My Story

[[do...]]

hello everyone!

First, let me tell you about myself. Benzo abuse started for me at a very early age. I had a very tramatic childhood and a mother who was and has been addicted to benzos until she died two years ago. I have always been a very insecure, nervous, anxiety ridden person. I was introduced to valium by my mother when I was sixteen. Valium made me feel so normal and calm and took the anxiety away, in my opinion, they were awesome...

So, through out my life, which was not very often, if I could get some benzos, xanax, klonopin or valium I would take them, they made me feel great....

 

About five years ago my sister told me about an internet site that she could order didrex from without a prescription no problem, and told me they had valium and xanax. Wow, i can order Valium without a Doctors prescription GREAT!!! and that's how it all started...... I would order what ever was less expensive, so for the past five years I have been taking xanax, klonopin and valium. Aware of how addicting they are, I would watch my dosage, not take them everyday, and was anxiety free...Felt wonderful to be anxiety free...........didn't care if I had to take them the rest of my life.. they worked...

 

I first realized that I was developing a tolerence about a year ago after I found this site that had 2mg klonopins cheap, although valium was my benzo of choice.. the klonopin took my anxiety away, so at the moment it was klonpin.

i would break the 2mg tablets in half and took a half every other day and before I knew it it was daily, but that was ok, it was a small dose and I was satisfied with that...

About a year ago, my anxiety came back ,my vision was blury, my hands were shaking, my hair was falling out, lack of concentration etc..  I was addicted and knew it.

 

Have done my research, ordered some valium and began my taper...Stable at 10 mg valium stayed there for 2 weeks and dropped to 7.5 mg, fine no ill effects....Forgot to take my dosage one day and could not sleep all night , knew it was because i forgot to take the valium, back to 7.5 mg for another 7 days and dropped to 5mg two days ago, first day was fine, second day was pure hell.... shaking inside, intense anxiety, felt sick...

Yesterday back to 7.5 felt fine....Plan on dropping 1mg every week now and I am praying I will be alright until I stop. I have 30, 10mg tablets left... I know I have the will power to stop and forums like this one have helped me a great deal. I have a plan but I am so afraid of living my life with constant anxiety.

 

I pray that I will be ok and my plan will work.... I figured i would at least post my story and thank the people that started these forums because without them I would be totally lost and extremely sick, no doubt.... SO THANKS!! any suggestions about my tapering plan would be great also

 

[[Co...]]

Hi Donna,

 

The reason that your anxiety came back is because you have indeed become tolerant of benzos. This happens to just about everyone. Once we take benzos regularly, we can only expect them to have a positive effect upon anxiety for a number of months. And, as you say, they are highly addictive. They are a poor choice for treating anxiety.

 

On a positive note, we find that most, once they have quit, seem to manage their anxiety better than they ever did in the past. I took benzos for other reasons, but I think it's because if we manage to withdraw from benzos, other problems somehow seem simpler than they did in past - like the old saying, 'what doesn't kill us, makes us stronger'!

 

I think you should get hold of 2mg Valium tablets. They will allow you to make much smaller reductions in your dosage. Cutting from 7.5mg to 5mg is just too tough for you (it's too tough for most people). You should try to keep cuts to no more than about 10%. This means that at this stage you should be cutting but just 0.5mg (a quarter of a 2mg tablet). This is a fifth of the taper rate you have been attempting!

 

I've noticed that you have been reading here for some time; thank you for making your post.

[[do...]]

Thank you for responding Colin

 

OK, I have decided to drop .5 every 14 days. Hopefully, I will be OK with that. I have to function and really don't want the withdrawals to be to bad.

I have anxiety so bad that benzos were the only thing that subsided my anxiety and enable me to "be normal" other than drinking wine which I assumed would be more harmful to me than a mere pill. If I only knew then what I know now, famous last words lol I would have never started taking them! Unfortunately, here I am addicted, with no one to blame but myself.

 

Well, wish me luck with my taper and I will keep posting and let you know how I am doing. Maybe my experience will help.

 

I am so grateful that I found this forum and that I don't have to go through it alone. My husband certainly does not offer support, of course, I do not blame him. He does not understand how debilitating anxiety can be. He only knows that when I take "a pill" I am easier to live it.

 

I commend all of you for the support that you offer, and wish all of you that are currently going through this the best of luck

 

Take care,

Donna

 

[[pa...]]

Good luck with your taper, Donna 

[[do...]]

Thank you Patrick 

[[Co...]]

How are things progressing, Donna?

[[do...]]

Well, I took my 7.5 mg today and I am fine. I am trying to get some 2mg tablets as you suggested. Until then, tomorrow I am going to split the 2.5 in half and see how I feel with that dosage I guess that would be 6.25mg.

I can see that breaking these 10mg pills into a correct dosage is going to be difficult I know I have to keep the dosage constant for a smooth taper. Hopefully, I wont feel any ill effects with a 1.25 drop right now.

 

I hope that old saying is right about "what doesn't kill me will make me stronger" lol

 

Thanks so much for asking 

[Guest [...]]

Hi Donna,

Just be sure not to use alcohol until your taper is finished. It is cross tolerant with benzos. That is:it operates on the same receptors in your brain. Your brain won't get the message to repair things if it's still getting the alcohol message. This is true of opiates as well.

Jana

[[do...]]

Hi Jana,

I have been reading this forum for so long I feel as if I know all of you.

I don't do any drugs, well, except valium    but I do drink wine occassionally. I didn't think that drinking wine once in a while would interfere with my taper, but I certainly will refrain from wine until I am rid of the valium.

I know that alchohol affects the same receptors, I just thought that in moderation wouldn't do any harm.

 

Thanks for bringing it to my attention. No more wine for me lol

 

Take care,

Donna

[[pa...]]

Hi Donna

 

did you think about using liquid valium.

I started using it together with the 2mg tabletts when i got

under 4mg/day and it worked fantastic for me.

No cutting of pills, no titrating, just take a number of drops from

the liquid v. I got the liquid where 1drop=0.1mg .