Still doing okay..now Seventeen months out....

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  Hi everyone as promised a quick update...I am now Seventeen months out and still doing alright, Not completely healed but about 80% I would say ...I thought when I posted at Sixteen months that It wouldn't last long but it has and continues ...It can all change I know this but I wanted to give some much needed hope and truths  to you all, Lord knows this is all we have and this forum is our saving grace ...I couldn't imagine that I would feel better and life is so much better when we do ...at least everyone of us has this to look forward to ...healing completely is one thing but to just not feel so poorly everyday is so good that the smallest change is so welcome ...I have quite a few things that need to heal yet though but I'm sure it will happen , It will happen for us all so just keep the faith in knowing it, I wish that my sleep would get better and It has a little but still dealing with Insomnia about four nights out of seven and that is No sleep whatsoever on these nights with only two nights of two hours each and one night of awaking every hour  I still have the bloating horrible ...some muscle pain and tightness ... funny swallowing and an achy cold feeling in my chest but this is nothing compared to the fifty symptoms I have had....I can do most things again but there are times when I feel just a bit to tired to do them all so I wait until I feel like it which is most days ... don't think that you are going to be the exeption and not heal just because you get more symptoms than some or more Intense ones , believe me I had everyone named here just about and it is so much better ..It took nearly fifteen and a half months but it happened ...I didn't even realize it at first because it was within hours maybe one hour to the next ...that quick yep ...one day feeling like it was never going away ...Not a window hardly ever  then one flew open so quickly and stayed open ..... hope this gives some hope and belief to some , especially if you are thinking it wont go ...It will ...It does for everyone and I was years on them .... Love Tass  x

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I don't know how you stay so positive when your sleep sounds terrible!  I'm not well at all today.  I am having horrible symptoms all night long again.  Sounds like you are only getting up to 10 hours sleep per week?  Are you napping?  I don't know how you feel well at all!  I'm glad you do though- so happy for you.

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This is so lovely Tass! Thank you, thank you, thank you.😃

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Wow, Tass, from the bottom of my heart I thank you for coming back and sharing the good.  We are all so much in the trenches that is good to get a supply line of hope that we all can use.  I know you will be 100%.  THANKS.

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Tassie, I'm so sorry for my downer post.  Just having such a bad day and pissed that any of are here with these issues.  You are a strong woman, that's for certain.

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Thank You too Mbusybee and Yeehhaaww.....I know how much we look for some hope and comfort on here ...It is what we do because it seems this is the only place to find it...When we feel things have changed and we feel better it is fair to keep coming back and sharing it to give some peace of mind and something to look forward to ,It is so Important to do this because I know how much better I felt reading others posts of healing when I was going through torture ..It gives us a push to keep going knowing we will get there ..everyday is one more behind us ...It's good to think that the days shorten ...they don't lengthen..keep treading the water knowing land is in sight    Sleepless ...don't worry about your post ...I know that feeling too ... I think the sleep is just horrible it is but I thgink I am so used to it after months and months ...it was a bit better than this then changed again...I have now had about four different patters in this..I get so angry sometimes ..I really just dont understand why we still get this sleep problem...I am tired by early evening and now I have started to nap for an hour ...I couldn't fall asleep to nap before two weeks ago ......I don't think I'm strong though some say I am ...I lost my Son suddenly and nothing compares so I tell myself off if I start to crumble a bit and tell myself I have been through and will always be going through the worst time or worst thing in life Imaginable In losing a Child.... I am hoping my sleep improves as it is scarey to think about  and my eyes are always burning ...hope you're doing better and the sleep is Improving for you ...Love Tass. :smitten:x

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Whoops..the smitten was a smiley, it hasn't come through so ignore the smitten ...error!

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Oh tassie, I'm so sorry that you lost your son!  Are you able to grieve with family members?  I hope you aren't alone!  I don't know how old he was, but I imagine its difficult no matter the age.  I have two little girls and that would be the worst thing to happen to me... Especially trying to get through this nightmare.  So, with tears in my eyes, I'm giving you a big virtual hug and my thoughts and prayers. 

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Hi Sleepless, Thank You so much ... he was a young Man just starting out and was such a loving Son that never failed to tell me he loved me ...one that actually liked being home and loved his family ... Since he passed and the reality hit,  It was too hard too difficult to see anyone or even talk ...I couldn't see people I didn't want to ... I lost my voice with shock for weeks...My Mother passed away three years before and My Father before that so I didn't have them...My Sister was always with me ..She made sure she and her husband came every day for a long time ..She moved though so I don't see much of her now .......I decided a long time after James died to try and stop taking the tablets ...make sure that nothing was dulling any senses ... little did I know that I must have been in tolerance for years ...I never felt any different when I took them so I thought it was sensible to stop as I didn't want them putting up ...My doctor had said the year before that my dose needed to go up because I wasn't feeling any benefit from them but I said no... I did though certainly feel the difference when I tapered and terrible when I stopped ..may times I thought I would take them again but I didn't ...each time i wanted to I would just say to myself ...What is as hard as what you are already feeling ...It was easy then ...the brutality of withdrawal really is just terrible and just that 'brutal' pain and sickness with that dying feeling  for month after month but it still never compared to grief ...It never can ....the 100 symptoms that are all going on together really is just raw ...horror is the word but we do get out of there ..slowly but surely ...there isn't know getting out of the pain of losing your Child ...that is relentless ..It sometimes is physical too as your heart actually aches and sleep evades you ...the nausea and desperation of wanting to see your Child is all painful ....Maybe sleep would be better if it was the withdrawal alone  and to a certain extent I know it is ...but grief and sadness coupled with heartache is also the cause ...The Withdrawal is horrific and I know some suffer more than some but it does go away and I know your sleep Issues are terrible too ...If you can just paddle awhile longer though ...You will get out of the swamp ...those jolts will stop and you will see the Sun again... You will...I am doing better all the time but still have the sleep ...the palpitations ,...tightness and muscle pain a few more symptoms to but everything is now much less Intense and easier to manage .with a lot that has healed and gone ....Thank You again Sleepless and I know you are behind me in healing ...

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Tassie,  you really are a strong woman... Most definitly yes.  Your strength and positivity is contagious as I feel a little better after reading that.  Thank you. 

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You're Welcome Sleepless, I hope you soon find your sleep returning ...It did get better for you awhile back as I recall so that is a sign you're healing, the trouble with a lot of these symptoms is that they ease off then return ...my sleep got better to but not for long but this is healing ..one step forward two back until it becomes two steps forward one back ..then it is forward forward forward .....Thank You for your words ...Love Tassx