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Hi

I'm am beyond desperate. I'm 18 weeks post taper. I have had complete hell. Hospitalised 5 times. For my heart. Pvcs. I had such a trauma tapering I will not even describe. When I was done I had it pretty bad too. Lately it has been poor but semi functioning. But all of a sudden I'm in a bad wave for about a week now and a completely new symptom, pounding heart. I ended up in emergency yesterday, thought I was dying. All checked out OK and they said that it was probably because I was trying to cut down on my antarrythmic medication. So back to full dose. Last night felt better and thought well it's the meds but now it's back. Pounding like someone is kicking my chest with a steel capped boot. With spokes on it. I'm done. Honestly, I cannot go on. I have suffered so much, cried so there are no more tears. Im into my 5th month and I honestly thought there would be progress. Now the anxiety is back, thought that one let up a while back. Now a new symptom??? WTF??? I simply cannot take this. Have been reading posts here, hanging on but now I need someone to tell me th hey went through the same and it had an end. Please help. Please.

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Hi

I'm am beyond desperate. I'm 18 weeks post taper. I have had complete hell. Hospitalised 5 times. For my heart. Pvcs. I had such a trauma tapering I will not even describe. When I was done I had it pretty bad too. Lately it has been poor but semi functioning. But all of a sudden I'm in a bad wave for about a week now and a completely new symptom, pounding heart. I ended up in emergency yesterday, thought I was dying. All checked out OK and they said that it was probably because I was trying to cut down on my antarrythmic medication. So back to full dose. Last night felt better and thought well it's the meds but now it's back. Pounding like someone is kicking my chest with a steel capped boot. With spokes on it. I'm done. Honestly, I cannot go on. I have suffered so much, cried so there are no more tears. Im into my 5th month and I honestly thought there would be progress. Now the anxiety is back, thought that one let up a while back. Now a new symptom??? WTF??? I simply cannot take this. Have been reading posts here, hanging on but now I need someone to tell me th hey went through the same and it had an end. Please help. Please.

 

Sorry to hear you are suffering my friend . I am in my 5th month as well. Things got really bad again for me as well the past almost two months. Last month I felt worse than I did during acute. Now I still feel really bad but I get small windows . Everyday has been hell for me. I can tell you that we will get through this though. All of this pain and suffering is our brain healing itself.

 

I know a lot of people in our time frame seem to go through a lot of really bad waves . So we just gotta tough it out. People say six months is when you really start to see some relief in symptoms.

 

I am not sure if you have read Parkers post but I'll put a link at the bottom. It will bring you a lot of comfort to understand what is happening in your brain. Please give it a read my friend . You just need to accept all of this for what it is. What can we do right? Lol keep on trucking

 

http://www.benzobuddies.org/forum/index.php?topic=66397.0

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Hi ladybug1, I am at 10 months and I still am experiencing a lot of the symptoms you are describing. I had the fast heartbeat along with high blood pressure. Now is the first time in my life that has been a problem. Unfortunately only time is going to solve this. We have to get through it and if we go back on benzos we will face this at some later point in our life, I could never go through this again.
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I felt as bad as acute when I hit 4 months. It started improving the following month. Just keep going - you'll learn a lot about how strong you truly are. You're not far from it leveling out and improving. Prayers for you!
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Thank you so much for you posts. I need to hear that there can be such a strong wave this far out and that it will improve. Please, if you have had such experience, let me know. I have suffered like I never thought possible. Apart from BW I am in menapause, have POTS badly, probably BW induced, suffer from ectopic heartbeats made unbearable by BW. Now this thumping heart! Anxiety is back with a vengeance. And panic attacks. Honestly I cant take anymore. 
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I know everything feels like pure hell for you, but you never know what another month can make better for you. With every month I feel symptoms leaving or get better! I am 6 months out and suffered 5 years long, I can only tell you that I would NEVER have thought that I will be where I am now someday!!

Chin up!!!!

MArigold

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Ladybug1

 

I'm sorry you're feeling horrible. Hang in there. I know it's so hard but I promise you things will get better, it takes time. I was in your shoes at 5 months too!

 

For your heart I suggest you take magnesium glycinate. It has to be that type because it's easy to absorb and will not upset your stomach. I take 200 mg with dinner every night with 1000 mg of Vit D.

 

It W/D related but you like myself are also dealing with the change of life and that can cause lots of heart racing and palps.

 

This site is great for killing some time and helpful to relax.

http://www.recovery-road.org/withdrawal-dialogues

 

You'll see other videos there and the site is very helpful and was created by a x benzo women. She is lovely and her voice is very soothing.

 

Walk every day if you can. Do what you can but walk. It helps and I don't know why but it does.

 

Know this, you will get better. I wasn't really better for over a year. It was hell but I got past it all and it was worth it! It will be for you too one day. Will it take a year for you? I really don't know everyone here heals differently. So just know that this will end and you are doing great and you've really come a long way.

 

((Hugs))

Anne

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Hi Ladybug1,  It's terrible to suffer so much but as someone who is a lot further out than you please be assured that it does get easier.  I'm still struggling with benzo related symptoms at almost 3 years out but I believe many bbs experience healing around a year to 18 months and even those of us in protracted will eventually turn the corner but it's the getting there that's the problem.

