18 - 30 Month Plus Group

[[No...]]

Siggy ... the exhaustion can really get us down ... and I don't have any antidote for it ... like all the rest of this crap, it will pass ...

[[No...]]

HH ... ain't no fun to be cruising along and then get smacked again ... there outa' be a law ...

 

And ... you know how to do this ... just wish you didn't have to ... 

[[No...]]

Hey Drew ... you could make an almond flour dumpling ... almond flour is kinda' okay ... wouldn't try to bake with it ... and the taste is pretty neutral ...

 

If I was going to make a batch of dumplings with it I would add an extra egg white to the mix ...

[[No...]]

Hi Beulah ... yep ... reload for tomorrow ... hope that silly benzo dragon pops its head up ... 

[[Si...]]

I already have twenty so I can donate at least ten that I'm sick of. Yeah...Macy's has some real nice stuff that's not silly expensive. 

 

Oh...dinner sounds good. I'm going w pan roasted chicken thighs, sweet potato fries, and broccoli.  The dumplings sound great and I miss them being gluten free.

 

Perspective is always a battl on this journey. We need our buddies to smack it back into us sometimes. 

 

I probably have 6 ties. I don't need to dress up often though. Yes drew, you're not only sweet, but savory as well. 

 

I'm now doimg the super exiting job of folding clothes while watching Korean dramas. I'm picking up more and more as we watch them. The six months of Korean classes we took at the beginning of this year were a good precursor.

[[dr...]]

Is your wife Korean?  I just had to button up the back of my fiances wedding dress without looking. Oh boy...guess it's really happening. 

[[Si...]]

Is your wife Korean?  I just had to button up the back of my fiances wedding dress without looking. Oh boy...guess it's really happening. 

 

Oh yeah buddy, getting close now! I was nervous right up until it started, and then it was easy after that. Yours will go fine I'm sure.

 

Yep my wife's Korean. They moved here when she was about 5. Next May will 7 years married. August was 13 years together though. It doesn't seem that long to me, but it is.

[[He...]]

Drew,

When is the wedding? It's down in Australia, isn't it? Exciting times!! 

[[dr...]]

December 7th in NZ. I'm leaving on 11/28 though.  Also have eight nights in Fiji. 

 

All I know is I'm happy my stress response is way better this week. I can discuss the wedding and have conversations w clients without the brain frying. Yay!

[[Si...]]

December 7th in NZ. I'm leaving on 11/28 though.  Also have eight nights in Fiji. 

 

All I know is I'm happy my stress response is way better this week. I can discuss the wedding and have conversations w clients without the brain frying. Yay!

 

Ah neat. Is your future wife from NZ? Fiji sounds awesome.

[[dr...]]

December 7th in NZ. I'm leaving on 11/28 though.  Also have eight nights in Fiji. 

 

All I know is I'm happy my stress response is way better this week. I can discuss the wedding and have conversations w clients without the brain frying. Yay!

 

Ah neat. Is your future wife from NZ? Fiji sounds awesome.

 

Yup! A lot hotter than me too

[[Mi...]]

Hello Everyone!

 

Drew, Yay! You sound like your in a good place! New ties and all!

 

Nova, So happy your neck stuff is letting up!

 

Siggy, I am sorry this is one hell of a ride! Ups Downs it's just nuts! Hang in there you will get some ups soon!

 

I am still in that grey area and holding on for dear life! Some of my sx revved up a bit today but still mild to moderate!  Anxiety is still much better, YAY! 

Mainly physical sx still! 

Heart feels like it's beating faster or harder than normal here and there! I hate that this is back, but it's back on a much milder scale, so that's gotta be a good sign!  Face flushing and hot sensation still off and on! Milder scale also! 

I have had a bit of spaciness with this not a super stoned feeling but very annoying hoping a good nights sleep will take care of this!  My shakiness also revved today with a little bit of a faint scare!  But on a much milder scale! 

So again not great or good day!  But not bad!  Another ok day I guess! It's been harder today than the past few days but I am gripping on to this ok and not letting go! 

Tomorrow's a new day!

Night Everyone!   

[[Si...]]

4:20am and still can't fall asleep. I hate this.

[[No...]]

Hi Siggy ... sorry you have been up all night ... that must be so frustrating and exhausting ...

 

I feel like I did not sleep, although I did ... feels like I have been wrestling something all night ...

[[No...]]

Another Buddy posted this ... Today I am sick but it is only my body and this will pass soon. 

