Any "toxic morning" vets want to weigh in??

[[sl...]]

14.5 months off...

 

I feel very poisoned and anxious in the very early hours of the morning- EVERY morning.  I know people refer to this as "toxic mornings".  Yes, that is certainly a good term for it!

 

How many people have or had this and did anything help you feel better?  I have tried jumping jacks, meditation, magnesium, seriphos and vitamin c without success.  Do I need to take a ton of it for it to work? Any other tips that don't involve drugs?

 

While my baseline has improved since month 12 (falling asleep at bedtime has been much easier "most" nights), I still wake up too often and then the relentless jolts, rushes, nausea, heart pains, fear and tremors/spasms, etc  all start up by 3:00-4:00am.  It's such a horrible feeling; like there is poison running through my body, especially in my heart and stomach.  While getting up usually breaks off about 50% of the physical misery, I'm just too damn tired to be sitting on the couch that early!  I just want to lay in bed peacefully with my eyes closed, even if I'm not sleeping! 

 

Really wish I knew of more people who had this for a long time and healed from it.  So many seem to have it badly in acute and then are lucky enough to get rid of it before 12 months.  And then there are a handful here who still have it at 24+ months... Ugh.  Please come out and sympathize with me if you had it and healed!  I think I've only heard from a few people like me who've dropped this horrific symptom. 

 

Anyway, I would also love some tips on foods that might help in the morning, etc..  Thanks everyone.

 

Feeling very  :'( over all this endless nonsense!!

 

 

[[so...]]

MT,

 

I have posted to you already a few times on this subject previously so, rather than repeat myself, I'm just going to say YUP I STILL HAVE THIS AT 24 MONTHS OUT WITH NO ABATEMENT YET.

 

When this leaves, I'm done.

 

Sofa

[[Va...]]

Sleepless  I'm ahead of you by a month. I was dealing with thyroid issues so my dr reduced my medicine from results of test. Anyways...I was like you and couldn't sleep but a couple hours and over the past two months this has improved. I am now sleeping 5-7 hours a night fall asleep directly and wake up around 6. I think the med change had something to do with it but I also think my body is healing. Plus 2 months before this my morning cog fog weird head went away and has improved since then I am clear headed ever morning. I did go through some low feelings like a depression last month but I believe it was from the med changing. I think regardless of the thyroid issue I was dealing with my sleeping and morning has improved significantly. Now I'm going through this phase where I have muscle pain randomly through out my body. And also have cramping IBS pain on my left side when I eat. Even starts before I eat.

I was having really toxic mornings but that has faded away. 

 

For breakfast I eat 2 scrambled eggs and oatmeal with milk. I don't have cramps or problems with that. I eat an apple about an hour later. No problems with that. I make sure I chew my food really well to produce digestive enzymes. Stomach has really improved and seem to not have problems with it!

 

I sometimes put in my earbuds and listen to sleep meditation or Don on Merryjoyousfree.com talk. He puts me to sleep for some reason.  Hope this helps.

 

Sounds like your sleeping is starting to improve. 2, 4 then it will turn into 6 hours and more. I understand how you feel.

 

Take care and be good to yourself. Stay positive the best you can.

 

Val

 

 

[[sl...]]

I know sofa, its the shits, isn't it?  I will consider myself healed too when I can finally lay in bed peacefully without the circus of symptoms tormenting me.  Have you been in touch with others who "had" this for a long time?  I know the protracted people very rarely check or post on the other boards. 

 

Btw, did your heart issues resolve?  You had a racing heart, right?

[[sl...]]

Thanks valgirl!  I pray mine will clear up as soon as yours did!

 

Oddly, I'm having some strange muscle symptoms that came out of nowhere.  In the last few weeks, I've had an increase in heart pains along with this strange thing where my chest muscle feels very bruised to touch.  I also have some achiness in my lower back and neck as if I am recovering from an intense workout.  I had none of this until Recently.  Hmm...

 

 

[[ld...]]

Hello sleepless!

 

    Yeah! The toxic mornings!!! I am a little over 9 months out and this is one of my last symptoms. Yes I still have the early morning wake-ups. Never fails-I wake up around 2:00 AM - 3:00 AM every morning. But also for over 20 years my normal wake up time is 4:00 AM to get ready for work, but I will say that my sleep has gradually improved over these last few months, my average is 6 hours per night now, and when I do wake up the restless, anxious feeling is not as intense so I can now see that I am slowly healing. I caught a glimpse of the future about a couple months ago with a huge window and I felt totally normal. It was fantastic! I remember when I woke up at that same time in the morning I felt so relaxed and I could roll over and go right back to sleep. As I stated earlier I am 9 months out now and I am feeling pretty good and I work full time 40 hours per week 6:00 AM to 2:30 PM. It is never a problem for me to go to sleep at night. I still don't like to try and take a nap in the afternoon, last time I tried I had a toxic wake-up, so I am still healing and can see that I am slowly making progress as time goes by. Really I'm feeling pretty good now as I can do anything. My only 2 symptoms remaining are the early morning wake-ups and tinnitus in the right ear which is beginning to fade away on some days. You will get better, it could be worse!!! Try and stay positive my friend! You will heal!!!

