18 - 30 Month Plus Group

[[Si...]]

I'm right there with you Marj. Just feeling particularly beat down and demoralized. My head hurts, my ears are ringing, I didn't sleep at all last night, and to top it off I'm now super boaty after my drive home. That's a new one to me. Hopefully we will get great restorative sleep tonight and continue on with it. Do you have a lot of nights where you don't sleep at all? I think most of the people with insomnia this far out at least sleep some every night.

[[...]]

Yes Siggy, I have had nights where I don't sleep at all. I do generally get some but it's not good sleep, very restless and my neck had been bothering me in the night too sometimes. Last night when I turned over it cracked a few times. I'm thoroughly miserable at the moment, filled with negative thinking. Who'd have guessed it eh?

 

Not much longer, moving in the right direction all the time  :thumbsup:

[[Si...]]

My neck cracks all the time now. I don't even have to do anything but turn my neck. My jaw in the left pops too when I don't get sleep. When I'm well rested (ha!) it doesn't pop very much. No idea how that works. Sorry you're in the worn out club. I hate the negative thoughts as well. Hope we both can pass through it soon. I can't tell if I'm in a wave or not, but I must be because my sleep is terrible, and the depression has ramped up. What's weird is the depression will sometimes just go away with a blink of an eye. It always come back unfortunately.

 

Just went on a walk / run with the wife at a local park. Then we headed to the grocery store. Veggie burgers for dinner.

[[so...]]

Siggy and Marj,

 

I'm so sorry you are both discouraged and fed up.  I've been thrown back into acute suffering, so I'm right there with you both.  I took half a Unisom at midnight and it may have backfired on me, so no more of that.  Guess I'll just not sleep until it "rights" itself.

 

You two have come a long way.  I am far behind you, which is scary, but you are both near the end.  The hardest thing for me has always been convincing myself that I will eventually heal.  Hopefully, you will cheer me on when you get to the other side.  You will heal 100%.  Everybody does.  Reading the success stories, there seems to be a common theme: when you're in the thick of the muck, you can't see the possibility of recovery. The other common theme:  WE ALL RECOVER!

 

Love, Sofa

[[Si...]]

Definetly sofa! To quote coop and nova, no one gets left behind! I hope I'm near the end. Few more weeks and I'll hit 18 months.

 

Occasionally I venture into the realm of trying stuff for sleep. Usually I've tried them before and for some reason think they'll do something different. 

 

Coop, haven't seen you around, so hope you're out enjoying yourself.

[[dr...]]

Hi all...my sleep sucks too. I've been getting nightmares where I'm half awake (it seems) but I can't wake up.  Scary.  I'm up every two hours or so now. 

 

Well...I'm breaking the trend of everybody suffering   My head pain and scalp issues are 90% gone. Even had a visual aura on Saturday and no ill effects.  It used to be 3-4 days of head shit and crippling anxiety.

 

My lack of ability to handle stress/brain squeezing/head rush symptom is down by 75% or so. I was just food shopping and I ordered something to snack on and ate it in the store cafe.  Absolutely no issues.

 

I really, really, really, really hope this things have lessened or dropped off for good. I've had minimal anxiety for about a week now. I'll get episodes here or there like today I had a glutamate storm for an hour or so.  Once it passed I'm back to mental clarity.

 

Things change on a dime folks so I hope you join me instead of the other way around. 

 

 

[[Si...]]

That's great drew! Glad you are riding low in symptoms. I'm in the weeds as they say. My insomnia and depression are just off the charts this week. It hit hard last Tuesday after being In a window fora out two weeks. I occasionally get weird sleep where I feel awake while dreaming. Never had that before a benzo. Hope your good times stick.

[[so...]]

Drew, So so soooooooo happy for you!

[[No...]]

Hi Folks ... getting slammed all day again ... feels like I have been "poisoned" ... this is very tiresome, as you all know ...

 

Mostly feels like the physical stuff is out of control again, and then, when was it ever in control ...

 

Don't even seem to have the energy to be grumpy ...

[[Mi...]]

Nova, so sorry I know the poisoned feeling all to well!  Hopefully some good rest tonight will find you and bring some comfort!

 

Great news Drew!  It's always wonderful to hear when someone is doing so well!

 

[[Mi...]]

Marj and Siggy,

 

Wishing you both a peaceful sleep tonight! 

 

:smitten:

[[Mi...]]

Hey all,  Couldn't sleep!  I was thinking to much, never a good thing! 

 

I haven't been on this thread long! Or really this site! As I really wasn't well enough most of the time!  But you guys seem to have been together for most of the haul!  Have there been quite a few of you who have healed?  And wrote a success story? 

Just need some reassurance I guess?  As I am getting closer to month 21 I am getting nervous?  Like is this grey area as good as it gets! 

 

Just looking for a success story or two from people you all knew and are still doing well! 

 

Thanks!

[[No...]]

Good Morning ... this is indeed a goofy ride for me ... got slammed most of yesterday, fell asleep for a couple of hours in the evening, woke up totally "poisoned", and then, everything dropped away over half an hour ... watched tv for a couple of hours, went back to sleep ...

 

Woke up after some more sleep back in the soup ... sitting here now almost laughing ... there certainly are "levels" to this suffering for me ...

 

I am beginning to understand that little statue of the laughing Buddha ... that pot-bellied guy sitting there, cross-legged, laughing ...

 

Hmmm ... or maybe I am a little ways around the bend this morning ... doesn't matter ... better than staring up out of a rabbit hole ... 

[[Si...]]

Wow nova sorry you keep getting hit. Hopefully today it will peter out. At least you did get some sleep.

