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the ups and downs are the worst


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Just needed to put this in words.

Getting close to 1/3rd of my original dose of .5mg of klonopin after 4 months of tapering.

Last night 8 days into my last cut and after 2 pretty good days I wake up at 3.30am with massive anxiety, really loud tinnitus and leg cramps, I managed to mess with computer games on the ipad to distract myself but this only somewhat worked, Some how I managed to not take my morning dose until my typical 8.00am. I am feeling a little better now at 11am but am left with bad anxiety and am really twitchy and tingly. Tinnitus has moderated somewhat thank god.

The ups and downs and inconsistency of this whole thing are getting to me today.

I spent an hour or so looking at pictures of myself in better times and in better places on the computer (before I started taking this horrible drug) to tell myself this will be me again soon but I am having trouble bucking myself up.

Sorry but just needed to unload a bit. >:( 

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I see ups as wonderful things but the downs I treat as it's simply my body/brain healing itself so do my best to get through the downs. Not easy but doable. And keep looking at those pics. Not only will you be your old self again, in my opinion you will be more than that. I believe getting through this will make us stronger. If we can do this, wow, we can do so much more. Our futures look even brighter. So try and stay positive. Negativity gets us nowhere. If I didn't believe that I'd throw in the towel right now. Having a very down day and last night was dreadful but I honestly believe it's a correction in my brain. So one step ahead but LOL I can barely walk at this very moment. One hour at a time. I just try and accept it. B
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I see ups as wonderful things but the downs I treat as it's simply my body/brain healing itself so do my best to get through the downs. Not easy but doable. And keep looking at those pics. Not only will you be your old self again, in my opinion you will be more than that. I believe getting through this will make us stronger. If we can do this, wow, we can do so much more. Our futures look even brighter. So try and stay positive. Negativity gets us nowhere. If I didn't believe that I'd throw in the towel right now. Having a very down day and last night was dreadful but I honestly believe it's a correction in my brain. So one step ahead but LOL I can barely walk at this very moment. One hour at a time. I just try and accept it. B

 

I like your posts! You are a string willed person and God will never leave us!

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Thanks for the good words, yes probably do need to kick myself in the rear, Monday night I felt good and went out with my much better half for dinner and as I was feeling pretty good yesterday I made plans for tonight that stand a good chance of being cancelled now.

I will cheer up and I will get through this. I just hate being controlled by this crap rather than controlling it.

 

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