Please help. Need urgent advice.

[[ma...]]

Desperate for some help and advice:

After taking daily doses of valium up to 40mgs a day for anxiety from June 2015 to April 2016, I was put in a rapid taper by an ill-advised Psych. She started me on 10mgs (massive drop) followed by 2mg reductions every two weeks (further massive reductions) - all against my will. I’ve now been stuck on 6mgs since May and it’s now November, due to intolerable withdrawals. I’ve hit tolerance, feel no effects from the valium and seem to be getting worse each day. I’m already practically bed-ridden and worst symptoms are terror, huge anxiety, heart palps, intense nausea, crushing fatigue, panic attacks and cog-fog. I can barely eat, sleep or walk. The more I take of the valium the worse I seem to be getting. Should I just jump right off, or continue to hold? I have a wife on the verge of a breakdown herself and a six year old who has an absent father, leaving my wife to do everything. This is beyond a nightmare. Any advice? The more I hold, the worse I seem to get. I’m not allowed to updose – and I don’t want to. I’m terrified and need advice/help. Any thoughts would be appreciated. Thankyou.

[[Su...]]

Desperate for some help and advice:

After taking daily doses of valium up to 40mgs a day for anxiety from June 2015 to April 2016, I was put in a rapid taper by an ill-advised Psych. She started me on 10mgs (massive drop) followed by 2mg reductions every two weeks (further massive reductions) - all against my will. I’ve now been stuck on 6mgs since May and it’s now November, due to intolerable withdrawals. I’ve hit tolerance, feel no effects from the valium and seem to be getting worse each day. I’m already practically bed-ridden and worst symptoms are terror, huge anxiety, heart palps, intense nausea, crushing fatigue, panic attacks and cog-fog. I can barely eat, sleep or walk. The more I take of the valium the worse I seem to be getting. Should I just jump right off, or continue to hold? I have a wife on the verge of a breakdown herself and a six year old who has an absent father, leaving my wife to do everything. This is beyond a nightmare. Any advice? The more I hold, the worse I seem to get. I’m not allowed to updose – and I don’t want to. I’m terrified and need advice/help. Any thoughts would be appreciated. Thankyou.

 

Were  you ok initially on the 40mgs? Personally I would suggest some way to stabilise the situation first of all.  The mistake here is the obvious massive drop from 40mgs to 10mgs in the first place - it's a recipe for disaster.  Did you ever feel better on the 40mgs?  If yes start again, if no change the medication to maybe an antidepressant so you are able to cope.  In my experience nothing can be done rapidly as it takes time and patience and it only exacerbates the situation to keep cutting mindlessly whilst feeling desperately ill.

[[ma...]]

Thanks for the reply. I was struggling with anxiety/depression but obviously way better than I am now. There is no way I can updose. I'm in the UK and the Psych will not have it. It's 6mgs or nothing, but it does nothing anymore. Had I known now what I knew when the Psych was doing the taper I would never have agreed to it. Tried anti depressants but they made me feel a tonne worse. I appear to be in a hopeless situation. Any other advice anybody? If I hold, will I stabilise or get worse? 7 months holding seems ridiculous - and I cannot face another cut :-(

[[Su...]]

Thanks for the reply. I was struggling with anxiety/depression but obviously way better than I am now. There is no way I can updose. I'm in the UK and the Psych will not have it. It's 6mgs or nothing, but it does nothing anymore. Had I known now what I knew when the Psych was doing the taper I would never have agreed to it. Tried anti depressants but they made me feel a tonne worse. I appear to be in a hopeless situation. Any other advice anybody? If I hold, will I stabilise or get worse? 7 months holding seems ridiculous - and I cannot face another cut :-(

 

I'm in the UK too and have had no problems finding a GP who was willing to help me.  Sometimes you have to take control and tell them you're not happy and you need a second opinion because clearly it's not working for you is it?  Always remember we are all in this position because of their mistakes in the first place!

[[ma...]]

