Doctor's appointment from hell !!!!!! HELP !!!!!!!

[[To...]]

So today after many months I finally took control of my situation and left the house to go see my doctor. I've been worrying over it for over a week since I made the appointment and turns out I had a good reason for that. I told her that for now I couldn't do the tortures taper with Valium anymore and that it has turned evil on me giving me paradoxical side effects and guess what ?? No more prescriptions !!!!   

 

Fair enough she gave me some prescriptions for another benzo but I am afraid these won't last me too long. I was pretty spaced out when I went visiting her because I had to up dose because of the stress and I could barely explain my situation. Now she's thinking again that I'm messing around with different kind of medications ... It's true that I switch them a lot but I do this because otherwise they get paradoxical on me and I don't feel them anymore or get any relief. So yes it happens that I take this benzo one day and another the other day and I switch them but I never mingle and always make sure I take no more than what I feel is the dose I currently can hold on too which is an equivalent of 15 to 20 mg Diazepam.

 

Finally I found out the whole appointment was going into the wrong direction with me not being able to explain much and she being 15 minutes too late for our appointment which only gave us another 15 minutes to figure very complicated stuff out. She been driving her kids to school and it was very busy traffic as I noticed driving up there was like playing Pac-man on level 220.

 

After about 5 minutes I just knew it was all turning into shit and I told her that bad months were coming up ahead for me because I'm always severely depressed during the fall and winter and I told her I was about ready again to go score me some XTC like I did last year and if I could get her to prescribe me some Oxycodone to give me some piece of mind and a buffer for doing stupid ... 

 

Let's just say she didn't take it too well ... and she started yelling at me saying NO !!!!! I already prescribed you a 2 boxes in December last year and I told you it was a one time deal !!!!!   

 

Now I have no Valium, no Xanax, no Oxycodone and just a few benzo's due to the fact she wants me to use half of the current dose I'm taking.   

 

So this would turn out in a rapid taper or even Cold Turkey if I take what I need which isn't even that much in the first place !!!

 

Am I good or what ?? This is a true story !!! Nothing fictional ... I still can't believe it. I will eventually be forced into a Cold Turkey.   

 

Guys please give me some advice here. It would be greatly appreciated. Seems like this doctor has turned on me ... 

 

I should have taken Xanax 1 mg before the appointment but I wanted to do it straight with only 5 mg of Clozan.   

 

These people are just not cooperative.   

 

She said I should go do some sport and look into a light box.   

 

When I walked out the door I told her I might do the Valium taper or direct taper anyway and that I just didn't know it anymore, then she smiled at me, like it's a joke I'm being confused due to benzo withdrawal.

 

This was one appointment from hell.   

 

 

Guys please !!!!!!   

 

 

 

 

Say something ....

[Guest [Cl...]]

I never tell my doctors the truth -- otherwise they will just take my medicine away from me. It was hard enough to obtain it as it was -- they will jump on any excuse to cut you off because of all the government regulations on this. It's considered a narcotic now so their careers are on the line. Also, they are not as educated as they think they are about this medicine. I don't trust my doctors, nor any doctor I have ever met, about this topic. Doing your own research and coming on here, I find, is best.

[Guest [Cl...]]

It took a great deal of manipulation on my part to convince my doctor to prescribe me valium so that I could taper off Klonopin. He didn't believe in this method  or the Ashton Method and hates the idea of me going on Benzobuddies --- and thought that taking two benzos at the same time was bad. But I really connived a story as to why it was necessary to take the valium and he believed it and prescribed it to me.

[[To...]]

I never tell my doctors the truth -- otherwise they will just take my medicine away from me. It was hard enough to obtain it as it was -- they will jump on any excuse to cut you off because of all the government regulations on this. It's considered a narcotic now so their careers are on the line. Also, they are not as educated as they think they are about this medicine. I don't trust my doctors, nor any doctor I have ever met, about this topic. Doing your own research and coming on here, I find, is best.