 

Seems that is all I need to know these days ... and I can respond accordingly ...

[[Si...]]

Hi Siggy ... sorry you have been up all night ... that must be so frustrating and exhausting ...

 

I feel like I did not sleep, although I did ... feels like I have been wrestling something all night ...

 

Yes, especially because it's been up and down for the last 7 months. I have no idea if it will ever get better. Going to acupuncture this afternoon. Have an appt. soon with my primary care doctor too. It may be time for me to take some type of med, what I don't know. I'm really at the end of my rope with this crap.

[[...]]

I would also like to post something another buddy (healed) wrote and it helped me tremendously.

I'm struggling to post at the moment as I have massive brain squeezing/pressure, exhaustion and cannot think very well. I need to use what little brain functioning I have for work. My 18 months came and went, and I'm angry that this is STILL the same. This CAN change at any time now, I know. Like you all though I'm sick of feeling like crap Also fed up with my mind telling me there is something else wrong that will not get better, purleeeease, just give it a rest.

 

 

 

 

Marj... "Hideous thing " is a very accurate description ... The Twightlight Zone use to creep me out as a kid and felt like I was in a marathon episode for months.... So many layers of weirdness.

 

I was sent a great article by a little angel here " out of the blue ". It was Alison Kelleghers s thesis paper which is no longer available online. She went through this and then went to school for her counseling degree to help others. The three components to her mode of therapy were as follows

 

1) instilling the belief in " intrinsic health "  = hope

 

2) providing education about what is happening in the brain = helps alleviate the fear and as well as alleviates that " Twightlight zone " creepiness

 

There are some great posts here but the most simplistic had easiest for me to visualize was the analogy of the GABA receptors being like a forest of trees that have been mowed down .. It takes time but that do grow back ... Some at different rates which accounts for the weird window , waves ... 3 steps ahead 1.5 back progression. A sweet friend once told me to think of it as pruning the hydrangeas .. They grow back even more lush and Beautiful!

3) support , encouragement and reassurance ... Support , encouragement and reassurance ... And more reassurance

 

[[Mi...]]

Love your post Marj!  Thanks, I never really understood the technical medical part of healing but this was wonderful! 

 

Siggy, I am so sorry!  The sleep thing does get better!

 

[[Si...]]

Love your post Marj!  Thanks, I never really understood the technical medical part of healing but this was wonderful! 

 

Siggy, I am so sorry!  The sleep thing does get better!

 

 

Thanks, but it seems like it never will. It's been 7 months since I've had the huge setback from the flu. While I've made some progress it seemed with the sleep. It all went back to being really terrible about a week ago. I just can't sustain sleeping only every other night. I don't know what to do. I'm pretty suicidal over it.

[[Se...]]

I think it's 15 months out for me now.

 

These days I am becoming more thankful for my family - husband & two kids.  They have not abandoned me.  I am seeing how they support me through this in their own ways, even though we rarely talk about it now.  Maybe they've come to accept that I am disabled and might be for a considerable time yet, as might happen if a family member became ill with a long-term illness of any other variety.  Who knows what they are thinking, or if they are thinking about it at all.  I can't read their minds and I no longer bring it up.  Their lives go on, while mine is temporarily stalled.  At any rate, they are putting up with me most of the time, which is good, because I cannot even put up with me a lot of the time.

 

I am not the same person I was.  In many respects, this is a good thing.  Who am I?  At this point of scrambled thought and emotion, it is nearly impossible to articulate what is happening to the person I identified with as "me".  I have undergone a sort of chemical lobotomy.  I wonder who/what I will be after the dust settles on this personal Hiroshima.  I am working on rebuilding myself, certainly.  One confusing moment at a time.  I can't help but view the bigger picture of my story and the stories of us all.  The bigger picture is what I am interested in now.  Why did this have to happen?  What are my lessons?

 

I read to pass the time.  I try to do what I can to be involved in my family life.  I am doing things I haven't dared try to do before.  That is progress, even though I cannot yet feel triumphant over having done them because those good feelings of accomplishment are still pretty elusive.  But through reading the stories here, I know those good feelings will return.

 

I'm just kinda mapping out where I think I am.  Not gonna list the crap symptoms and bore everyone.

 

I now understand that my brain is not "me".  My spirit is larger and it's infinite.  It has already survived this because it was never harmed by this, and it is waiting patiently for me to rejoin it with greater clarity and purpose.

