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Anyone else in their 11th month?


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I cold turkeyd 2mg xanax last October. I've gone through periods of time where I felt as though I was back in acute. I've also been through periods of time where I felt as though I was well. This month has been a challenge. Insomnia has once again reared its ugly head.

 

I'm discouraged because I feel like I should be 100% by now.

 

I'm wondering if anybody else is feeling the way I do. This has been the biggest struggle of my life. I desperately want to put this behind me once and for all.

 

Thanks to benzo buddies I at least know whats happening to me. Although somehow right now anyways its just not enough.

 

With love and grattitude

Hope& Faith

💛💛💛💛

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Hey there hope. I am in month 12 of my cold turkey. I have made similar posts as you. Starting around month 4 off benzos I was feeling about 75% healed. Was in a wave from month 4 to month 9 when it seemed like all my healing went away and I was thrown back into acute withdrawal hell. What happened at month 9, well good friend I had lived with the past 2 years moved out of state and I was forced to move. I ended up moving in with my girlfriend. I believe our biggest enemy this far out from our jump is stress. I believe the stress of my friend moving, being forced to move unexpectedly and then moving in with my girlfriend caused me to overwork my CNS and sent myself back into a wave. I have been in it since June and it waxes and wanes. Some days better than others. some old symptoms popped back up and some new ones decided to say hello. I think it gets harder to have set backs the further out that we are, especially when we get a taste of healing and things returning to normal to again be blind-sided with more symptoms. It can cause one to lose hope. Though all I can say is to hang in there, keep away from as much stress as possible, whether it be work, family or that friend that always likes to give their unfavorable opinion. Watch happy things and avoid the terrible news, stay distracted with work or chores and stay positive. Eat well, sleep as much as possible and don't over work your body. The further we get from the evil drug the better our lives will be. Think of much better off you are now than in acute when it all started. There will be set backs long the way though know we will heal.  :)
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You know I think you're right. I have been dealing with alot of stress at work lately.

 

Mornings are worse. Its 10am here now. Thank you for your optimism...its definitely helping! Your an angel!!

 

I am feeling a bit lighter already!!

Much love

Hope

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You are welcome, glad I could help. Mornings definitely are worse! Some mornings I wake up okay, though others I feel the toxic energy vibrating trough me. I know it is cortisol which is higher in the mornings which causes excess adrenaline to surge about leading to anxiety among many other symptoms. Some nights I can fall right asleep, others I lay awake for hours before tossing and turning the night away. I know I am healing because I do so much more than I could in acute, like work. I thinking working may be stressful at times though it is a great escape from the days sitting at home monitoring my body for whats going to crap out next  :D
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Hi hopeandfaith, I am at 10 months out and I feel the same as you. I believe I should be better already and the more time goes on, the more I believe this is the best things are going to be. So I guess there is only 1 thing to be done and that is live this out. As hard as it is I hope times heals us more .
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Fg...

 

Yees...I've been working this entire year and it can be a welcomed reprieve. I think things at my job are just extra stressful right now.

 

Sleep eludes me once again theses days but I am powering through...

 

💛💛

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hopeand faith,

I have been dealing with the same issue.  Insomnia has returned for me as well.  I can't figure it out.  Probably extra stress from work too. I just entered the 10th month and feel like I'm back in acute.  This process is so difficult.  I feel like my body is going to collapse one of these days. Hang in there...you aren't alone.

bhealthy

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Hi hopeandfaith and fellow buddies

 

Was just reading the posts. I am approaching 8 months out and I too am dealing with the same problem. About 3 weeks ago I had been riding a 3 week window, it was great, I was feeling completely healed, and then slowly a wave crept in and still in it. The mornings are the worst for me too. My sleep is still okay at 6 hours per night but I usually wake up at the same time every night around 2:30 AM and it's rough. The cortisol/adrenaline rush with the looping thoughts, restless, nervous, it's tough going right now, but we have no choice but to try and make it through another day one day at a time. It helps me to find a distraction so with me working that helps. I know that all of us here are healing and that it just takes time. The time it takes is the hard part. Just wanted to let all of you know that being this far out that you are not alone. We just have to push through.

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Thx Idm....

 

Its a comfort to know I'm not alone in this struggle. After experiencing the truly fabulous windows and getting a taste of wellness it makes the waves so much more unbearable.

 

I so long for the day when my window opens wide and stays open for good. It's hard because we know what being truly well feels like, we've tasted it and it's slipped away...

 

One step forward two steps back....arrghhh what a process. If this is a test of stamina then guess what?? We win!!!

 

Hope you are feeling ok today!

 

Love

H&F

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hopeandfaith

 

    Yes I agree. Once you have a window and a wave comes in, it makes it hard to deal with. I have heard that it takes most people anywhere from 18 months to 2 years to fully recover, some a little more and some less. Hopefully sooner for all of us. Hope you get to feeling better soon.  :thumbsup:

 

 

    ldm27    :smitten:

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Hi,

 

I am a couple weeks from my 1 year mark and WOW months 10 and 11 have been hard! The cog fog, muscle soreness, insomnia and intrusive thoughts have been back full force. My ears have been ringing since the beginning and as much as I hate that, it now seems like nothing compared to the rest of these symptoms. A very good friend of mine knows someone who had a really hard time also withdrawing from Xanax and she is 100% now after a year and a half. So, I'm hopeful that true healing is just around the corner. Hang in there everyone, we will get better!

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I am at 13 months , symptoms are pretty rough, but I can tell healing is happening slowly, but it is happening. I have never had what I would call a true window, just slow changes in the symptoms.

I guess you can't miss something you never had. So that may be a good thing.

I am just staying the course and letting it happen.

We are all in the time frame of healing from this crap.

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Wow!

 

Thanks everyone for sharing your personal journeys with the boards here. Benzodiazepine withdrawal is such a long and arduous process that it gets a bit difficult trying to explain the process to other people.

 

I honestly didn't know just how sick I really was until I had my first window. Its difficult to describe...it's completely different from when you are symptomatic. Like a weight being lifted from your shoulders...like a very deep and cleansing breath. You mind is at ease, not like after taking a dose but a real calm and quiet ease.

 

Anyways we are all so close in our time lines and should keep one another posted as to our progress. Thankfully we have a place where understanding knows no boundaries. And we can feel compassion and caring and just know we are not alone in this struggle.

 

 

Last night I finally got some decent sleep. I feel so differently when I have slept. I'm still battling intrusive thoughts, muscle aches and low level am anxiety but at least I can deal with it when I have slept.

 

Hopefully everyone else is doing ok too today! Thanks again everyone!! 💛💛

Love,

Hope&Faith

💛💛💛

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