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What serious illness is still better than WD in your experience?


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I had Crohn's disease in my thirties. Unreal gut pain for over a year before diagnosis, couln't even move in my bed. Wife and kid thought I was dying. My face was white pale. Shitting blood, crying, could't even take water or Jello at some point, my system couldn't handle it. And then urgent hospitalisation as my intestines drilled a hole into my bladder! I had 24 hours to live ER doctors said.

 

Well, withdrawal is worst if you ask me. I would take Crohn's back any day! That says it all.

 

Anyone else?

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Cancer. I was diagnosed last year - went through surgery and chemo for six months.

 

It was dreadful, don't get me wrong. But this benzo thing is a totally different monster, and there are times I find it worse than the cancer situation. With chemo, even though you feel horrible, there is predictability. The symptoms start resolving and you feel a bit better. Then you go in for your next treatment. And there is a reason for the pain, and there is an end date.

 

Benzo w/d just grinds on and on relentlessly, with no predictability and no established end date. And chemo never stole my brain or my soul - my ability to think, my ability to read, and to sleep, and to find pleasure in the things I love. This damnable drug did all of that and more.

 

In honesty, there have been times I would welcome the return of the cancer. Because then I could just put it all down. Be done with this shit - done with feeling so sick day after day. How fucked up is that?

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Cancer. I was diagnosed last year - went through surgery and chemo for six months.

 

It was dreadful, don't get me wrong. But this benzo thing is a totally different monster, and there are times I find it worse than the cancer situation. With chemo, even though you feel horrible, there is predictability. The symptoms start resolving and you feel a bit better. Then you go in for your next treatment. And there is a reason for the pain, and there is an end date.

 

Benzo w/d just grinds on and on relentlessly, with no predictability and no established end date. And chemo never stole my brain or my soul - my ability to think, my ability to read, and to sleep, and to find pleasure in the things I love. This damnable drug did all of that and more.

 

In honesty, there have been times I would welcome the return of the cancer. Because then I could just put it all down. Be done with this shit - done with feeling so sick day after day. How fucked up is that?

 

Me too, cancer.  Luckily I got out of chemo and radiation, but I got diagnosed with breast cancer in the middle of my taper.  Had to go through all the fear and anxiety of a cancer diagnosis, a ton of medical testing, and then major surgery all while suffering the physical symptoms and generally being scared shitless from withdrawal.  Still in the middle of my taper, and have more surgery coming up.  The withdrawal is relentless as SS says.  When I went back to see my psychiatrist after my double mastectomy, he was amazed at how good I looked for what I had been through, and that my attitude was relatively good.  I told him I had no fear of cancer or death, only benzo withdrawal (I guess I happened to see him on a good benzo day? He's seen me on bad days too where I looked like death from W/D and he can tell the difference).  Maybe if I ever get off this crap and heal I'll be scared of cancer, but for now, the benzos win out.  SS, you are way too awesome to be done by the way. I'm not letting you go that easily.  But i know what you mean, I'd like to be done too.

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Thanks Hope. It just gets so exhausting, as you know.  :smitten:

 

I know it's exhausting, but we are in this shitshow together  :smitten: I hate this stuff so much that I refuse to die with it in my body.  I at least have to make it until I finish my taper.  Hopefully longer, of course.  I would like to get better and be an advocate for benzo reform.  Write a book about all this awfulness.  Take down Big Pharma.  Maybe cancer will come back and beat me at some point, but this stupid pill will not!

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I would take benzo withdrawal over all of those above mentioned diseases and especially the one you were talking about in your post. Could it be that you just don't really remember how bad it was for you having Crohn's disease, people tend to forget about their misery after a couple of years you know. They just forget how bad it really was. Plus you just can't compare apple's to oranges. Chron's disease or cancer is much worse than benzo withdrawal but they are in a total different league. You can not compare these diseases. Chron's disease and cancer are physical diseases attacking the body. Benzo withdrawal is mental and psychological or even bio chemical but to say it's worse than Chron's disease or cancer ...
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Hey TR, I am experiencing both cancer and benzo w/d. Of course I can compare them.

 

And if you cannot compare them with your own personal experience, please don't pass judgment on the feelings those of us who can.

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Hey TR, I am experiencing both cancer and benzo w/d. Of course I can compare them.

 

And if you cannot compare them with your own personal experience, please don't pass judgment on the feelings those of us who can.

 

I second that TR. Benzo withdrawal and cancer at the time here too. I have a ton of physical symptoms from my benzo withdrawal which are downright awful. It's not all just psychological or mental or whatever you want to call it.

