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Really bad time at the convenient store again !!!!!!


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So anyone that's going completely berserk and A-wire going for groceries at the convenient store ? Or is it just me ? I mean fear already starts kicking in a few days before I know I will have to make the road trip up there. I hardly sleep the night before I have to go there. It's like the freaking landing in Normandie the hours before leaving the house. I do different stores so that makes it even worse. Most of the time when I get in one of those convenient stores I get DP, DR and disoriented within a couple of minutes. From there on it's just a battle to get all my stuff together and make it out of there. Driving back home from my last visite is like I've been saved from something really bad. I just don't know how to cope with this anymore. I force myself to keep going up there but sometimes I truly don't know how much of this I can take anymore. The people shopping in there are like one group of the enemy alliance and even worse are those people working there, that just can barely give you a smile or anything and do nothing but stand in your way while they are filling the racks with monster trucks blocking the pass through. Sometimes I just really want to jam into them all with my trolley car and I just want all of these people to disappear. They are constantly blocking my way and they won't move if I want to pass so I need to drive around and through all of that bull shit. I can barely or hardly explain how much these people and employees annoy me and Hey I'm a nice guy but I'm just fed up with all that bull shit. I mean in my country it seems like customer is always right is completely out the door and you need to beg to go buy something. I'm getting so fed up with this. To no extend. Does anyone know what's going on with me or what's happening here and are there some of you going through the same ordeal ? Because I really don't know how much of this I can take anymore. And these employees are always looking so cranky and liverish it really wants to make me puke. As for the customers they do nothing else than stand in the way and pretend they are all alone up there and need to be treated before anybody else. This country has become crazy for it's mentality. People are just not friendly anymore it seems. And all these employees running around with their sour faces and attitudes just don't even want to let you through if you're passing and totally discarding you are even standing there makes it really hard to enjoy any of those trips to say the least. So it was a bad time at the convenient store for me once again ... 
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[9a...]

You've got quite a story line running through your head.  Yeah, people seem to drive stupidly sometimes.  However, it's exceedingly rare for them to do it on purpose, so just relax about it, accept it, be patient.  You'll get to your destination.  Concentrate on how to drive your car - not how (or why) the guy in front of you is driving his.

 

The clerks and customers look and act the way that they look and act.  You interpret this as 'cranky' or 'rude', but that's just your interpretation.  See it as such.  They're all just trying to get thru the day the same as you. 

 

It's not a perfect world.  Your job is to find a way to cope and maybe even thrive in the world in which you live.  If you choose to interpret life as though it was a conspiracy against you, you'll see it that way and be very unhappy.  If you choose to see life from a viewpoint of compassion and understanding, you'll be much happier.

 

These are not changes in attitude that can happen in a day or a week (or even a month).  However, if you begin to chip away at the conspiracy theories and replace it with a little more acceptance/understanding/patience you can slowly begin to find a little more contentment in what you do and who you interact with.

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The point that I've been trying to make is that I didn't suffer from these problems and issues when I was benzo free. Hell I didn't even know what DR or DP was before I reinstated and attempted my second taper. All of this started when I reinstated my drugs and did a failed attempt or 2 of tapering. This is just not me !!!! Obviously if it was me I wouldn't have posted this in a benzo withdrawal forum.
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Hi TR.  Being extremely irritable, paranoid and having difficulty coping with the most mundane of daily chores and the outside world is part and parcel of benzo withdrawal.  Those you encounter probably are not ill tempered, mean, and nasty , but your brain and nervous system has been under assault and are telling you they are.  You are coping the best you can.  So continue to go to the convenience store and get through it the best way you can.  Then come here and vent about it and we'll listen.  It will get better as healing progresses.  You will get to the point where a trip to the convenience store is merely routine and uneventful and easy. 

 

:smitten:

She

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Hi T.R.

