Resisted the temptation to take a Klonopin yesterday

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A couple times since my taper I've been tempted to take a Klonopin because of whatever stress I'm feeling. Yesterday was one of those days. I suppose I should just get rid of the pills, right?!

 

The good thing is that I can feel the temptation but not act on it. It's much easier these days to just ignore it and take a break from my stress. Luckily it doesn't get overwhelming and I can usually just grin and bear it. I do some meditation, listen to mellow music and let it pass. Once the stress is over I always look back and feel relief that I didn't take a pill, that it was really just a temporary feeling and that I can find other ways of dealing with my anxiety.

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If you have the pill eventually the circumstances will evoke you to take it. I had to lose all my pills and I had more than Klonopin. 

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I guess I haven't thrown them away because I'm afraid of what would happen if I hit some major life event. It's like I consider it a net to keep me from falling if there was a serious disaster in my life. But I know deep down that they don't really help, but cause harm in the long run.

 

I think back to the panic attack I had when I was fired from my job a while ago. I was freaking out and took Klonopin to help me through. But maybe my job performance would have been better if I wasn't on medications at the time anyway!

 

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I threw mine away the day after my last one.  I did the same with all the meds I have withdrawn from.  I do NOT want that poision around me.  I decided I was off of it and never wanted the horror of tapering ever again.  I have had them put I am allergic to benzos on my med record.  The pain, the anguish, the suffering are just too much for me.  I have been through c/t of klonopin and 3 month taper from Xanax after taking only a few weeks.  I cannot and will not go through this again.  I feel like I will never heal completely.  I still have light/noise sensitivity from only a few months total including taper on the xanax... had it from klonopin... I cannot really take tv or music on radio or light coming in through cutains.  I can sleep 2 hours and then 2 hours and I can breathe without anxiety today but who knows about tomorrow.  My head pain is mostly gone.  I still have terrible depression and cannot really be around people talking very much.  I am in overwhelm and overload.  Do you want to risk and chance more pain?

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Travis- for me still having a stash of emergency xanax is a kind of  psychological  crutch- just knowing I have them keeps me calm- I  am firmly committed to not taking one- and have not taken one since I jumped May 31st- but right now I still need the security blanket of knowing they are there- just the thought of that is soothing to me -  even though I know I won't take one...someday when I am through withdrawal Iplan to  get rid of them- so I do understand where you are coming from..

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Travis, I forgot to praise and compliment you from NOT taking any.

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A couple times since my taper I've been tempted to take a Klonopin because of whatever stress I'm feeling. Yesterday was one of those days. I suppose I should just get rid of the pills, right?!

 

The good thing is that I can feel the temptation but not act on it. It's much easier these days to just ignore it and take a break from my stress. Luckily it doesn't get overwhelming and I can usually just grin and bear it. I do some meditation, listen to mellow music and let it pass. Once the stress is over I always look back and feel relief that I didn't take a pill, that it was really just a temporary feeling and that I can find other ways of dealing with my anxiety.

 

I think that's Awsome you didn't take it. Good job!

 

In my opinion keeping benzos around is a bad idea . I threw mine out after I was past the risk of seizure . There is literally no reason to keep them around. Having them still ,makes it seem like you don't take your recovery seriously . These pills are dangerous and we know more than anyone. It's like a herion addict keeping a stash of herion around or alcoholic having alchohal in the house. You will take it when things get really bad. ( like if someone dies or any other tragic life event )

 

Again this is just my opinion . I mean no offense to anyone, but not coping with our problems with out drugs is what landed most of us here in the first place. I know some people where prescribed for other medical reasons.

 

Accidental addict or not our bodies still became addicted to this substance.

 

Remy

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Remy- Trust me-  I take my recovery very very seriously- it was hard fought after 30 years and I  am proud of myself each and every day for making it. I will not take another  pill but at this point having them around is what I personally need. Each person is different and there is no need to judge.

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Remy- Trust me-  I take my recovery very very seriously- it was hard fought after 30 years and I  am proud of myself each and every day for making it. I will not take another  pill but at this point having them around is what I personally need. Each person is different and there is no need to judge.

 

I wasn't judging ,if you read my post I specially  said I  mean no offense and that it was just my opinion. I have been through recovery more than once with other things . So I am just sharing my wisdom/experience with recovery. There is more than one way to recovery. I just can't imagine someone not taking them if something in life took a turn for the worst. 