 

I remember in my first year going to my bed feeling that my heart was going to burst out of my chest, it pounded that much.  In fact my head used to pulsate in a similar manner.  It does diminish and go.  Take it from an old timer on bb that it does get bearable.  As someone else has suggested consider exercise.  It's a very good way to distract.  I've done nothing but walk through the course of my withdrawal even when things were going less well for me than they are now.

 

You will get to a better place Ladybug but it just takes time.  You can do it, I know its hard to believe and some days it will feel like you are going backwards but meanwhile your cns is still healing.    Hugs.  pris 

 

 

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PVCs are hell on earth - I had those years ago while under extreme stress (pre-benzo), and a beta blocker got me through. I only took it for a couple of months, and then the PVCs went away.

 

They were severe though - it felt as though I was being kicked in the chest, and nearly off my chair, many times an hour. Plus there was a feeling of suffocation.

 

Somehow we are supposed to remain calm through this.  ::)

 

It will pass, but if a beta blocker would help, I'd totally do it.

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Thank you guys! Really appreciate your posts. I am walking and I love it. Until this wave I'm too sick to move and when I stand up my heart races so much due to the pots. I am on beta blocker and antiarrhythmics for several months now but to little effect. I am a pretty strong person, very stubborn they tell me so I soldier on. If it wasn't for the heart problems I would just push through. As it is it really floors me. Thank you again and please stay with me. Hugs to all
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I am almost 9 months out and the last 1.5 months has been really horrible for me. I thought I was almost healed and then I got slammed again. I am still fighting with heart racing and breathing/swallowing issues! But I want to say I am fighting along side of you. Keep pressing moment by moment. You can do this. It is hell. Those who make it out keep telling us we will heal so hold onto those words! Prayers for you.
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Ladybug,

 

Keep in mind this is a non-linear healing process that is unpredictable and symptoms often come back around for a few times as the receptors continue to repair.  You are being treated for your heart irregularities and, if the meds you take aren't helping with the symptoms, it's withdrawal and nothing but time gets rid of them.

 

You sound a bit desperate and people are trying to help by making suggestions to add more meds or supplements which can be detrimental and give your CNS and brain something else to have to deal with while it is doing its best to heal you.  Heart palps are disturbing.  I had them horribly 24/7 for 18 months.  I'm now at 22.5 months out and the palps went away a few months ago.  Do your best to stay calm.  Anxiety is at the base of all this and it produces cortisol that hits your adrenal glands which creates adrenaline.  Adrenaline is what causes heart palps.  It is a domino effect and you need to do deep breathing and meditation as best you can to stop it from escalating.  You can do this with practice.  Trust me.  I never did any of these coping skills before WD and I learned them because I HAD to.  If you can swim in a pool, do it.  Walk moderately for short distances.  Take warm baths.  Distract yourself.  Get out of your head as best you can.  You can actually feel your heart slow down and stop pumping so hard when you do the 4-7-8 diaphragm breathing three times.

 

Your heart is fine.  WD can't kill you, it just feels like it can.  You are going to be fine.  You are early in the process and the coping skills you practice will save you during the tough times.

 

Sofa

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Ladybug,

 

Keep in mind this is a non-linear healing process that is unpredictable and symptoms often come back around for a few times as the receptors continue to repair.  You are being treated for your heart irregularities and, if the meds you take aren't helping with the symptoms, it's withdrawal and nothing but time gets rid of them.

 

You sound a bit desperate and people are trying to help by making suggestions to add more meds or supplements which can be detrimental and give your CNS and brain something else to have to deal with while it is doing its best to heal you.  Heart palps are disturbing.  I had them horribly 24/7 for 18 months.  I'm now at 22.5 months out and the palps went away a few months ago.  Do your best to stay calm.  Anxiety is at the base of all this and it produces cortisol that hits your adrenal glands which creates adrenaline.  Adrenaline is what causes heart palps.  It is a domino effect and you need to do deep breathing and meditation as best you can to stop it from escalating.  You can do this with practice.  Trust me.  I never did any of these coping skills before WD and I learned them because I HAD to.  If you can swim in a pool, do it.  Walk moderately for short distances.  Take warm baths.  Distract yourself.  Get out of your head as best you can.  You can actually feel your heart slow down and stop pumping so hard when you do the 4-7-8 diaphragm breathing three times.

 

Your heart is fine.  WD can't kill you, it just feels like it can.  You are going to be fine.  You are early in the process and the coping skills you practice will save you during the tough times.

 

Sofa

 

Totally agree. Panic has given me so much symptoms and with every new one coming up I still wonder "how can that be" - but now I am able to distract and just look what can I do to feel better for some minutes. - like sofa wrote: Do anything that helps coping, anything can be a strategy. one of my first was walking 5 minutes, rest 5 minutes. - did it 100 times a day..

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What is your pulse at rest?  Mine averaged 110 for the first 3-4 months, them dropped down to 100 until about month 11.  I was catching it as low as 80 for several weeks, but hopped back up to 100 in recent days.  My worst symptom has been a bit better for the last several days, so it just doesn't make any sense why this symptom would be getting worse again.  All I know is that the first several months were scary as hell as I thought I would die of a heart attack.  Now, it just worries me from time to time. 
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Your heart is fine.  WD can't kill you, it just feels like it can.  You are going to be fine.  You are early in the process and the coping skills you practice will save you during the tough times.

 

Sofa

 

 

This is th most comforting advice I have read. I know it wasn't directed at me ,but I really appreciate the wisdom sofA. I bookmarked this post so I can read that again when I think I am dying.

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