantly felt depersonalized. I didn't feel like I was real.. I grew terrified of driving. I had a boyfriend at the time, and I'm sure you can imagine the strain it put on our relationship. He tried to empathize, but there's really no way for them to feel the fear you go through.

 

Quitting was hard. I would go through symptoms and do well for maybe a week at a time, and would find myself (back when I was trying to keep up with a social life) caving to take more so I could be normal around my friends and family.

 

My 21st birthday came and went and nobody was able to understand why I didn't like to drink.. Why I physically couldn't. It exhausted me.

 

Eventually, I decided I couldn't live like this anymore. I was 2 years behind in school, I felt horrible whenever I tried to drink alcohol, I stayed in my room all of the time avoiding the outside world, while trying to hide my withdrawal from everyone I knew.

 

Fast forward a year after that, I had been successfully weaning myself off of the drug with the occasional slip up. I then made an appointment to see a doctor about a long term method to control my anxiety.

 

I am now 6 months on Zoloft and Wellbutrin. 6 months from taking any amount of Xanax. It was very difficult as my body struggled to adjust to the medication change, but it has been worth it. While I am still adjusting my dosage and trying to find the right one for me, I am now level-headed enough to work through my anxiety. I can drink beer without feeling like I did before. Although, I have to admit that drinking still causes me to have extremely vivid dreams and makes me feel only the tiniest bit off the next day.

 

I am happy to say I am getting my life back on track.

It is never too late to get yourself together so you can work towards a brighter future. It isn't easy, but you have to tough it out and find what works for you. Eventually you can pick up right where you left off in your life and building your future.

 

I am still recovering, but I can confidently say I will never take a benzo again. I have no interest in the life I had while on it.

 

 

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Hi  :) Welcome to BenzoBuddies!

 

Congrats on being benzodiazepine free. Your journey is like so many here. I think this will be an excellent place for you to connect with members who have shared similar experiences. I am glad to read that you starting to get your life back. Well done!  I am unclear whether you have completed your taper so I included several different links below.

 

You might like to check out The Ashton Manual it is an authoritative source on what to expect in withdrawal and recovery.  Dr. Ashton is an expert in the field. 

 

Please feel free to post to any of the dedicated boards, we have a wonderful community of people here, who will give sound advice. Members have been through all aspects of benzodiazepine use and withdrawal and are more than willing to share their experiences.

 

Withdrawal Support During Your Taper

 

Members discuss their symptoms on the Post withdrawal recovery support.

 

Please take the time to Create a Signature.  This will allow others to see where you are in the process so they can better support you.

 

Again Welcome!  :smitten:

 

benzos-R-cruel

 

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This is my first post here.  I have read and reread so many posts and threads on here in my struggle. I just wanted to congratulate you.  I started weaning off Klonopin 3mg in February 2016.  I did the cross taper to Valium and am now 6 days benzo free.  I am a lot older than you, but, as you so eloquently stated, nothing can compare to the horror of being addicted to benzos.  I am in the early days of this and it's the success stories like yours that give me the strength to carry on.  Sure, I lost everything including my career and wife and health and friends but I have an opportunity to one day feel the ocean breeze again, experience that calm and joy again.  Ultimately, when I look back at all that the benzos have taken from me, it is the small things in life I miss the most.

 

So, congratulations.  It seems like you are once again experiencing what has been stolen from so many of us.  Life.  And that is beautiful.

 

**Update - Amazing how benzos work...I just realized I had another post before this one about two years ago.  Didn't even remember posting it.

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