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Hey people, I came to the site in hopes of having additional support in my endeavor to conquer my dependence to benzos for good.

 

I've been on and off benzodiazepines and other gabaergics for the last 15 years. Though the majority of that time frame I was free from their grip. It began when I was just 13 and prescribed lorazepam and later alprazolam. That ended quite abruptly when I made a huge mistake and changed the number of pills on my script from 10 to 90 and I luckily escaped the serious threat of incarceration by my good hearted family doctor at the time. I was however never allowed to return to his office for anything, was told I had to find a new doctor and that I would be 'black-listed' for life as a person likely to abuse prescription narcotics.

 

Fast forward about a decade and I became a moderator on a harm reduction forum for several years. I also found myself highly interested in pharmacology and from there began to use several different drugs but the one causing the most problems in my life was and has been since..benzos.. I started by buying them from friends and family of friends..and got to the point where I was buying several hundred pills a month. About 90% of the time it was diazepam. I then found the world of research chemicals and found myself quickly out of control with a very bad habit of anywhere from 70mg to 160mg/day on average until I found Diclazepam and have been using that along with Etizolam, Nifoxipam, and Flubromazolam. That one did me in..I am lucky to be alive after the antics I had under the influence of the Flubromazolam in particular.. I lost my job..wrecked multiple vehicles..and it gets worse but you get the jist.

 

I ended up going into a Rehab for a few months in the early spring of 2015. I did good for a while and then I slipped and have been on Diclazepam alone at doses ranging from 1mg all the way up to 40-60 mg per dose.. I'm currently kindled as I've been trying to taper myself down but life events caused me to reignite the higher dosing and then again get myself back down to just a few mgs a day.

 

I made up my mind today, and confessed my useage to my family as they honestly didn't know I was using anything for the past few months because of how tolerant I became and I held down a 50hour a week job until just last week when my recent bout with crippling depression got the best of me and I lost my job. I have made up my mind to use this time as an opportunity to get off the benzos for good and all other substances as it was definitely decision time. I was either going to grab my stash and do something foolish and continue this mess of a life or put my foot down..confess my use to my family and my sins to my Saviour Jesus Christ and today marks day 1 with zero benzo intake.

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Hi  :) Welcome to BenzoBuddies!

 

I am glad you found us today.The recommended reduction rate is 5 to 10 percent every two weeks. A slow gradual taper is the best way to minimize the severity of symptoms, and since this is not your first withdrawal i think it is extra important not to get off too quickly.

 

You might like to check out The Ashton Manual it is an authoritative source on what to expect in withdrawal and recovery.  Dr. Ashton is an expert in the field. 

 

Please feel free to post to any of the dedicated boards, we have a wonderful community of people here, who will give sound advice. Members have been through all aspects of benzodiazepine use and withdrawal and are more than willing to share their experiences.

 

General Taper Plans

Withdrawal Support During Your Taper

 

 

Please take the time to Create a Signature.  This will allow others to see where you are in the process so they can better support you.

 

Again Welcome!  :smitten:

 

benzos-R-cruel

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Thanks for the warm welcome!  :)

 

Firstly, I tend to be misunderstood quite often so I want to start of by saying I mean no disrespect whatsoever and am not carrying any tone other than kindness.

 

I totally agree that I shouldn't go cold turkey as I already have serious depression and social anxiety and I am also aware of Dr. Ashton and her work. I wished more doctors in the USA had any idea as to the extent of benzo withdrawals seriousness..

 

On that note, I also don't want this to go on any longer than it absolutely has to.. My last dose was approximately 2mg and a little over 24 hours ago. I'm already trembling and having trouble controlling my body temperature which baffles me as it's supposed half life and the half life of it's metabolites I presumed would surely carry me for at least a few days considering it a build up from daily use over the past ~6months. I vowed to never go backwards again and I'd like to attempt to cold turkey as I've done it before with Flubromazolam and had no medical supervision or medicine whatsoever to ease the symptoms. I'd at least like to go as long as I can as it seems to make sense to me to try and determine where my threshold is and if I can handle it or not.. I do fear seizures but have only ever experienced one or two minor ones in the past not directly related to benzos. I also am limited to a time frame as my family isn't going to let me withdrawal at home as per my request for months on end and I also have a very limited amount of Diclazepam left to taper with and I'd really rather not get more as I risk losing their trust if they see anything out of the ordinary in the mail.  I know this is Ill-advised but I'm hopeful that my spirituality Will play a role as I truly believe it has in the past and am holding on toy faith that the good Lord will deliver me from my symptoms and I won't suffer more than he deems fit. I know that May seem like hocus pocus to you but I've witnessed it and actually had it happen to me after just 10 days last year in rehab. I also would like to believe that due to my most recent length of daily use has only been around 6 months so I'm hopeful the wds will be manageable. I've read of people on xanax for 8 years..another 20 years and they cold turkeyd and made it to the other side..

 

Am I absolutely delusional?

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