Bad day, just want to vent and maybe get advice.

[[Jo...]]

I'm on day 5 of my 2 week kindle cold turkey from valium. Reinstate cause a panic attack couple weeks ago, and stupidly used maybe 10 pills over the course of 2 weeks, mainly 5mg valium, but last dose was 10mg valium.

 

Today I woke up crying with anxiety, felt like my whole body was burning after that, i kept getting waves of panic, had really bad back pain that moved to my head after i ate an apple, which scares me when stuff moves like that. feels like a worm inside me and i think i'm going crazy. I've felt this moving sensation even when i thought i was clean, so maybe it is a worm and i'm freaking out for a reason.

 

Anyways, normally i wouldn't post, i'm just scared today, most of the day was typical. but for some reason now, after i ate the damn apple and the pressure moved to my head. I'm getting bad depersonilization. it felt like my right arm detached from my body and i got hit with a wave of anxiety like i was about to get another panic attack, a bad one. I tried to keep it together, i just feel like i'm missing something. Why is this so bad. Symptoms are like changing and it's freaking me out, i started trying to eat healthier, just fruits and veggies. Now my right arm feels like it's not mine, and i feel a kind of pressure/pain in it. The same pressure that was JUST in my head, it's already moved.

 

I really feel there's something inside me moving around, sometimes my ears will pop(this was before i kindled). they would like like something was moving passed them, then i feel pressure down my neck, then down further. I get muscle twitches all over(again been happening for years). Even off the benzos i felt like pressure on one side of head, or in ear canals, maybe like candida or something else. I dunno, it just scares me. Plus i've been pissing white strings that nobody can explain. heres a pic of the strings http://i.imgur.com/WcgRsB4.jpg - in the morning it's like white discharge. So i have something actually wrong with me, it's not all just benzos. Doctors can't find shit though, sick of it.

 

I only got 4 hours of sleep, my stomachs in knots, i keep getting this feeling where I drop like an elevator all the time.

 

it's only day 5 and it's already this bad, i heard it could possibly just get worse is what worries me. benzos won't even be out of my system for 2 more weeks, then what.

 

Wondering if i should've just reinstated and tapered. I hate this shit, never should of taken those pills again.

[[Ca...]]

If it were me, I would not reinstate again.  Only because it was a very short term use and it would be buying months more of torture trying to get off and no-one can say what that withdrawal might be like.  I know you are frightened but this will pass.  And you will be OK.

 

Maybe you should see someone to be tested for an infection.  I think they just dipstick the urine so it's not invasive.

 

Hang in there.  This will get better.