 

 

That's exactly how this stuff is working and how it is !! You are right on. Very good post. I've been WAY too honest with these people, I don't want to lie because I have a relation with a Higher Power or God but these people are just not worth being honest to anymore ...  Maybe next time I need to tell them I'm on 100 mg a day and if I can get some prescriptions for 3 months. Won't work with this one anymore of course ... Thanks Clara ! Very good thinking and judgement of this case !!!!!   

[[To...]]

It took a great deal of manipulation on my part to convince my doctor to prescribe me valium so that I could taper off Klonopin. He didn't believe in this method  or the Ashton Method and hates the idea of me going on Benzobuddies --- and thought that taking two benzos at the same time was bad. But I really connived a story as to why it was necessary to take the valium and he believed it and prescribed it to me.

 

I used to go in there on really high doses and I could manipulate and talk her into it too and easy because I was very talkative and convincing , but this time I just wasn't relaxed and all stressed out. I just couldn't find the right words and didn't feel like explaining much due to benzo withdrawal. Seems like you're getting punished for taking less and trying to get off ...

[Guest [Cl...]]

I feel as if benzobuddies will ban me for saying not to trust your doctors so I just want to say I am only telling my story and why I don't tell the truth to my doctors -- but I am not necessarily advocating it or telling other people to do the same. I am just expressing an opinion on this topic: that doctors suck when it comes to this and they can never understand, nor do they want to. Conventional western medicine is a disaster and it is why we are all here: because of the toxic waste those doctors prescribe in the first place.

[Guest [Cl...]]

Anything you say in that doctors office will incriminate you I find, so I just don't say anything anymore because I feel like I am on trial, where I am guilty without the chance of proving innocence. They don't truly hear what you're saying -- anything that comes out of your mouth goes through their filter of: "Is what my patient saying to me going to result in a frivolous lawsuit or being fired by the medical director for prescribing narcotics? I'm going to assume this person is crazy or just a common drug addict so I don't get in trouble myself."

[[To...]]

They won't ban you that easy Clara. I think these people been through more than you can imagine and they know all about doctors. Don't worry. They have been in our shoe's and even worse. They are good people and you're in a safe place with people that understand benzo withdrawal. It's just the withdrawal telling you you will get banned.

 

 

 

[[To...]]

Anything you say in that doctors office will incriminate you I find, so I just don't say anything anymore because I feel like I am on trial, where I am guilty without the chance of proving innocence. They don't truly hear what your saying -- anything that comes out of your mouth goes through their filter of: "Is what my patient saying to me going to result in a frivolous lawsuit or being fired by the medical director for prescribing narcotics? I'm going to assume this person is crazy or just a common drug addict so I don't get in trouble myself."

 

 

So true again. Everything you say in there can and will be used against you. Now she wants me to use 50% of my current dose. She told me the prescriptions should last a while ...   

[Guest [Cl...]]

Anything you say in that doctors office will incriminate you I find, so I just don't say anything anymore because I feel like I am on trial, where I am guilty without the chance of proving innocence. They don't truly hear what your saying -- anything that comes out of your mouth goes through their filter of: "Is what my patient saying to me going to result in a frivolous lawsuit or being fired by the medical director for prescribing narcotics? I'm going to assume this person is crazy or just a common drug addict so I don't get in trouble myself."

 

 

So true again. Everything you say in there can and will be used against you. Now she wants me to use 50% of my current dose. She told me the prescriptions should last a while ...   

 

 

I would never ever tell a doctor I am trying to taper before I actually try. Then I will surely be cut off and if I don't succeed in my taper, then I am stuck without my medicine. Then I would be forced to either go to the hospital and get horrible help (and get pumped up with morphine then sent home), or have to buy someone else's prescription or buy from India on the internet or something.......once again, I am probably saying something controversial.

[[be...]]