 

    ldm27

[[sl...]]

Ldm,

 

I am happy for you.  Sounds like you've recovered very well.  I'm still very unwell this stinking far out.  You are very lucky as 9 months was sbsolute torture for me... Couldn't even sleep 2 minutes without taking Benadryl and even that barely worked.  I wish I could understand why my brain has chosen to make life so unbearable for so long compared to most.  Nobody seems to have the combo of shitty symptoms I get half the night.  Starting at 2am I kept hearing bangs (auditory hallucinations) and would get a shock in my chest (on top of my 10 other nightime symptoms) WTH?  Anyone else need to join my pity party? 

[[si...]]

Yep, Toxic mornings aren't they great. Groundhog day every morning. All my favorite symptoms just waiting for me in the morning. Force myself to cut through the anxiety,depression and body pains.

Take a shower put my cloths on and fake my way through another day. Trying not to disturb normal peoples lives. But I am still here suffering silently.

 

[[ve...]]

Yes! Yes. 4am cortisol surges. I used to love mornings. I'm 9 months of and still have them everyday. It's the pits. Never had them pre garbage  I just drag myself out of bed, go through the day, rinse and repeat. Surely normal  will return to us one day as well?

[[Wo...]]

Yes I can remember waking up at 3 or 4 o'clock feeling like that and that was pretty much the end of my night. As time went on it got better and I would sleep a little longer. Eventually I would sleep till 4, then 5 and then 6 o'clock. Now the only time I notice morning anxiety is when I have trouble getting to sleep.

 

Earlier in wd I would not be able to get back to sleep after I woke up, but eventually it got to where I did, but it might take a hour or more. Now when I wake up I'll go right back to sleep. It takes time, its just how this wd stuff works. 

 

I learned that a little positive self talk after I woke up sometimes would calm me down enough for me to get back to sleep.

[[sl...]]

Thanks wolflake.  About when did your mornings return to normal?  Did you have any physical disturbances keeping you awake, such as adrenaline rushes? 

 

Alpha and veggie-  I truly hope we are all nearing the end.  I'm so tired of pretending like I'm ok so that I don't come across as a chronically depressed and hopeless case to my family.  They still know I'm suffering, but I don't tell them how truly miserable I still am. 

[[Wo...]]

Hi Sleepless.  I'm 3 years off about today, Yeah it was the Sunday before thanksgiving. I was dealing with the early morning crap still at where you are now. I think mine was more cortisol then adrenaline. It always felt like my heart was racing but it never was. I don't remember any physical sxs,  I just felt very anxious and nervous, more sensitive to noise, for no reason when I would wake up early. There was no sleeping in, that was for sure for a long time. They say cortisol peaks out early in the morning with people anyway, so that probably explains why mornings are so rough going through this. We probably just have more of it, aggravating a already over active autonomic nervous system.

 

I seem to start getting better at a year and a half out, but it was a slow process. I started making it further into the night, and I would eventually get back to sleep when I did wake up. I might lay there for a hour but that was better then being awake the rest of the night. It sounds like your getting to sleep pretty good now. That's good because that's when I started making headway.

 

Your so right. Sometimes we look fine on the outside, but if people only knew how we felt on the inside. 

 

I'm still a firm believer in that the best way to get though this is to not fight it to much, especially by taking vitamins and supplement and drugs. With me they only made it worse. But it will improve. The nights will get better with time.

 

 

[[sl...]]

Thanks for you input wolflake.  Were sleep issues your worst symptom?  Seems like our worst symtom is the last one to leave. 

[[La...]]

Hi sleepless:

 

Toxic mornings were a hallmark of both my taper and post-jump recovery. Over time these gradually disappeared, in a two step forward, one step backwards kind of way. As time went on, both their frequency and severity diminished. At almost 36 months off (of short term benzo use), I can't even recall a recent toxic morning. That said, some nights my sleep quantity and quality is diminished and I feel a bit crappy in the a.m. This however is a far cry from the "toxic mornings" I used to experience and probably has less to do with historic benzo use, and more to do with the organic anxiety I experience trying to survive in a difficult world.

 

Yes, I am a toxic morning vet, who is feeling really good this morning after about 8 hours of high quality, med-free sleep last night. At almost 3 years off, its ABOUT TIME.