Thanks again. I'm in Sussex and was seen by a Psych at an org called Star (drug and alcohol service who have no experience with benzos). It was that Psych who screwed me with that original taper. All other GP's I've tried here are clueless and would drop at 2mgs every two weeks, as per the Psych. Star can no longer hold me on a maintenance dose, so they've switched to the GP who has agreed to prescribe me 6mgs for 12 months, and then that's it. I'm supposed to taper off myself within those 12 months, but I'm bed-ridden already. My wife tells me I have to do it! Nobody understands what hell this is! Seems somewhat hopeless right now. No idea what to do. Nobody will allow me to updose :-(

[[be...]]

Can you go back to the doc who prescribed you the 40 mg?

[[ma...]]

Unfortunately not - I was buying online, but advised to no longer do this as you cannot be certain what's actually in it :-/

[[Be...]]

That's a terrible situation you're in. I sympathise. We have a young daughter and I do virtually none of her parenting. It's very upsetting in itself

As you're in the UK I would suggest phoning these people http://www.btpinfo.org.uk/contact-us

 

I spoke to Ian, who was very good. He runs it. He'll know what the best way forward is.

[[ma...]]

Thanks. I will try, although picking up the phone is an ordeal in itself right now.

[[Be...]]

I know what you mean.

Bite the bullet, these seem to be the only people in the UK with any authority who know how to deal with this.

 

I think you need to go to your GP and really lay it out to him. Go to pieces, tell him you can't go on like this and you MUST find an alternative. Say you're concerned for your safety. If you're anything like I was before I stabilised, and it sounds like it, you won't be exaggerating.

You must drive home to the doctor or psychiatrist that you are in an absolutely critical situation and they MUST help you find a better way.

 

Plucking an entirely arbitrary dose out of thin air, to give you for a year, is fucking moronic. These people simply do not know what they are doing. Talk to BTP, then tell them the GP what they said. BTP said they would take a call from my GP about it.

 

[[ma...]]

Thanks. If I could leave the house I would. So you're saying updosing helped you? What about kindling? I've heard updosing is a big no-no, but I'm scared for my life here...

[[Be...]]

From what you've said, it's a no brainer in your case. IMO. You can't continue like this. You're clearly not functioning. If it was me, I would updose until I got some relief.

 

It's probably trickier for you because you were getting the pills illegally...but that said all of mine were from GPs and they still ended up treating me appallingly and like I was a junkie.

 

You need to scare them into action, IMO. You need to tell them you cannot go on like this. Talk to BTP first.

[[ma...]]

Okay I'll try. Thanks.

[[Be...]]

FWIW, I wouldn't jump. You're obviously as sensitive to this shit as me. It could get a lot worse. I was making 1mg cuts under 5mg and I nearly had a seizure.

I'm not saying that to spook you, just don't don't want to see you end up in an even worse state. You need stabilised.

 

[[Be...]]

I asked about kindling here and was told that's more of an issue if you actually get completely off the drug and then go back on.

 

Why did you decide to come off btw?

I just didn't want to be hooked on something. Frankly if I'd known how it was going to play out id have just stayed on the fucking pills, but hindsight is a wonderful thing. It might have gone badly wrong for me at some point in the future but it couldn't really have been any worse than what happened To me.

At every stage in my WD hell, I would make decisions or get people involved who made the situation ten times worse. I had a top addictions specialist who didn't believe benzo WD EXISTS, ffs.

[[ma...]]

Thanks. I would love to updose and start a proper taper, but bit scared to do so at the same time. I've been waiting to 'balance out' on 6mgs of valium for 7 months but have just gotten worse. I've been advised to hold time and time again on other forums but it's not worked for me. I haven't decided to come off, I just feel worse every day I'm taking the 6mgs, and I was wondering if I'd feel better if I just jumped. I'm guessing not. The problem I have is that IT IS BEING REFUSED POINT BLANK that I updose. Even my wife is against it. Everyone is just telling me I need to 'find the strength and get on with it'. It's totally nuts. I'm completely incapacitated and getting it from all angles. I've no idea what to do other than call that helpline tomorrow...

[[ma...]]

Sorry to hear your story, by the way...

 

So imagine I'm in this terrible state because of my idiotic taper I was put on then?

If I'm not allowed to updose and can't get any valium, what the hell and I gonna do?!

