18 - 30 Month Plus Group

[[Te...]]

Sofa.....your lucky only four times....

 

Do you think it could of been brought on by stress?

 

Sorry.....drew.....the head pressure is nasty .....when I get them. ..I can't move my neck like to bend down....makes head pressure much worse...

 

Hugs

TM

[[so...]]

TM,

 

Thank you so much for your reassurance.  I always think I'm having a stroke when this happens.  I was laying in bed, so not stress-related.  But who knows?  This whole mess is stressful!

[[Te...]]

Think it's nerves trying to reset.....just get back to normal.....

 

Sweet dreams! TM

[[dr...]]

Today sucked.  It's in the books. Goodnight

[[No...]]

Hi ... 230 AM here ... feel like I am being "hacked" ... all day yesterday things would rev up and down ... many of the old symptoms are active ... guts and head and throat ...

 

Wondering what I am doing different, wondering what I am doing wrong ... feels like a new variation on the theme ... even wondering if this is a new version of anxiety/panic ...

 

Confusing and very stressful ...

 

And of course, the old nemesis of trying to think my way out of this because nothing else helps ...

 

And the nagging question ... why do I get a ten or elven day window and then fall right back into this stuff ...

 

This is a discouraging way to acknowledge being 2 years off the drug today ...

 

Questions, questions, questions ...

 

So I suppose I am having a crisis of confidence while my body is doing its thing ... remarkable how easy it is for me to get "tangled up" in this stuff ...

[[Se...]]

So sorry that we are all suffering so.  I know enough intellectually (or maybe spiritually is the correct word) to understand that I am still underneath all of this and even through intense waves I will once in a while be offered a "flash" of intense hope, where I think I can almost feel the future... what it feels like to feel well.  I try to hold onto these slippery moments with all my might; alas, they melt as quickly as they came.

 

These days I am beset with early-morning stuff... like an intense hangover.  This is rather new.  I awaken, zombie-like and work to get the kids out the door to school every morning.  It's all I can do not to vomit.  I often feel unsteady on my feet during these times, nauseated, with headache and some other indefinable stuff.  I am very emotionally unstable, too.  Any little thing will set me off.  There is no buffer between stimuli and reaction.  In partial windows, I experience more of a buffer, where I can actually stop before processing the stimuli.

 

Then... the constant ear/hearing symptoms (they are my worst).  It seems nearly impossible to believe this is all "temporary". It feels like a sinister lie we are told.

[[Te...]]

I feel as I'm 90... Every morning I awake.....every joint and muscles are so stiff........

 

My youngest is a high schooler.....drama....usually in the mornings....makes it hard to handle with stiffness and pain....

 

Neck muscles.....are tight......

 

Throat muscles tight....dry throat.....so all this....adds fuel to anxiety.....I worry I'm going to not ever get any better.....the fear of being the one that doesn't heal.....the idea plays with me a lot......

 

Everyone......have a great day! TM

[[dr...]]

Nova-big congrats on two years. Regardless of how you feel today you should be proud. You are two years without popping a poisonous pill.  That is successs in itself.

 

Serenity and TM-sorry about the morning stuff. That at least is much less or gone for me right now. TM, I used to feel 90 now I only feel 78.5

 

I slept crappy.  I have what I would call a tension headache where my riifgt side of face and eye socket hurt. It's there to greet me at dawn.  Took two Advil as neuro said I can take 2x per week before it would cause rebound headaches.

 

Onward.

[[Te...]]

Drew.......thanks for the laugh......hopefully more will follow today...

 

Does Advil help your headaches?

 

Nova.......yeah.....for you 2 years....is huge.....is your cold better? Are you done with antibotic?

 

Wish everyone  a good day.......happy thoughts!

 

TM

[[so...]]

Nova,

 

You have been so strong and accepting of whatever is thrown at you throughout this process.  You are two years off the drugs, a huge accomplishment.  You've been tossed about in a wave because of the inflammation in your body from the flu.  It's causing your symptoms to flair.  You are not back in acute.  Your body is just reacting to inflammation.  That's all.  When the inflammation subsides, you will be back to a much higher baseline.  A healed baseline.

 

Hang on, Nova.

[[so...]]

Early morning cortisol anxiety dread today.  Nausea, heart stuff, general yuck.  Why can't I wake up in peace?

[[No...]]

Hi Folks ... well ... seems I got a little agitated the last three days ... I was aware of it and I was finding it very difficult to get "un-agitated" ...

 

I haven't had a mind-storm like that in a very long while ... I have a "narrative" that I use which helps me to stay on the straight and narrow, usually ... a narrative you have all heard a zillion times ... we all heal ... time is our ally ... my body knows what it is doing ... trust the process ... all that repetitive, boring stuff I use as a mantra ...

 

Well, for some reason I lost contact with it for a few days ... and for me nature does not like a vacuum so in marches the health fears ... and round and round we go ...

 

I really don't know why it happened ... exhaustion ... the relentless day after day of this process ... the double whammy of an antibiotic and a wave at the same time ... who knows ... and in the grand scheme of things probably doesn't matter ...

 

And sometime this afternoon it just popped back ... that internal sense of balance ... the trust ... don't know where it went ... maybe it needed a break too ...

