I can do this... You can too

[[az...]]

I belong here right now.

 

I can do this. I have to, my body was too sick on them. Details later... Survival now.

 

I'm posting for my life, day 6.

 

 

Anyone is welcome to jump in who is in their first month and need to know you're not alone.

 

I guess I'm scared and wondering how to get through the first month.

 

 

This post probably doesn't make a whole lotta sense.

 

I just typed this thing on my theory about my healing timeline and now I just want to get through tonight.

 

Experience welcome, anyone and everyone welcome on this thread... Hoping to keep it for the first month

[[fe...]]

Congrats on being benzo free. The first month is the hardest. My fine motor skills were so bad I couldn't type. I spent most of my time in bed. Saw big improvement 2nd mo. Attitude is so important. Stay positive..

[[te...]]

i am also here, in month one.

 

i still have moments where i cannot believe this is happening to me. i still am not sure if i am actually having w/d because i took benzos for such a short time. but then sometimes it seems like nothing else can explain why i cannot sleep.

 

i just want my brain to heal. i am hoping with time, it will get easier. it already seemed to be getting better, until today. i'm glad you started this thread!

[[az...]]

ferggie,

 

Thank you so much! I indeed will be working on positivity. It's hard to say all that is going on but I'm thankful to hear you were doing better by your second month. I don't know how I did it but I managed to type out a lot about my feelings, intuition and experience about time-frames in PAWS. It is more like an educated guess than anything- seeing as this is the hardest thing to come off of that I've discovered.

 

Right now as I type my hands don't seem to be my own, but I am typing !

 

Your encouragement is well recieved... I look forward to being functional again. One day at a time, I'll get there- I simply have to. It wasn't so much a choice because I got so darn sick on these things. I'm hoping this ends up as a blessing in disguise- my body rejecting benzos.

 

tealwater,

 

Pretty name. Good, thank you. So glad you posted here also. It was a strange effort to begin the thread but hopefully it can be a little safe place to touch base and feel grounded by. I woke up this morning and my body is reflecting to me that this was the right decision. On benzos a lymph node in my neck got swollen. It appeared a while ago, but wasn't visible. I won't go into many details now, but it became visible and my thyroid became enlarged as well, just recently. I tried to taper and I did for a while, but I got to feeling so sick and the connection to the pills was becoming quite obvious by the way my body felt. It even felt worse after taking a dose... Which was getting bad.

 

The good news, is I felt better after one day of not taking it. Well, the good and unsettling news. This morning I woke up and my thyroid has decreased in size. I can swallow much better and even the lymph node seems to have gone down some. Now it's the getting through.

 

Ok well; hope that wasn't too boring but I'm pretty happy that my health is improving already, even if there are other consequences (w/d).

 

 

[[Da...]]

Hi azalea32, I had a really hard time getting through the first 60 days when I was in acute. I had many problems and I felt terrible and honestly believed I would never be able to get through this. I am at 9 months now and I still have tons of anxiety, depression, cognitive issues, DP/DR. I'm hoping those get better soon. In acute I ha vertigo, sensitivity to light and sound, and it was really a hard time. I also dealt with a ton of personal problems. Right now I'm just trying to get through this. It is like I feel lonely but I don't want to reach out to anyone. I'm just so weird.

 

But we both have to give it time and we should heal. At least I hope so.

[[Ce...]]

H sweet a,

 

You are going to be fine, really. It's really hard, of course. I've heard in your writings and postings how strong you really are. And I feel really confident that you can do this, and will come out better than before you went in!

 

It's tough right now. Mine was really hard the first month or so after jumping, but has since 'settled' and isn't as scary or intense. I can finally see myself as a semi functioning girl person who is on her way to becoming fully functioning! Hang on tight sweetie, look into your own blog and read some of the intelligent, mind blowing things you wrote there! While you're there take a look at all the lives you've affected along this journey and how appreciated and loved you are.

 

Speaking for myself, here, I can say you have made some of my gloomiest days brighter and helped me to put a positive on so many negatives that I've come across. God Bless You, sweetness! 

 

I really believe you were here to help all of us who need you and we are here for you, as well. You'll just get stronger day by day, remember that!  You can PM me any time!! 

 

I Love you!  ~CeCe   

[[az...]]

CeCe... You are so important to me. I don't know what I'd do without you and a handful of others here.

 

It's the worst at night

[[az...]]

The days are not fun, but so far I can tolerate them. My symptoms change but there are usually at least five very difficult ones.

 

When I say difficult I mean it takes everything, it doesn't mean they are purely difficult and that that word does my situation justice. It means I numb because I have to and distract any way I can, but it's limited.

 

At night, it's not just bad due to chemistry, it is bad due to psychological reasons that are specific to me. It is not the dark itself.

 

 

[[Sh...]]

You are very strong az...you will make it.

[[az...]]

Thanks Shamo,

 

Feelin' crazy over here.

 

Thanks for the support, guys !

 

Don't feel like I'm making a whole lotta sense, lately. Or maybe ever? Lol.

 

This is like the worst hangover x's 1,000... Everyday. So thankful for when I can sleep.

[[Ce...]]

Thanks Shamo,

 

Feelin' crazy over here.

 

Thanks for the support, guys !

 

Don't feel like I'm making a whole lotta sense, lately. Or maybe ever? Lol.

 

This is like the worst hangover x's 1,000... Everyday. So thankful for when I can sleep.

 

 

I know what you mean, a,

 

I have missed 2 nights sleep, now and I can't even hold a thought. Losing sleep is like being thrown back into acute all over again!!! 

[[az...]]

Thanks Shamo,

 

Feelin' crazy over here.

 

Thanks for the support, guys !

 

Don't feel like I'm making a whole lotta sense, lately. Or maybe ever? Lol.

 

This is like the worst hangover x's 1,000... Everyday. So thankful for when I can sleep.

 

 

I know what you mean, a,

 

I have missed 2 nights sleep, now and I can't even hold a thought. Losing sleep is like being thrown back into acute all over again!!! 

 

Oh brudda

 

That's torture, CeCe.

 

Did you get any sleep at all ?? I really hope you do tonight.

 

 

[[Ce...]]

Thanks Shamo,

 

Feelin' crazy over here.

 

Thanks for the support, guys !

 

Don't feel like I'm making a whole lotta sense, lately. Or maybe ever? Lol.

 

This is like the worst hangover x's 1,000... Everyday. So thankful for when I can sleep.

 

 

I know what you mean, a,

 

I have missed 2 nights sleep, now and I can't even hold a thought. Losing sleep is like being thrown back into acute all over again!!! 

 

Oh brudda

 

That's torture, CeCe.

 

Did you get any sleep at all ?? I really hope you do tonight.

 

You just made me smile!  No sleep yet. Am going to try like hell tonight, without thinking too hard about it.  ( I'm actually jealous of this emojicon!  )

[[az...]]

Oh goodness. None. You poor darling. Hugs CeCe.