TR I'm not sure exactly what's happened by your post but you say you are not mingling your benzos but yet in a way you are. One day this, one day that. I'm not agreeing with your doctor but you also asked for oxycodin as well. To a doctor she must feel that something weird is going on. It's very difficult to deal with some doctors but what else did you ask her for. Just Valium? Or other benzos too. I'm a bit foggy so maybe just not understanding your post. But, if you are truly paradoxical to these benzos she may feel a rapid taper is best. Not c/t but faster. I'm just not sure. In another post a day ago you were considering with Clara or Sonia I think to go c/t. Now you want slow. Maybe this was someone else...not sure. I just know that if I went in and told my doctor, who has been great, that I'd reverted back to juggling my Ativan or Klonopin with my Valium he'd clearly be upset. I have lots of both left and as much as I hate the Valium it would be very stupid for me to go backwards. I'm just saying that maybe she can't/doesn't feel right about prescrbing drugs that you are juggling like crazy. Maybe book another appointment when you can spend more time her and explain yourself better. I suspect asking for Oxy was a bad move too. This is normally given for pain not anxiety. Alternatively find a new doctor but it will be very hard as it may very well seem like you are a drug seeker. I'm not saying you are but to a doctor it might seem that way. Otherwise I'd just continue a taper with what you have left. You didn't mention what benzos she gave you. B

[[ti...]]

This is so true about doctors. Im sticking with mine only because he will keep prescribing my k. I am not crazy about his treatment of my blood clot. I made an appt with a cardiologist, she doesnt do blood clots either

So i go to the ER and yep, got the morphine, no addressing the clots. Teen dr was consulting with a cardiologist. After three hours of tests he says he is going to admit me so i can get a stress test. I tell him i can get a stress test from my cardio

I obviously was not going to get any answers about my clot, nor meds for my palpitations

I say im going to leave and see my cardio, i cant wait all day chained to a bed i needed to pace! Him and the nurse bullied the crap out of me, telling me repeatedly that i was going to die and my insurance was not going to cover anything

I talked to avcounting and found out it would be covered

But wow! Drs think they are like the police, we pay them to hold us hostage or check our drug usage??

Im sorry this happened to you, i hope u can find another dr

[[To...]]

tinwi2016  :  Best post ever ! Those people will kill you ... they are like undertakers. Seriously you need to stay away from them as much as possible. You're on your own here, these people will talk you into your grave. Like you said they even tie you to your bed and start insulting you telling you will die. That's Nazi concentration camp policy for crying out loud.   

 

 

TR I'm not sure exactly what's happened by your post but you say you are not mingling your benzos but yet in a way you are. One day this, one day that. I'm not agreeing with your doctor but you also asked for oxycodin as well. To a doctor she must feel that something weird is going on. It's very difficult to deal with some doctors but what else did you ask her for. Just Valium? Or other benzos too. I'm a bit foggy so maybe just not understanding your post. But, if you are truly paradoxical to these benzos she may feel a rapid taper is best. Not c/t but faster. I'm just not sure. In another post a day ago you were considering with Clara or Sonia I think to go c/t. Now you want slow. Maybe this was someone else...not sure. I just know that if I went in and told my doctor, who has been great, that I'd reverted back to juggling my Ativan or Klonopin with my Valium he'd clearly be upset. I have lots of both left and as much as I hate the Valium it would be very stupid for me to go backwards. I'm just saying that maybe she can't/doesn't feel right about prescrbing drugs that you are juggling like crazy. Maybe book another appointment when you can spend more time her and explain yourself better. I suspect asking for Oxy was a bad move too. This is normally given for pain not anxiety. Alternatively find a new doctor but it will be very hard as it may very well seem like you are a drug seeker. I'm not saying you are but to a doctor it might seem that way. Otherwise I'd just continue a taper with what you have left. You didn't mention what benzos she gave you. B

 

 

benzo barb  :  Thanks for your post. You're a friend so I'm going to try to explain ...   