 

The antibiotic (two more days) and the wave (only the goddess knows how long) are still there ... and ... I feel re-connected once again ...

 

So ... thanks for all your reassurance and encouragement these last few days ... that means a lot to me ...

 

Onward ... 

 

 

[[No...]]

Sofa ... good question ... sorry, don't have an answer ... other than more time ...

 

Your mojo worked ... I feel a lot more balanced this afternoon ... 

[[Co...]]

Nova, so glad to hear that you are getting some center and balance back.....a 3 day ' wandering in the forest' is discouraging 2 years out. .... 

      HAPPY 2 YEARS..  wow...what a trek huh?....You have been such a voice in the wilderness for all of us Nova.  Your words have kept me moving forward in so very many moments of panic and days of doubt....We are so fortunate to have you here with us. 

      Wishing you all of your bounce back........coop

[[so...]]

Nova,

 

You're back!  Great!

 

Today is a setback day for me.  Like you said, mo time.  Or one mo time.

[[No...]]

Hi Coop ... yep ... this stuff - mental and physical - sure can turn on a dime ... felt like someone changed the channel ...

 

Hope you are doing well ... 

[[No...]]

Sofa ... ain't a setback ... just another bump ... have a good weekend ... 

[[be...]]

Yep, just another bump in the road...and another ..and another..until we heal.

Bumps in the road..I think we're all getting our fair share.

Nova- Congrats on two yrs off.

 

It's pizza Friday and I think I might have to pass this one up...stomach stuff...another bump.

 

For those of you that have time changes this weekend..enjoy your extra hour of sleep.

Our time here changes next weekend.

 

Spring forward fall back.

 

[[dr...]]

Hi all....I had too much energy(aka cortisol) coursing through my vains so I went for a strenuous hike this morning...not sure how smart it was but sometimes you have to say WTF!  I then worked from home and ran errands and I had more feelings of adrenaline/cortisol througout the day.  I had trouble breathing and head was weird but they were short bursts.  whatever..it all sucks...

 

Nova-making a roast duck for the first time in my life.  I am rendering all the yummy fat   Going to serve it with mashed butternut squash.

[[Co...]]

Drew, Nova, Beulah....jumping on to ride on the bumpy road with you guys for awhile. I seem to have run out of the newly paved freeway to Normal Town...

      Beulah.  good to see you here...although of course, I wish you were not on the bumpy road... and wish you could enjoy some pizza.  How is the nerve pain? All of a sudden at month 23.5 I am getting serious restless legs.  Sometimes it feels like entire restless body.  Have to get up and do something for awhile and then it's good again....but still....so much better. ....I hope you are too.

    Drew....yep, some of my best days start out with sx that I curse, dig in my heels and grab my life back. ..sometimes it backfires but that shriek of rebellion always empowers me for the moment. ...I thought of you today as I got a new sx....at month 23.5 I got a stinkin new sx. Well, mostly a new sx. In acute I used to get a squeezing pressure over one temple...it wasn't really painful...just a little scary. Today I got it on both temples at the same time.  . again not painful but lasted a little longer than the ones in acute....sparked a full blown 10 minute panic.  I recovered pretty fast from the panic ( took about an hour to loose the d/r, cog fog, anxiety etc)... So my question to you is ....with all of your head sx.. did you get temple pressure and squeezing? .  Of course it set my health fears spinning on the Wheel of Misfortune...I just can't land on  'Healed'    Roast duck and mashed sweet potatoes....you are so gourmet.    I can't wait to see what you do for TG.

  You are doing so much better....I know you are still getting sx , but it doesn't seem anything like a few months ago... It's going to keep getting better....better with a chance of sx. 

 

.....Nova....Where does this bumpy country road end ? I know there's a fork that takes us right to the brand new highway but someone turned all the road signs around. ...

    Nova, I am hoping that after you are done with your antibiotic and your respiratory bug is completely dead , you are returned right back to your 11 days of windows. 

    Thinking of everyone... Wishing all of us another leap on the healing game.....coop

[[so...]]

Welcome to my cortisol world.  Cortisol.  Sounds like a shaving cream.  Oh that's Barbisol.  The one my dad used.  Weird thoughts pop in and out of my head all the time.  Forgive me.

[[so...]]

Gee, Coop, sorry to hear about your new symptom.

[[Co...]]

Thanks Sofa. . seems par.  Every now and then benzo throws us something new and different ....just to keep us miserable as long as possible.

    Hope you are getting sunbreaks enough to keep you going. ....coop

[[dr...]]

its mashed butternut squash not sweet potatos...get it right coop

 

yes is get pain on temples but mostly on top of my head, base of skull.  on bridge of nose, and behind eyes...it sucks..i get so floaty boaty from it.  Hopefully it won't be a bothersome symptom for you coop

[[Co...]]

Oops....sorry Drew.. lol....being the talented cook that I am ( think popcorn and oranges for dinner too often), ....squash and sweet potatoes are the same thing to me. 

    Thanks for the reassurance on the temple pressure.  Yes, I used to get the weird pressure behind the bridge of my ml nose and behind my eyes... I just haven't had it for awhile. Seems like I have taken a few backward steps today.

    Just curious.....what does your TG look like... Martha ?