 

I think of you all often and hope for your continued healing and progress.

 

Serenity 

[[Mi...]]

Beautiful post serenity! 

 

I have been in the same boat! With the hubby and two kiddos! And am great flu for there patients!  I have also been thinking of the life lessons and waiting on the "me" as you put it!  And yes we are not permanently lost just on a journey for awhile! 

 

 

 

[[Mi...]]

Siggy you will get there!  Have you tried a sleepy time tea or anything?  You are so much closer now then you were before!  You can do this! 

[[Mi...]]

Ugh,  Woke up with that spaciness fog!  Not completely stoned feeling!  So still spinning the wheel of misfortune I guess!  But lately at least the wheel has been smaller or quieter!  Getting that sensation as you have gunk in your ears that has to be pulled out feeling!

These past 12 days have been nuts! 

I was in acute pain with my tummy and thought for sure my throat was going to close! The days had been building and building sx were definitely moderate to sever! The anxiety was horrendous and just kept getting heavier and heavier! Then bam perfect day! Next day bam the worse day! Full panic anxiety pain!  Then bam the past 12 days I have experienced every sx I have ever had through out this journey but in a much milder form!  Heart palps, dizziness/fog, hand tremors, ect....  Things I haven't experienced in months and months!  My grey area I guess!  Really hoping this is a good sign!

 

Sorry if this doesn't make sense with the fog! 

 

 

 

Thank God I do not have to drive or really do anything today! 

[[Si...]]

Siggy you will get there!  Have you tried a sleepy time tea or anything?  You are so much closer now then you were before!  You can do this!

 

I've tried just about every OTC thing you can name. Nothing seems to work and I have no idea why I was nearly sleeping every day and then now I've gone back to every other day. I'm so thrown off by is this w/d still or do I now have some chronic insomnia? It's killing me because I NEVER had these problems before taking the 25 1mg Lorazepam. It's just mind blowing that something this extreme can happen to someone. Sorry for being so negative, but I feel like my sleep should have mostly sorted out by now. 

 

Thanks for responding though.

[[...]]

I think it's 15 months out for me now.

 

These days I am becoming more thankful for my family - husband & two kids.  They have not abandoned me.  I am seeing how they support me through this in their own ways, even though we rarely talk about it now.  Maybe they've come to accept that I am disabled and might be for a considerable time yet, as might happen if a family member became ill with a long-term illness of any other variety.  Who knows what they are thinking, or if they are thinking about it at all.  I can't read their minds and I no longer bring it up.  Their lives go on, while mine is temporarily stalled.  At any rate, they are putting up with me most of the time, which is good, because I cannot even put up with me a lot of the time.

 

I am not the same person I was.  In many respects, this is a good thing.  Who am I?  At this point of scrambled thought and emotion, it is nearly impossible to articulate what is happening to the person I identified with as "me".  I have undergone a sort of chemical lobotomy.  I wonder who/what I will be after the dust settles on this personal Hiroshima.  I am working on rebuilding myself, certainly.  One confusing moment at a time.  I can't help but view the bigger picture of my story and the stories of us all.  The bigger picture is what I am interested in now.  Why did this have to happen?  What are my lessons?

 

I read to pass the time.  I try to do what I can to be involved in my family life.  I am doing things I haven't dared try to do before.  That is progress, even though I cannot yet feel triumphant over having done them because those good feelings of accomplishment are still pretty elusive.  But through reading the stories here, I know those good feelings will return.

 

I'm just kinda mapping out where I think I am.  Not gonna list the crap symptoms and bore everyone.

 

I now understand that my brain is not "me".  My spirit is larger and it's infinite.  It has already survived this because it was never harmed by this, and it is waiting patiently for me to rejoin it with greater clarity and purpose.

 

I think of you all often and hope for your continued healing and progress.

 

Serenity 

 

 

Oh Serenity, I could have written your post word for word. I am grateful for my kids too as they are my only physical support and today I worry how much longer this can go on without having a negative effect on us, particularly my daughter. The up and down nature of this is cruel for them too, not knowing how I am going to come home from work like. Today has been bad, I have struggled cognitively with work an as a result my brain is fried. Cried a river when I got in and now feel guilty as she has her own stresses to handle. I feel totally broken right now. We have to be on the home run soon. Maybe no good or very little sleep is having an impact too but today I too really wonder who am I? and who was I? This too shall pass........... again

 

Keep going and stay strong