Job situation - advice needed to manage symptoms.

[[so...]]

Hi buddies, any advice I can get would be much appreciated. I have been back at work full-time for about 5 months after undergoing chemotherapy last year and then learning I had the benzo problem. It's not been great, as I feel like sludge most of the time, but I've been muddling along.

 

This past Friday my boss told me that our lab no longer has the funding to support two technicians, and that my co-worker was being shifted to another lab. Which means I will be on my own to run the whole show and supervise our three undergrad assistants.

 

To say I'm terrified would be an understatement. I have leaned very heavily on my co-worker to help me get through the days, as I spend much of the time staggering around in a fog of d/r d/p, thick head, fatigue, shakiness, crap sleep... I am hardly at my best. Very worried that I will not be capable of taking on the full workload. Two years ago, before I fell sick, it would have been no problem.

 

I did have a very frank talk with my boss, and he fully understands my situation. But that doesn't change the financial facts. I've got to be on my game, do the job well and not take sick days, since no one can cover for me.

 

Any advice on how to get my symptoms more under control so that I feel better and can keep my job? Losing the job is not on the table. I am single and have to hang onto my good health insurance, and be able to financially support myself and help out my daughter. She lives independently from me but is still a teenager and needs money from me at times.

 

Since February I have been doing cut and hold, but I have noticed that the last few weeks have become more challenging. I'm now at about day 16 of my latest cut from 3.25 mg to 3.0 mg diazepam.

 

Should I stop trying to taper? Probably not - I know I would risk tolerance problems down the road. Should I continue the taper, but switch to liquid and go really really slowly? Would that help me to feel more stable? What rate of dropping dose would you suggest?

 

To add to the fun, I'm facing more surgery (hysterectomy), and my thyroid is going hyper. Panic about both of these looming problems are making the benzo thing worse. Seriously, the hits just keep coming. This absolutely sucks. Not sure how much more of this I can take. It's really hard to persevere sometimes.

 

I know we all have our challenges - we're all having a tough time. Thanks buddies.

[[Be...]]

I'm just sorry for your troubles

If I were you, i would taper as slow as is humanly possible.

You could hold but then if this situation is going to remain the same for the forseeable, there will come the day when you gotta cut. And if that is due to tolerance, that would be rough.

I'm just so sorry that you're in this boat. I feel the job thing acutely. But you're stil in the fight - I was off when the benzo hell kicked in and I just never made it back. You can def do this, you're tough enough from all you've been through

[[Be...]]

It is beyond cruel that you were treated for the cancer diagnosis with this affliction.

The prisons should be bulging with the bastards responsible for all this. 

[[lo...]]

I am working too (and need to), and this is definitely a challenge. I am 0.21K currently which is probably around 4mg diazepam and I have to say it starts to get rougher. most likely because this is below a significant therapeutic amount of the drug. the way I approach work, I try to get done as much as possible on my better days, and just chill on bad days (tech job allows own pace). I find however that keeping focused helps me to have some break from the struggles with the taper. Physical workout, good supplements and diet help me to stay focused. The main key to success with getting of benzos is apart from the right taper schedule and support, proper motivation and focus.

I'm too looking for answer how to approach taper as you get low in your dose, take it slow, take breaks, or continue till 0 at that level....

[[so...]]

For sure Belfast. It's criminal what has happened to us.

 

Locutusofborg (great name btw!), good advice to take advantage of the times I feel my best to get chores done at work. Our experiments are on a set schedule though, so I have to run them on that schedule, whether I feel well or not.

 

I have found the forced busy-ness and distraction while at work helps. Just got to keep the symptoms under control so I can manage.

[[so...]]

Let the responsibility and purpose give you strength. I've been working full days throughout my taper for financial reasons and the necessity of it has kept me strong and sane. Read about mindfulness and fully put your mind into your work. Lose yourself in it and don't even think about the meds situation until the work day is done. Easier said than done, but I've done it myself and I'm down to 1.5 MG at present. You can do this. I'll be sending positive vibes your way and I know I'm not the only one.

[[so...]]

Thanks S&P. Good advice. I used to be into mindfulness meditation and stuff like that. More problematic since my brain went to crap on this drug. Bleah...