My first post and hopefully my last cold turkey

[[Be...]]

This is my first post. Hopefully, it’ll help me get rid of my habit and sharing my thoughts & experiences may help others too.

 

I’ve a history of drug and alcohol abuse. I gave up alcohol about 10 years ago, as it was getting out of control and affecting my personal relationships and my work. I was also taking speed, ecstasy & coke and gave these up at around the same time for the same reason.

 

I was originally prescribed Tamazepam for insomnia about 25 years ago but started to take it to come down off speed, ecstasy & coke. I also started to take it on its own, as it made me feel happy and contented. I started to get extra supplies of various benzos from dealers.

 

Around 7 years ago, I had to abruptly stop the benzos for personal reasons and immediately went into the horrific withdrawal most of us have experienced. I didn’t realise I was addicted. I had zero sleep for a week, was nervous as hell, had no appetite and for the first few days, I thought I was going insane. I got back to something resembling normality after about four weeks, which looks to be better than most people who go cold turkey. I think I am lucky in that respect.

 

I also started to add OxyContin and Tramadol into the mix and have gone cold turkey from them twice. That’s equally unpleasant but very different.

 

Since then I have gone cold turkey 3 more times on benzos. I start to use again once or twice a week then take more. The longer I use them before stopping, the worse my symptoms are when I stop. I went cold turkey about 4 months ago after about a month of using and the withdrawal took about two weeks.

 

I had a three-day binge of Oxy and some sort of benzo (not sure what they are) last week and I went cold turkey yesterday morning. I felt anxious & nervous, lost my appetite and was getting hot and cold sweats.

 

I knew sleep wouldn’t come easily last night and it didn’t. I managed to nod off for about 30 mins. I’m prescribed 30mg of Mirtazapine and these really do help with insomnia. I got hot and cold sweats but didn’t feel too anxious. This is either because I haven’t hit rock bottom yet, or the symptoms aren’t as bad because I’d only took the benzos for three days. I hope it’s the latter.

 

I know cold turkey is dangerous but when I make my mind up to stop, I don’t feel I have the time or the willpower to taper. My recovery is also very linear, in that every day I feel a little better, i.e. I feel like I can at something a little earlier in the day and I get a little more sleep. That keeps me going. I’m not sure I could go cold turkey if my withdrawal went on longer or my progress went backwards as well as forwards.

 

I really want to quit but I know I lie to myself and others. I also know that when I start feeling OK again, I will want to start to use again because I think I’ll be able to control myself. Deep down, I know that’s not true. Anyway, One day at a time. I just need to concentrate on getting better.

[[Da...]]

Hi

 

"Once I start feeling OK again, I will want to start to use again because I think I’ll be able to control myself."

 

I think you said everything right there. I abused pain medication and benzos for 15 years. I also felt the same way. But I discovered I was kidding myself. you obviously need some help from someone somewhere. I went to rehab and while I think there Cold Turkey detox from benzos sucked I learned a lot about addiction and recovery. Maybe try NA or something.

 

My abuse of pain meds made stopping a life or death decision for me. I hope you are not at that point or don't get to that point anytime soon. I really am pulling for you man.

[[Be...]]

Hi Davis1,

 

Thanks for your message of support. That really helps. It sounds like we have similar histories with benzos and painkillers.

 

I'm glad you're clean after your detox. I hope you are finding it relatively easy to stay off the drugs. Although they make you happy in the short-term, long term use is a disaster.

 

Going through this does give you a good understanding of addiction. I now never criticize people with any form of addiction, whether that's drugs, food, gamboling, etc.

 

I got about 6 hours sleep last night, which I'm very happy about. I don't feel too bad today either. I think / hope that because I'd been clean for a while and then had a three-day binge, it gave me a bad hangover, rather than proper withdrawal. I'll have to take it easy for a day or so.

 

I know I will get the  urge to use again because I very quickly forget how bad withdrawal makes you feel and I figure one dose won't hurt.

 

I have considered NA in the past but only when I'm withdrawing. I need to have another think about attending, if I'm ever serious about quitting for good.

 

Look after yourself!

[[la...]]

I can relate... History of drug and alcohol abuse... 20 y arms sober in A A , but not cleane, since I discovered be so which helped (...) me function in a high stress job... Stopped ( not fun), started ( stopped)... And now, the intention to stop again...not looking forward to it, in part because I hide that I'm using and therefore have to try and act normally despite being super sensitized... But it does get better... The symptoms recede. The cells get back to no meal, and the big objective (other than stopping), is figuring out how to reduce anxiety without a substance ! Happy to find you guys ... All my support to you and welcomed for me...

[[Jo...]]

With all your reinstatments, and length of use. gives me some hope that my 2 weeks of use after 1.5 years clean, wont last too long. If your month use was only 2 weeks of withdrawals. I know we're all different, and you seem to recover well, or at least handle the withdrawal well. I hope mine is only 2 weeks, that would be freaking amazing!

 

I'm surprised just going through withdrawal doesn't make you not want to use again, that enough for me is deterrent to stay away from now on. Never touching alcohol or benzos again.

[[Sh...]]

Hi Davis1,

 

Thanks for your message of support. That really helps. It sounds like we have similar histories with benzos and painkillers.

 

I'm glad you're clean after your detox. I hope you are finding it relatively easy to stay off the drugs. Although they make you happy in the short-term, long term use is a disaster.

 

Going through this does give you a good understanding of addiction. I now never criticize people with any form of addiction, whether that's drugs, food, gamboling, etc.

 

I got about 6 hours sleep last night, which I'm very happy about. I don't feel too bad today either. I think / hope that because I'd been clean for a while and then had a three-day binge, it gave me a bad hangover, rather than proper withdrawal. I'll have to take it easy for a day or so.

 

I know I will get the  urge to use again because I very quickly forget how bad withdrawal makes you feel and I figure one dose won't hurt.

 

I have considered NA in the past but only when I'm withdrawing. I need to have another think about attending, if I'm ever serious about quitting for good.

 

Look after yourself!

 

BenzoJim...you're actually lucky that your benzo WD isn't lasting that long. I used to do this aswell. Take large doses of valium and feel awesome and then stop after a week or 2 binge. I'd get a few WD but then be okay. However, you wont get away with this much longer. I know this because eventually I was bitten and bitten badly. You can get thrown into PAWS where the shit feelings go on for a very long time. I'm 5 months clean after a 9 month taper and still feel like shit mentally. In a way it's kind of helpful because after going through this (the worst thing I've ever been through) I will never touch a benzo again. They fuck your brain up badly.

 

Eventually all the starting and stopping will sensitise or 'kindle' your nervous system and then you'll be screwed. I'm not saying this to be a dick. I'm trying to give you a warning so you don't make the same mistake as me. The problem is...we seem to have to go through these bad mistakes in order to learn for ourselves.