 

It's not really mingling, I never take 2 drugs at the same time the same day, sometimes I do 2 to 5 days one benzo then another. For instance I take Valium today, Clozan tomorrow. The reason I do this is because if I don't either one will lose it's effect and I will become tolerant to both. I think you know what it's like to be tolerant. Sometimes I take Valium 2 weeks then stop 1 month and take Clozan but these kind of regimes are very hard to explain to a doctor and I guess (I know) you're right about that, but I'm just trying to keep the benzo's working here.

 

About the Oxycodone. I think I have a very valid reason and if she had any bit of sound mind she would have prescribed me a small box with a small dosage. Why ? Because I can get severely depressed during fall and wintertime on to the point I would indeed go drug seeking and I've been off everything since the year 1999. What would be better ? She prescribing legit stuff or me doing another foolish stunt ? I bet she would be prescribing Oxycodone to Michael Jackson or some football player with lots of money. Well he's dead now but moot point ...

 

I'm not a drug seeker that's why I ask her straight on and tell her what's up. I mean they prescribe Adderal and Rillatine to LITTLE kids for crying out loud !!!!! Speed !!!   

 

About the Cold Turkey, it was an inside joke ...   

 

I've not been juggling again I relapsed and switched back from my Valium to my other drugs because I couldn't stand it anymore. I was in dire straits. This Valium taper was not working anymore and I stopped it. I just up dosed to 15 mg !! Sue me .... some people take over 70 mg and they say nothing about that.

 

I'm not a drug seeker oké I'm just a guy who's being way too honest about everything and gets it back in his face.

 

 

 

 

 

Happy now ? Seriously people need to chill ...      (That's a TimmyP for ya)

[Guest [Cl...]]

 

But wow! Drs think they are like the police, we pay them to hold us hostage or check our drug usage??

 

 

That is because the doctors are being regulated so closely by the government. They are being told to act like policemen essentially because the state is monitoring everything you are doing and everything they are doing. When benzos were deemed a narcotic, and a bunch of others painkillers, doctors began acting really weird about their prescriptions and sometimes wouldn't prescribe their patients anything at all. I was told once by a doctor who gave me some rescue benzos (when I was cut off and all out) that he would be fired  and get in serious legal trouble if anyone found out that he was doing that. So I kept it a secret and protected him because he did me a huge favor by not forcing me to go cold turkey. If doctors weren't educated and run by the state, we would actually have a better medical system where doctors were free to think for themselves and think about their relationship with their patient, not just about their relationship with the law or with their facility. I am therefore all in support of deregulation of medicine -- the more the state gets involved, the worse it gets for us.

[[be...]]

Oh dear. Ok I think I get it but sadly it appears that you'll need a new doctor but new doctors unfortunately are really hesitant about benzos and new patients. Is it fair? Absolutely not. Is it a reality? Yes! I get extremely down this time of year and during the winter too. I'm already feeling it. But once it actually snows I tend to get a bit better. No idea why. So for now I'm just trying to cope with my taper, the agoraphobia and all of it. I'm in a mess too. I have hay fever and now a bad cold on top of it. My husband's furious with me because our neighbour is having a birthday celebration Sunday. I just can't go. I look like death warmed over and I feel too sick. He just said that I never go f...ing anywhere!  But, also my grandkids etc are supposed to come over on Sunday because it's MY birthday on Monday. Plus I'm making Valium cuts. Don't even know if the kids will show up but I'm 65 so they might. Last year my kids texted me. No cards, phone calls. Whoopee! So I can see already how this glorious birthday will be. A mad husband and I'm sick.

So things get tough for sure. Doctors shouldn't make it worse. B

[Guest [Cl...]]

