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When will I feel human again 8.5 months off


[Je...]

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I am so exhausted and lonely. I used to have a career. Now I can barely function. At 6 months off I felt better somewhat. Now at almost 9 months I feel so out of it, weak, vibrations, unsteady, head pressure,  can't really drive...etc. i live alone. I have few people left who are not burned out on this protracted withdrawal. I am so sad today. Does everyone really heal? Feeling unsure about everything
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Hi Jenn15, I am currently 10 months off and I know exactly how you feel. This is the hardest thing I have ever been through. I have all the feelings of loneliness and pain you are describing. I had a business and a live in GF for 12 years, all that is gone now. I don't how I'm gng to rebuild my life. People here and my psychiatrist say it will go away and get better. I just hope that is true. I always feel like I will always be this way.

 

All we can do is hope that we heal one day soon. I think we have to just ride it out and then one day we will wake up feeling better.

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You were on benzo's for 15 years it's probably gonna take a little while but you'll get there, it's hard I'm sure but you get better every day .    Stay strong
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Thanks for the encouragement.  It is good to hear that some people are healing. I am sorry that others are still suffering like me. I am new to benzo buddies. I needed to find some support. Thanks for letting me lean on you guys.
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How do people handle to constant shift of symptoms? Like I was improving and now I am so weak I can't do much. I keep trying to accept these symptoms but it is hard. It has been so long.
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Jenn

 

I got off Klonopin this past January, so I'm pretty close in time with your recovery.  I still experience the same sadness and depression you describe.  It's like a dementor, from the Harry Potter series, has sucked all the happiness from me.  I use that as a description for close friends and family, and they seem to understand, well sort of.

I hope you find things that give you joy, even if briefly.  Being outside in the sun is my new antidepressant. :)

 

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My symptoms get a little better then sometimes a lot worse, it is like windows and waves. All we can do is stick it out, I know about the depression because I have it too and sometimes it feels a lot worse and sometimes not so bad. I believe there is not a lot we can do about it. We just have to stick it out and hope it gets better soon.
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Although overall a lot better, I platuead for weeks, prob 8.5 months to 9.5 months. Just recently I felt a new baseline. Looking back, I've found that *just* before I didn't think I could take it anymore, things would improve the next day. Keep going. It'll surprise you soon.
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Jenn,

 

The symptoms are disturbing because they aren't just physical.  All areas of the brain are effected and it can cause mental, psychological, spiritual and emotional turmoil at times, along with the physical.  Try to remind yourself that this is all just a temporary disruption of the nervous system, which runs through your whole body.  The foundation of all the symptoms is anxiety, not brought on by you, but by the downregulation of your GABA receptors.  They will all repair themselves over time and bring your body back into balance.  It will be over.  You will be fine.

 

Sofa

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Jenn,

 

The symptoms are disturbing because they aren't just physical.  All areas of the brain are effected and it can cause mental, psychological, spiritual and emotional turmoil at times, along with the physical.  Try to remind yourself that this is all just a temporary disruption of the nervous system, which runs through your whole body.  The foundation of all the symptoms is anxiety, not brought on by you, but by the downregulation of your GABA receptors.  They will all repair themselves over time and bring your body back into balance.  It will be over.  You will be fine.

 

Sofa

 

Thank you so much for your encouragement.  This has been the hardest time of my life as it is for everyone. I just have been feeling so discouraged to have improved only to be set back so far. It feels like all of the confidence I was building is out the door and I am back at square one struggling to get out of the house again. This is torture. I appreciate you being encouraging to me. Sincerely thank you!

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My worst wave came at 9 months and faded around month 11.  Things are nowhere near perfect yet, but more manageable.  I pray that ill never suffer like that again! 
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  • 2 weeks later...

Thanks. I think you were having trouble sleeping. I am so tired and cant sleep. It is making me feel crazy. Did anything help?

My worst wave came at 9 months and faded around month 11.  Things are nowhere near perfect yet, but more manageable.  I pray that ill never suffer like that again!

