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I feel like I was living in a fantasy world


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Seems like they took away the benzos, and the veil was lifted!  Now I'm left with no job, no career, no money , broken friendships, and family members who have made an ass of themselves..where do I go from here!??
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Hi ferggie. Isn't it pretty incredible how illusory these drugs are? After a few years use (my addiction was Xanax), I felt like I was free to "reclaim" myself again. (7 1/2 months off, no other drugs, sober for real long time, decades). Like it was all a bizarre Plot Twist...on the path of our lives. I think where we go now is forward. In small steps. Forcing ourselves into logical thinking patterns.  I've started writing a book about it all: Xanax Nation; Living A Life of Illusion (tentative title). But I'm still not sure if Forward for me includes so much reflection...I crave logic and working again...Now I look back at these past three years and I think how living on Xanax energy was bizarre; i.e. it controlling everything essentially. I'm very relieved it's over. I'm trying to put things back in order. Oh, I was curious what type of rehab you did? Take Care. Peace. Love, and Empathy. Karuna.
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Hi karuna,

I went to a resort detox in Fl..pm me if u want the name, it was really nice.

It's just so amazing how I am suppose to just srart where I left off, only now I'm sober, and I'm suppose to be all happy and healthy. It's such a weird thing to be facing..

Good luck on your book!!

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I feel like I woke up after a lost four years  :'( so I undestand. My feelings are intense now and I feel like I'm forced to face the consequences of not caring about anything (including myself) during my time on benzos.
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Hi  again. Maybe a group support system, sponsor or the like? It is like a new beginning. The 12-step programs have invaluable tools and training slogans. I've also thought of trying SMART Recovery type of a group support. I'm coming out of the withdrawal now, and a larger part of me just says get back to work and don't look back too much. Without working I have too much time to think..I do alot of writing and music, which has been good. I'm looking at working full time,real soon.  I didn't work with Xanax addiction and then the withdrawal. It took me longer than I expected...

I was just curious about the rehab, I'll PM you soon.Take Care. Peace. Karuna

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I think a lot of us wake up and start experiencing a lot of truths. It sucks. The benzos and pain killers I took made me live in kind of a fantasy world where I never acknowledged the truth about what was going on. I think that is normal, we finally face the truth about what is really going on. I believe we have to face those truths and get on with our lives. It is hard and it definitely sux. I guess it is all part of this process.
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It's like having to examine pieces of the self, the real stuff; behind the mask and the clickity-clack of everyday routine. Vulnerable parts that are perhaps not easily defined. My experience included bringing alot of feelings up and out, a freeing of sort. The withdrawal was like putting the puzzle back together, in a coherent fashion for myself; an awakening, a surfacing, an unveiling. Raw, shaky, newborn and ancient at once the same. At times it is the shadow itself, shaking in the darkness feeling blinded; disappearing as the light of the dawn presses us onward; the shadow diminishes, as we struggle with awakening, and we face separating the real things from the wishful thinking. No one said it would be easy, but no one said it would be this hard. Karuna
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