Yes this is your 'Benzo Brain' taking over, and may be something else. This is what my therapist thinks (Me too) A small percentage of the population falls into a group identified as 'Hypersensitive'. We are much more aware of happenings outside of our bodies and around us, and we are also much more aware of happenings inside our bodies, such as heart beats, breathing, aches and pains etc. In normal times Hypersensitive people are probably aware of the condition, and make life style adjustments to negative situations to allow for a relativity peaceful existence.

 

However benzo withdrawal, always difficult for normal people, becomes for the Hypersensitive person a nightmare, as the stimulus from normal activities such as shopping and driving becomes overwhelming.

 

There is a school of thought that says that Hypersensitive people can, become benzo tolerant  with alarming rapidity, because the C.N.R is already constantly alert and on edge. Also withdrawal for this person, may become complicated by issues such as P.T.S.D or chronic insomnia.

 

If this depresses anyone I'm sorry. It is what it is.

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Hi T.R.

Yes this is your 'Benzo Brain' taking over, and may be something else. This is what my therapist thinks (Me too) A small percentage of the population falls into a group identified as 'Hypersensitive'. We are much more aware of happenings outside of our bodies and around us, and we are also much more aware of happenings inside our bodies, such as heart beats, breathing, aches and pains etc. In normal times Hypersensitive people are probably aware of the condition, and make life style adjustments to negative situations to allow for a relativity peaceful existence.

 

However benzo withdrawal, always difficult for normal people, becomes for the Hypersensitive person a nightmare, as the stimulus from normal activities such as shopping and driving becomes overwhelming.

 

There is a school of thought that says that Hypersensitive people can, become benzo tolerant  with alarming rapidity, because the C.N.R is already constantly alert and on edge. Also withdrawal for this person, may become complicated by issues such as P.T.S.D or chronic insomnia.

 

If this depresses anyone I'm sorry. It is what it is.

 

 

I think you're right. I keep listening to the music in those places and can't focus on anything else like asking what food I want while ordering to the employee. I know for a fact I see, hear and smell much better than the average person and it has been like this for many years. This is not bragging but a simple fact. I can see, hear or smell things other people would never even be aware of. The constantly alert and on edge feeling I've been having my whole life and chronic insomnia is the reason I reinstated all my drugs last time. Again you were right about me becoming benzo tolerant in alarming rapidity. You're not depressing me with this at all. I know I've been like this all my life, you just opened my eyes for this once again. I can really feel and sense in what kind of a mood people are in too and what problems they are dealing with from just having a simple look at them and this sometimes from the back without actually seeing their faces. There's just a lot coming at me in those places and vibes I have to deal with. May sound odd but you learn to live and cope with this stuff. There are some advantages to it but any kind of normal life is out of the question. And this saddens me. Thanks Brave Rabbit for this eyeopener.    :(

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I am a highly sensitive person too TR.  I read a very good book "The Highly Sensitive Person" by Elaine Aron, which was a real eye opener for me. She describes it and explains it in a very approachable way and also gives advice in coping with it.  I think many of us HSPs end up on benzos and subsequently have to go through withdrawal.  You are not alone!

 

XX

She

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[9a...]

The point that I've been trying to make is that I didn't suffer from these problems and issues when I was benzo free. Hell I didn't even know what DR or DP was before I reinstated and attempted my second taper. All of this started when I reinstated my drugs and did a failed attempt or 2 of tapering. This is just not me !!!! Obviously if it was me I wouldn't have posted this in a benzo withdrawal forum.

 

I completely understand that.  Withdrawal makes this type of behavior much worse.  My point was that you still have a choice as to how you will deal with these events - even while in withdrawal.  Yes, it's hard at times to put down the DP/DR, anxiety, etcetera, but it's doable if you can quiet (or at least not buy into) that part of your mind that is generating the storyline. 

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I am a highly sensitive person too TR.  I read a very good book "The Highly Sensitive Person" by Elaine Aron, which was a real eye opener for me. She describes it and explains it in a very approachable way and also gives advice in coping with it.  I think many of us HSPs end up on benzos and subsequently have to go through withdrawal.  You are not alone!