Gotta go to emergency dentist later tonight to sort out abscess/antibiotics.

Should be interesting considering I can't even leave the goddamn house let alone my bed...!!

[[ma...]]

One more question:

I massively need to updose, so the question is: If my Psych or GP won't allow to, how the hell do I do it?

Can you get safe valium online?

Does anyone know?

[[Be...]]

Yes, your taper is the reason you're in this mess. My GP put me through something similar and I ended up in a psych unit. That was 35 to 14 in two months. Then I forced myself to cut aggressively, by 1mg a fortnight, then a new GP pushed me into 1mg a week, and after 3 weeks of that the gates of hell truly opened. I desperately tried to get off the stuff so I could get back to work, but I had no chance and only  made myself suffer enormously to no end.

My biggest mistake was, when I first realised I was dependent, I checked out this place and went into complete denial that WD could take as long as people said it would. I knew I was tougher than that. So l stopped coming here and ended up being led by the nose by people with literally no knowledge of it at all. I can't over state just how ill I became in withdrawal. Everything you're describing. I would advise you to listen to advice from this place. Virtually everything I was told turned out to be absolutely on the money. I just started acting on it far too late.

When I stabilised at 3mg it was a complete shock. And i have been rock hard stable for a few months.

I did updose, but only from 2.5 to 3.

Maybe I could have stabilised at any point in my taper, but I was in such a rush to get off this that I never found out. I was in a constant panic. My wife also came close to a breakdown. Not surprisingly really. I lost my job and we now live on 10% what we used to.

 

I don't know when I'll summon the strength to start cutting again. When u remember what life is like without severe WD, it becomes very hard to voluntarily go back to that place. But it'll happen one way or the other, so at least if you're tapering you have a degree of control.

The whole thing is a crap shoot. It has utterly demolished my life. I've lost nearly all my friends, my job (which was amazing, I loved it so much), my self esteem and self respect. I am a shadow of the man I was.

But people who have been in worst states than you and I have made it out, and prospered.

For me, I'm just amazed I'm still alive, frankly.

[[Be...]]

One more question:

I massively need to updose, so the question is: If my Psych or GP won't allow to, how the hell do I do it?

Can you get safe valium online?

Does anyone know?

 

I don't know but I'd have thought the answer is that it's impossible to be sure what you're getting...but it's not something I've any experience with.

[[ma...]]

Shucks.

I'm surprised I'm still here too.

My wife wants me out, but I've got nowhere to go, no way of supporting myself, so stuck here - no friends left and no support.

Nobody understands.

What the hell do we do?!

 

[[be...]]

What I would do is order the pills online from the place you ordered it before. Then updose slowly until you feel better and then hold for about a month. Once you stabilize you can start cutting your dosage very slowly.

[[ma...]]

Nice one, thanks.

Just concerned, as apparently some of the valium online is synthetic and may not be safe.

On the other hand, I don't really think I have a choice right now.

I simply cannot go on like this.

Thankyou.

[[Be...]]

I laugh at people telling you just to find the strength and get on with it. I was told over and over again to 'just throw those pills away and grit your teeth' by well meaning people who would be reduced to a bubbling mess on the floor after 5 mins WD.

 

Many times I have seen people on here say they've had cancer involving chemo, and WD, and if they had to go through either again, they'd choose the former. Severe WD is so debilitating that you can only really understand how bad it is if you've been there. It is massively compounded by the fact that you're terribly, dreadfully ill yet you will almost certainly be disbelieved, dismissed, abused and mistreated by the health service. Your family and friends won't get it, and out of frustration they will demand you do x, y and z. People who are as ill as you are should be receiving round the clock, compassionate care. It is an absolute scandal and disgrace that we are dismissed instead. The climate is changing in the UK, but too late for you and I... :/

All I can advise you to do is stick with this place. It is definitely the source of the most authoritative information on benzos (and I was a journalist for 20 years).

[[be...]]

That's why you want to order them from the place you got the 40 mg from. At least you know that there is a good chance you are getting the same stuff as before. If it worked before chances are it may work again. Just make sure to updose slowly until you reach the smallest dosage that you feel you can work with.