Decision Time...Need Some Advice Please

[[ia...]]

Well BB friends..... I could use some advice.

After reducing my 10 mg Librium Capsules to one-every-other-day for 2 weeks ( I read that someone on another post called this a "Military Taper" ) my thought is that I now have the rough equivalent of what a  5mg's every day dosing would have accomplished in my bloodstream.....but without having to contact my MD to request the smaller dose.

  Two problems I think I have now.

One, I have been cheating by using .5mgs of xanax to handle the Morning panic attacks, when needed. I have never learned how to get through a panic attack without putting a xanax under my tongue. It pains me to admit that.    

So problem one is...I am now using xanax 4 to 5 times a week. So...I guess I have simply replaced the higher Librium dose...with xanax.

  Problem 2.....I feel like this is the worst thing I have ever gone through in my life.

Every day is miserable. Very little sleep...I dread the morning and each new day.

Anxiety, depression , intrusive thoughts along with a host of other mental and physical symptoms have beat me up the last 5 Months.

All started about  a Week into my Taper.

Clear Cause and Effect.

I am ready to throw n the towel, call my Doctor and reinstate to my previous 25 mgs of Librium per day, xanax as needed...and probably ask him to give me a script  for 50 mgs of Zoloft that has always pulled me out of depression in the past...and I tolerate well. Here is my post that began this Nightmare , back in April.  http://www.benzobuddies.org/forum/index.php?topic=155883.0

I am tired guys. I am no use to my family like this. Something has to change.

Any way to avoid the drastic steps I just mentioned and maybe adjust my taper?  I cannot even think straight right now...thats why I am asking for help

 

[[ia...]]

A New Taper Plan Maybe?

[[wh...]]

A New Taper Plan Maybe?

 

I'm not sure if I can be much help but I think if your symptoms started 1 week into your taper 5 months ago you are probably tapering too fast.  Although I do commend you for coming down from 25 mg to 10 mg in such a short time after using librium for 10 years. Many people here wait to stabilize before tapering again.  since your body is already adjusting to the lower dose I would up dose a little (not the original 25 mg) and wait to stabilize.  Your body is taking a hit right now as it was so used to 25 mg for so long. Once you've stabilized on whatever dose minimizes your symptoms then rethink your tapering plan from there. I believe once you've up dosed a little you'll rely less on the xanax.

[[Sh...]]

Iamthird. You sound like you're going through exactly what I am. I've been off for almost 4 months now after tapering 9 months. I have wanted to throw in the towel literally every day it's been that mentally brutal. I still consider if this is even worth it and whether to go back on my original dose. I've had no life the last year.

[[Ge...]]

Please don't throw in the towel.  You are strong and you can figure this out.  The drugs are begging to drag you in.  Don't let them do this to you.

[[ia...]]

A New Taper Plan Maybe?

 

I'm not sure if I can be much help but I think if your symptoms started 1 week into your taper 5 months ago you are probably tapering too fast.  Although I do commend you for coming down from 25 mg to 10 mg in such a short time after using librium for 10 years. Many people here wait to stabilize before tapering again.  since your body is already adjusting to the lower dose I would up dose a little (not the original 25 mg) and wait to stabilize.  Your body is taking a hit right now as it was so used to 25 mg for so long. Once you've stabilized on whatever dose minimizes your symptoms then rethink your tapering plan from there. I believe once you've up dosed a little you'll rely less on the xanax.

 

You are probably right  WH about my taper being fast....

Like many on this Board, my MD has no clue about Benzo Withdrawal because he was never trained on the long term effects nor benzo discontinuation syndrome.

  He prescribed me 20mgs for 2 months ...and then 10mgs for 2 months. And in his mind, that is it.

So I have to try and taper within 5 months.....or risk a probable disagreement with him concerning taper length.

 

[[ia...]]

I've noticed many of us have to battle this craziness on at least 3 fronts. Our Discontinuation Symptoms....Our Friends and Family's inability to relate...and Our Physicians lack of knowledge.

 

It would be easier if at least our Primary Care Person was trained....would be one less thing to fight.

 

Oh well...it is what it is....

[[ia...]]

Iamthird. You sound like you're going through exactly what I am. I've been off for almost 4 months now after tapering 9 months. I have wanted to throw in the towel literally every day it's been that mentally brutal. I still consider if this is even worth it and whether to go back on my original dose. I've had no life the last year.

 

You are right Shamo3.....it robs us of ability to have or enjoy a life! I commend you for your successfully Jumping back in June. Good job

  I guess we have both read enough posts on this site to know that considering reinstatement crosses most of our minds because the suffering is so bad.