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. Chron's disease or cancer is much worse than benzo withdrawal but they are in a total different league. You can not compare these diseases. Chron's disease and cancer are physical diseases attacking the body. Benzo withdrawal is mental and psychological or even bio chemical but to say it's worse than Chron's disease or cancer ...

 

Sorry, but you are WRONG about Crohn's. At least in my case. First, I could work, except the last month berore hospitalisation. I can't work now and it's been many months. I was not afraid of going places. I didn't wake up in absolute terror shaking in endless fear. Didn't spend my time in my room. I had Crohn's waves that lasted a couple of hours. Now it's ALL DAY LONG. And I didn't think no one could find what I had and cure it, which is the case now. Everyone tried to help me since I looked very sick in the last months: not the case now, peiple think I'm nuts. When they found I had Crohn's in the hospital, they cure my pain instantly, first with Demerol, then with prednisone and operation. Never had pain after for years. Nothing compares to benzo withdrawal from my experience, it's there fu...ing you physically and mentally 24/7 and no doctor has a cure for it and you can't know if will end and when, if ever. I had Crohn's (did you?) and I repeat, I have never suffer as much mentally and physically in my life. And I sometimes I think about ending my life which never occured when I had Chron's, says a LOT.

Oh, and I lost everything over it, mainly my self esteem, my money, my profession, the respect of my wife and kid. I spend all afternoon turning over myself in pain, including the evening, my list of symptoms is almost endless... Anyway you don't know what you're tallking about since, obviously, you never had Cronh's...

 

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So well I take all your word for it due to the fact I never had cancer or Chron's disease. I was just trying to help you all feel better about the benzo nightmare. I truly can't imagine benzo withdrawal being worse than cancer or Chron's disease, but then again I never had it. I know all about benzo withdrawal and how insanely scary it can get. I guess with Chron's disease or cancer you still got a somewhat sane mind that can get you through that whole ordeal and all of this. Sorry if I misinterpreted the situation. It's just sad for me too and hard to get and accept that you guys are suffering more from benzo withdrawal then these awful diseases. Cause they look pretty awful and bad to me ! But you're right. I have no right of speech in this. Seems like anything is beter than benzo withdrawal. I wish I never reinstated.  :-[
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I had Lyme's Disease pretty bad over 20 years ago, and it basically ruined me for a while.. It attacks the CNS among other things, so in my recollection, it was a little similar to benzo w/d.  It was hard to diagnose, and I thought I was going crazy as well.  However, I was finally diagnosed (after 7 months), and then we began treatment.

 

Anyway, Lyme's didn't take my soul or affect my memory and brain as much as benzo w/d has..

 

I'd say Lyme's, as bad as it was, was a walk in the park compared to all the shit I've been through tapering and discontinuing from benzos.  I was pretty much all better from Lyme's in 13 months, and with benzos, I was never well while on them for years, and had a 7 month taper, and today marks 7 months that I've been off of them, and I definitely still have a ways to go before I'm healed.

 

Interesting about the folks who posted about going through cancer, and chron's disease..

 

 

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We're good TR. But yeah, benzos create a new depth of hell that many of the world's most terrible diseases don't send us to. It's astonishing.

 

We all live by the thought "what could be worse than cancer?" I found out.  :-[

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We're good TR. But yeah, benzos create a new depth of hell that many of the world's most terrible diseases don't send us to. It's astonishing.

 

We all live by the thought "what could be worse than cancer?" I found out.  :-[

 

 

My mom died of lung cancer 3 years ago just a few months after I jumped of 1 mg of Valium. In those conditions I had to go through withdrawal. Looking back at this whole thing now I realize reinstatement was just an accident around the corner for me to happen. At seeing how she been suffering with the chemo and her last days in the hospital not being able to breath anymore and on a breathing machine and seeing the horror she had to go through I would never EVER trade my benzo withdrawal in for that and what she's been through and she died. I'm being very neutral in all of this. Like you said I myself never had cancer or Chron's disease. I hear them say sometimes in this forum that benzo withdrawal won't kill you. I think otherwise when I'm leaving my house in a disoriented and depersonalized, derealized state. I think on the road driving your car or just crossing the road on foot about anything could happen and can kill you if you're not careful in such a state. If you get so severely depressed and anxious and without hope because of benzo withdrawal you could even take your own life, but hey I guess nobody ever died from benzo withdrawal right ... I know lots of people died from it !!! Not to depress anyone in here with this but it is what it is.

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I understand, TR. That must have been a dreadful experience for you. I would probably feel differently about benzo w/d were I to encounter the terminal phase of cancer. Which is quite possible for me someday, since my cancer was advanced and I have a genetic mutation that predisposed me to the disease.

 

I am exploring "options", if I need them in the future, as I am a strong proponent of death with dignity.

 

 

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