 

One major part of recovery is bieng completely honest with yourself. If you really think you can abstain from taking them if a tragic life circumstance or extreme stressor arises . Keep them around. I am not telling anyone to do one thing or another just clearly stating my opinion.

 

There would be no temptation if you had no benzos to tempt you.

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the point is we are all different.... whatever works to keep us off once are done withdrawing is what is important.  I got benzo for insomnia and that is NOT what they are for.  Once I was done, it was my celebration and disgust with them that caused me to get rid of them

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Good thread!  Congratulations for not taking one, when seriously tempted..!

 

I don't know, like people are saying, we are all different, and there is no set recipe for recovery.. I kept a group of 6 x .125mg clonazepam after I jumped for a couple of months, then I threw those away. 

 

I kept them around for a while after I jumped as I didn't know what to expect after I jumped - I thought if I get an incredible , scary panic attack I might need to take one, like if I thought I was going to have a heart attack or something..

 

But, after i realized I was doing okay, I was glad to get rid of them.  Like Remy, I've recovered from a couple of other things, and I was taught in recovery to throw away any "stash" I might have.

 

I just tapered off of risperdal which is an antipsychotic i was put on in tolerace w/d while on benzos, and now that I'm 27 days off of it, i'm going to throw it away this weekend - I just kept it around in case I had some severe w/d reaction..

 

Glad to get rid of those pharmacy bottles!!!

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Thanks for all the replies. I'll be tossing them tonight, gladly.

 

I had a problem with pot for years. There was no way I could have any weed around without smoking it multiple times a day. I'd try to quit and could never do it beyond a couple days. I've actually thrown weed away on numerous occasions when I go sick of how I was feeling, just flushing it down the toilet... only to wind up buying some more a few months later. Luckily I've been pot-free for the past 3 years, mostly because I have no way to buy it. If it were legal in my state I don't know what I'd do.

 

Alcohol and Klonopin seem to be different. I've reduced my drinking greatly over the past couple years but have no problem having beer in the fridge to drink a couple times per week. The Klonopin I have no problem leaving alone. But really, there's no need to have it and I'm better off without it.

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WOW.  Good job on the pot.  Smoked for a few times, but never hooked.  Now today I am so chemical/medication sensitive that if a cigarette or joint is smoked and I am blind folded I could tell you.  It hurts my breathing.  The other day while in car, I smelled smoke and knew there was a cigarette and sure enough it was in the car ahead of us.  Exhaust from cars bother.

 

When you throw the poison away, be to NOT put them in toilet or sink.  No one needs them in water supply.  I just put the bottle in the trash.

 

HANG IN THERE.  You are doing a fantastic job.

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Flush the pills. Dont go back. Wish I had listened to everyone on here when they told me the same.

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I got rid of them all this morning. It feels like I jumped again!

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YIPPEE.  I celebrate with you.  YOU CAN DO THIS.

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I have to confess that a couple months ago I took a dose of .25 mg of K because of a stressful situation. What surprised me was that it didn't help much and actually made me feel pretty bad. It wasn't kindling or anything, it was that I've had such a clear head for so long that the fuzzy headedness bothered me. I feel so much more present in my kids lives now that when I took the dosage it made me feel like I was letting them down. I lost my clarity and felt like a different person, someone I didn't like very much.

 

I think I've gotten to a point where, both with Klonopin and alcohol, I actually don't like the way they make me feel. It used to be a struggle to resist but I think I've turned a corner where I'm beginning to be repelled by them because of the way they distort reality.

 

I've been listening to talks and guided meditations by Tara Brach and they've really helped me get a better perspective. Mindfulness practice is about accepting reality as it is and dealing with it honestly and openly. This has really helped me accept life and not try to blunt or hide from it with booze or meds.

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Now today I am so chemical/medication sensitive that if a cigarette or joint is smoked and I am blind folded I could tell you.  It hurts my breathing.  The other day while in car, I smelled smoke and knew there was a cigarette and sure enough it was in the car ahead of us.  Exhaust from cars bother.

 

Thanks for the support. Can you believe how much people used to smoke years ago? You couldn't go to a restaurant without eating through a big cloud!

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WOW, Travis.  I appreciate your honesty and even more the words you said.  You are an amazing guy.  I know your children are blessed to have you as their dad.