  Hang in there....you have Jumped...and that is huge~

[[ia...]]

Please don't throw in the towel.  You are strong and you can figure this out.  The drugs are begging to drag you in.  Don't let them do this to you.

 

Thanks GeeGee.....you are right of course.

Thanks for responding with encouragement .

 

[[To...]]

Well BB friends..... I could use some advice.

After reducing my 10 mg Librium Capsules to one-every-other-day for 2 weeks ( I read that someone on another post called this a "Military Taper" ) my thought is that I now have the rough equivalent of what a  5mg's every day dosing would have accomplished in my bloodstream.....but without having to contact my MD to request the smaller dose.

  Two problems I think I have now.

One, I have been cheating by using .5mgs of xanax to handle the Morning panic attacks, when needed. I have never learned how to get through a panic attack without putting a xanax under my tongue. It pains me to admit that.    

So problem one is...I am now using xanax 4 to 5 times a week. So...I guess I have simply replaced the higher Librium dose...with xanax.

  Problem 2.....I feel like this is the worst thing I have ever gone through in my life.

Every day is miserable. Very little sleep...I dread the morning and each new day.

Anxiety, depression , intrusive thoughts along with a host of other mental and physical symptoms have beat me up the last 5 Months.

All started about  a Week into my Taper.

Clear Cause and Effect.

I am ready to throw n the towel, call my Doctor and reinstate to my previous 25 mgs of Librium per day, xanax as needed...and probably ask him to give me a script  for 50 mgs of Zoloft that has always pulled me out of depression in the past...and I tolerate well. Here is my post that began this Nightmare , back in April.  http://www.benzobuddies.org/forum/index.php?topic=155883.0

I am tired guys. I am no use to my family like this. Something has to change.

Any way to avoid the drastic steps I just mentioned and maybe adjust my taper?  I cannot even think straight right now...thats why I am asking for help

 

 

I've done that "Military taper" with Valium. Seems like we're a bit in the same boat here. I'm on 75 mg of Zoloft and I'm starting to suspect it for being the core of the entire problem. I need to take 2 different benzo's too to get some relief. I know all about Xanax. If not 3 as I have to take some Valium because I'm in terrible withdrawal since I Cold Turkey that one about a month ago. I have all these symptoms you are talking about. I wish I could help but I'm getting ready to throw in the towel myself if only my doctor would prescribe me enough Valium (what will never happen) I would continue my taper again.

[[ia...]]

Hi Totalrelapse

What is xanax retard? Is it different that xanax? Is Ambien the other benzo you speak of being on in addition to xanax "retard" ?

[[Be...]]

I have agonised with myself about not just staying on the pills as prescribed, or going back up to what I was at. . I tried to come off them and the WD was so bad that it made me absolutely panic and becone totally determined to get off them, rather than stay on them. I knew that I couldn't live with the possibility, indeed the probability if not certainty that one day j would start the descent into WD hell from a harder place, having been on them longer.

I was reading another thread there and this jumped out at me:

''Eventually the prescribed dose becomes the tolerated dose and you have to keep going higher and higher until there's no where left to go except plunging down into endless withdrawal anyway''

I think that's a sensible observation.

That said, if someone had offered me the chance to go back up so I could function at work, I'd have taken their arm off for it...but by then I was with a doctor who only prescribed benzos very reluctantly.

 

[[To...]]

Hi Totalrelapse

What is xanax retard? Is it different that xanax? Is Ambien the other benzo you speak of being on in addition to xanax "retard" ?

 

 

I'm currently not taking Xanax except for the occasional "rescue dose" of 1 mg but it keeps backfiring big time. I used to take Xanax retard 0.5 mg plus Xanax 1 mg for sleep. Xanax retard is the XR (extended release) of regular Xanax and will work about 12 hours but not as strong. I need to take Clozan ( a thienobenzodiazepine) during the day with the occasional 5 mg of Valium "rescue dose" because I simply can't stand it anymore and I currently take 1 mg of Ativan for sleep. All of this is because I became tolerant to Valium and it didn't do anything for me anymore due to taking it for such a long time using it to taper off the other benzo's. I can't believe what a mess I got myself into here. I used to take 50 mg of Zoloft too and my doctor suggested I would take more because I was getting depressed during my last Valium taper. So I tried 100 mg a day and got like really amped up, mad at the world and anxious and pissed off all the time, you name it I got it, then I started taking 75 mg. Really there's no logic anymore in this mess I am.

[[ia...]]

Belfast

What is your tapering plan from here forward?