 

Jen, sorry you didn't sleep. I know that story way too well.

 

I went to bed at 11pm and not much problem falling asleep since I didn't sleep the night before. Popped up wide awake at 4:40am. Luckily I fell back asleep for a little while. I use to be so sleepy in the morning that I'd hit my snooze alarm a few times. I miss that now. Stupid fn drug.

[[...]]

Marj and Siggy,

 

Wishing you both a peaceful sleep tonight! 

 

:smitten:

 

Thanks Jen,

 

I did sleep better but woke feeling really low. Could be to do with some stress I had over the weekend and I'm frustrated and that it affects me so badly and I'm not able to handle things. I also had a little family conflict which always upsets me. Brain fog is massive at the moment too, I just retarded.

 

How do we do this? 

[[Mi...]]

We do this because we have to!  We don't have a choice! 

We have two options #1 stay off and hope we heal. 

Or #2 go back to poison and hope it doesn't kill us!

 

Option #2 has never been a option for me personally!

 

During my acute my hubby brought me in to the ER as my heart rate was like 150 while laying down and I barley could get a breath!  The doctors pleaded with me to take a rescue dose! 

I refused and said I have made it 6 months off this poison and would rather die right now then take anymore! 

 

And it was the truth they had no idea what I had been through that past year! The panic anxiety DR locked in my closet!  I was never going back never!

 

 

 

We got this Marj! 

We have to be close to the finish line right? 

[[Mi...]]

Marj, do you know anyone from your original group that has healed and is still doing well!  I would love there name so I could look up there success story!

[[dr...]]

ask and ye shall receive...

 

http://www.benzobuddies.org/forum/index.php?topic=130383.msg1737473#msg1737473...

 

There was about 5-10 of us.  I believe three success stories(HH who is now having a wave but that is not unexpected, Coop who is doing way better, and every one else who is very much improved but can still get thrown back into a wave.  I don't want to speak for everyone who was on the original but i am pretty sure we all have seen great improvement  Just it's so damn slow.

[[so...]]

Hi Buddies,

 

I'm wondering how much of this boils down to depression?  I've never been depressed before coming off drugs, but I'm concerned about being bedridden all the time.  I'm full of chemical anxiety, but is this also depression?  I'm very confused and a bit scared.  How do you heal from something mental if it's not drug withdrawal?

[[Si...]]

I wonder the same thing sofa. They say that depression can cause insomnia. But I have no idea if it's still w/d causing that or just an endless loop of depression and anxiety causing it. I wouldn't of course have anxiety and depression over not sleeping, if I would just sleep every night!

[[dr...]]

sofa-there is no way of knowing what is what at this point but if you didn't have it before it is almost 95% it's withdrawal.  I used to have bad anxiety (for which I went on drugs for) and when I feel like I do now I have none.  Less than ever in my life.  It is natural to be depressed and worried over these things.  I was like that only three weeks ago and now I am not.  It proves to me without a shadow of doubt that for me it is ALL from the drug.

 

also-we all need to have some blind faith since everyone who heals says the same thing.  They didn't think they would heal and the depression/anxiety was 100x worse until it wasn't

[[so...]]

Drew, thank you so much for the reassurance.  You have no idea how your words have calmed me.

 

Siggy, it's only natural to feel depressed when you can't sleep. One thing about sleep, it eventually corrects itself because it is a life-sustaining function.  Your sleep will come back and you will eventually look back on this as a short-lived bad spell in your past.

 

Nova, so sorry you are back in the muck.  I'm there with you, but I know that's of little solace.  I wish I could say something inspiring, as you do for me all the time.  I know for a fact you are nearing the end of this journey through hell.  You are just getting hit with the withdrawal's "last hurrah."

 

I'm back in acute these days, so have nothing positive to report.  Sorry.  Just so very weary of all this.

 

Love, Sofa

[[...]]

You talk a lot of sense there Drew and even though I know what you are saying, it so helps to read it from someone else. I'm so down and despondent right now and I know it's because of this and struggling day after day, hanging on by the skin of your teeth. Who wouldn't be depressed? Plus all the negative thinking that is going on in our poor traumatized brains, we can't help it and all we can do is just tell ourselves they are only thoughts and they will go when we heal. I've hardly had any breaks for a while now and they have been short lived. it's exhausting. On a positive my anxiety is not too bad but my head is so fuzzy. ''It's natural to be depressed and worried over these things'' is the most sensible thing I've read today 

 

Sofa, can you walk at all. I find walking good for any anxiety. Deep belly breathing and listening to Baylissas bloom in Wellness youtube's. I know that's no miracle cure. Hang on sofa 

 

Jen, Jenny21 is another one who is doing better after a real battle. She felt worse where we are and then got better. It seems a lot have some sort of healing crisis and then it changes. I too would never take a benzo ever. I'm appalled what they have done to so many, but we are the lucky ones we are recovering.

 

Hope you're ok Nova and distracting by cooking something yummy. 

[[No...]]

Homemade chicken soup with dumplings ...

 

Been a yucky day again ... had two walks ... and they were not easy ... just hanging on and hanging out ...

 

Not feeling well ... so ... put in enough hours to be able to put another day in the books ...

 

We will get through these days ... one at a time ... 

[[...]]

Sounds good Nova. Not had dumplings in years.......mmmmm stew and dumplings with mashed potato. I had poached eggs on seeded toast. Not very exciting but they were cooked to perfection. Just had 2 choc biscuits, thought to hell with it!! Yes yucky days, can't wait for them to be banished. We get through them somehow