 

Stay committed and focused on your healing. I think its possible to develop PTSD from benzo-wd trauma which may require additional efforts. I invest daily in improving my state of mind, through meditation, progressive muscle relaxation, positive affirmations, practicing CBT, etc. Recovery is a continuum with no well defined endpoint but rather a progressive glide into a better tomorrow (IMHO).

 

laser

[[fi...]]

Following this one

 

while i'm pretty good right now as far as symptoms go - i do have these "toxic mornings" - I wake up in complete panic - chemical like - its the absolute WORST - i would love to hear if anyone has tried ANYTHING that helps -

 

I just read someone's success story that talked a lot about Fish Oil - maybe I'll try taking that at night and see if it helps!

 

I may also try an SSRI - I know - more drugs - but I'll do anything to get off the benzo poison and stay functional too and be able to remain a present and engaged mom for my two precious kiddo's

 

Hoping more 'Vet" s weigh in with suggestions 

[[sl...]]

Laser-

 

Thank you.  Was there a physical component to your toxic mornings?  Like adrenaline rushes or spasmning?  Seems that most people just feel severe depression and fear- which I have too, but the physical crap feeds it.  If I could just lay in bed without all of the physical crap, I would be ok... Even if I couldn't sleep. 

 

*Almost 15 months off and last night was just awful! 2-3 hours of broken sleep with about 100+ jerks after 2am.  I'm back to 10 months... Wth??

[[NY...]]

I still get this occasionally, but it's always remedied by eating something.  I will eat half of my breakfast at 4AM when the chemical torture starts, then quickly fall back to sleep, and wake around 8AM to eat the 2nd half of my breakfast.  I always assumed this was adrenaline due to low blood sugar, so have been treating it as such and it works  .

 

WR

[[Wo...]]

My sleep issues were probably more of a by product of my sxs. The sxs makes sleep difficult and lack of sleep makes the sxs worse. My sleep was all over the place at 10 months. At a year it seem to start improving but it was still up and down. I would have good spells and then bad spells but the good sleeping spells got longer as time went on. Pretty much back to normal now but it was a long process. Not once in the last 3 years did I take anything for it and I think that was the key to getting back to normal.

 

I'm sure my cortisol levels were a lot higher then, then they are now. That's probably what's causing your issues right now, but they will come down in time. I know its hard not to worry about all the sxs we get, but the one thing I know now and when I figured this out, my sxs started getting better. Worrying about them really does make them a lot worse. Its just hard not to.

[[Wo...]]

Don't get discourage. At 15 months off I was still having some very rough nights, and bad early mornings where I thought I gave everything back. Even had some rough patches that lasted for a week or two. But I didn't give in and take anything and they always passed. Yes and I do think the sleep can be the last thing to return to normal. It just takes time.

[[ny...]]

This is a new sxs for me.  After weeks of jumping I have morning terror.  I wake up 2AM, 4AM, terrified can't go back to sleep.  I take mmj go back to sleep, wake up again.  Terrified to make my coffee and start my day.  Never had this my entire life prior to K-Pin

[[sl...]]

Thanks again wolflake for helping.  Hopefully you are healed and happy? 

[[ve...]]

Laser-

 

Thank you.  Was there a physical component to your toxic mornings?  Like adrenaline rushes or spasmning?  Seems that most people just feel severe depression and fear- which I have too, but the physical crap feeds it.  If I could just lay in bed without all of the physical crap, I would be ok... Even if I couldn't sleep. 

 

*Almost 15 months off and last night was just awful! 2-3 hours of broken sleep with about 100+ jerks after 2am.  I'm back to 10 months... Wth??

 

Sleepless, I have exactly what you have. Jerks and cortisol surges. At 9 months off they've gotten milder some, but I still get them everyday. The adrenaline rushes were so bad at the start it burned my throat and made me dry heave. There was no chance of falling back asleep because the adrenaline would start firing. It sucks I know, but it'll get milder with time. And of course the jerks. They still haven't left me yet, and I was only on the poison for a month.

[[sl...]]

Thanks veggie.  I had a solid 2 months of hell from month 9-11.  You are lucky that things have simmered down at your point off. I think my healing would have been very similar to yours if my idiotic doctor would not have told me to go back on the crap after I quit taking it for 4 days.  Things got so much worse after that and here I am today... 15 months off and still having too many days that feel like I've made zero progress. 

[[Da...]]

I feel extremely unwell in the mornings, and if my Benzo WD sxs are being compounded by my other issues, I often lose my mornings in an agonizing haze. Sometimes it's so bad I can't get up, but I still have to get up and walk to the damn pharmacy every day for my sodding Subutex, which I think is now just adding to my sxs. I feel like I've been poisoned in the morning, my heart is usually racing at a hundred miles an hour, I feel very weak and sick and I'm very unsteady on my feet if I try to get up too quickly. I am only 30 but feel more like 90.  :sick: