Almost 8 months and the waves keep coming

[[bl...]]

I'm at 7 months, 3 weeks off and things still aren't right. In fact, I've kind of slid backward recently. Overall, none of my symptoms are as pronounced as they once were, but they have crept back upward recently. I've read about others having setbacks around the 8 month mark, so I'm not overly worried, but it is frustrating.

 

For the most part, I'm dealing primarily with the usual tangle of issues, namely anxiety, depression, dp/dr, fatigue, and even some insomnia. I was on vacation this week and it hasn't been a pleasant one. My energy has been low and I've been dealing with headaches and fog.

 

The weird thing about waves are that they seem to go as quickly as they appear. One day it feels like nothing good is possible, the next day, it's as if it never happened at all. In fact, a lot of times I've discovered that simply complaining about it helps.

 

The one thing I've learned out of all of this is that thoughts are toxic and in fact, when I'm able to distract myself and push my mind into neutral or positive territory, I feel much better. It's difficult, but I'm learning, and simply being aware of the power of thoughts on my moods gives me something to work on.

 

I just keep one thing in mind, no matter how bad it feels right now, this is only temporary. I can't imagine being like this a year, 2 years, 10 years from now. The more I move forward, the harder I march away from my all this, the more assured I am I'll one day be just fine.

[[on...]]

Sorry to hear you are struggling still with the waves...at six months out I am in the midst of the same pattern- waves and windows with no warning when the next wave is coming and when the next window will thankfully appear.  Anxiety is my number one issue - some days when I am in a wave I feel like I can't get it under control.. Like you I am clinging to the belief and hope that all of this is temporary and that someday I will be fully healed. Hang in there- you are a fighter!!

[[be...]]

I am sorry to hear that, but I think it is a great sign that the waves are much much shorter than they use to be.  You have been doing so well. 

[[Tr...]]

I am sorry you are struggling. I am 5 months out and struggling also. The waves and windows come and go, and very unpredictable. I never really have a true window. My windows are the ones that when all the symptoms are not intense and the waves when they symptoms are too intense and crippling. I am hoping to see some big improvement in month 6 as I heard big turn corner for a lot of people. It is definitely frustrating but I think you are doing good. You have reached 8 months. Hang in there, we all be OK, !

 

 

[[Mb...]]

Im going on the 8 month mark, and have had a setback too. Try not to get too discouraged.  Your doing great!

[[bl...]]

Thank you for your encouraging words. Things have improved, as they're wont to do, over the past two weeks.

 

I gave up sugar and switched my diet to one largely based on whole, fresh foods. This alone has had a pretty positive effect. I started to do research into the gut/brain connection and think I'm severely allergic to dairy, which would account for why I often feel deathly ill after eating certain foods. It took me a long time to put two-and-two together, but even when I eat a little bit of cheese before bed, I wake the next day sick (digestive problems, head fog, headaches, fatigue). So, diet at this point is truly everything.

 

Today I'm happy to say is probably my first 100% day in like ... forever. I usually don't feel better until the sun goes down, but I woke today refreshed, happy, healthy, and ready to take on whatever.

[[be...]]

Thank you for your encouraging words. Things have improved, as their wont to do, over the past two weeks.

 

I gave up sugar and switched my diet to one largely based on whole, fresh foods. This alone has had a pretty positive effect. I started to do research into the gut/brain connection and think I'm severely allergic to dairy, which would account for why I often feel deathly ill after eating certain foods. It took me a long time to put two-and-two together, but even when I eat a little bit of cheese before bed, I wake the next day sick (digestive problems, head fog, headaches, fatigue). So, diet at this point is truly everything.

 

Today I'm happy to say is probably my first 100% day in like ... forever. I usually don't feel better until the sun goes down, but I woke today refreshed, happy, healthy, and ready to take on whatever.

 

awesome about your 100 percent day

[[bl...]]

awesome about your 100 percent day

 

And hopefully one of many more to come!

[[Vi...]]

Congratulations for your100% day!!! That is awesome. I'm sure more will come just keep pushing.

 

I'm 7months out and my worst symtoms is headache and anxiety. Looking back 6 months it is better a bit, but still long way to go. No window yet but slowly getting better. Feel hopeless many days but not going to give up.

 

Keep pushing, only one way.... to going forward.

Hugs

[[bl...]]

Congratulations for your100% day!!! That is awesome. I'm sure more will come just keep pushing.

 

I'm 7months out and my worst symtoms is headache and anxiety. Looking back 6 months it is better a bit, but still long way to go. No window yet but slowly getting better. Feel hopeless many days but not going to give up.

 

Keep pushing, only one way.... to going forward.

Hugs

 

It's all you can do. Grab onto any improvements you have and know that more are on their way. For the most part, recovery is exactly like everyone describes. It just happens on different timelines for each of us. Right now, and I'm sure you can relate, it's hard to believe this will every truly and completely end, and then you will have a window and that's all the reassurance you will need.

 

Once there was a time where I never felt like this, and when I felt unwell, I didn't question it. Those days will come again soon.

[[Vi...]]

Thanks blandthax, im trying to do what you said. Think positive and trying to remember how bad I was 6 -7 months ago. I have only 10-20% improvements. But is improving but very very slowly.

 

Wishing for you a window what never end.

[[ve...]]

Unfortunately recovery is a long process for us. I was only on benzos for a month, and almost 10 months after and I'm still in WD. Not to scare you or anything, but 8 months is still pretty early, you've had improvements and that's most important!

[[bl...]]

I'm not scared at this point. I'm starting to feel my symptoms break up. Sleep is still the biggest obstacle but I've kind of chalked that up to stress and stress and also, stress. I still have waves, mostly mini waves, but at this point I operate and function pretty well. Even the dp/dr is starting to crumble because I realized that I was avoiding confronting past traumas, which in turn was causing me to continue to blunt my emotions. It's not withdrawal at this point, that part is over. Now it's recovery, or rehabilitation, like learning to breathe or walk on my own again.

 

It'll be over soon. I'm getting more and more 100% windows, I just wish I wasn't so damn tired all the time.

[[wh...]]

I'm not scared at this point. I'm starting to feel my symptoms break up. Sleep is still the biggest obstacle but I've kind of chalked that up to stress and stress and also, stress. I still have waves, mostly mini waves, but at this point I operate and function pretty well. Even the dp/dr is starting to crumble because I realized that I was avoiding confronting past traumas, which in turn was causing me to continue to blunt my emotions. It's not withdrawal at this point, that part is over. Now it's recovery, or rehabilitation, like learning to breathe or walk on my own again.

 

It'll be over soon. I'm getting more and more 100% windows, I just wish I wasn't so damn tired all the time.

You are like 99% there  :thumbsup:

[[bl...]]

You are like 99% there  :thumbsup:

 

Yes, I have little hiccups here and there, but I'm able to attack life with greater gusto now. I'm learning to better react to stress, which in turn is really helping my sleep so far.

 

Overall I feel much more whole than I did even a month or so ago. To think one year ago I was suicidal, scared of everything, unable to sit still, watch television or movies, listen to music ... I was even afraid to take showers and baths, I'd have to force myself to stand under the running water. The slightest bit of noise would make me flinch and cry out. I'd jump at the littlest thing, even a gentle breeze would startle me.

 

Today, I woke up, showered, ate breakfast, drove twenty minutes, spent 3 hours at the DMV to register my car, paid a lot of money I didn't want to spend, and then went to see my sister and my new niece and nephew in the hospital.

 

I'm not describing my day because it's interesting or I want some kind of reaction, rather, I had to do some things today that I would've never been able to do last December. I mean, the DMV? A hospital? Getting up and actually having the wherewithall to calmly go through and gather my things so I could leave the house for over six hours?

 

I did all this without a single hint of anxiety or complaint. I was sitting in the DMV amusedly texting my girlfriend at all the strange people there. I went to the hospital without once panicking (I hate hospitals). I sat in a chair with two infants in my arms for almost two hours without once needing to get up and leave the room. Best of all, I held those babies and felt something, not just a wooden intellectual acknowledgement that, yes, here are some babies, but real interest and love.

 

I did all this without noting how different I felt. I did it feeling like it was normal and routine. I still feel odd some days, just a little off at times, depending on what I do or don't do, on what I eat or don't eat, how much I sleep or don't sleep ... but at this point, the hard part is over. The PTSD haunts me less and less. I feel mostly human again.

 

I'm looking forward to the next 3 months or so and getting to my jump anniversary. I hear that things get even better from here on, and I've got so much I want to do with my life. If benzos did anything, they made me realize just how I've just begun to live. At one time, I looked at my life and thought I had no future, that I was doomed. Now I'm full of hope and I see things opening up. I think, why not? What's to stop me?

 

Anyway, I'm rambling ... thanks as always to everyone for your support and feedback.