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15 months doing well then BOOM , back on the couch


[Lo...]

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I cant handle the BS anymore. Im so frustrated with this shit 7 months taper and 15 months post jump and still struggling everyday. I pushed myself back to work part time for 4 weeks telling myself i am healing and this is the final hurdle to get my life back.

 

Turns out im just lying to myself. As i look back through my work diary and realise that every job i did i dragged my sorry ass through and was pure torture.

 

I took a week off because i was starting to feel rundown then true to benzo WD flattened with new scary symptoms (body numbness) i havnt had before along with all the other shit thought i beat months ago. I have a baby on the way, how the fuck am i going to support my family??

 

I was only on 2mg of valium for 2 months , surely this is just some kind of sick joke. Ive been so patient and done everything right yet the suffering is never ending. Im heading for protracted WD pretty fast and nearly sure im never gonna be normal again. I cant keep going like this

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Your going to have to keep it going because you have a baby on the way. I am nine months out and trust me I have the same scary symptoms you do. we are one big shit show. One big unhappy dysfunctional family. I have not even tried to work because I know what a nightmare it is going to be. On the other hand I'm spending money I put away for retirement. Even if I get through this alive I will have to work forever because I spent all my retirement money when I'm 52 yo. Plus I want a retirement I enjoy not staying in my house doing nothing day and night.

 

My friend texted me today and told me I'm never going to get up off my sofa and do anything with my life. I wonder it is going to turn out that way. I don't know anything right now.

 

But listen you are having a baby so you have to there for him or her. If you did anything right now your baby would blame themselves for their entire life. Rest and you should feel better soon. I remember you saying you thought you were cured. Maybe that was a little too fast. Keep on going and take in day by day or minute by minute.

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Lockie,

I know this is so so hard!  You're a short time user and I do believe 100 % this is to your advantage.  The body works hard at repair even when you can't tell it is happening. Please know that so many others have traveled this same journey and came out alright at the other end. 

 

You can do this.  Stay strong.  Stay calm.  Trust your body and the process. God bless you on the road you are traveling.

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Thanks for the support buddies. Im just so worn out, i was pushing so hard to get through work for that 4 weeks but was convinced im on the up and up only to crash and burn in a spectacular way.

 

On top of that we just found out it was a failed pegnancy and now sitting at the hospital waiting to abort feeling like total shit. Just when you think things cant get any worse.

 

Life seems to have a way of kicking me when im down but im not going to give up . Same old routine i guess , pick yourself up dust yourself off and keep going till the next wave

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Sending lots of love and support Lockie.  Hang in there as I know better days will come your way soon.

You may have just done to much to soon.  The nervous system is really sensitive and it's telling you to take it easy for a while.

Can you decrease your work load at all. 

Take care friend.  Life will pick up. 

Tallow

:smitten: :smitten: :smitten: :smitten: :smitten:

 

 

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Oh Lockie....Congrats on the 15 months.....a major milestone....I am so sorry that you are going thru so much.  You are strong....you have come thru so much already and your strength will carry you onward.  You will recover from all of this.  Stay strong, my dear....one day this will be all behind you. 

 

My heart goes out to you and your wife.    Just know that things have a way of working out....and they will.

 

Sending you healing hugs and thoughts.... :hug::smitten:

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I cant handle the BS anymore. Im so frustrated with this shit 7 months taper and 15 months post jump and still struggling everyday. I pushed myself back to work part time for 4 weeks telling myself i am healing and this is the final hurdle to get my life back.

 

Turns out im just lying to myself. As i look back through my work diary and realise that every job i did i dragged my sorry ass through and was pure torture.

 

I took a week off because i was starting to feel rundown then true to benzo WD flattened with new scary symptoms (body numbness) i havnt had before along with all the other shit thought i beat months ago. I have a baby on the way, how the fuck am i going to support my family??

 

I was only on 2mg of valium for 2 months , surely this is just some kind of sick joke. Ive been so patient and done everything right yet the suffering is never ending. Im heading for protracted WD pretty fast and nearly sure im never gonna be normal again. I cant keep going like this

 

I think its kind of "normal" to feel like you do after 4 weeks working again after such a long suffer-time!

I know how it feels to return to work and then feeling so sick, I returned to work many times after bad diseases and it was very very hard, because the body really has to cope with a lot of additional stress. I would give myself at least 6 "bad months" in which you feel very sick, returning from work and laying only on the sofa after work.. Don't give up yet!

It feels traumatic, I can understand that! Don't push more pressure on you. Do anything that helps you to rest and avoid having thoughts like "I will never be able to do that" - your brain still has the old thoughts from the withdrawal in it!

Every person who returns to work after a long time without working will feel sick after some weeks and wonder if this was the right decision. For now, - I would not lose hope, not yet! Congrats to your baby!! :smitten:

Marigold

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