Are you holding right now?

Also, just curious.....what prompted your beginning to Taper in the first place?

Forgive me if you have answered these elsewhere.....my once Great Cognitive ability is gone right now

[[ia...]]

Hi Totalrelapse

What is xanax retard? Is it different that xanax? Is Ambien the other benzo you speak of being on in addition to xanax "retard" ?

 

 

I'm currently not taking Xanax except for the occasional "rescue dose" of 1 mg but it keeps backfiring big time. I used to take Xanax retard 0.5 mg plus Xanax 1 mg for sleep. Xanax retard is the XR (extended release) of regular Xanax and will work about 12 hours but not as strong. I need to take Clozan ( a thienobenzodiazepine) during the day with the occasional 5 mg of Valium "rescue dose" because I simply can't stand it anymore and I currently take 1 mg of Ativan for sleep. All of this is because I became tolerant to Valium and it didn't do anything for me anymore due to taking it for such a long time using it to taper off the other benzo's. I can't believe what a mess I got myself into here. I used to take 50 mg of Zoloft too and my doctor suggested I would take more because I was getting depressed during my last Valium taper. So I tried 100 mg a day and got like really amped up, mad at the world and anxious and pissed off all the time, you name it I got it, then I started taking 75 mg. Really there's no logic anymore in this mess I am.

 

Thanks or the clarification BF.

Dont beat yourself up too much...we were all taken by surprise at the side-effects of these medications. We are not trained MD's or PD's....we are laymen that had no idea of the power of these "minor tranquilzers" HA! I love that name.

  NOTHING MINOR ABOUT THEM!

[[Be...]]

Basically I realised I was on a massive dose, and I did some research, and freaked out. Told my GP I wanted off them. At the time I was off work ill (from anxiety attacks I now know we're actually benzo WD) m, this was early November. My wife and I decided it would be best to get off them now, rather than me have to take another period of sick leave again, which could have lost me my job.

My GP drew up a taper plan which saw me go from 35mg to 14mg  in 7 weeks...at which point I had to be referred to emergency psych unit. Hardly surprising now, given what I know.

I just became consumed with getting off them before going back to work and I convinced myself I could do it. I found the Ashton Manual which said 1mg a fortnight was doable and that reassured me. I spent several months in the most unimaginable hell being told by doctors and addiction specialists that there was no way I could be experiencing the WD I was. A new GP tried to force me off at 1mg a week for 3 weeks and I became acutely suicidal. It was horrible, an unending nightmare. I became so sick but I just was obsessed with being off them. I didn't even know anything about 'acute' until July, no doctor or specialist had ever mentioned it to me. And the Ashton manual didn't either. So I just thought I had to get to zero. It was madness, but fear and panic had literally driven me mad. I was let down by every single medic I encountered. Apart from my current GP who doesn't know what to make of this mess in front of him...

[[Be...]]

I don't know what my taper plan is going forward :/

I'm so devastated at my job loss, so profoundly depressed that I'm scared to cut again. Anxiety and depression were my worst symptoms.

All I know is, when I do it, it will have to be slow.

[[ia...]]

I understand Belfast...No need to taper further right now.

Sounds like you need time to stabilize right now.

Sorry to read you are suffering so much.

In my opinion, another thing we have in common, besides supportive Wives....is our dwelling on the past.

I am with on that...I really am. I think about what I "was" and what I was "able to do for years" before this Benzo taper started.

We both really need to let go of that thinking and move forward with Life as it is now, not as it used to be.

Maybe we can keep that in mind as we struggle our way through this mess, and just have to take on faith the experiences and success of other who at one time were as bad and worse than we are now.

  Easy to say...hard to do.

  I know.

  Hang in there

[[Be...]]

Thanks.

I am just consumed with regret all the time, it's eating me up. Why didn't I just keep taking the pills in November? Why didn't I just reinstate or stabilise in February before leaving the benzo-happy GP?

My reduction had been so aggressive that I didn't realise there was even the chance of stabilising :/

I just thought I was in tolerance WD hell all the time.

No one gave me real advice. It was all here for me, but I left it far too late.

[[ia...]]

Well it has taken 4 months, but  I have stopped taking Librium, none this Week.

One Benzo Down.... and One to go.

Currently taking 1 Mg of Xanax per day. ( 5mgs in Morning, 5mgs at night.) I Have Adjusted My Signature Line.

 

Thank you everyone for your help and advice so far. I have not found the accurate , helpful information anywhere else.

 

http://www.benzobuddies.org/forum/index.php?topic=155883.20