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Still having major sleep issues, to be honest.  I really had no choice but to take seroquel during months 1-2 and mirtazipine during months 3-6.  They helped me sleep up to 4 hours each night. Without them, I didn't sleep at all, for days straight.  I would not have made it without those meds.  That said, I would absolutely never take them again as long as I'm getting at least an average of 2+ hours of sleep at night.  Month 9-10 was a living hell with 0-3 hours sleep each night and I dreadfully took some mirtazpine rescue doses to get me through.  I've not touched any med since and pray I can keep it that way as they "may" delay healing.  Nothing else had ever helped my sleep, but my sleep condition is so unusual that people can't really compare to my situation.  You might try some tart cherry juice if you haven't yet.  Good luck and hang on.  Apparently it gets much better and we heal.  I saw the light for almost 3 weeks.  Can't see it again, but I hope it lights up soon. 
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I am sorry about the sleep troubles. I finally slept after no sleep for 4 days. I used some high cbd lotion that my mom uses for her arthritis and it helped me relax. I also read putting an ice pack on the head can help and I did that too. I hope I get a break and you get another one soon. I will look into tart cherry. Thanks.
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Are you napping?  Did you not get any sleep in 4 days?  That is the longest I've gone without a single minute of sleep... Actually, 4 nights so that woild equate to like 5 days.  This happened 3 or 4 times, with plenty of 1-3 days of zero sleep.  It is pure torture.  Especially when there isn't any decent sleep before or after those stretches of torture.
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I can relate to this post!

Silver n sofa...we're you worry types at all before the benzo? I don't know what my normal is. Is 8 MO a marker of some kind?

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Yes, I did go for 4 days with no sleep.  It got to the point where I would just cry and my eyes would water.  It was so painful.  Torture is the word for it.  I am hoping it subsides.  I don't know how people function with no sleep.  I couldn't even really nap. I would sit in a chair with my eyes closed but not sleeping. 

Are you napping?  Did you not get any sleep in 4 days?  That is the longest I've gone without a single minute of sleep... Actually, 4 nights so that woild equate to like 5 days.  This happened 3 or 4 times, with plenty of 1-3 days of zero sleep.  It is pure torture.  Especially when there isn't any decent sleep before or after those stretches of torture.

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I was a somewhat anxious person.  However, I am not any more.  I used to go to the doctor for everything.  My heart beat is crazy, I can't walk well, I can't drive, I can't do pretty much anything I used to and I don't worry about it other than to want it to peacefully leave.  As for a marker, I am not sure.  It sucks though because I was doing much better before at around 6 months. Now not good. 

I can relate to this post!

Silver n sofa...we're you worry types at all before the benzo? I don't know what my normal is. Is 8 MO a marker of some kind?

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I am so exhausted and lonely. I used to have a career. Now I can barely function. At 6 months off I felt better somewhat. Now at almost 9 months I feel so out of it, weak, vibrations, unsteady, head pressure,  can't really drive...etc. i live alone. I have few people left who are not burned out on this protracted withdrawal. I am so sad today. Does everyone really heal? Feeling unsure about everything

 

Hi Jen, the withdrawal process can be alot like a yo-yo, up and down all the time. As you get closer to the finish line it gets more stable. Of course, being alone and depressed doesn't help the matter. But like I always say, at the end of this withdrawal you're a brand new life person with a brand new life. Use this time now to think and plan you're new life, reflect on everything and become a better person. So when you exit this you'll be ready to re-enter life. New career, new friends, new boyfriend. This isn't the end, it's the beginning. 

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Thanks for the encouraging words. I just hope I get a break or maybe I will reach the bottom and start to improve alot. Did it take you a long time to heal? Any pointers? I am eating clean, trying to walk, strerching as I can...I just want to sleep and wake up healed. Thanks for listening.

I am so exhausted and lonely. I used to have a career. Now I can barely function. At 6 months off I felt better somewhat. Now at almost 9 months I feel so out of it, weak, vibrations, unsteady, head pressure,  can't really drive...etc. i live alone. I have few people left who are not burned out on this protracted withdrawal. I am so sad today. Does everyone really heal? Feeling unsure about everything

 

Hi Jen, the withdrawal process can be alot like a yo-yo, up and down all the time. As you get closer to the finish line it gets more stable. Of course, being alone and depressed doesn't help the matter. But like I always say, at the end of this withdrawal you're a brand new life person with a brand new life. Use this time now to think and plan you're new life, reflect on everything and become a better person. So when you exit this you'll be ready to re-enter life. New career, new friends, new boyfriend. This isn't the end, it's the beginning.

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