 

XX

She

 

:)  Thanks SheWhoMust, I need to check out that book and go do some research. I didn't want to bother doing that for many years now because I just wanted to live a normal life (which is totally out of the question ...  :laugh:) and I kind of dismissed doing research. Just didn't want to accept any of it.    :laugh:

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The point that I've been trying to make is that I didn't suffer from these problems and issues when I was benzo free. Hell I didn't even know what DR or DP was before I reinstated and attempted my second taper. All of this started when I reinstated my drugs and did a failed attempt or 2 of tapering. This is just not me !!!! Obviously if it was me I wouldn't have posted this in a benzo withdrawal forum.

 

I completely understand that.  Withdrawal makes this type of behavior much worse.  My point was that you still have a choice as to how you will deal with these events - even while in withdrawal.  Yes, it's hard at times to put down the DP/DR, anxiety, etcetera, but it's doable if you can quiet (or at least not buy into) that part of your mind that is generating the storyline.

 

 

Thanks badsocref. I didn't really take it all that wrong. All your points were valid and I read the message between the lines. It' just during those 3 years of being benzo free all of this stuff was much less of a problem and almost non existent to deal with compared to now. It was a great post by the way !!    ;)

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Meditation is finding thought, observing thought. Letting go of thought. Repeat.

 

While doing the above, focus your attention on your body, while doing so. Take deep diaphram breaths.

 

While doing the above, ones mind will drift, naturally. Be mindful of the minds tendency to think, direct ones attention from thought, towards breath

 

This is a skill that takes development.

 

If done correctly, one will feel calm. Attempting to feel calm, is not meditating.

 

To meditate, is to bring awareness away from thought, towards the sensations of the deep breath.

 

To accomplish the above, one has to first gain awareness of ones mind.

 

When the mind produces thought, it's up to you whether you want to attach to thought.

 

 

 

To overcome fear, while in the presence of Fear, Meditate.

 

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[2a...]
Hi.  It might help to start with some simple energy-healing exercises; to help deal with the "over sensitivity". It could be that you are very empathic; picking up too much outside energy at once and being overwhelmed.  Simple Tai Chi type centering exercises can help you hold only your energy; tightening your own energy centers when you are out in the world, practice being grounded and holding only your energy. By shaping a smallish size ball (imaginary ball), using both hands; standing upright and practice centering the ball of energy in the region near your naval. Just moving your hands as if your are holding a soft ball, inverting top then bottom,(top hand rotates to become lower hand)back and forth until you feel your energy. (this is hard to describe in words, it's really very simple technique that is also used in Tai Chi). Another simple exercise is to practice drawing your boundaries like an aura (a solid line) around your entire body; like a big strong rope; drawing a line all the way around your own shape. When you feel the line is strong,keep you energy within this imagined boundary line; then deal with people, so you don't pick up too much of their energy, and you preserve your energy for yourself. When our energy improves, coming out of withdrawal, people will feel that, and start changing, and you won't be projecting your own stuff either. Good methods to start dealing with the world in withdrawal. And dark sunglasses... whenever you go out. Peace. Karuna
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This is amazing, In my next post I was going to recommend this very same book. I read it last year and passed it on to my son who is also an H.P.

 

When we say we are H.P. we are not, and I repeat not, bragging. It is what we are, and is as much a part of us as curly hair, blue eyes or any thing else that we have. We are born that way and we cannot change.

 

Being an H.P. is not all bad. The 'sixth sense' is something I would never live without. I first felt it when I was eight. I knew that the horse I was riding was about to throw me. I dismounted, spoke quietly to my horse, telling him to behave himself, got back on and finished my ride safely. Since then it has kept me safe. If I had paid attention to my H.P self when my worthless Dr. was dishing out benzos, instead of being 'Logical' I would not be in withdrawal today, dealing with what has happened.

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