Oh dear. Ok I think I get it but sadly it appears that you'll need a new doctor but new doctors unfortunately are really hesitant about benzos and new patients. Is it fair? Absolutely not. Is it a reality? Yes! I get extremely down this time of year and during the winter too. I'm already feeling it. But once it actually snows I tend to get a bit better. No idea why. So for now I'm just trying to cope with my taper, the agoraphobia and all of it. I'm in a mess too. I have hay fever and now a bad cold on top of it. My husband's furious with me because our neighbour is having a birthday celebration Sunday. I just can't go. I look like death warmed over and I feel too sick. He just said that I never go f...ing anywhere!  But, also my grandkids etc are supposed to come over on Sunday because it's MY birthday on Monday. Plus I'm making Valium cuts. Don't even know if the kids will show up but I'm 65 so they might. Last year my kids texted me. No cards, phone calls. Whoopee! So I can see already how this glorious birthday will be. A mad husband and I'm sick.

So things get tough for sure. Doctors shouldn't make it worse. B

 

 

You should read the book "Feel the Fear and Do It Anyway". I am not being facetious; it's actually really good....

http://www.susanjeffers.com/home/detailtemplate.cfm?catID=2234

 

It helped me just plow through all my fears and realize that fear is just a natural part of life that you just deal with. It helps prevent agoraphobia or psychological disturbances that seem to paralyze you. I don't really have any psychological problems now -- just physical ones. More than just that book has helped me become mentally stable, of course, but I won't recommend the other books because they are too controversial. This self-help one has a pretty neutral philosophy so I can recommend it.

 

[[he...]]

Hi TR,

 

I read all of this thread. But like someone else asked, What benzos did the doctor switch you too? Do you mind sharing that?

 

Heather

[[To...]]

Hi TR,

 

I read all of this thread. But like someone else asked, What benzos did the doctor switch you too? Do you mind sharing that?

 

Heather

 

 

I rather not Heather. Because if I will there will be pro's and cons and discussions again about whether it's good or bad. For the most part it will be bad and at this point I just can't take that. That's why I rather keep it to myself. It's not Valium, because it sedated me too much I put that in some other threads and I became paradoxical and tolerant to it. It's not Xanax anymore either because this one is just a joke when it wears off. You just do the math. Actually there's only one official benzo and something to help me sleep.   

[[he...]]

OK, thats your right. Its just that you are just so frustrated and upset about what the doctor did, meaning change your benzo dose and share it with all of us, but you do not want to tell us what she/he did? We are here just to help, not to judge. I hope you start feeling better soon.

 

Heather

[[To...]]

She wants me to make a 50 % cut of the equivalent dose of Valium that would be currently 20 mg. What difference does it make what benzo I chose to use. That's not the point here. The point is that she's not trusting me or believing me and she wants me to do a 50 % cut. Let me just tell you this. When I asked for this certain benzo she didn't even know what it was, then I asked her about my second choice and again she never heard of it !!! She had to look it all up on her computer ... I need to go see another doctor or maybe she's just doing me a big favor by forcing me into doing a partial Cold Turkey. I'm more confused than upset at this point. I been sharing more than enough already in here. And if I told you it was Clozan, Clothiazepam because it works best for me you wouldn't have ANY idea of what it is because they only sell it in Europe and it's technically spoken not even a benzo but a thienobenzodiazepine. It's much different, it keeps you focused and awake. My old doctor used to give it to truck drivers because they needed to be able to pay attention. You can't know anything about a drug until you actually used it. Clozan will lift your depression as nothing else and you'll be able to focus even better than without. Valium and Xanax will put you asleep but this one is useless for sleep. So now you have it.   

 

 

 

Happy now ? Seriously people need to chill in here ....   

[[he...]]

I'm sorry I upset you more. Not my intention at all. I am afraid to say anything else, as I do not want to upset or frustrate you more than you already are. You are under enough stress. Only thing I might suggest is looking for another doctor and try to take it easy on yourself.

 

Heather

[[To...]]

