13 months off today...

[[Gr...]]

i feel overwhelmingly hopeless today. sorry i haven't got anything positive to report this is exhausting. I have this feeling that i want to give up but have got nothing to give up. the health anxiety is revving up today cos i've been getting migraines and IBS type spasms and my pelvis is affected. i'm not even sure what it is thats spasming. like a slow spasm inside. and i'm thinking this can't be withdrawal.. but with that i have had times over the last few days where i felt so much better. this is such a rollercoaster ride. i want to cry but i can't. nerve pain in my feet which is a new symptom after feeling numb for so long. feels like i'll be damaged forever. I don't know anything anymore  :'( :'( :'(

[[be...]]

Hi greentea. I hear your desperation. I feel like you do most of the time. This had been a terrible struggle I agree. Have you tried to do any meditation? I am going to try and stop my negative thoughts from getting the best of me. Please don'tgive up trying new things to get through this. 13 months is quite a feat. You got this far. 

[[Gr...]]

Hi greentea. I hear your desperation. I feel like you do most of the time. This had been a terrible struggle I agree. Have you tried to do any meditation? I am going to try and stop my negative thoughts from getting the best of me. Please don'tgive up trying new things to get through this. 13 months is quite a feat. You got this far. 

 

thanks beebop2 for your kindly reply. I haven't logged onto BB for a while. I was getting so obsessive and still am but am working through it and trying to get on with living.

I went to a benzo withdrawal support group here in London called REST which helped. I've been doing meditation and yoga more regularly. In meditation it is hard for me to sit because of the muscle rigidity I get in my neck and shoulders and in my back but slowly I am managing to. Twice in the last 2 weeks I sat and on Saturday I went to a meditation class and sat for a hour! Very happy with that. Was in pain and discomfort but it was tolerable. I can get so irritable sometimes with the muscle aches and pains and stiffness. The yoga really helps tho too and I go mainly hip openers to ease my lower back and hips.

I am on day 20 of quitting sugar, gluten and wheat which has really helped. I'm not eating any processed food and have cut caffeine too more or less having perhaps one cup of Earl Grey tea occasionally. I never thought I could be sugar free. I am eating better than ever. And I've been losing some pounds too of the benzo bulge 

Symptoms are less intense, I have ups and downs but changing my diet seems to off been a major game changer.

I still have insomnia, some breathing problems when dropping off to sleep, teeth grinding, hypnic jerks, intermittent head and ear pressure, dry eyes and eye pain, muscle stiffness and pain and some burning, GI symptoms bloating and wind (not nearly as bad), intermittent parasthesia on my legs, teeth sensitivity, vision changes - blurred vision, flickering lights, dr (short periods w/out), dp (mildER), intermittent depression and anxiety, emotional blunting, intrusive thoughts, cog fog, memory problems, easily overwhelmed, low stress tolerance. Reading that list who wouldn't be easily overwhelmed!! But it IS getting better.

Wishing you healing  :smitten:

[[be...]]

 

Glad you got back to BB for an update. I used to have fibromyalgia -(Aches and pains in my muscles with trigger points). I also changed my diet and started eating fruit smoothies. It completely cleared up the fibro and I was able to stop taking cymbalta and other meds for pain. There is so much crap in processed food. You did yourself a great service there. Way to go.

 

I have not started meditating yet. You are further up the road than me on that. I would love to have a benzo support group but there is nothing like that around here.

 

I am still having a lot of mental sxs. I think the worst physical symptom is sleep disruption. Some nights I just can't go to sleep no matter how tired I am. I end up just laying awake all night. The other physical sxs among others that is a nuisance is the tinnitus.

 

We really need to learn patience with all of our sxs. It seems that time, patience and distraction are the three things that are mainly needed to get through this. Those three have been mentioned the most. Thank you for your well wishes as well. I come to BB for support and it is nice to know that we have this place to come to when others do not understand. Take care