This is not gonna run well ... I am not tapering 0.0000000000001 mg of my daily dose. I'm in no condition to taper at this moment in my life and I told her that. I told her the fall was a terrible nightmare for me and I won't do it. I'm going to another doctor. The point here is that she BETRAYED me !!!!! I'm having a very bad day now, I didn't sleep all night I just stayed up to make it at that useless doctors appointment early in the morning and she was 15 minutes too late ... I AM GETTING AIRBORN HERE !!!!!!     

 

All I want is a little bit of peace. Is that too much to ask ??!?   

 

I'm going psycho here. I'm getting ready to throw my computer through the window !!!!!!   

 

 

edit: profanity

[[To...]]

I'm sorry I upset you more. Not my intention at all. I am afraid to say anything else, as I do not want to upset or frustrate you more than you already are. You are under enough stress. Only thing I might suggest is looking for another doctor and try to take it easy on yourself.

 

Heather

 

You are not upsetting me. Only doctors are capable of doing so  ...     

[[He...]]

Hi all, wow a different form of benzo that doesn't make you sleepy. I for one would like that. The half-life of V helps the mt but I hate the fatigue. Oh well a moot point here.

 

Clara basically said it all about doc's. I moved to this state in March 2015 and went to doc's openly asking for someone to supervise and Rx for my taper. Was profoundly shocked at the response. Was sent to the addiction specialists and they wanted to c/t me in detox. Almost had me for about an hour on one day, very good soft-sell on how they would "make me comfortable" during my detox and I'd have a "safe" detox. Fuckers. Yes I've found it's best not to know or show too much if possible. I do still try to educate where I can, it's in my nature. I also have fought with doc's and got the short end of the stick. I finally went to a b-doc who does know this process and has set me up pretty well.

 

This is part of a shell game that our government has been doing for some time now. As a substance abuse counselor, I puzzled as I saw the use of Oxycontin skyrocket in the 2000's. Oxycontin is a high-dose, slow-release drug which previously was only Rx'd to terminal patients in severe pain. WTF? Not to be confused with Oxycodone, which is Vicodin and common to get for dental pain, etc. At the same time our government was actively in Afghanistan, we were also being flooded with high-grade heroin. AND then I worked in the mental health field with clients and WTF again, shocked to numbness and suicidal myself after watching the psychiatrists Rx Xanax to patients, then pull them off, along with many other "psychiatric" drugs. Back to my field again, I find kids getting Xanax from their parent's med cabinets. This continues...now we have Obamacare and counselors all happy to hear that money is going toward treatment. Because they don't get paid much. Huh. The money is going toward the "opiate epidemic" and guess what: the use of other drugs to "help" people addicted to opiates. Things like Suboxone which is horrible. Sure, Naltrexone helps at first, but then try to get off it. OK I'm ranting but this is real. During my search for a sane doc here, I find that it gets harder and harder to get Rx opiates. And I saw people in wheelchairs, severe pain, etc. Doctors "weaning them down". How many times did I have doctors try to give me another Rx, especially antidepressants, with no knowledge of the effect with benzos? Yes, you are a fiending addict if you ask for benzos or opiates but let us help you with a little something else.

 

Benzobarb I feel you. Reading the thread I think people for the most part were trying to be helpful. Just know the doc's don't want patients to know more than they do. And with benzos they don't know much. I didn't and I was embarrassed to discover my ignorance when I tried to taper myself off. If you can get another doc it would help. I'm impressed that you found a way to avoid the tolerance w/d but asking for different formulations is 'way out of the realm of knowledge for doctors. Plus as Clara has said, they have to watch what they Rx as they are being watched. I find that the older doctors seem to be better with this. Sorry if this offends anyone but I would avoid young Asian docs for this purpose. Personal experience. OK enough from me. HM

 

 

[[He...]]

Per the question of what benzo the doc wanted to switch to: I've found that Klonapin is very popular with the doc's. Looked it up in Ashton protocol and she clearly states that Klonapin is not a recommended drug for a taper. Someone is pushing Klonapin....and it's evil because the potential for suffering is greater due to the shorter half-life.